Teddy Jokes
72 teddy jokes and hilarious teddy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about teddy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest teddy jokes to make every day Teddy Day a hilarious one. From teddy bear picnics and Bearly Caine references to Bunny in the Fur jokes- these teddy jokes are sure to bring smiles and laughter to the whole family.
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Funniest Teddy Short Jokes
Short teddy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The teddy humour may include short stuffed bear jokes also.
- A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
- A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear Because he is unable to take a pooh
- A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant The waiter asks, Would you like anything? The bear responds, No, I'm stuffed.
- So my son asked me why his teddy bear didn't need to eat. I said why, he said Because he's stuffed.
- Difference between Romantic and Horror Movie After watching a romantic one, you look for your teddy to hug.
After watching a horror one, your teddy starts looking at you - If Teddy Roosevelt was still alive today, what would he be most famous for? Being really, really old.
- The Kennedys Everyone says Teddy kennedy was the big alcoholic of the family. But when you think about it, it was John who was taking shots in the middle of his own parade!
- What did the teddy bear say after blowing out the birthday candles? No thanks I'm stuffed!
- What would Theodore Roosevelt be called if he was a professional bodybuilder? Teddy Swolevelt.
Yes, I know it's awful, Just had to get it out of my head. - What's the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night? Beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
Horror night is...
when your teddy bear hugs you BACK.
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Teddy One Liners
Which teddy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with teddy? I can suggest the ones about pooh bear and bunny.
- People often ask what I do at the teddy bear factory. Just stuff.
- Why are teddy bears never hungry? They're stuffed.
- Why didn't my teddy bear get invited to Thanksgiving? He 's already stuffed!
- Why couldn't the teddy bear smell? Because his nose was stuffed
- What did the teddy bear say after it finished eating dinner? I'm stuffed
- What did the cannibalistic teddy eat for Christmas? Stuffing.
- What are teddy bear poops called? Fleeces
- I told my teddy bear it was cute. it plushed.
- What is a teddy bears favorite food... Stuffing.
- What do an aggressive teddy bear and this joke have in common? The punch is pretty weak
- How did the Space Teddy Bear cross the road? Ewoked.
- How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go. - What do you call a teddy bear that cant eat any more? Stuffed!
- When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
- How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? They use bear conditioning!
Teddy Bear Jokes
Here is a list of funny teddy bear jokes and even better teddy bear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's my cake day.. why couldn't the Teddy Bear finish his cake? He was already stuffed!!
Haha
Sorry it's so cheese. - I recently purchased a teddy bear for £10 And named it Mohammed, then sold it for £20.
My question is.....have I made a Prophet? - One of my family members has a red eye and is a black and white teddy bear... He is my Dangangrandpa
- A man asks a teddy bear if he would like some food. Teddy bear : Nah thanks I'm a little stuffed......
I'll see myself out. - 3 teddy bears sitting in airing cupboard which one is in the army? The one sitting on the tank.
- Why did Julius Caesar stop pretending that his teddy bear was Emperor of Rome? Because it was Teddius.
- What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
Tagliateddy. - How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts. - What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear . - Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
Teddy Roosevelt Jokes
Here is a list of funny teddy roosevelt jokes and even better teddy roosevelt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
He was a rough rider!
Comical & Quirky Teddy Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about teddy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stuffed animal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make teddy pranks.
Kid runs away from home
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, 'I'm running away from home!'.
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. 'What if you get hungry?', he said.
'Then I'll come home and eat!', bravely declared the child. ' And what if you run out of money?'.
'I will come home and get some!', readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, 'What if your clothes get dirty?'.
'Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them.', was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!'.
[My favorite] So the parents call in a babysitter
She arrives to find the boy she is to take care of crying. Bending down she ask the boy "what's wrong?" the boy then responds "I lost my teddy bear" "Oh i can be your teddy bear" she replies and, the boy agrees. The parents leave and, time passes. "Bedtime!" the boy responds "but, I cant sleep with out my teddy" "OK ill sleep together with you". With the bed sheets covering both of the the boy says "I like to put my finger in teddys' bellybutton" "OK"..... a while passes the babysitter exclaims "UM .. UM that's not my bellybutton" the boy smiles " that's not my finger"
Teddy Bears
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."
Top Ten Worst Pickup Lines
10. You remind me so much of Pokemon that I just want to pick-at-choo.
9. I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?
8. I misplaced my Teddy Bear. Will you sleep with me?
7. Wow, your legs must be really tired because you have been running through my mind all night!
6. What's that in your eye? Oh, it must be a twinkle from when our eyes met!
5. Did you clean your pants with Windex, because I can totally see myself in them.
4. Those must be space pants, because your legs are outta this world.
3. Hi, my name is Justin… Justin Credible.
2. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but can still make your Bedrock.
1. Is your name Visa, because you're everywhere I want to be.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of my female friends said that she thinks of me like a teddy bear
because the only people who would want to have s**... with me are mentally unstable.
OC: I have a small collection of Teddy Bears and crosses.
I keep it by the freeway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... positions
My favourite s**... position is the Teddy Kennedy.
That's where she drowns in it and I quickly leave the scene.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the i**... competition?
Teddy Cruz entered his sister.
Two guys from the 50's
Two guys from the 50's were talking out front of one's house.
The first neighbor says to the other, " what do you think of that new family, the Petrov's?"
The second neighbor looks at him and replies, " I don't know if they're commies Teddy, but they sure do raise a lot of red flags."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a Teddy Bear Smokes w**.......
....Does He Get Cotton Mouth?
Hi Theodore, how you doin this morning?
Hi, I actually prefer Teddy.
Ok there Theo.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The farmers triplets
A farmer has triplets, and they're getting ready for prom night. The first date arrives, and in r**... tradition, the farmer greets him with a shotgun in hand. The boy tells the farmer, "My name is Teddy, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to get spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer looks the boy over, and then calls Betty to go with him.
The second date arrives, and greeted by shotgun, nervously states, "My name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're gonna see a show, can she go?" The farmer thinks for a moment, then lets Flo go with Joe.
The night's third suitor rings the bell. He says "My name is Chuck-" and the farmer shoots him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend and I have our childhood teddy bears that we put into s**... positions. I told her we should try to do things that we make them do.
Today, she came back from the toy store with a bunch of black bears...
The son wanna date a neighbour
\- Dad, can I date Lisa next door?
\- No, she is your sister.
\- How about Anna in block 59?
\- No, she is your little sister.
\- Ok, this is weird. How about Karen the waitress? Can I date her or is she my sister too?
\- No, she is your brother.
The upset son goes tell his mother about what his dad said.
The mother gentlely comforts him:
\- You can date whoever you want, teddy bear. You are not his son.
Once Seth low & Seth Teddy visited a town
Where there was a race(marathon) , they participated & it was a tie between both of them , they both divided the prize amount & went on their way.
When the local newspaper heard about them winning , they divided to write an article about it, the only problem was they didn't know their first names.
So the next day's newspaper read "S.low & S.teddy win the race"
Our daughter wants us to set a place at our Thanksgiving dinner table, for her teddy bear, Theodore. She promises he won't eat very much.
She said he has been eating a lot lately, and is already stuffed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
up on the oil rigs
so these two albertans, jordan and teddy, are working away up north, on a long stint. jordan says "hey teddy, whats the first thing you're gonna do when you get home" and teddy replies "I'm gonna go straight upstairs and tear off my wifes p**...!" and jordan says "oh yeah??" and teddy replies "yeah man they are really chafing me, right here".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When a man is poor and fat, he's a fat a**.... When a man is rich and fat, he's:
My cute chubby teddy bear
