Tele Jokes

Telegram

A dog walked into a telegraph office and said, Woof, woof… woof, woof, woof … woof, woof, woof, woof!
The telegraph operator looked at the dog. Do you know , said he, If you add another 'woof' then the cost of the telegram will be cheaper?"
The dog looked at the telegraph operator and answered, But that wouldn't make sense now, would it?

My telescope broke the other day and I was hoping the local observatory could repair it

They said they'd look into it.

Telekinesis

It's the thought that counts.

Telegraph

A dog walks into a telegraph office, puts $1 on the counter and says:
"Woof woof woof, woof woof, woof woof woof woof"
The operator says to the dog "Its $1 for 10 words, shall I put another woof on there?"
The dog then says "But then that wouldn't make any sense!"

Why are there no televised fights about the environment?

There's too much Gore

The telephone rings, and the little boy answers it.

"Are your Mom or Dad home?" asks the lady at the other end of the line.
"They was in earlier, but now they is out," replied the little boy.
"My," said the lady. "Where's your grammar!"
The boy replied, "She's upstairs napping."

I know a telegraph operator who was so bad he always had to send his messages again.

He had a lot of remorse about that.

Help with telegraph/Morse code joke

I am doing a presentation on the Telegraph and my teacher is a s**... for a good joke/pun. Any help?

Telephone - Funny Joke

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Two television antennas got married...

The service was a bit confused, but the reception was fantastic 😂

Because telescopes work using mirrors...

We'll never know if there are any space vampires.

How do telegraph operators apologize?

Remorse code

I used to be a telemarketer

I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."

My new television is really hyperactive.

It's an ADHDTV.

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.
"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

If you are telekinetic,

raise my hand.

Only telepathic people will understand this pun.

I'll see myself out.

I wish teleportation was possible..

I would never get late to the airport and lose my flight again...

All those with telekinetic powers raise my hand.

Wow! I wasn't expecting that!

A telecoms engineer joins the army...

On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"

Does the telephone remind you of anything?

No, but it rings a bell

If you think you have telekinetic powers like Carrie White's then you should ...

Keep calm and NOT Carrie ON ....!

The teletubbies are for everyone.

Small people and high people

What is a telecom Executives favourite finishing move?

A Cream Pai

I am a television, and she is a remote control with no batteries...

She can't turn me on.

If they are any telekinetics in the room

Please raise my hand

Why is television called a medium?

Because it isn't rare and is never quite well done

Why are telescopes pointing away from earth?

Because they are searching for intelligent life.

Teleports behind you

We've updated our Privacy & Policy

The telegraph must be the most heartless invention...

...because Samuel had no remorse.

Why do televangelists go to church every Sunday?

To pray on the week.

Television was never really black and white before color

It was basically just 50 shades of gray

Telegram from Putin to Kolinda (president of croatia)

CONGRATULATIONS STOP GREAT GAME STOP YOU WERE BETTER STOP GAS STOP OIL STOP TOURISTS STOP INVESTMENTS STOP

I took a course in telepathy, now I know what you're thinking...

What is a children's television show centered on the imaginary adventures of comatose Christians be called?

Veggie Tales!
Veggie Tales!
Veggie Tales!

Why do the teletubbies go to the toilet at the same time?

They only have 1 Tinky-Winky

I like The Teletubbies..

It's my favourite TV show about four chubby aliens that live on a giant miniature golf course.

I saw a telephone wire starting to fall on someones car the other day on my way home from work but I don't think they noticed

They would be in for a shock

Telephone rap battle

Two rappers were exchanging insults over the phone when one got upset and the line went dead.
Diss connected.

What does a telegraph operator feel when he has to send the same message again?

Remorse.

Telemarketers don't have managers

They have ring leaders

The American man and the British man

(Not sure where I learned this one)
Once there was an American man talking to a British man. The American man was lecturing the British man, saying he was saying things wrong. He said its not lift its elevator, its not Tele its TV and its not a boot its a trunk of a car. The British man calmly said back "its not a shooting range its a school

a telephone call

A wife answers the phone.
Husband to wife: "How come you talked only 15 minutes?"
Wife: "It was wrong number."

Do you know how to use a telescope?

You should look into it.

Why are telescopes pointed away from earth?

Because they search for intelligent life

Those who believe in telekinetics

Raise my hand

If you believe in telekinetics

Raise my hand

Almost got on a television show once....

So p**... they cancelled COPS

Television is bad for the eyes , a teacher says.

Jimmy: Yes, and also bad for the legs.
Teacher: Legs?
Jimmy: My brother Timmy has bad legs from our television.
Teacher: Jimmy, how can your brother possibly have bad legs from his television?
Jimmy: He dropped it on his foot!

Telephone at the hotel reception:

\- Hello, I'm calling from room 303. Could you please send someone from the service? I'm arguing with my wife and she threatened to jump out the window.
\- Sorry, this is your private problem.
\- Yeah, right, but the d**... window doesn't open, and that's your problem.

Telegraph Operators once complained to Morse how some of his codes were confusing and needs to be revised.

But he had no remorse.

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.

I'm here to tell you about telephone poles...

Warning, long post.

How many telemarketers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but it has to be during dinner

All those who believe in telekinesis....

.....raise my hand .

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he has to do it during dinner.

Telescopes use mirrors

Therefore we could be looking at space vampires and we'd never know it.