Teddy Bear Jokes
65 teddy bear jokes and hilarious teddy bear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about teddy bear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Teddy Bear Short Jokes
Short teddy bear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The teddy bear humour may include short teddy jokes also.
- A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
- A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear Because he is unable to take a pooh
- A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant The waiter asks, Would you like anything? The bear responds, No, I'm stuffed.
- So my son asked me why his teddy bear didn't need to eat. I said why, he said Because he's stuffed.
- What did the teddy bear say after blowing out the birthday candles? No thanks I'm stuffed!
- What's the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night? Beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
Horror night is...
when your teddy bear hugs you BACK. - It's my cake day.. why couldn't the Teddy Bear finish his cake? He was already stuffed!!
Haha
Sorry it's so cheese. - I recently purchased a teddy bear for £10 And named it Mohammed, then sold it for £20.
My question is.....have I made a Prophet? - One of my family members has a red eye and is a black and white teddy bear... He is my Dangangrandpa
- A man asks a teddy bear if he would like some food. Teddy bear : Nah thanks I'm a little stuffed......
I'll see myself out.
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Teddy Bear One Liners
Which teddy bear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with teddy bear? I can suggest the ones about stuffed bear and stuffed animal.
- People often ask what I do at the teddy bear factory. Just stuff.
- Why are teddy bears never hungry? They're stuffed.
- Why didn't my teddy bear get invited to Thanksgiving? He 's already stuffed!
- Why couldn't the teddy bear smell? Because his nose was stuffed
- What did the teddy bear say after it finished eating dinner? I'm stuffed
- What are teddy bear poops called? Fleeces
- I told my teddy bear it was cute. it plushed.
- What is a teddy bears favorite food... Stuffing.
- What do an aggressive teddy bear and this joke have in common? The punch is pretty weak
- How did the Space Teddy Bear cross the road? Ewoked.
- How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go. - What do you call a teddy bear that cant eat any more? Stuffed!
- When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
- How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? They use bear conditioning!
- What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
Tagliateddy.
Happy Teddy Bear Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about teddy bear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pooh bear jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make teddy bear pranks.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club.
He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a bl*wjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too f*ckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
When Chuck Norris eats teddy grahams, he craps out grizzly bears.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear .
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sensitive men do exist
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot s**... love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they're lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks,
smiling,
"Well, how was it for you?"
The guy says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
So a teddy bear got a job at a mine...
Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear, and that teddy bear got a job at a mine.
On his first day there, he got up in the morning, grabbed his pick, and did a good day of mining, then he went to sleep.
The next day, he got up, grabbed his pick, and did an even BETTER day of mining, then he went to sleep.
On his third day though, he got up in the morning, and his pick was nowhere to be found! He searched and searched and searched, but he could not find it anywhere! In fact, he wasted a whole day searching before he gave up and visited the foreman of the mine. When he asked his pick, the foreman looked at him and said Oh don't you know? Today's the day the teddy bears get their picks nicked!
(Sorry if this has been posted before, I was compiling all of my favourite jokes and I though you guys might like this one)
Kid runs away from home
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, 'I'm running away from home!'.
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. 'What if you get hungry?', he said.
'Then I'll come home and eat!', bravely declared the child. ' And what if you run out of money?'.
'I will come home and get some!', readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, 'What if your clothes get dirty?'.
'Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them.', was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!'.
[My favorite] So the parents call in a babysitter
She arrives to find the boy she is to take care of crying. Bending down she ask the boy "what's wrong?" the boy then responds "I lost my teddy bear" "Oh i can be your teddy bear" she replies and, the boy agrees. The parents leave and, time passes. "Bedtime!" the boy responds "but, I cant sleep with out my teddy" "OK ill sleep together with you". With the bed sheets covering both of the the boy says "I like to put my finger in teddys' bellybutton" "OK"..... a while passes the babysitter exclaims "UM .. UM that's not my bellybutton" the boy smiles " that's not my finger"
Teddy Bears
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."
Top Ten Worst Pickup Lines
10. You remind me so much of Pokemon that I just want to pick-at-choo.
9. I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?
8. I misplaced my Teddy Bear. Will you sleep with me?
7. Wow, your legs must be really tired because you have been running through my mind all night!
6. What's that in your eye? Oh, it must be a twinkle from when our eyes met!
5. Did you clean your pants with Windex, because I can totally see myself in them.
4. Those must be space pants, because your legs are outta this world.
3. Hi, my name is Justin… Justin Credible.
2. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but can still make your Bedrock.
1. Is your name Visa, because you're everywhere I want to be.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of my female friends said that she thinks of me like a teddy bear
because the only people who would want to have s**... with me are mentally unstable.
OC: I have a small collection of Teddy Bears and crosses.
I keep it by the freeway.
Why did the witch blush?
Because she saw the teddy bear
Why did Julius Caesar stop pretending that his teddy bear was Emperor of Rome?
Because it was Teddius.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a Teddy Bear Smokes w**.......
....Does He Get Cotton Mouth?
3 teddy bears sitting in airing cupboard which one is in the army?
The one sitting on the tank.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend and I have our childhood teddy bears that we put into s**... positions. I told her we should try to do things that we make them do.
Today, she came back from the toy store with a bunch of black bears...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and a woman go out for dinner. They have a great time and decide to go back to her apartment.
Since this is his first time in the apartment, the woman decides to give him a tour. They go throughout the apartment and the tour ends in the bedroom. When in the bedroom the man notices that there are 3 shelves filled with stuffed animals on the wall. The top shelf has itty bitty animals. The middle shelf has normal sized teddy bears and the bottom shelf has gigantic stuffed animals. One thing leads to another and they end up having s**....
After they finish the man rolls over to look at her.
How was it? He asks.
She thinks for a second and reply's, Go take a teddy bear from the middle shelf
The son wanna date a neighbour
\- Dad, can I date Lisa next door?
\- No, she is your sister.
\- How about Anna in block 59?
\- No, she is your little sister.
\- Ok, this is weird. How about Karen the waitress? Can I date her or is she my sister too?
\- No, she is your brother.
The upset son goes tell his mother about what his dad said.
The mother gentlely comforts him:
\- You can date whoever you want, teddy bear. You are not his son.
Our daughter wants us to set a place at our Thanksgiving dinner table, for her teddy bear, Theodore. She promises he won't eat very much.
She said he has been eating a lot lately, and is already stuffed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the h**... that's owned and operated by bears?
There are some big ole Teddies in there
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When a man is poor and fat, he's a fat a**.... When a man is rich and fat, he's:
My cute chubby teddy bear
