Tee Jokes
79 tee jokes and hilarious tee puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tee that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find a good laugh in this collection of funny tee jokes all about the game of golf. From golf tee puns to funny tee shirt designs, you'll find jokes about a variety of tee-related topics, including the golf tee, tee box, tee ball, tee shirt, polo shirt, and tee pee. Enjoy a chuckle at the clubhouse!
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Funniest Tee Short Jokes
Short tee jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tee humour may include short polo jokes also.
- Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies? Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.
- "Do you think I'm good at golf, dad?" asked my son, before his tee shot. I said, "You've got a fairway to go yet."
- Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing... There were no casual tees.
- Why do soldiers have to wear such fancy uniforms? Because they don't allow civilian casual tees!
- I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers. Must've been the soccer tees.
- The police are investigating the recent shootout at a fancy downtown restaurant. There are no reports of casual tees.
- Did you hear about the tragedy at the Hipster company's work retreat? There were several hundred casual tees.
- What's the difference between a shirt and a corpse? One's a casualty and the other is a casual tee
- What did native Americans use to blow their nose? Their tee-pee
- Why did the midget wear a beach top? Because it was a shore tee.
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Tee One Liners
Which tee one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tee? I can suggest the ones about clubhouse and fairway.
- Why is the army so strict about their uniforms? To minimize casual tees...
- Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap. There were a lot of casual tees.
- What is the most common attire during WWII? Casual Tees
- What did the sunburnt manatee say? Man a tee shirt would be nice
- What beverage do golfers like to drink? Tee.
- What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart? 7 tees, 30 eggs
- A man opened fire in a clothing store there were reports of casual-tees.
- Why is the show called SpongeBob when... Patrick is the star. Hurr durr. Tee-hee.
- New business idea We sell cammo tshirts.
We call it "Casual tees of war"! - What kind of shirt do philosophers wear when kick the ball around? Soccer-tees
- What do Greek soccer players wear? Soccer tee's
- What do you call a book about a shirt? Novel-tee
- What do you call the offspring of a tuna and a manatee? An oppor-tuna-tee!
- What do you call a shirt missing its sleeves? An ampu-tee.
- Why Were the Police called to the GAP? .....they heard there were a couple of Casual-Tees
Tee Off Jokes
Here is a list of funny tee off jokes and even better tee off puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A guy wore a Hanukkah shirt to a Christmas party... He was in the Menorah Tee.
- What do you call a shirt that's LGBTQ+ Female underwear
Because they're Pan-Tees - Whats the difference between a supreme tee and Kevin Spacey? One of them is on teenage boys and the other is in teenage boys.
- My wife demanded I wash her Hanukkah top. But it's not my Jew tee.
- I get this rash whenever I wear tight t-shirts. I did some research and apparently it is called derma-tight-tees.
- Your mom is like Golden Tee $0.25 per hole
- A man walked into a thrift shop and couldn't bear to look There were too many casual tees
- You don't usually see casual rabbis but I did see one the other day. He was in the menorah tee.
- A woman gives her husband a cup of tea... And he notices it tastes like dirt.
Angry, he asks, what kind of tea is this?
Golf tee - Why couldn't the golfer sleep? Because he'd had 18 tees.
Golf Tee Jokes
Here is a list of funny golf tee jokes and even better golf tee puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is a King's favourite piece of Golf Equipment? His Royal Tee
Tee Shirt Jokes
Here is a list of funny tee shirt jokes and even better tee shirt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the worst kind of T-Shirt? A Casual Tee.
- Free Hong Kong Tee Shirts are okay I guess... I doubt that I'd ever *buy* one though
- What kind of shirt makes you feel free from harm A safe-Tee
- A tee-shirt idea For tourists in Virginia: "Congratulations on losing your Virginia-ty"
- What do you can a fat man in a white t-shirt? Man-in-a-tee
Howlingly Hilarious Tee Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about tee you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean par jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tee pranks.
Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee
He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."
The perfect shot.
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."
Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing
and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."
A golfer and heaven
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys are playing golf.
They're near a road.
One of the guys put a tee in the ground put his golfbal on it and takes his club.
He looks at his ball, begins to lift his club to make a swing when a f**... procession passes on the road.
The guy immediately stops what he's doing and takes a minute of silence untill the f**... procession has gone.
The other one is impressed and says to the guy:
"d**... that's some mark of respect you just showed there".
And the guy replies.
"That's normal. we were maried for 10 years after all."
Sorry for my english
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Drunk's Poem
Starkle, starkle, little t**...,
Who the h**... you are I think.
I'm not under what they call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep.
Tee martoonis make a guy
Fool so feelish, don't know why.
Rally don't know who's me yet
The drunker I stay the longer I get
So just one more to full my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up!
A man walks into a t-shirt store...
There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."
Allergic
A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked what had happened, and he was informed that the woman had been stung by a bee and was having an allergic reaction.
"Where was she bit?" one of the players asked. "Between the first and second hole," was the reply.
The player responded, "Wow, she must have been standing right over the hive."
I have a tongue twister for all to try, I learnt this when I was a fifteen year old kid, I can still pull it off to a tee..
I'm not the Pheasant plucker, I'm the Pheasant pluckers mate.
I'm only plucking Pheasants because the Pheasant pluckers late.
Good Luck..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 guys are in ready to tee off on a par 5 and a f**... procession drives by.
One of the guys takes off his hat and holds it over his heart.
The other guy asks: Did you know that person?
Know her? I was married to her for 30 years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two friends were out golfing one morning.
One of them is just getting ready to tee off when he notices a f**... processing passing on the street adjacent to the golf course.
He stops mid swing, drops his club and takes off his hat, then begins to say a prayer. Once the procession passes, he puts his hat back on, picks up his club and is ready to continue.
That was the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed. It was incredibly touching on your part to take the time to say a prayer for the deceased. Says his friend.
Well, it's the least I can do. After all, we were married for 35 years.
Blind Golfers
One day out on a golf course, a team of policemen, firemen, and engineers were getting ready to tee off, when another team of all blind golfers, who never shot above par, asked if they could go first. The policemen said, "we're impressed that you can golf blind, sure go ahead." The firemen said, "your inspiration to keep doing what you enjoy even though you can't see. Sure, you can go." The engineers said, "can't you just golf at night?"
Eight Iron
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "This shot in impossible an eight iron!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy regains consciousness in hospital with a golf clup imbedded in his skull.
The doctor acked him if he can remember what happened.
"Well, I remember I was playing golf with my wife. She sliced her tee shot into the cow paddock next to the fairway. We looked for her ball for a while but couldn't find it. On the off-chance, I lifted a cows' tail, and sure enough there was a ball lodged there. I turned and said to my wife, 'honey, this looks like yours', next thing I know I'm in here..."
A golfer is playing golf by himself one Sunday morning. He comes to a par 3 that goes over a lake.
Dejectedly he takes an old scruffed up ball out of his bag and tees it up.
Suddenly he hears a loud , commanding voice from above say: TEE UP A NEW BALL.
He looks around surprised, then opens a brand new sleeve of Titleist and tees one up.
He hears the voice again: TAKE A PRACTICE SWING .
So he steps back and takes his best practice swing.
He hears the voice again: TEE UP AN OLD BALL.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the direct competitor for Dungeons and Dragons?
Helmets and s**.... Tee hee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband goes golfing every Saturday morning with the same f**....
But he's always home by 2 o'clock so his wife puts up with it.
This one Saturday, 2 o'clock comes and goes. Three, four, five; still not home.
Finally at 6 o'clock he comes staggering through the front door. He's dirty, he's sweaty, he looks totally exhausted.
His wife exclaims, Oh my God! What happened to you?
Honey, it was terrible! There we were on the first tee and Harry fell over dead from a heart attack.
That's terrible! she said.
Tell me! he says. All day long, it's take a shot, drag Harry! Take a shot, drag Harry!
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office
The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and its 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself, my goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain. So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said:
"Open your mouth, honey, and show him."
Having immigrated at 1 and been raised in Los Angeles
by two hard-working first generation Korean parents,
I still struggle with insecurities, some of which are
worsened by deeply ingrained Asian stereotypes from my past.
Just the other week, my Caucasian friend Jessie and I hit the links
and I tee off 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.
Then he tees off, and his ball hits
an 8 year old boy in the back of the head
\-- killing him instantly.
So I'm like "Oh. My. God.
Who's the bad driver now!?"
The Golf Cheat
Wife: Why are you hanging around the house so much? You used to be out on the golf course 3 or 4 times a week!
Husband: I don't have anyone to play golf with.
W: Why don't you play with Bob, you always used to?
H: Bob? HA!! Would you play with someone who demands retakes of every poor tee shot, kicks your ball into the rough when he thinks you're not looking, fudges his scorecard, and swears and throws his clubs when it's not going his way??
W: That's dreadful, of course not!!
H: Neither will Bob.
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.
He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"
A man walks into a bar with 2 tee shirts on
The woman next to him asks him why he's wearing 2 tee shirts. He explains "It's something I like to do because of the 2 ts in my name Matt, so that's why I wear 2 tees, my brother Jimmy also snacks on M&Ms because of the 2 ms in his name". The woman sits there and smiles "Oh I get it, that's pretty interesting". The man proceeds to ask her name. "Oh I'm Maddie". The man stares at her puzzled for a second before the woman asks what's wrong. The man then responds "Well it doesn't really work for your name"
Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy are all golfing...
It's a par 5 and Moses hits his tee shot first and it lands in the fairway.
Jesus hits his tee shot also in the fairway but a little further than Moses's.
The old bearded guy steps up and shanks his tee shot way to the right. The ball bounces off a tree in to a pond where a turtle grabs the ball in his mouth spits it on to the green and a duck kicks it near the hole and a gust of wind puts the ball in the hole.
The old man starts walk toward the next hole like nothing happened when Moses says to Jesus angrily Jesus, I'm done golfing with your dad!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a toilet at a golf course?
A p**... teepee with TP at the tee.
What do you call a tee for a bus
Bustee
Went golfing with my Grandpa yesterday..
We were on the 12th hole and I hit my tee shot a bit to the left. When we got to my ball there was a big 40ft tree right in my way and I was just going to hit around it when my grandpa chimed in:
"Ya know, when I was your age I could hit it right up and over that tree"
Well not to be outdone my ego took over and I grabbed my 9 iron to hit it right over that tree. I took my shot and *THWACK* the ball hit dead center of the tree and bounced back 30 yards behind me. That's when he chimes in again:
"Of course when I was your age that tree was only 2 feet tall!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Morning s**...
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only
the tee shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks', and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, What was that all about?"
She explained, The egg timer's broken."
So Jesus and Moses go to play golf...
...and its the very first tee off. Jesus says to Moses, "Hey, I think I can make this first shot in one, right over the lake."
"Only Tiger Woods could make that shot." says Moses. So Jesus tries anyway, and his golf ball lands him right in the lake. So Moses parts the water, gives Jesus back his ball, and Jesus tries again.
"I can really do it this time" says Jesus, at which point Moses rolls his eyes..."only tiger woods has made that shot Jesus, I'm not parting the water for you again."
Jesus goes for it, and this time, the golf ball indeed lands straight in the lake. Jesus rolls his eyes, and just decides to walk on the water to retrieve his golf ball.
As he is gliding over the water, some golfers come over the hill and shout "Hey! Look at that guy walking on water! Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ???"
"No," says Moses, "he thinks he's Tiger Woods."
Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf.
Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the water trap but still lands in the water. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.
The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But just before it lands in the water a fish jumps out of the water and catches the ball in his mouth, then an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws, then the eagle flies over the green and is hit by a sudden bolt lightning and the eagle drops the fish.
When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of his mouth and rolls in for a hole in one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around we won't bring you next time!"
A preacher feigns illness one Sunday morning.
His weekly sermon goes untold as the preacher slips out the back door of his house and makes his way to the golf course, all alone, as everyone else is in church.
The preacher's first shot from tee sails beautifully, curves gently in the wind, as if by divine intervention, hits the green and rolls into the cup. It's the preacher's first ever hole-in-one. He's absolutely ecstatic about it.
St. Peter watched the whole thing from Heaven's gate. He turns to God. "I saw that," Peter tells God. "That wind wasn't natural. Why would you help him like that? He should be preaching your word right now, not hitting holes-in-ones."
God shrugs. "Who's he going to tell?"
2 guys are playing golf...
John tees off and makes it to the green. George steps up and sets a ball on the tee that looks unlike any ball John has ever seen so he asks, "whoa, what kind of ball is that?" "Oh, this ball is great" George replies, "if you hit it in the water it floats, if you hit it in a sandtrap it blinks, and if u hit it in the rough, it beeps... its great, you can't lose it!" ..."Wow, sounds awesome!" John says, "so where did you get it?"... George, getting ready to tee off says: "I found it".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The golfing f**...
Larry's wife dies during the week and above his buddies objections he decides to play in his regular Saturday golf game. He says he ought to get out for a bit, golfing is good therapy. As they are set to tee off on 16, which runs along a busy road, a f**... procession passes by. Larry takes off his hat and stands at attention as the f**... procession passes. "Larry, what are you doing?" Larry responds, "We were married for 26 years--at least I ought to show a little respect for the woman!"
A golfer is about to tee off
when his friend and a huge gorilla turn up . His friend asks if he would like to play 9 holes with his gorilla, intrigued, the guy agrees and he tees off, straight into the rough.The gorilla however hits a superb shot and lands it an inch from the hole, the golfer concedes the hole. Next hole, same thing, slices it into the rough, but the gorilla hits an amazing drive, less than a centimetre from the hole, the golfer once again concedes. This goes on until, intrigued once more, he asks his friend what the gorillas putting is like, "same as his driving" answers his friend.
A woman is golfing with some friends.
After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path to the second tee when she gets stung by a bee. She rushes the short distance back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor.
She bumps into the resident golf pro, who says, "What can I help you with?"
The woman tells him she's been stung by a bee.
The pro asks, "Oh really, where?"
The lady replies, "Between the first and second hole."
To that the golf pro states, "Well, first of all, your stance is way too wide."
The Incredible Golf Ball...:
Two Golfers were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball." He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "You can't lose it." His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!!" The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it." Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?" The man replies, "I found it." (Think about it ... it'll come to you :)
Deadly eight iron.
Two buddies were playing a round of golf and off the seventh tee Brian sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Brian shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"
