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Teddy Bear Jokes

84 teddy bear jokes and hilarious teddy bear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about teddy bear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Teddy Bear Short Jokes

Short teddy bear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The teddy bear humour may include short teddy jokes also.

  1. A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
  2. A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear Because he is unable to take a pooh
  3. A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant The waiter asks, Would you like anything? The bear responds, No, I'm stuffed.
  4. So my son asked me why his teddy bear didn't need to eat. I said why, he said Because he's stuffed.
  5. What did the teddy bear say after blowing out the birthday candles? No thanks I'm stuffed!
  6. A constipated man robs a toy store He proceeds to take everything from the store, accept for the teddy bears.
    Why did he not take the bears?
    He couldn't take a Pooh.
  7. What's the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night? Beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
    Horror night is...
    when your teddy bear hugs you BACK.
  8. It's my cake day.. why couldn't the Teddy Bear finish his cake? He was already stuffed!!
    Haha
    Sorry it's so cheese.
  9. My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear and she asked, Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear? In my best bear voice, I replied, No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
  10. What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake? No thanks, I'm stuffed

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Teddy Bear One Liners

Which teddy bear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with teddy bear? I can suggest the ones about stuffed bear and stuffed animal.

  1. People often ask what I do at the teddy bear factory. Just stuff.
  2. Why are teddy bears never hungry? They're stuffed.
  3. Why was the teddy bear never hungry? Because he was always stuffed
  4. Why didn't my teddy bear get invited to Thanksgiving? He 's already stuffed!
  5. Why couldn't the teddy bear smell? Because his nose was stuffed
  6. Q. Why couldn't the teddy bear eat his dessert?
    A. Cause he was stuffed.
  7. Why couldn't the Teddy Bear eat? Because it was stuffed
  8. What did the teddy bear say after it finished eating dinner? I'm stuffed
  9. Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his brithday cake? He was already stuffed.
  10. What are teddy bear poops called? Fleeces
  11. What did the teddy bear have for dinner? Nothing he was stuffed
  12. I told my teddy bear it was cute. it plushed.
  13. What is a teddy bears favorite food... Stuffing.
  14. Why are teddy bears never hungry. They are always stuffed!
  15. What did the teddy bear say after he felt full? I'm stuffed

Happy Teddy Bear Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about teddy bear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pooh bear jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make teddy bear pranks.

Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"

Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"

Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"

Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.


They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”

When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.

When Chuck Norris eats teddy grahams, he craps out grizzly bears.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.

What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear .

How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts.

What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
Tagliateddy.

How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.

How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? They use bear conditioning!

So a teddy bear got a job at a mine...

Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear, and that teddy bear got a job at a mine.
On his first day there, he got up in the morning, grabbed his pick, and did a good day of mining, then he went to sleep.
The next day, he got up, grabbed his pick, and did an even BETTER day of mining, then he went to sleep.
On his third day though, he got up in the morning, and his pick was nowhere to be found! He searched and searched and searched, but he could not find it anywhere! In fact, he wasted a whole day searching before he gave up and visited the foreman of the mine. When he asked his pick, the foreman looked at him and said Oh don't you know? Today's the day the teddy bears get their picks nicked!
(Sorry if this has been posted before, I was compiling all of my favourite jokes and I though you guys might like this one)

Kid runs away from home

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, 'I'm running away from home!'.
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. 'What if you get hungry?', he said.
'Then I'll come home and eat!', bravely declared the child. ' And what if you run out of money?'.
'I will come home and get some!', readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, 'What if your clothes get dirty?'.
'Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them.', was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!'.

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

One of my female friends said that she thinks of me like a teddy bear

because the only people who would want to have s**... with me are mentally unstable.

I recently bought a teddy bear named Muhammad...

for $10. And a week later, sold it for $20. The question is, did I make a Prophet?

What did the teddy bear say after dinner?

Im stuffed

I recently purchased a teddy bear for £10

And named it Mohammed, then sold it for £20.
My question is.....have I made a Prophet?

What do you call a teddy bear that cant eat any more?

Stuffed!

Why do you never see a Teddy bear ordering dessert?

Cus they are always stuffed.

Why did the teddy bear leave the restaurant?

He was stuffed.

Why did the witch blush?

Because she saw the teddy bear

Why did Julius Caesar stop pretending that his teddy bear was Emperor of Rome?

Because it was Teddius.

What do an aggressive teddy bear and this joke have in common?

The punch is pretty weak

Why don't teddy bears eat?

They're already always stuffed

Fat people like having a teddy bear at the table.

The bear is always stuffed.

If a Teddy Bear Smokes w**.......

....Does He Get Cotton Mouth?

3 teddy bears sitting in airing cupboard which one is in the army?

The one sitting on the tank.

Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert?

Because they're always stuffed.

Why did the teddy bear turn down a slice of cake

Because it was stuffed

Why don't you feed your teddy bear?

Because it's always stuffed.

Why wasn't the teddy bear hungry?

He was already stuffed!

My girlfriend and I have our childhood teddy bears that we put into s**... positions. I told her we should try to do things that we make them do.

Today, she came back from the toy store with a bunch of black bears...

Why do Teddy bears never eat?

Because they are always stuffed.

A man asks a teddy bear if he would like some food.

Teddy bear : Nah thanks I'm a little stuffed......
I'll see myself out.

One of my family members has a red eye and is a black and white teddy bear...

He is my Dangangrandpa

The son wanna date a neighbour

\- Dad, can I date Lisa next door?
\- No, she is your sister.
\- How about Anna in block 59?
\- No, she is your little sister.
\- Ok, this is weird. How about Karen the waitress? Can I date her or is she my sister too?
\- No, she is your brother.
The upset son goes tell his mother about what his dad said.
The mother gentlely comforts him:
\- You can date whoever you want, teddy bear. You are not his son.

How did the Space Teddy Bear cross the road?

Ewoked.

Our daughter wants us to set a place at our Thanksgiving dinner table, for her teddy bear, Theodore. She promises he won't eat very much.

She said he has been eating a lot lately, and is already stuffed

Did you hear about the h**... that's owned and operated by bears?

There are some big ole Teddies in there

Why didn't the teddy bear eat dessert?

**He was stuffed.**

When a man is poor and fat, he's a fat a**.... When a man is rich and fat, he's:

My cute chubby teddy bear

jokes about teddy bear