Teller Jokes
166 teller jokes and hilarious teller puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about teller that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for a good laugh with our collection of teller jokes! From corny jokes to jokes about fortune tellers, banks, and collateral, you'll be sure to be rolling on the floor laughing. Check out our amusing jokes about tellers!
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Funniest Teller Short Jokes
Short teller jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The teller humour may include short tell tale jokes also.
- A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak. So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.
- A man tries to rob a bank Man: "Where is the money!"
Teller:
Man: "Where is the money!"
Teller:
Penn: "He always does this." - I just found out that Miles Teller, the actor in Top Gun,uses a stage name. His original name was Odometer.
- All of the fortune teller I've met are either really depressing or overly enhusiastic. Why can't I find a happy medium?
- Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that's on a killing spree? They're saying he's a small medium at large.
- I recently came into a lot of money. The bank teller wasn't happy about having to use gloves.
- So I went to the bank to deposit money and the teller asked for my ID. I said
"Wait, people wanted to put money in my bank account and you stopped them?!" - I'm a bank teller and some old lady asked for help checking her balance ... So I pushed her over
- A fortune teller warned me that I'll lose $2000 today Then she charged me $2000 for fortune telling
- so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change. Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!
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Teller One Liners
Which teller one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with teller? I can suggest the ones about tells story and william tell.
- How do fortune tellers greet each other? You're good, how am I?
- What size clothes do fortune tellers wear? Medium.
- What do you call a hacker who can see the future? A 4chan teller.
- why can't a bank keep a secret? because there are too many tellers.
- What do you call a fat medium? Four-chin teller
- What do you call an anonymous psychic? A 4chan teller
...I'll see myself out - On my first day as a bank teller, a woman told me to check her balance.. So I pushed her
- Why did the phosphorus atom go to the fortune teller? To find out his phos-fate!
- Why are geckos natural-born story tellers? Dropping a tail is in their nature.
- What do you call a 7' 2" fortune teller in his underpants? A large medium in smalls.
- How do you cook a fortune teller? Medium.
- What do you call a psychic on /b/? A 4Chan-Teller
- My psychic is 500 lbs and morbidly obese. They're a four-chin teller.
- What you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller
- I really liked this cashier chick.. But I couldn't teller
Fortune Teller Jokes
Here is a list of funny fortune teller jokes and even better fortune teller puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My fortune teller is such a fraud, said my dad would live a long life but he died at 51 I wish my dad could live longer like our chef who completed 73 years yesterday.
- A cannibal brings a fortune teller home to his wife. He says, "Remember not to overcook this one. I like a medium rare."
- I got some bad news from a fortune teller today. "Six dollars," she said, "and please, it's bank teller."
- Two fortune tellers meet each other. One of them says:
"Hello! Your day was fine. How about mine?" - My great grandad used to make fabric booths for clairvoyants and fortune tellers.. He was a con-tent creator.
- A fortune teller told me that someone is going to post this again tomorrow So I proved her wrong and posted it today lol sorry man I ruined your joke
- So I went to a fortune teller and asked if I was going to get any action that night. She told me she didn't deal in self fulfilling prophecies.
- I asked a fortune teller the name of my future wife. I have no idea what kind of name is "Yorhand". Sounds Swedish though.
- I called one of those psychic hotlines and said can you put me through to a large overweight fortune-teller please? She said sorry, we only have mediums
- A man goes to a fortune teller The fortune teller: " I foresee 8 years of bad luck "
Guy: " Ouuuf! and after that? things get better? "
The fortune teller: " No, you just get used to it "
Bank Teller Jokes
Here is a list of funny bank teller jokes and even better bank teller puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Tree walks into a bank... ...and says to the teller, "I'd like to take out a loan."
The teller replies, "You'll have to talk to our branch manager." - I went to the bank with my Dad... because he had to get some cash. The teller asked if he wanted large bills or small bills, and my Dad replied "aren't all bills the same size here?"
- At the bank, I told the teller I'd like to open a joint account She asked "Okay, with whom?"
"With whoever had the most money" I answered - A bank teller decides to leave his job to go back to college for an education in chemistry. Turns out he had a compound interest.
- Bank Teller: "Sir, your account is overdrawn." Me: "So are your eyebrows, but you made it work, didn't you?"
- What happened when the Bank teller went crazy? All I got was non cents.
- Why was the Irish bank teller happy? Because his capital's Dublin.
(hope this isn't a repost) - Due to lack of protective measures during the pandemic, retail cashiers and bank tellers are refusing to go to work It's a counter strike
- An old man goes to rob a bank... He walks up to the teller, raises his walking stick up into the air and shouts "This is a stick up!"
- Why was the female bank teller angry? She was going through the change...
Penn Teller Jokes
Here is a list of funny penn teller jokes and even better penn teller puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I asked my wife, were you faking it last night? She said: no I really was asleep.
(I heard this from Gazzo on Penn & Teller: Fool Us) - My therapist suggested.. I tell my wife about my magic trick addiction by writing her a letter. I just can't pick up the Penn and Teller
- So Penn & Teller recently died on their show... I guess they won't get fooled again!
Humorous Teller Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about teller you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reporter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make teller pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes to a fortune teller...
The fortune teller looks at him and says, "Tonight you will have great s**..., but it will impregnate your partner."
The guy, not ready to be a father, says, "Is there any way to undo this fate?"
The fortune teller replies, "You can't un-fortune-nut-lay."
A skeptic goes in to see a fortune teller.
"You are the father of 2 children," the fortune teller says. "That's what you think! I'm the father of 3 children!," says the man. "That's what you think," says the fortune teller.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to a fortune teller...
..., where she, in horrified voice, tells him that he'll make the world miserable in the near future. The man, down as f**k, starts walking home, where he sees a small boy standing on the edge of a bridge. He quickly runs to him and saves him from s**.... Happy that he did something good for humanity asks the boy what's his name. Adolf h**..., the boy replies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rasta man goes to the bank with a 25 kg bag of m**......
And hands it over to the bank teller.
Confused, the bank teller asks, "What's this for?"
The rasta replies, "Me here to open a joint account."
I wanted to move to Australia for a new job
The immigration officer started asking a few questions.
Officer : What is your name?
Me : Joke Teller.
Officer : How old are you?
Me : 22
Officer : Any criminal convictions?
Me : I didn't know that was still a requirement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have the punchline, can't remember the joke.
My father used to tell a joke, that involved the guy talking to a priest or therapist, and he is worried about a reoccurring dream that involves him having s**... with a chicken (can't remember who was doing what with who). It ends with the teller blowing a ripped up napkin all over the table.
Any help?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a bad joke teller?
To get to the other side!
I fondly remember my dad telling me this one, but i never understood it until recently.
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
Did you hear about the woman who doesn't like banker jokes?
So if you take her on a date, you'd better not teller any.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the fortune teller
h**... went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune teller said, I will read your palm for fifty dollars, and that entitles you to ask three questions.
Questions about what? asked h**....
About anything, replied the psychic.
But is not fifty dollars an awful lot to charge for that? complained h**....
Maybe, said the palmist, and what is your last question?
I recently saw a psychic, a mystic, a palm reader, and a fortune teller all laughing together at something I couldn't understand.
Must have been an insight joke...
What do you call a 5'10" fortune teller parked in the middle of a divided highway?
A medium medium on the median.
I went to a blind fortune teller the other day
She looked into her crystal ball, and she told me there is eternal darkness in my future.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bank and approaches the counter.
He yells "This is a f**...-up!"
Confused the bank teller asks "Don't you mean stick-up?"
The man scuffs his shoes on the carpet and says "No, I've left my gun at home.
So a guy walks into a bank with a gun and walks up to the teller...
Bank Robber: Put all your money in this bag or you're geography!
Bank Teller: Don't you mean history?
Bank Robber: Hey! Don't try to change the subject!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fortune teller
A guy who knows little English sees man across the street, this man has a funny hat, a beard and looks like a typical fortune teller.
Guy: excuse me, can you read fortune?
Fortune teller: okay just let me get out my phone, ah here we are, I see some people talking about drugs, a banana and a guy getting his head cut off.
Guy: that happen to me?
Fortune teller: oh *fortune*… I thought you said 4chan
A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller
Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.
The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"
The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"
"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."
Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...
Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'
Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."
Robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller... (My Version)
So, a robber pulls out a gun and points it at a teller. And I'm like "You can't point a gun at me, it's my joke"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a fortune teller that always predicts happiness for her clients?
A h**... with a gimmick
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nurse walks into a bank...
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some a**...'s got my pen."
Fortune Teller
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I walked into a bank with a bag of w**... to deposit...
The teller asked, "what are you doing?"
I said, "I wish to open a joint account!"
I am a bank robber...
I took a pen from the teller
What do you call an upbeat and reasonable fortune teller?
A happy medium.
Fortune Teller recruitment
Come if you are accepted for the job
A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.
"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"
The teller said "Don't you mean history?"
The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that the term "A s**... of luck" has more than one meaning-
-when my fortune teller gave me a h**....
What do you call a good fortune teller?
Optimystic
BREAKING: A Tiny Fortune Teller Has Robbed a Bank And Is Now On The Loose!
The headline reads: Small Medium At Large!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into the bank with a giant glass jar filled with coins.
Impressed, the teller exclaims "Oh, my! Did your horde all this yourself?"
The woman replied and said, no my sister w**... for half of it.
A fortune teller walks up to a boy on the street.
Hey, I have a joke for you, she says.
The boy shrugs. Ok.
The fortune teller smiles.
Cancer, she says.
Cancer? the boy asks. He frowns. If that's your joke, I don't get it.
Don't worry, the fortune teller says, and starts to walk away, You will when you're older.
Did you hear about the fortune teller that cheated at cards?
I guess that's how the tarotists win.
Why did the communist grab the fortune teller?
He wanted to seize the means of prediction.
What did the teller say to a business owner who drops all of his checks
At least they didn't bounce!
An electrician goes to a fortune teller.
When he arrives, the fortune teller says
"Look into this crystal ball and you will see how you die". When the electrician looks into the ball, he couldn't believe what he saw. He was shocked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man tries to open a bank account
Teller asks him : "Your name?"
"J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh"
"Oh you stutter?"
"No my dad did but the person who did by birth certificate was a complete m**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a fortune teller and a farmer with r**... bunnies
One deals with tarot cards while the other deals with carrot tards.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know my girlfriend is a fortune teller?
Once a month I put my hand down her knickers and get my palm red!
A man walks into a small bank
There is no queue and a single teller who he approaches, a big smile on their face visible after a quick glance around:
"Hey, you know something? I like my banks how I like my ladies."
The teller rolls her eyes before asking "How?"
While pulling out a handgun, the man answered:
"Insecure."
Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"
The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just spent £500 on a fortune teller, and all she told me was that she had a vision of me m**....
I think she saw me coming.
Did you hear about the contortionist fortune teller?
She could foresee her own end.
Ever since I was young, I wanted to be a fortune teller
But now I don't really see it in my future
I went to a fortune teller and they said in 30 minutes I would get dirt on my leg...
I guess it's just dusty knee
Did you hear about the fortune teller who ordered shoes one size too large?
Turns out he was a medium.
A short fortune teller committed a crime, and the police put almost no effort into catching her
Headlines the next day read: Small medium largely ignored.
What do you call a fortune teller from the Middle East?
A tarotrist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A midget fortune teller
A midget fortune teller was spotted killing a man and is now fleeing the scene, currently we have a small medium at large
A guy storms into a bank, pulls out his gun, points it at a teller and hollers, Give me all your money or you're geography! Trembling, the teller stammers, D...d...don't y...y...you m...m...mean h...h...history?
The robber screams, Don't change the subject!
A man decided to visit a fortune teller...
After looking into his hand and into the crystal ball, the fortune teller says in a dramatic tone:
You sir, will be responsible for the death of millions
Shocked and taken aback, the man goes back to his home. Along the way, he passes near a river and sees a small boy drowning helplessly.
Well, if millions of people are going to die because of me, I might at least save one life.
He jumps into the river and pulls the boy out. The shocked mother comes in tears and says:
Oh my dear god, thank you so much Mr., you are a saint. Adolf, you should thank this gentleman yourself.
A fortune teller won $540 on the National Lottery..
A fortune teller won $540 on the National Lottery - She was neither ecstatic or too downhearted about it.
Just a happy Medium.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a really fat bank teller?
A four-chin teller.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to see a fortune teller when I was in Vietnam...
...but she was on fire. She was a n**... reader.
I believe this is a Milton Jones joke.
A woman goes to the fortune teller.
A woman goes to the fortune teller, who tells her, "Two men want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?" The fortune teller answers, "You will marry Robert, David will be the lucky one."
A man goes to meet a fortune teller
As he sits down she starts: "So I see, you're a father of two kids..."
"Ha, that's a bad guess", the man replies, "I'm father of three."
The fortune teller smiles: "yes, that's what YOU believe."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A p**... goes to the bank to deposit her earnings
The teller starts flipping through the cash, and realizes it's counterfeited. When she tells the p**..., the response is "That can't be true. Please look over it again"
"Sorry ma'am, this really *is* counterfeit money"
The p**... takes a step back and says "Oh my, I've been *r**...*!"
A woman goes to a fortune teller
A woman goes to a fortune teller to have her fortune read. The old fortune teller looks through her crystal ball and then gasps with horror. She says "By the next full moon your husband shall be dead!"
The woman looking disappointed says "I already know that part. Tell me if I'll get convicted or not."
Why did the bank teller change careers?
...lost too much interest...
The Notorious B.I.G. once hosted a house party featuring a giant fortune teller
It was a large medium at Small's.
An Iranian goes to exchange some currency
He asks the teller what the current rate is for the US Dollar.
"Now, or... now?"
