The Best 80 Teenager Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Teenager jokes. There are some teenager teenaged jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these teenager punk puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Teenager Jokes and Puns
A teenager gets pulled over for speeding...
The cop says "License and Registration please."
As the teenager is grabbing it out of the glove compartment, the cop then says, "Ya know, I've been waiting for a stupid kid like you all day."
The teenager says, "Well officer, I got here as quick as I could."
Dirty old man
An old man was sitting on a bench when a teenager with a rainbow mohawk walked by. The old man stared at him. Seeing him star, the teenager said "What's the matter old-timer, never done anything crazy in your life?" The old man replied "Many years ago, I got drunk at a wild party and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering whether you were my son."
So heres one.
So a teenager walks into a store in the mall to buy a hat. He asks for what size he should get. The store manager tells him most of the hats are one size fits all. Just then a screaming toddler walks in followed by a young girl. The boy looks at them, turns to the store manager and says "that's what they said about the condom."
What does a suicidal teenager do on the weekends?
Hang at home.
I'm 50, and I have the cholesterol of a teenager.
It's amazing what you can find on eBay.
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He holds it up, and the world revolves around him to screw it in.
When I was a teenager, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for hours every night...
One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.
"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.
"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."
When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on fisting myself
Birth
A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"
Whats the difference between a zit and a priest? (My 17 year old camper just said this, made me cringe)
A zit waits till you're a teenager to come on your face.
Friends son turned 13 today. Any teenager jokes I could give him?
I'll start. Why do we know Abrahams son wasn't a teen when Abraham tried to sacrifice him? Because if he was a teenager, it wouldn't have been a sacrifice.
A teenager buys condoms for the first time...
The cashier says, "That'll be $9.95 plus tax.".
Horrified, the boy exclaims "I thought they stayed on by themselves!"
You can explore teenager xenu reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean teenager schoolboy dad jokes. There are also teenager puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What was the buffalo's last words to his teenager as he sent him off to college?
Bison
The worst thing about being in my 40's is that I can't get teenaged girls to sleep with me.
It's like being a teenager again.
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2, But you'll have to find a really big lightbulb to fit them in there.
I shot a black teenager the other day
I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Whatever.
An insolent teenager stomps off to her room...
Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON SUCKS!"
Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"
When Vladimir Putin left his home as a teenager he told his dad:
"You are now the man of the house."
What does an american teenager and a middle eastern feminist have in common?
They're both getting stoned.
A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car
"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy
"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"
How's a fart and a teenager alike?
Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.
My friend was raped by a teenager mutant ninja turtle.
He wasn't wearing a mask, so we don't know which one did it.
A teenager got his driver's license...
...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
When I was a teenager I saw my grandparents having sex...
...It was the grossest thing I ever saw...
...once I finished.
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but you need a fairly big lightbulb.
An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder..
Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".
Why is Windows 10 like a moody teenager?
Because nobody gets it.
Everytime we have sex my girlfriend wants to pretend to be a teenager.
I tell her, "Be patient. You'll be one soon enough."
I was flirting with this teenager on the internet...
...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.
How cool is that for someone her age?
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None because it's already lit fam
^I'm^^so^^^sorry
What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose?
A radical mooselamb
I was doing some shopping at the supermarket...
...and had a cart full of groceries and a lovely bouquet of flowers. Coincidentally, my wife walked in just as I was checking out.
She noticed the flowers I was buying and jokingly said "Those had better be for me!"
The teenager at the register turned and said "Even if they weren't, they definitely are now!"
What does a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common?
They both thought "my Mom's gonna kill me."
So an emo teenager went to grocery store.
He went up to the cashier and said, pointing to his scarred arm
"Hey, can you scan this?"
The cashier then scans the arm, only to say,
"I'm sorry sir, but this item is worthless"
Two teenagers snuck into a crypt at night. One tripped over a small bone and the other unashamedly laughed.
Can't blame him though, it was a little humerus.
When I was a teenager, my dad found cigarettes in my room & made me smoke the whole pack.
I'm really glad he didn't find my bag of heroin.
What's the difference between a priest and acne?
The acne waited till I was a teenager to come on my face...
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just two, but you have to have a pretty big light bulb for them to fit in there.
What's the difference between a pimple and a priest?
A pimple waits until you're a teenager before it comes on your face.
An insolent teenager is having an argument with her father
And as she storms off she shouts, "Oh and by the way, Jim Morrison SUCKS!"
The father looks back and responds, "Hey, there will be no slamming of The Doors in my house."
Why is X = 2K + 1 called the teenager equation?
because it can't even.
15 Year Old Teenager: "I love the US! It's the land of freedom and opportunity! We even have freedom of speech!"
CNN: "Hold my beer."
When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.
Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.
Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....
Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.
Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.
Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"
Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."
When I was a teenager, my mom always said that your bedroom is so messy that you will never get any self-respecting girl to come back here.
Luckily they weren't the ones I was going after.
Once when I was a teenager
...I stopped at the drugstore to purchase some of those "necessary supplies." I told the pharmacist, "Better give me a dozen, I've got a hot date tonight with the school tramp!" When I got to her house, her mother insisted I join them for dinner. I offered to say grace, and I prayed and prayed and prayed. When I finished, my date leaned over to me and said, "Why, Paul! I had no idea you were so religious!" I replied, "And I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
A teenager and his friend are sitting together, playing a game
The teenager asked his friend, "why do people type 'f' whenever something tragic happens on the internet?" His friend says, "people sometimes press 'f' to show respect." The teenager says, "well then, f you." His friend smiles and says, "f you too, man."
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...
After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.
Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".
Why did the Mexican teenager get pregnant?
...her teacher told her to go home and do her essay.
Spongebob was the most unrealistic kid's show
A teenager in a minimum wage job owning a house and car. Pfft
What does a teenager with a lisp and a nun have in common?
Faith book
What do you call a smart teenager that starts doing drugs because they think it's cool?
An Oxy-moron
[NSFW] I remember my Dad catching me masturbating when I was a teenager
He sternly told me "and you can save that until you're married!"
Imagine his shock when I turned up 12 years later at the evening reception with three buckets full and asked him what I was supposed to do with it now.
Smoking Kills
Experts say that every time you inhale a drag of a cigarette, it takes 7 seconds off your life.
When I was a teenager, my best friend and I tried cigarettes for the first time. I ended up smoking for 25 years, but my friend only inhaled **once**.
Yesterday, while out walking his dog, he got hit by a bus and was killed instantly.
I can't get it out of my mind - I keep thinking - if he never had inhaled that one time - we probably could have heard him scream.
Why do teenagers only hang out in groups of three or five?
Because they can't even.
Why do teenagers always walk in groups of three?
Because they can't even.
A teenager buys his mom some coffee mugs for Christmas...
The mom says, "not this again, you already gave me an ugly mug 16 years ago."
Why did the edgy teenager lock himself in the freezer ?
He taught it was cool.
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two, but good luck fitting them in there.
What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne doesn't come on your face until you're a teenager.
Why did the teenagers cross the road?
Because they saw other teenagers doing it on social media.
A teenager gets a bass guitar and a month of lessons for his birthday
After he comes home from his first lesson, his mother asks:
What did you learn in your first lesson?
I learned all the notes on the E string!
The next week he comes home and mom asks:
What did you learn this week?
I learned all the notes on the A string!
After the third week the son returns home rather late and his mother asks again:
What did you learn this week?
I couldn't make it, I had a gig
A teenager takes a seat on a bench next to a middle aged man reading a newspaper...
After a few minutes the man looks over and stares intently at the youth's multicolored mohawk. The teenager looks over at the man and says "What's the matter old man, never done anything interesting in your life?"
The man responded, "I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son."
A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.
The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
A teenager girl goes for confession and tells the preist that she's pregnant with the second coming.
Naturally, the priest is furious at the implied blasphemy.
"How dare you? That's blasphemy. Explain yourself. How do you know you're pregnant with the second coming?" he thundered.
I... I... I.. I swallowed the first.
Why did the teenager hire the prostitute?
For the hormones...
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 1,3,5 or 7?
Because they literally can't even.
A cop see's a suspicious teenager driving erratically,and pulls him over
The policeman notices the drivers red eyes, and the smell of cannabis on his breath, so asks him if he's been smoking pot
The teenager says "Yeah, but I've got a prescription for it"
"What's the prescription for? inquires the officer
"Anxiety, but I only get it when a cop pulls me over"
My wife told me she has the body of a teenager
I guess she found out about me and the babysitter
When I became a teenager, my father gave me a 30 minute Power Point Presentation on the dangers of having unprotected sex.
All the slides were just pictures of me.
A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother
"Is it true that babies come out of the same place that boys put their penises?"
The mother, hesitatingly replies "Yes dear" and plans on how to explain sex to her daughter.
The shocked teenager responds "But then when I have a baby, won't it knock out all my teeth"
Why do teenagers travel in groups of three?
Because they can't even.
How to know if someone is a teenager on Reddit:
Yesterday my wife told me that I have the body of a teenager.
I almost freaked out until I remembered she doesn't check the basement.
What do a pregnant teenager and her fetus think at the same time?
"My mom is going to kill me"
A teenager got suck in well.
He calls 911.
Boy: 911?
Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Boy: I'm stuck in a well.
Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?
Boy: im14andthisisdeep.
When I was a teenager, I had to learn how to drive a stick.
We couldn't afford a car.
Q: What is the difference between a teenager and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him because he was dressed in really colorful clothing.
He had all this colorful make-up on and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at,eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?" "Well, yeah," the old man answered. "Once I got so drunk that I screwed a parrot, so I can't help but think that maybe you're my son!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the teenager pimple jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working teenager teenage piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.