The Best 44 Teddy Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Teddy jokes. There are some teddy teddy bears jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these teddy mickey puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Teddy Jokes and Puns

Kid runs away from home

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, 'I'm running away from home!'.

The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. 'What if you get hungry?', he said.

'Then I'll come home and eat!', bravely declared the child. ' And what if you run out of money?'.

'I will come home and get some!', readily replied the child.

The man then made a final attempt, 'What if your clothes get dirty?'.

'Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them.', was the reply.

The man shook his head and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!'.

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

One of my female friends said that she thinks of me like a teddy bear

because the only people who would want to have sex with me are mentally unstable.

Teddy joke, One of my female friends said that she thinks of me like a teddy bear

I recently bought a teddy bear named Muhammad...

for $10. And a week later, sold it for $20. The question is, did I make a Prophet?

Why couldn't the teddy bear smell?

Because his nose was stuffed

I recently purchased a teddy bear for £10

And named it Mohammed, then sold it for £20.
My question is.....have I made a Prophet?

The Kennedys

Everyone says Teddy Kennedy was the big alcoholic of the family. But when you think about it, it was John who was taking shots in the middle of his own parade!

Teddy joke, The Kennedys

What do you call a teddy bear that cant eat any more?


A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?"

The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."

Difference between Romantic and Horror Movie

After watching a romantic one, you look for your teddy to hug.
After watching a horror one, your teddy starts looking at you

What do an aggressive teddy bear and this joke have in common?

The punch is pretty weak

You can explore teddy bunny reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean teddy charlie dad jokes. There are also teddy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

sexual positions

My favourite sexual position is the Teddy Kennedy.

That's where she drowns in it and I quickly leave the scene.

Why don't teddy bears eat?

They're already always stuffed

Why couldn't the Teddy Bear eat?

Because it was stuffed

Why didn't my teddy bear get invited to Thanksgiving?

He 's already stuffed!

What is a teddy bears favorite food...


Teddy joke, What is a teddy bears favorite food...

What would Theodore Roosevelt be called if he was a professional bodybuilder?

Teddy Swolevelt.

Yes, I know it's awful, Just had to get it out of my head.

Two guys from the 50's

Two guys from the 50's were talking out front of one's house.
The first neighbor says to the other, " what do you think of that new family, the Petrov's?"
The second neighbor looks at him and replies, " I don't know if they're commies Teddy, but they sure do raise a lot of red flags."

People often ask what I do at the teddy bear factory.

Just stuff.

What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake?

No thanks, I'm stuffed

What are teddy bear poops called?


Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert?

Because they're always stuffed.

My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear and she asked, Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?

In my best bear voice, I replied, No thanks, I'm stuffed!"

Why did the teddy bear turn down a slice of cake

Because it was stuffed

What did the teddy bear say after he felt full?

I'm stuffed

Why are teddy bears never hungry.

They are always stuffed!

What did the teddy bear say after it finished eating dinner?

I'm stuffed

A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear

Because he is unable to take a pooh

Why wasn't the teddy bear hungry?

He was already stuffed!

A constipated man robs a toy store

He proceeds to take everything from the store, accept for the teddy bears.

Why did he not take the bears?

He couldn't take a Pooh.

My girlfriend and I have our childhood teddy bears that we put into sexual positions. I told her we should try to do things that we make them do.

Today, she came back from the toy store with a bunch of black bears...

The son wanna date a neighbour

\- Dad, can I date Lisa next door?

\- No, she is your sister.

\- How about Anna in block 59?

\- No, she is your little sister.

\- Ok, this is weird. How about Karen the waitress? Can I date her or is she my sister too?

\- No, she is your brother.

The upset son goes tell his mother about what his dad said.

The mother gentlely comforts him:

\- You can date whoever you want, teddy bear. You are not his son.

How did the Space Teddy Bear cross the road?


If Teddy Roosevelt was still alive today, what would he be most famous for?

Being really, really old.

I told my teddy bear it was cute.

it plushed.

What did the cannibalistic teddy eat for Christmas?


Our daughter wants us to set a place at our Thanksgiving dinner table, for her teddy bear, Theodore. She promises he won't eat very much.

She said he has been eating a lot lately, and is already stuffed

What did the teddy bear say after blowing out the birthday candles?

No thanks I'm stuffed!

A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant

The waiter asks, Would you like anything? The bear responds, No, I'm stuffed.

Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his brithday cake?

He was already stuffed.

up on the oil rigs

so these two albertans, jordan and teddy, are working away up north, on a long stint. jordan says "hey teddy, whats the first thing you're gonna do when you get home" and teddy replies "I'm gonna go straight upstairs and tear off my wifes panties!" and jordan says "oh yeah??" and teddy replies "yeah man they are really chafing me, right here".

What's the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night?

Beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep.

Horror night is...

when your teddy bear hugs you BACK.

So my son asked me why his teddy bear didn't need to eat. I said why, he said

Because he's stuffed.

It's my cake day.. why couldn't the Teddy Bear finish his cake?

He was already stuffed!!
Sorry it's so cheese.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the teddy bick jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working teddy doll piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes