Tee Jokes

86 tee jokes and hilarious tee puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tee that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Find a good laugh in this collection of funny tee jokes all about the game of golf. From golf tee puns to funny tee shirt designs, you'll find jokes about a variety of tee-related topics, including the golf tee, tee box, tee ball, tee shirt, polo shirt, and tee pee. Enjoy a chuckle at the clubhouse!

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Short Tee Jokes
Tee One Liners
Tee Off Jokes
Golf Tee Jokes
Tee Shirt Jokes
More Tee Jokes

Funniest Tee Short Jokes

Short tee jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tee humour may include short polo jokes also.

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies? Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.
"Do you think I'm good at golf, dad?" asked my son, before his tee shot. I said, "You've got a fairway to go yet."
Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing... There were no casual tees.
There was a mass shooting at the Gap store this afternoon. They're still counting the casual Tees.
Why do soldiers have to wear such fancy uniforms? Because they don't allow civilian casual tees!
On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter? 9 3/4
*Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.*
I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers. Must've been the soccer tees.
Did you hear about the Native American chief who drank 50 gallons of Earl Grey? He was found dead in the morning, drowned in his tee-pee.
The police are investigating the recent shootout at a fancy downtown restaurant. There are no reports of casual tees.
Did you hear about the tragedy at the Hipster company's work retreat? There were several hundred casual tees.

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Tee One Liners

Which tee one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tee? I can suggest the ones about clubhouse and fairway.

Why is the army so strict about their uniforms? To minimize casual tees...
Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap. There were a lot of casual tees.
What is the most common attire during WWII? Casual Tees
What did the sunburnt manatee say? Man a tee shirt would be nice
What beverage do golfers like to drink? Tee.
What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart? 7 tees, 30 eggs
A man opened fire in a clothing store there were reports of casual-tees.
Why is the show called SpongeBob when... Patrick is the star. Hurr durr. Tee-hee.
New business idea We sell cammo tshirts.
We call it "Casual tees of war"!
What's the most common outfit in WWII? Casual-tees
What kind of shirt do philosophers wear when kick the ball around? Soccer-tees
What do you call a Black Jew? .....a menorah-tee.
What do Greek soccer players wear? Soccer tee's
What do you call a book about a shirt? Novel-tee
What do you call the offspring of a tuna and a manatee? An oppor-tuna-tee!

Tee Off Jokes

Here is a list of funny tee off jokes and even better tee off puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I went to my Dr. the other day and said doc last night I dreamt I was a tee-pee, and the next night I dreamt I was a wig-wam He said relax you're two tents
What's the difference between a shirt and a corpse? One's a casualty and the other is a casual tee
What do you call a shirt missing its sleeves? An ampu-tee.
Why Were the Police called to the GAP? .....they heard there were a couple of Casual-Tees
What did native Americans use to blow their nose? Their tee-pee
Why did the midget wear a beach top? Because it was a shore tee.
A guy wore a Hanukkah shirt to a Christmas party... He was in the Menorah Tee.
you hear about the indian chief that drank a case of tea he died in his tee pee
What do you call a shirt that's LGBTQ+ Female underwear

Because they're Pan-Tees
Whats the difference between a supreme tee and Kevin Spacey? One of them is on teenage boys and the other is in teenage boys.

Golf Tee Jokes

Here is a list of funny golf tee jokes and even better golf tee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A woman gives her husband a cup of tea... And he notices it tastes like dirt.
Angry, he asks, what kind of tea is this?
Golf tee
What is a King's favourite piece of Golf Equipment? His Royal Tee
What do you call a toilet at a golf course? A p**... teepee with TP at the tee.

Tee Shirt Jokes

Here is a list of funny tee shirt jokes and even better tee shirt puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I get this rash whenever I wear tight t-shirts. I did some research and apparently it is called derma-tight-tees.
What do philosophers call soccer tee shirts? Socrates
Your momma is so fat She wore a Malcom X tee shirt and a helicopter tried to land on her.
What's the worst kind of T-Shirt? A Casual Tee.
Free Hong Kong Tee Shirts are okay I guess... I doubt that I'd ever *buy* one though
What kind of shirt makes you feel free from harm A safe-Tee
A tee-shirt idea For tourists in Virginia: "Congratulations on losing your Virginia-ty"
What do you can a fat man in a white t-shirt? Man-in-a-tee
Clean shirts Q: How does Snoop Dogg keep his tee shirts so white?
A: Blee-otch.
What was the victim of the car c**... wearing? A Casualty
(Casual-Tee, as in Tee-Shirt)
100% Guraneed Originality
You can know for sure I made it up because of how corny it is...

Howlingly Hilarious Tee Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about tee you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean par jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tee pranks.

Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

Two men are playing golf when one realizes he's left his jacket at the last tee

The perfect shot.

A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."

Four gents are on the golf course...

... on the second tee box. As gent number one steps up to the tee, a f**... procession drives by. Seeing the procession, he stops what he is doing, folds his hand, and bows his head out of respect. After the procession finishes, the other gents observe that, although it was a nice gesture, it was a little excessive to stop play like that. Gent number one replies "It was the least i could do ... I was married to her for 45 years!"

Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing

and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."

A golfer and heaven

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?

Two guys are playing golf.

They're near a road.
One of the guys put a tee in the ground put his golfbal on it and takes his club.
He looks at his ball, begins to lift his club to make a swing when a f**... procession passes on the road.
The guy immediately stops what he's doing and takes a minute of silence untill the f**... procession has gone.
The other one is impressed and says to the guy:
"d**... that's some mark of respect you just showed there".
And the guy replies.
"That's normal. we were maried for 10 years after all."
Sorry for my english

A Drunk's Poem

Starkle, starkle, little t**...,
Who the h**... you are I think.
I'm not under what they call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep.
Tee martoonis make a guy
Fool so feelish, don't know why.
Rally don't know who's me yet
The drunker I stay the longer I get
So just one more to full my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up!

A guy goes golfing with a pal on Saturday morning.

When they're on the eighth hole, they see a f**... procession pass the golf course, at which point the guy stops, lowers his head for a few seconds, and then heads to the tee.
Whereupon his friend says, "That's so respectful. Here we are playing golf and you take a moment to pay your respects."
To which the guy responds, "Well, we had a great marriage."

One sunny Saturday morning...

Joe and his buddy Ryan decide to go golfing. Joe was setting up his tee when a f**... procession drove by on the nearby road. Joe immediately took off his hat, and stood perfectly still until the procession had passed. Ryan said "Joe, that's one of the most respectful things I've ever seen." Joe responds, "Well, we were married for 35 years after all."

A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."

A man asks a fortune teller what Heaven is like.

The fortune teller gazes into her crystal ball and says "Hmmm, I see good news and bad news. The good news is that Heaven has many golf courses and they are all incredibly beautiful".
"Great!" says the man. "What's the bad news?"
"You have an 8:30 tee time tomorrow morning".

Allergic

A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked what had happened, and he was informed that the woman had been stung by a bee and was having an allergic reaction.
"Where was she bit?" one of the players asked. "Between the first and second hole," was the reply.
The player responded, "Wow, she must have been standing right over the hive."

I have a tongue twister for all to try, I learnt this when I was a fifteen year old kid, I can still pull it off to a tee..

I'm not the Pheasant plucker, I'm the Pheasant pluckers mate.
I'm only plucking Pheasants because the Pheasant pluckers late.
Good Luck..

Two men are playing a round of golf.

The third tee is close to a road, and just as one of the players is about to tee off he sees a f**... cortège driving slowly by. He breaks his shot, lays down his club, takes off his cap and bows his head as the procession passes.
'Wow' says his friend, 'That was very respectful.'
'I suppose so' says the first man, 'Mind you, I was married to her for 40 years.'

2 guys are in ready to tee off on a par 5 and a f**... procession drives by.

One of the guys takes off his hat and holds it over his heart.
The other guy asks: Did you know that person?
Know her? I was married to her for 30 years.

Was out at a local golf course with a friend trying to get a full 18 in.

We get to the back 9. The tee box was right by the road. My friend was up to tee off when a f**... procession drives on by.
He stops, takes off his hat, placed it over his heart, and waited til the procession went by.
That was really respectful of you, I said.
It's the least I could do after 10 years of marriage, he replied.

Two friends were out golfing one morning.

One of them is just getting ready to tee off when he notices a f**... processing passing on the street adjacent to the golf course.
He stops mid swing, drops his club and takes off his hat, then begins to say a prayer. Once the procession passes, he puts his hat back on, picks up his club and is ready to continue.
That was the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed. It was incredibly touching on your part to take the time to say a prayer for the deceased. Says his friend.
Well, it's the least I can do. After all, we were married for 35 years.

Golf Joke

A man and his friend are playing golf one day at their local course. One of the men is about to tee off when he sees a f**... procession on the road next to the golf course. He pauses, removes his hat, and bows his head in prayer.
His friend says, Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen.
The man shrugs then replies, Yeah, well we *were* married for 35 years.

Two men were playing golf..

when the man about to tee off noticed a f**... procession moving down the road next to the golf course. He stopped, put his club away, took off his hat and waited respectfully for them the pass. "My friend that was a very decent and respectful gesture" his friend commented. "The least I could do, I was married to her for eighteen years after all"

Blind Golfers

One day out on a golf course, a team of policemen, firemen, and engineers were getting ready to tee off, when another team of all blind golfers, who never shot above par, asked if they could go first. The policemen said, "we're impressed that you can golf blind, sure go ahead." The firemen said, "your inspiration to keep doing what you enjoy even though you can't see. Sure, you can go." The engineers said, "can't you just golf at night?"

Four guys where getting ready to tee off on the 18th hole when a f**... procession started coming down the road...

...one of the men took off his hat and bowed his head. Another said, "Marty, that is the nicest gesture I have ever seen out of you." Marty replies, "It's the least I could do, we where married for 28 years."

Eight Iron

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "This shot in impossible an eight iron!"

A guy regains consciousness in hospital with a golf clup imbedded in his skull.

The doctor acked him if he can remember what happened.
"Well, I remember I was playing golf with my wife. She sliced her tee shot into the cow paddock next to the fairway. We looked for her ball for a while but couldn't find it. On the off-chance, I lifted a cows' tail, and sure enough there was a ball lodged there. I turned and said to my wife, 'honey, this looks like yours', next thing I know I'm in here..."

A golfer is playing golf by himself one Sunday morning. He comes to a par 3 that goes over a lake.

Dejectedly he takes an old scruffed up ball out of his bag and tees it up.
Suddenly he hears a loud , commanding voice from above say: TEE UP A NEW BALL.
He looks around surprised, then opens a brand new sleeve of Titleist and tees one up.
He hears the voice again: TAKE A PRACTICE SWING .
So he steps back and takes his best practice swing.
He hears the voice again: TEE UP AN OLD BALL.

Two golfers are ready to play on the 11th tee as a f**... cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes.

That was a really nice thing to do, the second golfer says. It's good to see there is still some respect in the world.
Well, it's only right, the first golfer replies. I was married to her for 35 years.

My wife demanded I wash her Hanukkah top.

But it's not my Jew tee.

Your mom is like Golden Tee

$0.25 per hole

You don't usually see casual rabbis

but I did see one the other day. He was in the menorah tee.

What is the direct competitor for Dungeons and Dragons?

Helmets and s**.... Tee hee.

Husband goes golfing every Saturday morning with the same f**....

But he's always home by 2 o'clock so his wife puts up with it.
This one Saturday, 2 o'clock comes and goes. Three, four, five; still not home.
Finally at 6 o'clock he comes staggering through the front door. He's dirty, he's sweaty, he looks totally exhausted.
His wife exclaims, Oh my God! What happened to you?
Honey, it was terrible! There we were on the first tee and Harry fell over dead from a heart attack.
That's terrible! she said.
Tell me! he says. All day long, it's take a shot, drag Harry! Take a shot, drag Harry!

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office

The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and its 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself, my goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain. So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said:
"Open your mouth, honey, and show him."

Having immigrated at 1 and been raised in Los Angeles

by two hard-working first generation Korean parents,
I still struggle with insecurities, some of which are
worsened by deeply ingrained Asian stereotypes from my past.
Just the other week, my Caucasian friend Jessie and I hit the links
and I tee off 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.
Then he tees off, and his ball hits
an 8 year old boy in the back of the head
\-- killing him instantly.
So I'm like "Oh. My. God.
Who's the bad driver now!?"

The Golf Cheat

Wife: Why are you hanging around the house so much? You used to be out on the golf course 3 or 4 times a week!
Husband: I don't have anyone to play golf with.
W: Why don't you play with Bob, you always used to?
H: Bob? HA!! Would you play with someone who demands retakes of every poor tee shot, kicks your ball into the rough when he thinks you're not looking, fudges his scorecard, and swears and throws his clubs when it's not going his way??
W: That's dreadful, of course not!!
H: Neither will Bob.

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.

He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"