Tellin Jokes
74 tellin jokes and hilarious tellin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tellin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tellin Short Jokes
Short tellin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tellin humour may include short yer jokes also.
- A clown and a child walk into the dark woods.... The child looks up at the clown and says "I'm scared." The clown replies "You're tellin' me kid, I have to walk back alone."
- My girlfriend says I'm an idiot with money. But I'm tellin' ya, she's wrong! I'm an idiot with no money!
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Tellin One Liners
Which tellin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tellin? I can suggest the ones about reckon and church.
- how do you know someone got an iphone? he's tellin you
- Tellin' me you've got one glass eye? You might need to borrow my skepticals.

Silly & Ridiculous Tellin Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about tellin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vicar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tellin pranks.
"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
As I was telling my grandfather goodnight over the phone, he proceeded to tell me "the height of conceit."
Which in his own words:
"You know the height of conceit son? A flea floating on his back down a river, sporting a hard-on, yelling 'OPEN THE DRAWBRIDGE' "
That man.
I tried telling my friend from down south how becoming blood brothers works.
He couldn't understand the concept because they were all related already.
I tried telling a pun to a group of kleptomaniacs..
..but they kept taking things literally
I keep telling my Grandma that she needs hearing aids...
...but she just won't listen.
I was telling my Asian friend about my phone
I told my Asian friend that was fresh off the boat about how I can push a button on my phone and tell it to do something and it does it. He said "That's just Siri"
They keep telling me to submit a strong resume, but
RESUME is getting me nowhere!
Telling a girl she has nice hair is not s**... harassment
Unless you're a dwarf
I was just telling my girlfriend how our Rohypnol party was a complete success...
"What Rohypnol party?" she asked.
Exactly.
I tried telling him to stop eating Canadian provinces
But he's having Nunavut
Thanks for telling me what BOGO means...
It means a great deal to me.
Thank you for telling me the definition of "many".
It means alot.
Telling a girl to calm down:
works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
I like telling science puns...
Just to see the reaction...
Telling a racist joke is like getting in a car with an asian driver
If they are not really good, there's a very good chance you'll c**... and burn.
I was telling my friend about a strange dream I had
"I dreampt that I ate a huge marshmallow, and when I woke up-my pillow was gone!"
Everyone keeps telling me that the holocaust happened..
But I don't know if it Israel.
Don't go around telling people what Teresa Ripoll is an anagram of before they've solved it.
Spoiler alert
Telling your parents your a philosophy major is like reading them poetry
They snap
I was telling a great joke about the importance of the guillotine in the French Revolution...
But it didn't really land.
I guess execution really is key
So I was telling my dad
That the entire team that worked on finding Nemo had to take fish biology 101. Then he says "so does it ever bother you that the fish are talking?"
That was the hardest I laughed in a while
Telling a dark joke is like saying "I love you"
Some people haven't heard it before.
I was telling my wife about how diabetes runs in my family.
She told me, "Don't be silly, nobody runs in your family."
I tried telling some jokes to an audience of crickets...
I have no idea if they were funny.
There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female…
If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.
Why is everyone always telling me to invest in a retirement program?
If I have them rotated every 6000 miles like I'm supposed to I shouldn't have to re-tire in the first place.
I've been telling him too many dad jokes apparently.
Wife: I was feeling sad because the sun went away.
10-year old boy: I'm right here!
I always seem to be telling jokes at the most inappropriate moments.
For years I've been attempting to suppress my gag reflex.
When someone is telling you to hold your horses,
They're telling you to be stable.
Telling someone that you work in IT support can be such a turn off...
And then a turn on again.
They keep telling me to put on my seat belt to keep me safe during an accident
But don't they know the safest place during an accident is outside the car.
Why is telling flat earth society jokes so hard?
Because they are too s**... to understand.
I tried telling a joke to this blind guy...
...but I don't think he saw the humor in it.
Telling a joke is like food in a third-world country,
Some people just won't get it.
Everyone keeps telling me the polite thing to do is to open a door for a woman...
But she just screamed and fell out of the plane.
So you're telling me you don't like foreplay...
but you let your dishes soak for days before finally doing them?
I tried telling a traffic sign to turn. It said "No, ...
U Turn"
I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon
It was a running joke.
I tried telling a joke in zero gravity.
It didn't go down well.
What do you say after telling a really bad eye joke?
Corny uh?
I was telling a s**... joke today when I realized...
It really killed the mood
I keep telling my kids that limousine jokes are the funniest kind.
They think it's bit of a stretch though
Without telling my wife, I bought a gaming pc for my son as a birthday gift. Check out the specs: Intel Core i7 10700K, MSI MPG Z490 Gaming Carbon WiFi, Nvidia GeForce RTX 2080 Super, G.Skill TridentZ RGB 4x16 DDR4-4000, Samsung 970 Evo 1TB, Corsair RM850x, Cooler Master MasterLiquid ML240R RGB
He is turning one tomorrow.
I kept telling chernobyl jokes to my russian friend
But every one went straight over his heads
Telling a dad joke when you're not a father...
...is a bit of a faux Pa.
I was telling my friend about an officially Jewish country, and she said it was fake.
I said it Israel.
Without telling me you're married, tell me you're married.
I'll start with I'm sorry, you're right
After telling a friend about losing a court case, the friend asked, Did your lawyer give you bad advice?
No. He charged me for it.
"I'm telling you one last time ", a doctor yells at his nurse
"When you're filling a death certificate, you put the name of illness under cause of death, not the name of the supervising physician!"
I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently
It's really all about raisin awareness.
Tried telling my girlfriend she needed to lose a few pounds ...
... but it blew up into a huge-a**... argument.
I was telling my friend in the pub about how I was having s**... with this woman and she f**....
"I imagine that doesn't happen very often," he replied.
"No," I joked, "I didn't even know women did it."
He said, "I wasn't referring to that part."
Everyone is telling the Helium joke, but what do you get when you add Helium to Tellurium?
……..TeHe!
I tried telling my 4 year old nephew that it's perfectly fine to accidentally p**... your pants…
But he's not buying it. In fact, he's still making fun of me
I was considering telling a vaccine joke to a right wing coworker of mine
but didn't because he probably wouldn't get it anyways.
I was telling jokes at a bar filled with LGBTQ+ people
I was doing such a good job nobody could keep a straight face.
I keep telling people gullible isn't in the dictionary
Don't believe me look it up
Telling a joke is like cheating on someone.
Trying to explain it just makes it worse.
Telling a good joke is all about delivery
Except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery
When you're telling a joke to identical twins, make sure you tell them the entire thing.
Because you just can't tell them a part.
After telling my teenage daughter she has to be home by eleven
Daughter: Why are you so mean!
Me: Well, I consider myself to be above average.
Daughter: What's that mean?
Me: I suppose I could assign each letter a value and then add them up and give you the mean.
Daughter: Are you crazy?
Me: No, that's how you calculate the mean.
Daughter: I don't know what that means.
Me: I don't know yet either, I have to calculate it.
Daughter: Ugh, why do you have to be like this. I'll be home at eleven.
Game, set, match, Dad wins.
I was telling dad about the Nintendo wii
How people have launched the wii control across the room accidentally. Dad responded " guess they dont have bladder control".
Cheers
I have been telling lots of monarchy jokes lately,
and it may be my crowning achievement.
(Sorry for being a royal pain).
I've been telling girls that recently I came into a lot of money
Jerking off onto an ATM doesn't have the same ring to it
I'm telling everyone about eating dried grapes…
It's about raisin awareness
I am telling you the earth is flat!
It's made up of 70% Uncarbonated water!
Everybody keeps telling me I might have aphantasia
But I don't see it
I keep telling a joke about a bird that's always flying.
It never lands.
I've been telling people about the advantages of eating dry grapes.
It's all about raisin awareness.
I tried telling a seal clubbing joke to someone from Iqaluit...
but they were having Nunivut.
Telling jokes about pizza is hard.
It's all in the delivery.
