The Best 82 Telephone Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Telephone jokes. There are some telephone calls jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these telephone phone puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Telephone Jokes and Puns

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...

so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 sucking it, 1 licking it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one sucking it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think

So a policeman is in pursuit of a drunk driver...

...and this drunk is barreling at high speeds, nearly destroying everything in it's path. Finally the car hits a telephone pole and the car stops. The policeman jumps out of his car, runs up to the trashed car and pulls out the driver screaming, "YOU'RE DRUNK!"

The driver responds "Thank God. I thought my brakes and steering went out!"

Telephone joke, So a policeman is in pursuit of a drunk driver...

For my cake day, a joke...

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

4 big companies after me

John: Boss, I think you should give me a big pay raise, because I have four big companies that are after me.
Boss: And what four companies would be after a guy like you?
John: Well, light, gas, cable and telephone company!


Mujibar get a job in India

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.'

Mujibar responded, 'The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.

Cheating Partner

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.

After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."

Telephone joke, Cheating Partner

Good news, bad news

A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news."

The man asks for the good news first:

"The good news is that you have 24 hours to live," says the doctor.

The man, incredulously: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??"

"I couldn't reach you on the phone yesterday."

What was the crow doing up on the telephone pole?

He was making a long-distance caw.

A burglar

Some young man is trying to get into my room through the window, screamed old Mrs. Kleinman into the telephone.

Sorry, lady, came back the answer, you've got the fire department. What you want is the police department.

No, no, she pleaded, I want the fire department. What he needs is a longer ladder!

Why did the burger sit beside the telephone?

Incase onion rings

You can explore telephone lec reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean telephone wires dad jokes. There are also telephone puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Yet another world cup joke

Heard this from a telephone script today:

Jake! Is it true that you have my girlfriend at place, in your bed right now at this moment!?

Good! Finally I can watch the world cup in peace!

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Fisherman wants new radio telephone call sign for his boat.

He calls the telephone company and asks for a new call sign.

The operator says sure you can have a new one, but can you tell me why you want a new one?

"How would you like it if every time someone asked for your call sign, you had to say '4Q'?"

UN Food Survey Fails...

UN Phone Survey

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Daddy, what's it like being drunk?

A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"

Telephone joke, Daddy, what's it like being drunk?

The telephone rings, and the little boy answers it.

"Are your Mom or Dad home?" asks the lady at the other end of the line.

"They was in earlier, but now they is out," replied the little boy.

"My," said the lady. "Where's your grammar!"

The boy replied, "She's upstairs napping."

A couple weeks ago I saw a sign on a telephone pole that said "learn guitar in 30 days."

I can't wait. Just a few more days and I'll be able to play the guitar.

I got 6 numbers at the bar last night...

One more and it would have been a complete telephone number.

(special thanks to Kevin Malone)


An English guys digs the ground 100 feet...

and finds telephone wires, he says this proves that we had telephone 100 years ago. An American guy digs 200 feet and finds telephone wires, he says this proves we had telephone 200 years ago. A Turkish guy, digs the ground 2000 feet and finds nothing, he says this proves that we had cell phones 2000 years ago.

The three modes of communication

Telephone,
Telegraph and
Tell a woman

I always play it safe during sex.

I cut the telephone chord.

How did the blonde burn her ear?

The telephone rang while she was ironing.

A Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack

A Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.

A woman, asks the Frenchman.

A telephone, says the Jew.

A cigarette, says the Polack.

Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.

The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.

The Polack walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?

I blame the telephone company for my absent father.

Me and him never had a good connection.

Order by telephone only.

A friend of mine went to buy a sim card.

Turns out you need to call ahead to get one.

Telephone - Funny Joke

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Hawaiian Punch has a new telephone number.

It's the Punch line.

What was more important than the invention of the first telephone?

The second telephone.

What is the climax to a telephone receptionist who is on cocaine ?

A second line

What did the poles do during world war two?

They held the telephone wires off the ground.

What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow?

A Chinese telephone.

Wing wing. Arrow?

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby...

My name, address and telephone number.

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

My daughter is making a documentary on the invention of the telephone, for a school project.

I remember the time I did that, in middle school.

Rings A Bell.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

Chuck Norris jokes

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

A man storms into his manager's office

and demands a raise. "And just so you know," he blusters, "three other companies are after me!"

"Is that so?" the manager says. "Which companies in particular?"

"The electricity company, the telephone company and the gas company."

What's better than the invention of the telephone?

The second one.

What are four ways of spreading information that begins with "tel"?

Telephone, telegram, television, and tell a woman.

So I telephoned BT to report a nuisance caller.

The woman on the line said "Not you again."

A woman was having sex with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang

And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.

As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry

"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.

he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with you.

What are the three fastest forms of communication?

Telephone, telegraph, tell a woman.

I told her my account ballance looks like a phone number

Forgot to tell her it was an Emergency telephone number

It's so sad...

that trees look at telephone poles, and think that being tall and skinny is the only way to get people talking.

What's the time difference..?

A blonde called a telephone operator.

Blonde: Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and London?

Operator: Just a minute…

Blonde : Thank you *puts down the phone*

Trump is banning telephone calls to and from the middle east

I can't believe our president created the teleban!

How did Mr.telephone prospose Miss telephone?

He just gave her a ring.

What is the state tree of North Dakota?

The telephone pole.

Does the telephone remind you of anything?

No, but it rings a bell

TIL that immediately after Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he learned that

he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

What has 2 wings and 1 Arrow ?

A Chinese telephone

Wing

Wing

Arrow?

(posted this last year got some good feedback)

Who was Alexander Graham Bellski?

The first telephone Pole

A man, that gets drunk almost every night, sees his friend while walking.

This one notices that the drunk guy has both ears burned and very injured, so he asks:

"How did it happen?"

The other night my wife left the iron on, then someone called me, and I took accidentally the iron instead of the telephone.

Oh...That sucks. And the left ear?

The idiot called again.

My mother used to beat me with a telephone

I was always on the receiving end.

I counted the digits in your telephone number.

They add up to 37.

My girlfriend kept insisting that I give her a ring...

It took a while to get comfortable with the idea \(it was a really big decision for me\), but finally I got enough courage to dial the number and have an actual telephone conversation with her.

Alexander Graham Kowolczyk...

The inventor of the telephone pole.

We all remember Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone...

But no one ever remembers Alexander Graham Kowalczyk, the first telephone pole.

What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?

A golden receiver!

What haw two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone.

(I'm Chinese and I give this joke the Chinese stamp of approval)

Name the 3 fastest means of communication.

Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Apparently, a Spanish Dictator invented a type of telephone back in the 1940s. But no one in his home country could understand the words that came through it;

Because it was a Francophone.

Before telephones were invented, fighting couples would actually make up over telegraph.

But first they had to learn re-Morse code.

I saw a telephone wire starting to fall on someones car the other day on my way home from work but I don't think they noticed

They would be in for a shock

What are the three fastest means of communication?

1) Television

2) Telephone

3) Telawoman

Telephone rap battle

Two rappers were exchanging insults over the phone when one got upset and the line went dead.

Diss connected.

What does answering a colorful telephone sound like?

Green green.. yellow?

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

Telegram

Telephone

Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.

What was one of the greatest inventions of all time, yet was completely useless when it was first made?

The telephone, who r u gonna call?

What do you call a sad cantaloupe in a telephone booth?

Melon call ya

How did Helen Keller burn her cheek?

She mistook the iron for a telephone.

How did she burn the other cheek?
They called back.

Two blonde Mexican girls walk past a Taco Bell.

One looks at the other and says "Hey, I didn't know we owned a telephone company."

Alexander Graham Bell is always given a huge amount of praise for inventing the first telephone

The credit should really go to whomever invented the SECOND telephone.

Who invented the first telephone?

Does it ring any bells?

What was a more important invention than the first telephone?

The second one.

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone.

a telephone call

A wife answers the phone.
Husband to wife: "How come you talked only 15 minutes?"
Wife: "It was wrong number."

There are 3 main ways of communicating

Telegraph
Telephone
And tell a woman

My nephew came to me with a look of pride on his face.

He said uncle, uncle look what I made it's a telephone. He proceeded to show me two tin cans tied together with string.

I pulled out my iPhone and said: this is what kids your age make in China.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby

For instance, my name, address, telephone number..

My friend works for the telephone company, repairing fiber optic cables. I've told him he should wear eye protection when working on lit cables, because the laser energy can cause permanent eye injury.

He said he would look into it.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the telephone connect jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working telephone rings piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes