The Best 82 Television Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Television jokes. There are some television tele jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these television yo mama television puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Television Jokes and Puns

I was wondering the other day...

I was wondering the other day what our parents must have done for entertainment before television was popular and affordable. I asked my 38 brothers and sisters if they had any ideas, but none of them could suggest an answer either.

A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station


A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.

He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.

The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."

The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."

He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.

He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.

The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"

The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.

I found a TV on the sidewalk in front of a house.

The owner had left a note. "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."

I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"

Television joke, I found a TV on the sidewalk in front of a house.

My parents told me I should start watching less television and read more

So I turned the subtitles on

Easily the best jokes of 2014.

Television is dying out.

The internet is the growing essence of this new age.

So they thought they could change the internet the same way they used television.

Haha. So funny.


So a son comes home to find his father watching television...

- Son: ''Hey dad, some chick just told me I looked hot!''
- Dad: ''Oh yeah? And what psychiatric institution was she from?''
- Son: ''Same one as mom, I guess!''

huehuehuehue

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi..?

Dubai don't show The Flintstones on television but Abu-Dhabi-do!

Television joke, What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi..?

The Flintstones

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,

but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

Difference between a newspaper and a TV.....

Have you ever tried swatting a fly with a television?

It will be a hit across the world

I'm coming up with a television show about a young woman with down syndrome named Shirley. I'm going to call the show "Slowly but Shirley"

*I'll see myself out*

Why can't the show COPS film with the LAPD?

Because snuff isn't allowed on television.

You can explore television flatscreen reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean television programme dad jokes. There are also television puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Dwayne Johnson's new television show on the food network

Can you cook what The Rock is smelling?

Why wasn't the orchestra allowed to play on television?

It contained too much sax and violins.

Why are there no foreign language channels on French television?

Because one English Channel is quite enough.

The owner of Rachel Dolezal's tanning salon is releasing a "tell all" book...

...among the many juicy details revealed is Professor Dolezal's favourite television programme... Orange Is The New Black.

There are three ways to spread news

telegram, television and tellawoman.

Television joke, There are three ways to spread news

What kind of television programmes does Stephen Hawking watch?

general reality tv.

I treat my television in the same way that I treat my girlfriends.

I abandon them and subscribe to Netflix

I just found out today that they don't have television in Afghanistan...

probably because of the Tele-ban...^Taliban, ^get ^it?


Sorry

Sorry your password must contain the entire alphabets, your left foot, a theme song to a television show and the blood of your enemies

Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being HIV positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

Which famous television host is renowned for her kindness?

Ellen DeGenerous.

Unprecedented Hidden Camera : The Boy Prank ( 02/14/16 )

Catch made ​​by SBT television network in partnership with the film The Boy.

Enjoy

Two television antennas got married...

The service was a bit confused, but the reception was fantastic πŸ˜‚

the best jokes come from real life right. so i got one.

Today, a black guy gave me a television.

I saw an advert that read: Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.

I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.

I was quite an upbeat child

I was quite an upbeat child, I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel

A man goes to a garage sale.

He walks up to a brand new 50 inch flat screen television for $1.

Man - "Is that TV seriously $1?"

Owner - "Sure is, even comes with surround sound!"

Man - "What's the catch then?"

Owner - "Well the volume is stuck on high and it's always going to be loud."

Man - "Well I can't turn that down!"

My uncle has a television set in his automobile, but it led to a little trouble.

You see, he was sitting in the car, watching television, while his wife was driving on the highway at sixty miles per hour.

Then the commercial came on, and he stepped out to go to the bathroom

My new television is really hyperactive.

It's an ADHDTV.

What do you mean I can't identify as a television?

Just watch me!

What are four ways of spreading information that begins with "tel"?

Telephone, telegram, television, and tell a woman.

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the television.

I saw an advertisement today that read, Brand new television for sale, $1!"

However, there was just one catch, the volume is stuck on full.

I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.

Studies show that more Americans watch television...

than any other household appliance.

A man is walking down the street and sees another woman selling a television

He asks the man how much for the television, and she says: "one dollar"

"Only a dollar? That's really cheap, how come?" asks the man

"It's so cheap because volumes turned all the way up you can't adjust it stuck that way."

The man says, "wow only a dollar, I can't turn that down"

What do you get if you make a joke about the leader of the free world on television in the country that is referred to as the leader of the free world.

Fired and charged with a federal offence.

I saw a black man running..

I was walking down the street one evening and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self "i wonder if that's mine", so I hurried back home and lo and behold it was still there, shining my shoes.

The NSA doesn't understand public television

Why do people enjoy watching Mr. Rogers so much when they could watch the entire neighborhood

It has been proven that more Americans watch television

than any other appliance.

I oppose all this sex on the television.

I mean, I keep falling off.

(credit to monty python)

My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise

I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists

I saw this black guy running with a new television. I called police because it looked like mine.

The police checked and It was OK. Mine was still home doing yard work.

I was having a wonderful conversation with a woman...

Until I asked her if she liked BBC. I was referring to British television, but apparently she wasn't and stormed out.

Rick and morty recently surpassed Big Bang Theory as the highest rated comedy on television...

In other news, apparently Big Bang Theory is supposed to be funny.

My wife and I are done with all this sex and nudity on the television.

It's just too hard to do it when we keep falling off.

If you made a corn labyrinth in the likeness of a deceased television pitchman...

You'd have a Billy Mays maize maze.

I'm tired of all this sex on the television.

I keep falling off.

Sad news. The man who invented the television remote was discovered dead this morning.

They found his body down the back of the sofa.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A question mark walks into a bar?

"Adam Ruins Everything"

...including quality television programming

Why is television called a medium?

Because it isn't rare and is never quite well done

So a television walks into a bar,

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, PAL?"

How does an Italian win an award in television?

He has to rigatoni

Politicians like cable television

So many offerings and I still don't find any of it worthwhile

My girlfriend just told me she Needed more space

So I stole her television

Why aren't birds allowed to talk on television?

Because they have fowl language.

Struggle is

Watching a match between England and West Indies, on a black and white television. Turn the brightness up and one team disappears, turn it down and the other does.

A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...

They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and BDSM-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast.

No one expected the Spandex intermission.

Television was never really black and white before color

It was basically just 50 shades of gray

Why don't salmon watch cable television?

They prefer streams.

You've heard of television but have you heard of

Askahearing?

Game of Thrones will be coming later than expected in 2019.

I guess the television shows are closer in spirit to the books than we originally thought.

You should never let your children watch the symphony on television.

Too much sax and violins

Name the 3 fastest means of communication.

Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Well that was quick

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds! Good, replied his wife. Now you know how I always feel.

What is a children's television show centered on the imaginary adventures of comatose Christians be called?

Veggie Tales!

Veggie Tales!

Veggie Tales!

Refugee minorities in Australia have complained...

...that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind.

So Crime Watch is being shown 5 times a week now."

What does Moses like to do in his free time?

Television

You know, I used to be a innocent boy. When I heard the word "sexist" on television...

I thought they were bad people who had a lot of sex and worshiped sex. I guess it was the opposite...

What are the three fastest means of communication?

1) Television

2) Telephone

3) Telawoman

I founded John Lennon Television, and now we're the second biggest subscription TV service in the UK.

Above us, only Sky.

I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of weed and read the dictionary.

High definition.

A woman calls 9-1-1...

A woman calls 9-1-1 and starts crying hysterically. After the operator calms her down, he asks what's wrong. The woman responds that her husband and his friends are in her basement, giggling at something on the television.

Confused, the operator informs her that what they're doing, while it may be annoying, isn't a crime.

The woman, angry, responds, "What the heck is manslaughter, then?!"

While my girlfriend was over, I said, I love you! You're the best thing in my life! I couldn't live without you!

Then my girlfriend came back from the bathroom and asked why I was talking to the television.

I've been watching far too much television lately.

My dreams have adverts in them now.

Yo mama so dumb...

... she sit on the television and watches the couch.

I faced the wrong way on live television.

Back to the studio.

Joke from Slovakia

The earlier post reminded me of a joke my brother saw in a newspaper when he lived in Bratislava.

Two guys are sitting on a couch watching television.

Buddy: Hey, do you know how to play the piano?

Guy: I don't know, I've never tried!

What was the dirtiest thing said on television in the 50s?

Ward, you were a little hard on the beaver last night.

Electricity is a great thing...

Without it , we'd be watching television by candlelight

Almost got on a television show once....

So pissed they cancelled COPS

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the television broadcast jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working television telly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes