teen Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious teen puns

When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.

All the slides were just pictures of me.

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A teenage girl was having sex with her boyfriend...

at her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"

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My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!

You lied to me!

You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"

I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.

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The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

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My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…

Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.

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A teenage girl was being intimate with her boyfriend

At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being a dad replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"

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Why do you always see teen girls in groups of three?

Because they literally can't even.

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Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

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A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

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Teenage sex

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

'I've just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!'

I put down my paper: 'Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.'

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A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"

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A pregnant teen and her baby is thinking the same thing...

"My mom is gonna kill me."

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A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.

"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

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How many prepubescent teen boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

He said "screw" lolol

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After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.

I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen.

What are you doing working so late?

Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. They misspelled my name!

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Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the strip club.

Teen: Of course not dad!





Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.

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What do a pregnant teen and her baby have in common?

Both of their moms are gonna kill 'em

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My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

'I've just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!'

I put down my paper: 'Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.'

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My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen

He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

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Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in 3s and 5s?

Because they literally can't even.

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What does a pregnant teen and her baby have in common?

They're both thinking,"Mom is gonna kill me".

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How is an American teen girl different from an Arab teen girl.

An American teen girl gets stoned *before* she has sex.

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A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in

"I want to be a history major," he says.

The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"

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A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway...

After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.

Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".

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When I was teenage boy

At first I wanted to be a gardener.
Then I wanted to be a pool cleaner, afterwards a plumber.

Then I stopped watching porn movies and went to college.

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My teenage son is obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.

But I'm sure it's just a phase.

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What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

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A teenage boy asks his granny: 'Have you seen my pills, they are labelled LSD?

Granny: "Fuck the pills; have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"

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A teenage boy goes up to his father

"Father I am not a virgin anymore"

Father: "Wow that's great! Lets sit down and drink something celebrate about this moment"

Son: "Ok, I can drink with you but I can't sit"

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What does a teenager with a lisp and a nun have in common?

Faith book

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2 teenage friends were outside when they saw a female streaker walking down the street.

One of them ran away as soon as he saw her, but the other one stayed and watched for a while.

They saw each other at school the next day, and the one who stayed asked his friend why he ran away. His friend said "My mom said that if I ever look at a naked girl too long I'll turn to stone. And I already felt something getting hard."

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A teenage girl came home

from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother.
"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come
up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth
out?"

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A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint.

The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied.

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A teenager comes home late one Saturday night

And his dad greeted him asking "Did you have a fun night son?"

"I sure did dad, I lost my virginity."

The dad said "That's awesome son. Here, let's have a couple of beers, you're a man now."

The boy says, " Thanks dad. I could really use one. My ass is killing me."

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Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs...

When they went to court the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time.

The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month. The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs.
The judge said, "That was great how did you do that?"
The Boy told him, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison.'"

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What are the best Teen puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Teen? Well, here are the best Teen dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Teen pick up lines to share with friends.

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