Teenager Jokes
119 teenager jokes and hilarious teenager puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about teenager that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Teenager Short Jokes
Short teenager jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The teenager humour may include short teenage girl jokes also.
- I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said
"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider. - Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
- Yesterday I saw two teenagers making out in the park, reminds me of my teenage days…. reminds me of my teenage days when I used to see other teenagers make out in the park
- Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7? They just, like, literally can't even
- Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and alien. Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
- How many teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know, like one, three, five? Whatever, I just can't even...
- British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
- I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery. None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.
- My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer... I guess she'll have to flip a coin....
Heads or Tales. - What does a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common? They both thought "my Mom's gonna kill me."
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Teenager One Liners
Which teenager one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with teenager? I can suggest the ones about teens and teen mom.
- Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3s, 5s and 7s? Because they can't even.
- Why do teenagers always travel in groups of 3, 5, or 7? Because they can't even.
- Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even.
- Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3, 5 and 7? Because they literally can't even
- It dawned on me why teenagers are always in groups of 3 or 5 Because they can't even
- I shot a black teenager the other day I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
- Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in 3s and 5s? Because they literally can't even.
- I'm 50, and I have the cholesterol of a teenager. It's amazing what you can find on eBay.
- What does a teenager with a lisp and a nun have in common? Faith book
- Why do teenagers travel in groups of 1,3,5 or 7? Because they literally can't even.
- What do passwords and teenagers have in common? They are both insecure.
- How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Whatever.
- How are teenage boys and the enzyme helicase similar? They both want to unzip your genes
- How to know if someone is a teenager on Reddit:
- Why do teenage girls only hang out in 3's, 5's, 7's, etc.? Because they can't even
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Teenager Jokes
What funny jokes about teenager you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean schoolgirl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make teenager pranks.
A teenager gets pulled over for speeding...
The cop says "License and Registration please."
As the teenager is grabbing it out of the glove compartment, the cop then says, "Ya know, I've been waiting for a s**... kid like you all day."
The teenager says, "Well officer, I got here as quick as I could."
Reggie, Joe, and Chuck
There was once a farmer who had three teenage daughters. On prom night, a young boy rang his doorbell.
**Reggie:** My name's Reggie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to go eat some spaghetti, is she ready?
He told his Betty that someone was there to pick her up and they left.
A while later, there someone else rang the doorbell.
**Joe:** My name's Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, we're going to watch a show, is she ready to go?
So he told Flo and they left.
A bit later, there was yet another boy at his door. He said:
**Chuck:** My name's Chuck...
And the farmer shot him.
First Impressions
A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with s**....
Extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, the boy rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help. "First time?" the pharmacist guesses. The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.
Finally, the big night arrives and the boy arrives at the girl's house. As the couple and the girl's parents sit down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself. After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, "I never knew you were so religious!" He looks up at her and whispers back, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!"
A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint.
The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied.
How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He holds it up, and the world revolves around him to screw it in.
Birth
A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their d**...?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"
An old man walks into a confessional...
An old man walks into a confessional and says, " I'm 82 years old, have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up 2 teenage girls hitchhiking, took them to a hotel, and made love to each of them 3 times.
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Then why are you telling me this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody!"
Hot girl at prom
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
A teenager buys condoms for the first time...
The cashier says, "That'll be $9.95 plus tax.".
Horrified, the boy exclaims "I thought they stayed on by themselves!"
The worst thing about being in my 40's is that I can't get teenaged girls to sleep with me.
It's like being a teenager again.
An insolent teenager stomps off to her room...
Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON s**...!"
Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"
What does an american teenager and a middle eastern feminist have in common?
They're both getting s**....
A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car
"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy
"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"
A teenage boy decides to stop m**....
I've just been robbed by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
Though ironically, he wasn't wearing a mask so I don't know which one he was.
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
What is the difference between American teenage girls amd Muslim teenage girls? (Offensive)
American teenage girls get s**... BEFORE they have s**....
My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
My friend was r**... by a teenager mutant ninja turtle.
He wasn't wearing a mask, so we don't know which one did it.
A teenager got his driver's license...
...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder..
Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young p**... Juan".
Everytime we have s**... my girlfriend wants to pretend to be a teenager.
I tell her, "Be patient. You'll be one soon enough."
I was flirting with this teenager on the internet...
...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.
How cool is that for someone her age?
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their p**...?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
At school we were always taught the pull-out method doesn't work...
...but like many teenagers, it hasn't stopped the UK trying anyway.
What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity?
Making their wrist look like their jeans.
(I'm sorry)
A woman was trying on her new fur coat.
Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.
"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"
The woman looked strictly at her daughter.
"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."
A teenage boy goes up to his father
"Father I am not a v**... anymore"
Father: "Wow that's great! Lets sit down and drink something celebrate about this moment"
Son: "Ok, I can drink with you but I can't sit"
My teenage son is obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.
But I'm sure it's just a phase.
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
When your kids become teenagers, it's important to have a dog
So someone in the house is happy to see you.
What do h**... and teenage girls have in common?
They both use chemicals to remove the polish.
Voldemort is like a teenage girl.
He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.
My friend said that China might be considering assisted s**... for teenagers
He's probably wrong, but if he's right, that would mark the beginning of euthanasia of youth in Asia.
What do you call the winner of the beauty pageant for teenagers who've had an abortion?
Little miss conception
A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.
I don't know how these people can sleep at night.
What's the difference between a pimple and a priest?
A pimple waits until you're a teenager before it comes on your face.
An insolent teenager is having an argument with her father
And as she storms off she shouts, "Oh and by the way, Jim Morrison s**...!"
The father looks back and responds, "Hey, there will be no slamming of The Doors in my house."
What do pregnant teenagers and their babies have in common?
They both think,"Oh god, my mom is going to kill me".
Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....
Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.
Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.
Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"
Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
2 teenage friends were outside when they saw a female streaker walking down the street.
One of them ran away as soon as he saw her, but the other one stayed and watched for a while.
They saw each other at school the next day, and the one who stayed asked his friend why he ran away. His friend said "My mom said that if I ever look at a n**... girl too long I'll turn to stone. And I already felt something getting hard."
Yesterday I was nothing more than a sad, teenage v**...
But today I turned 20
Overheard in line for a movie...
Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"
Teenage boy: "October 12th."
Employee: "What year?"
Boy: "Every year."
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...
After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.
Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".
Roy Moore says he'll bring Alabama values to Washington, but I'm not so sure. I mean, he s**... assaulted teenage girls...
But he wasn't related to any of 'em!
I recently found out my mom has a disturbing f**.... She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.
The victims contacted me while playing CoD.
What do freshly pregnant teenagers and their babies share?
They both think, Mom's probably going to kill me
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had s**... education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
I am disgusted by the youth of today....
Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
"I have the brain of a german shepherd and the body of a teenage boy.
They're both in my trunk and I want you to see them."
A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.
The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
My wife told me she has the body of a teenager
I guess she found out about me and the babysitter
When I became a teenager, my father gave me a 30 minute Power Point Presentation on the dangers of having unprotected s**....
All the slides were just pictures of me.
What's the difference between an American and a Muslim teenage girl?
The American teenage girl gets s**... before s**....
My teenage son treats me like a god.
He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.
My wife and I caught our teenage son with w**... so we decided to play good cop bad cop
I shot him in the back while she just looked the other way
Two teenage boys are walking down an alley
when they see a stray dog l**... its c**....
The one boy says, Man, I really wish I could do that.
His friend responds, I don't know, you'd better pet him and see if he's friendly, first.
What do a pregnant teenager and her fetus think at the same time?
"My mom is going to kill me"
A teenager got s**... in well.
He calls 911.
Boy: 911?
Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Boy: I'm stuck in a well.
Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?
Boy: im14andthisisdeep.
Father looks hard at his teenage son and says, James, you've been adopted.
James jumps up, Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents! Father laughs, No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your adoptive ones will be here in an hour.
Why are teenage girls always in groups of three, five, seven or nine?
Because they can't even.
I caught two teenagers smoking p**... outside my office window.
Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two teenagers smoking p**... outside my office window.
AskReddit is 16 years old next month ...
Typical teenager, it has an answer for everything.
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled at his spiky hair, pierced nose, tattoos and a bad attitude. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Honey," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Of course he is," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
Teenage boys
Two teenage boys go to confession. In the booth the first boy admits having s**... with a girl but refuses to name her. The priest asks, 'It wasn't Mary Jones, was it?' The boy says 'No, Father it wasn't'. The priest asks' 'Was it Angela Brown?'. The boy replies 'No, Father. it wasn't. 'It wasn't Jane Carter by any chance?' The boy says 'No father it wasn't' The priest gives up and says 'Well for your penance say fifty Hail Mary's and leave half your pocket money in the poor box.' When the boy leaves his friend asks him how it went. He replies 'Not bad, a $5 fine and three great leads!'
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens.
How did you do it? he asked.
We weren't looking for the same thing, she explained. You were looking for a piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.
