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Teller Jokes

169 teller jokes and hilarious teller puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about teller that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready for a good laugh with our collection of teller jokes! From corny jokes to jokes about fortune tellers, banks, and collateral, you'll be sure to be rolling on the floor laughing. Check out our amusing jokes about tellers!

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Popular Teller Short Jokes

Short teller jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The teller humour may include short tell tale jokes also.

  1. A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak. So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.
  2. A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years. To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
  3. Recently, a fortune teller told me that in about 12 years I would suffer terrible heartbreak. So, to cheer myself up, I went and bought a puppy.
  4. A man tries to rob a bank Man: "Where is the money!"
    Teller:
    Man: "Where is the money!"

    Teller:
    Penn: "He always does this."
  5. The fortune teller told me I'd lose one of my closest friends in 13-14 years. To cope with this news, I bought a puppy.
  6. I just found out that Miles Teller, the actor in Top Gun,uses a stage name. His original name was Odometer.
  7. All of the fortune tellers I've met are either really depressing or overly enhusiastic. Why can't I find a happy medium?
  8. I lost my job as a bank teller on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I shoved her and she fell down.
  9. Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that's on a killing spree? They're saying he's a small medium at large.
  10. I recently came into a lot of money. The bank teller wasn't happy about having to use gloves.

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Teller One Liners

Which teller one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with teller? I can suggest the ones about tells story and william tell.

  1. How do fortune tellers greet each other? You're good, how am I?
  2. What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
  3. What size clothes do fortune tellers wear? Medium.
  4. What do you call a hacker who can see the future? A 4chan teller.
  5. What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller.
  6. What do you call a fat lady that can tell your future? A four-chin teller
  7. why can't a bank keep a secret? because there are too many tellers.
  8. What do you call a fat medium? Four-chin teller
  9. What do you call an anonymous psychic? A 4chan teller
    ...I'll see myself out
  10. On my first day as a bank teller, a woman told me to check her balance.. So I pushed her
  11. Why did the phosphorus atom go to the fortune teller? To find out his phos-fate!
  12. Why are geckos natural-born story tellers? Dropping a tail is in their nature.
  13. What do you call a 7' 2" fortune teller in his underpants? A large medium in smalls.
  14. How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a bad joke teller? To get to the other side!
  15. How do you cook a fortune teller? Medium.

Fortune Teller Jokes

Here is a list of funny fortune teller jokes and even better fortune teller puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A fortune teller told me I'd suffer a tragic heartbreaking loss in 12 years So to cheer myself up I got a puppy
  • What do you call a 5' 2" fortune teller that has escaped from prison? A small medium at large
  • Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who broke out of prison? He's a small medium at large.
  • A fortune teller warned me that I'll lose $2000 today Then she charged me $2000 for fortune telling
  • My fortune teller is such a fraud, said my dad would live a long life but he died at 51 I wish my dad could live longer like our chef who completed 73 years yesterday.
  • A cannibal brings a fortune teller home to his wife. He says, "Remember not to overcook this one. I like a medium rare."
  • I got some bad news from a fortune teller today. "Six dollars," she said, "and please, it's bank teller."
  • Two fortune tellers meet each other. One of them says:
    "Hello! Your day was fine. How about mine?"
  • What do you call a midget fortune teller, who is wanted by the law? A Small Medium at Large
  • My great grandad used to make fabric booths for clairvoyants and fortune tellers.. He was a con-tent creator.

Bank Teller Jokes

Here is a list of funny bank teller jokes and even better bank teller puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So I went to the bank to deposit money and the teller asked for my ID. I said
    "Wait, people wanted to put money in my bank account and you stopped them?!"
  • I'm a bank teller and some old lady asked for help checking her balance ... So I pushed her over
  • so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change. Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!
  • A Tree walks into a bank... ...and says to the teller, "I'd like to take out a loan."
    The teller replies, "You'll have to talk to our branch manager."
  • I went to the bank with my Dad... because he had to get some cash. The teller asked if he wanted large bills or small bills, and my Dad replied "aren't all bills the same size here?"
  • At the bank, I told the teller I'd like to open a joint account She asked "Okay, with whom?"
    "With whoever had the most money" I answered
  • Asian guy goes into bank to check on his million dollars!!! Asian: why do I only have 999 900 dollars instead of 1 million dollars
    Bank teller: Fluctuations
    Asian: Fluck you too.
  • An old woman walks into a bank and asks the teller to check her balance. So he pushed her over
  • Why did the bank teller push the old lady over? Because she asked to check her balance.
  • A bank teller decides to leave his job to go back to college for an education in chemistry. Turns out he had a compound interest.
Teller joke, A bank teller decides to leave his job to go back to college for an education in chemistry.

Teller Penn Jokes

Here is a list of funny teller penn jokes and even better teller penn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So I asked my wife, were you faking it last night? She said: no I really was asleep.
    (I heard this from Gazzo on Penn & Teller: Fool Us)
  • My therapist suggested.. I tell my wife about my magic trick addiction by writing her a letter. I just can't pick up the Penn and Teller
  • So Penn & Teller recently died on their show... I guess they won't get fooled again!
Teller joke, So Penn & Teller recently died on their show...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about teller can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of teller puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Humorous Teller Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about teller you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean reporter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make teller prank.

A skeptic goes in to see a fortune teller.

"You are the father of 2 children," the fortune teller says. "That's what you think! I'm the father of 3 children!," says the man. "That's what you think," says the fortune teller.

Dry cleaners.

A hot blond walks into a Dry cleaners. She tells the teller "I need to get a stain removed from my sweater. The teller being a little hard of hearing asks "Come again?" To which she replied " No, its mustard."

A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.

She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.
"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"
The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."
The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"

fluctuations

This asian lady goes to a bank to exchange her currency into dollars. For 1000 yuans she gets about 160$.
A week later she walks in with a thousand more and this time she only gets 150.
Confused, she asks the teller " Why 10$ less this time?"
Teller says "fluctuations"
She turns to leave and says " Fluc you americans too..."

A man goes to a fortune teller...

..., where she, in horrified voice, tells him that he'll make the world miserable in the near future. The man, down as f**k, starts walking home, where he sees a small boy standing on the edge of a bridge. He quickly runs to him and saves him from s**.... Happy that he did something good for humanity asks the boy what's his name. Adolf h**..., the boy replies.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

A rasta man goes to the bank with a 25 kg bag of m**......

And hands it over to the bank teller.
Confused, the bank teller asks, "What's this for?"
The rasta replies, "Me here to open a joint account."

I wanted to move to Australia for a new job

The immigration officer started asking a few questions.
Officer : What is your name?
Me : Joke Teller.
Officer : How old are you?
Me : 22
Officer : Any criminal convictions?
Me : I didn't know that was still a requirement.

So I went to a fortune teller and asked if I was going to get any action that night.

She told me she didn't deal in self fulfilling prophecies.

I have the punchline, can't remember the joke.

My father used to tell a joke, that involved the guy talking to a priest or therapist, and he is worried about a reoccurring dream that involves him having s**... with a chicken (can't remember who was doing what with who). It ends with the teller blowing a ripped up napkin all over the table.
Any help?

I fondly remember my dad telling me this one, but i never understood it until recently.

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

Guy robs a bank

Throw the bag at the teller and says fill it up. She does so and he turns around to the person behind him and says
"Did u see me rob the bank?"
Person says "yes".
Bang shoots him dead.
Goes up to the next couple.
" Did u see me rob the bank?"
Guy says "I must have missed it, but my wife saw the whole thing!"

A man goes into a bank...

...and proceeds to walk up to the nearest bank teller and pulls out a gun:
"Make one wrong move and you're geography!"
"Don't you mean history?" asks the teller
"Don't change the subject!"

At the fortune teller

h**... went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune teller said, I will read your palm for fifty dollars, and that entitles you to ask three questions.
Questions about what? asked h**....
About anything, replied the psychic.
But is not fifty dollars an awful lot to charge for that? complained h**....
Maybe, said the palmist, and what is your last question?

A man robs a bank wearing a balaclava.

'Did you see my face?' he asks the teller.
'Just a little bit.'
Bang. He shoots her.
'Did you see my face' he asks another teller.
'Only briefly' he says.
Bang. He shoots him.
He turns to a man standing beside him.
'Did you see my face?' he says 'No. I didn't,' says the man 'But my wife, she saw your face.'

I went to a blind fortune teller the other day

She looked into her crystal ball, and she told me there is eternal darkness in my future.

A man walks into a bank and approaches the counter.

He yells "This is a f**...-up!"
Confused the bank teller asks "Don't you mean stick-up?"
The man scuffs his shoes on the carpet and says "No, I've left my gun at home.

So a guy walks into a bank with a gun and walks up to the teller...

Bank Robber: Put all your money in this bag or you're geography!
Bank Teller: Don't you mean history?
Bank Robber: Hey! Don't try to change the subject!

In the process of robbing a bank, a robber's mask came off

He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face. She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.
He then turned to a man, who just happened to be in the bank at the time of the robbery, then he asked if the man saw his face.
The man replied with, "No, but I'm pretty sure my wife did."

A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller

Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.
The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"
The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"
"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."

Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'
Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."

A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange

A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange with 4000 yen to exchange and receives $40.
A week later, he walks into the currency exchange again with 4000 yen, but this time only receives $30. He asks the teller why he received less money this time.
"Fluctuations," the teller says.
Furious, the Japanese man storms out of the exchange, but before slamming the door, turns around and shouts "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

FROG'S DREAM GIRL

A frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl.
The psychic tells him, "Yes, you are."
The frog replies, "Where? In a bar or at a party?"
The psychic says, "In biology class."

A nurse walks into a bank...

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some a**...'s got my pen."

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.

"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"
The teller said "Don't you mean history?"
The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"

So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

An American walks into a swiss bank with two large bags

He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"
The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."

TIL that the term "A s**... of luck" has more than one meaning-

-when my fortune teller gave me a h**....

A woman walks into the bank with a giant glass jar filled with coins.

Impressed, the teller exclaims "Oh, my! Did your horde all this yourself?"
The woman replied and said, no my sister w**... for half of it.

A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

A fortune teller walks up to a boy on the street.

Hey, I have a joke for you, she says.
The boy shrugs. Ok.
The fortune teller smiles.
Cancer, she says.
Cancer? the boy asks. He frowns. If that's your joke, I don't get it.
Don't worry, the fortune teller says, and starts to walk away, You will when you're older.

Man tries to open a bank account

Teller asks him : "Your name?"
"J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh"
"Oh you stutter?"
"No my dad did but the person who did by birth certificate was a complete m**...."

What's the difference between a fortune teller and a farmer with r**... bunnies

One deals with tarot cards while the other deals with carrot tards.

A man walks into a small bank

There is no queue and a single teller who he approaches, a big smile on their face visible after a quick glance around:
"Hey, you know something? I like my banks how I like my ladies."
The teller rolls her eyes before asking "How?"
While pulling out a handgun, the man answered:
"Insecure."

A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange.

He gives the teller $100 CAD And receives $150 ¥ back.
He returns the following week to do the same thing. He gives the teller $100 CAD and receives $140 ¥.
He asks "I was in here last week, why am I not getting the same amount back?"
Teller replies, "Well, fluctuations."
The Japanese man says, "Oh yeah? Well fluck you white guys too"

Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"

I just spent £500 on a fortune teller, and all she told me was that she had a vision of me m**....

I think she saw me coming.

Exchange rate

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'. The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.

What do you call a midget fortune teller on the run from the police?

A small medium at large

A guy storms into a bank, pulls out his gun, points it at a teller and hollers, Give me all your money or you're geography! Trembling, the teller stammers, D...d...don't y...y...you m...m...mean h...h...history?

The robber screams, Don't change the subject!

A man decided to visit a fortune teller...

After looking into his hand and into the crystal ball, the fortune teller says in a dramatic tone:
You sir, will be responsible for the death of millions
Shocked and taken aback, the man goes back to his home. Along the way, he passes near a river and sees a small boy drowning helplessly.
Well, if millions of people are going to die because of me, I might at least save one life.
He jumps into the river and pulls the boy out. The shocked mother comes in tears and says:
Oh my dear god, thank you so much Mr., you are a saint. Adolf, you should thank this gentleman yourself.

h**... asked a fortune teller what day he would die

The fortune teller assures him he would die on a Jewish holiday. Why are you sure of that he asked. Any day she replies you die will be a Jewish holiday

A woman goes to the fortune teller.

A woman goes to the fortune teller, who tells her, "Two men want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?" The fortune teller answers, "You will marry Robert, David will be the lucky one."

A petite fortune teller excapes prison

**Breaking News**
Small Medium at Large

Currency Fluctuations

An Asian man comes to the US to do business and converts 110 million Yen into 1 million dollars. On his next trip, he returns to the bank to do the same, but only receives $990,000 in return.
He asks the teller, "Why did I receive less this time?"
The teller responds with a shrug, "Fluctuations"
The man gets very angry and storms out, stopping at the door to shout back, "Fluc your Americans too!"

A man goes to meet a fortune teller

As he sits down she starts: "So I see, you're a father of two kids..."
"Ha, that's a bad guess", the man replies, "I'm father of three."
The fortune teller smiles: "yes, that's what YOU believe."

A man goes to a fortune teller

The fortune teller: " I foresee 8 years of bad luck "
Guy: " Ouuuf! and after that? things get better? "
The fortune teller: " No, you just get used to it "

A woman goes to a fortune teller

A woman goes to a fortune teller to have her fortune read. The old fortune teller looks through her crystal ball and then gasps with horror. She says "By the next full moon your husband shall be dead!"
The woman looking disappointed says "I already know that part. Tell me if I'll get convicted or not."

h**... went to a fortune teller..

..and asked her, On what day will I die? The seeress assured him that he would die on a Jewish holiday. Why are you so sure of that? demanded h**....
Any day , she replied, on which you die will be a Jewish holiday.

A Vampire walks into a bank and pulls a gun out

Hands up, this is a robbery! He declares, as he starts forcing the teller to fill a sack with cash.
One of the customers, cracking slightly under the pressure asks; Hey, shouldn't you be robbing a blood bank?
The vampire turns to them and grins.
No, see, I'm cursed. He explains.
Cursed?
Yep, I can only feed on smartasses, and there's always at least one when I pull this stunt.

I was going to tell a hilarious joke about those automated teller machines

But I really can't think of one atm...

h**... goes to a fortune teller

He asks what day will I die? The fortune teller says On a Jewish holiday. h**... asks what holiday the fortune teller replies with Any day you die with be a Jewish holiday.

h**... and his fortuneteller

h**... once went to a fortune teller and asked her, "On what day will I die?". The fortune teller predicted that h**... would die on a Jewish holiday. Why are you so sure of that? , h**... demanded. To which the fortune teller responded Any day you die, will be a declared a Jewish holiday!

A man goes to a fortune teller to see his future.

The fortune teller says: "Oh, I see that on Friday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replies the man, "what I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."

This was in a joke book from the 1940s

h**... went to a fortune teller and asked her, on what day will I die?
The seeress assured him that he would die on a Jewish holiday.
Why are you so sure of that? Demanded h**...
Any day, she replied on which you die will become a Jewish holiday.

Teller joke, This was in a joke book from the 1940s

jokes about teller

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these teller jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.