Teddy Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?"

The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."

A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear

Because he is unable to take a pooh

People often ask what I do at the teddy bear factory.

Just stuff.

Kid runs away from home

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, 'I'm running away from home!'.


The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. 'What if you get hungry?', he said.



'Then I'll come home and eat!', bravely declared the child. ' And what if you run out of money?'.


'I will come home and get some!', readily replied the child.


The man then made a final attempt, 'What if your clothes get dirty?'.


'Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them.', was the reply.


The man shook his head and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!'.

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

My girlfriend and I have our childhood teddy bears that we put into sexual positions. I told her we should try to do things that we make them do.

Today, she came back from the toy store with a bunch of black bears...

A farmer has triplets, and they're getting ready for prom night

.
The first date arrives, and in redneck tradition, the farmer greets him with a shotgun in hand. The boy tells the farmer, "My name is Teddy, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to get spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer looks the boy over, and then calls Betty to go with him.

The second date arrives, and greeted by shotgun, nervously states, "My name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're gonna see a show, can she go?" The farmer thinks for a moment, then lets Flo go with Joe.

The night's third suitor rings the bell. He says "My name is Chuck-" and the farmer shoots him.

Sensitive men do exist

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they're lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks,
smiling,

"Well, how was it for you?"

The guy says:

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

One my 5 yr old told me: why didn't my teddy bear get invited to thanksgiving?

He 's already stuffed!

Top Ten Worst Pickup Lines



10. You remind me so much of Pokemon that I just want to pick-at-choo.

9. I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?

8. I misplaced my Teddy Bear. Will you sleep with me?

7. Wow, your legs must be really tired because you have been running through my mind all night!

6. What's that in your eye? Oh, it must be a twinkle from when our eyes met!

5. Did you clean your pants with Windex, because I can totally see myself in them.

4. Those must be space pants, because your legs are outta this world.

3. Hi, my name is Justin… Justin Credible.

2. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but can still make your Bedrock.

1. Is your name Visa, because you're everywhere I want to be.

Why couldn't the teddy bear smell?

Because his nose was stuffed

Difference between Romantic and Horror Movie

After watching a romantic one, you look for your teddy to hug.
After watching a horror one, your teddy starts looking at you

Two guys from the 50's

Two guys from the 50's were talking out front of one's house.
The first neighbor says to the other, " what do you think of that new family, the Petrov's?"
The second neighbor looks at him and replies, " I don't know if they're commies Teddy, but they sure do raise a lot of red flags."

Why couldn't the Teddy Bear eat?

Because it was stuffed

The Kennedys

Everyone says Teddy Kennedy was the big alcoholic of the family. But when you think about it, it was John who was taking shots in the middle of his own parade!

What did the teddy bear say after it finished eating dinner?

I'm stuffed

What are teddy bear poops called?

Fleeces

A constipated man robs a toy store

He proceeds to take everything from the store, accept for the teddy bears.

Why did he not take the bears?

He couldn't take a Pooh.

What is a teddy bears favorite food...

Stuffing.

My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear and she asked, Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?

In my best bear voice, I replied, No thanks, I'm stuffed!"

What did the teddy bear say after he felt full?

I'm stuffed

Why are teddy bears never hungry.

They are always stuffed!

I recently purchased a teddy bear for Β£10

And named it Mohammed, then sold it for Β£20.
My question is.....have I made a Prophet?

What would Theodore Roosevelt be called if he was a professional bodybuilder?

Teddy Swolevelt.








Yes, I know it's awful, Just had to get it out of my head.

Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert?

Because they're always stuffed.

What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake?

No thanks, I'm stuffed

The farmers triplets

A farmer has triplets, and they're getting ready for prom night. The first date arrives, and in redneck tradition, the farmer greets him with a shotgun in hand. The boy tells the farmer, "My name is Teddy, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to get spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer looks the boy over, and then calls Betty to go with him.
The second date arrives, and greeted by shotgun, nervously states, "My name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're gonna see a show, can she go?" The farmer thinks for a moment, then lets Flo go with Joe.
The night's third suitor rings the bell. He says "My name is Chuck-" and the farmer shoots him.

Why wasn't the teddy bear hungry?

He was already stuffed!

So a teddy bear got a job at a mine...

Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear, and that teddy bear got a job at a mine.

On his first day there, he got up in the morning, grabbed his pick, and did a good day of mining, then he went to sleep.

The next day, he got up, grabbed his pick, and did an even BETTER day of mining, then he went to sleep.

On his third day though, he got up in the morning, and his pick was nowhere to be found! He searched and searched and searched, but he could not find it anywhere! In fact, he wasted a whole day searching before he gave up and visited the foreman of the mine. When he asked his pick, the foreman looked at him and said Oh don't you know? Today's the day the teddy bears get their picks nicked!

(Sorry if this has been posted before, I was compiling all of my favourite jokes and I though you guys might like this one)

[My favorite] So the parents call in a babysitter

She arrives to find the boy she is to take care of crying. Bending down she ask the boy "what's wrong?" the boy then responds "I lost my teddy bear" "Oh i can be your teddy bear" she replies and, the boy agrees. The parents leave and, time passes. "Bedtime!" the boy responds "but, I cant sleep with out my teddy" "OK ill sleep together with you". With the bed sheets covering both of the the boy says "I like to put my finger in teddys' bellybutton" "OK"..... a while passes the babysitter exclaims "UM .. UM that's not my bellybutton" the boy smiles " that's not my finger"

What do an aggressive teddy bear and this joke have in common?

The punch is pretty weak

Why don't teddy bears eat?

They're already always stuffed

Why did the teddy bear turn down a slice of cake

Because it was stuffed

sexual positions

My favourite sexual position is the Teddy Kennedy.

That's where she drowns in it and I quickly leave the scene.

What do you call a teddy bear that cant eat any more?

Stuffed!

I recently bought a teddy bear named Muhammad...

for $10. And a week later, sold it for $20. The question is, did I make a Prophet?

Why do you never see a Teddy bear ordering dessert?

Cus they are always stuffed.

Why don't you feed your teddy bear?

Because it's always stuffed.

One of my female friends said that she thinks of me like a teddy bear

because the only people who would want to have sex with me are mentally unstable.

If a Teddy Bear Smokes Weed....

....Does He Get Cotton Mouth?

What are the funniest teddy jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Teddy? Well, here are the best Teddy puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Teddy pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes