Television Jokes
124 television jokes and hilarious television puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about television that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Cheer up your next party with hilarious jokes about reality television, TVs, radios, and flatscreen TVs. Whether you are a fan of TV sitcoms or just appreciative of a good pun, these jokes are sure to get the party rolling.
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- Short Television Jokes
- Television One Liners
- Television Show Jokes
- Yo Mama Television Jokes
- Reality Television Jokes
- More Television Jokes
Funniest Television Short Jokes
Short television jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The television humour may include short watching tv jokes also.
- I saw an advert that read: Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full. I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
- Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the television.
- My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists
- I saw an ad in a shop window, Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full. I thought, I can't turn that down.
- You know what my least favorite thing about network television is? Find out after the break.
- What follows 16 Sodium atoms into a bar? Batman.
Explainer:
The chemical symbol for sodium is "Na." The Batman television show theme is: "Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, Batman!"
- Meaty urologist joke By the way, why are all the weather forecasts on television given by meaty urologists?
- I found a TV on the sidewalk in front of a house. The owner had left a note. "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!" - I saw this black guy running with a new television. I called police because it looked like mine. The police checked and It was OK. Mine was still home doing yard work.
- So Bill Cosby was released from prison, and now I hear he's getting his own television show? Women Say the Darndest Things.
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Television One Liners
Which television one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with television? I can suggest the ones about tv shows and tv show.
- They prohibited television in Afghanistan They call it,
the Telly Ban. - There are three ways to spread news telegram, television and tellawoman.
- What do you mean I can't identify as a television? Just watch me!
- Studies show that more Americans watch television... than any other household appliance.
- I faced the wrong way on live television. Back to the studio.
- It has been proven that more Americans watch television than any other appliance.
- Why is television called a medium? Because it isn't rare and is never quite well done
- Electricity is a great thing... Without it , we'd be watching television by candlelight
- Q: Why are there no televisions in Afghanistan?
A: Because of the Telly-ban! - Name the 3 fastest means of communication. Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
- Why aren't birds allowed to talk on television? Because they have fowl language.
- My new television is really hyperactive. It's an ADHDTV.
- Why don't salmon watch cable television? They prefer streams.
- How does an Italian win an award in television? He has to rigatoni
- "Adam Ruins Everything" ...including quality television programming
Television Show Jokes
Here is a list of funny television show jokes and even better television show puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi..? Dubai don't show The Flintstones on television but Abu-Dhabi-do!
- What is a children's television show centered on the imaginary adventures of comatose Christians be called? Veggie Tales!
Veggie Tales!
Veggie Tales! - Dwayne Johnson's new television show on the food network Can you cook what The Rock is smelling?
- Game of Thrones will be coming later than expected in 2019. I guess the television shows are closer in spirit to the books than we originally thought.
- Sorry Sorry your password must contain the entire alphabets, your left foot, a theme song to a television show and the blood of your enemies
- It will be a hit across the world I'm coming up with a television show about a young woman with down syndrome named Shirley. I'm going to call the show "Slowly but Shirley"
*I'll see myself out* - The real reason that Oprah is ending her show on television is that Chuck phoned and said "That's enough!"
- What is a soda's favorite television show? The Sprite is Right!
- What television show best describes a mothers virginity? Lost
- What do non-live television shows use for their laugh tracks? Episodes of the Big Bang Theory
Yo Mama Television Jokes
Here is a list of funny yo mama television jokes and even better yo mama television puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yo' Mama is like a television: even an old man can turn her on.
- Yo mama so dumb... ... she sit on the television and watches the couch.
- Yo momma's so fat, when she walked in front of the television, I missed three commercials.
- Yo momma's so poor, she watches television on an Etch A Sketch.
- Yo mama's so s**... she put paper on the television and called it paper view.
- Yo' Mama is so s**..., when she went to buy a color television, she left the store because they didn't have one in pink.
- Yo momma's so s**..., when I asked her to purchase me a color television, she asked me, "Which color?"
Reality Television Jokes
Here is a list of funny reality television jokes and even better reality television puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What kind of television programmes does Stephen Hawking watch? general reality tv.
Cheerful Fun Television Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about television you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tv series jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make television pranks.
Q: What is the dirtiest line said on television?
A: "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the b**... last night."
Q: What is the dirtiest line said on television?
A: "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the b**... last night."
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
I was wondering the other day...
I was wondering the other day what our parents must have done for entertainment before television was popular and affordable. I asked my 38 brothers and sisters if they had any ideas, but none of them could suggest an answer either.
A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station
A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.
So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
My parents told me I should start watching less television and read more
So I turned the subtitles on
So a son comes home to find his father watching television...
- Son: ''Hey dad, some chick just told me I looked hot!''
- Dad: ''Oh yeah? And what psychiatric institution was she from?''
- Son: ''Same one as mom, I guess!''
huehuehuehue
Why are there no televised fights about the environment?
There's too much Gore
The Flintstones
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
Difference between a newspaper and a TV.....
Have you ever tried swatting a fly with a television?
Why are there no foreign language channels on French television?
Because one English Channel is quite enough.
The owner of Rachel Dolezal's tanning salon is releasing a "tell all" book...
...among the many juicy details revealed is Professor Dolezal's favourite television programme... Orange Is The New Black.
Pedophiles are like televisions
Even a three year old can turn them on.
I just found out today that they don't have television in Afghanistan...
probably because of the Tele-ban...^Taliban, ^get ^it?
Do you think charlie sheen admitted to being h**... positive on national television...
because it was easier than making phone calls?
Which famous television host is renowned for her kindness?
Ellen DeGenerous.
Unprecedented Hidden Camera : The Boy Prank ( 02/14/16 )
Catch made by SBT television network in partnership with the film The Boy.
Enjoy
Two television antennas got married...
The service was a bit confused, but the reception was fantastic 😂
I was quite an upbeat child
I was quite an upbeat child, I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel
A man goes to a garage sale.
He walks up to a brand new 50 inch flat screen television for $1.
Man - "Is that TV seriously $1?"
Owner - "Sure is, even comes with surround sound!"
Man - "What's the catch then?"
Owner - "Well the volume is stuck on high and it's always going to be loud."
Man - "Well I can't turn that down!"
My uncle has a television set in his automobile, but it led to a little trouble.
You see, he was sitting in the car, watching television, while his wife was driving on the highway at sixty miles per hour.
Then the commercial came on, and he stepped out to go to the bathroom
How will Trump select his cabinet?
The Apprentice: the White House
Contestants will compete in a series of challenges aspiring to positions in Trump's cabinet all televised for your viewing pleasure on NBC.
I saw an advertisement today that read, Brand new television for sale, $1!"
However, there was just one catch, the volume is stuck on full.
I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
People who don't own televisions.
I'll never understand people acting all high and mighty because they don't watch tv. We get it, you're poor.
A man is walking down the street and sees another woman selling a television
He asks the man how much for the television, and she says: "one dollar"
"Only a dollar? That's really cheap, how come?" asks the man
"It's so cheap because volumes turned all the way up you can't adjust it stuck that way."
The man says, "wow only a dollar, I can't turn that down"
I saw a black man running..
I was walking down the street one evening and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self "i wonder if that's mine", so I hurried back home and lo and behold it was still there, shining my shoes.
The NSA doesn't understand public television
Why do people enjoy watching Mr. Rogers so much when they could watch the entire neighborhood
I oppose all this s**... on the television.
I mean, I keep falling off.
(credit to monty python)
As a Trump supporter, I am really disappointed by all these firing at the White House.
Why aren't the firing televised live on TV? And there needs to be some suspenseful music prior to finding out who is being fired along with like 12 commercial breaks that can help pay down the national debt.
Rick and morty recently surpassed Big Bang Theory as the highest rated comedy on television...
In other news, apparently Big Bang Theory is supposed to be funny.
I am a television, and she is a remote control with no batteries...
She can't turn me on.
My wife and I are done with all this s**... and n**... on the television.
It's just too hard to do it when we keep falling off.
If you made a corn labyrinth in the likeness of a deceased television pitchman...
You'd have a Billy Mays maize maze.
TIL There's a huge, televised award ceremony for coke dealers held every year...
They call it the grammies
I'm tired of all this s**... on the television.
I keep falling off.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A question mark walks into a bar?
Struggle is
Watching a match between England and West Indies, on a black and white television. Turn the brightness up and one team disappears, turn it down and the other does.
A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...
They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and b**...-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast.
No one expected the Spandex intermission.
Television was never really black and white before color
It was basically just 50 shades of gray
You've heard of television but have you heard of
Askahearing?
You should never let your children watch the symphony on television.
Too much sax and violins
Well that was quick
A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds! Good, replied his wife. Now you know how I always feel.
You know, I used to be a innocent boy. When I heard the word "sexist" on television...
I thought they were bad people who had a lot of s**... and worshiped s**.... I guess it was the opposite...
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
I founded John Lennon Television, and now we're the second biggest subscription TV service in the UK.
Above us, only Sky.
I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of w**... and read the dictionary.
High definition.
While my girlfriend was over, I said, I love you! You're the best thing in my life! I couldn't live without you!
Then my girlfriend came back from the bathroom and asked why I was talking to the television.
I've been watching far too much television lately.
My dreams have adverts in them now.
Joke from Slovakia
The earlier post reminded me of a joke my brother saw in a newspaper when he lived in Bratislava.
Two guys are sitting on a couch watching television.
Buddy: Hey, do you know how to play the piano?
Guy: I don't know, I've never tried!
With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships'
It's on paperview
What was the dirtiest thing said on television in the 50s?
Ward, you were a little hard on the b**... last night.
Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolates
So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.
The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"
The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"
The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"
The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"
The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"
The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"
A very very Very old joke :)
"Smart" Televisions.
What do regular TVs and "smart" TVs have in common?
You watch TV on them.
What's the difference between a "smart" TV and a regular TV?
A "smart" TV watches you too.
Almost got on a television show once....
So p**... they cancelled COPS
