Technology Jokes

Following is our collection of technicians humor and yo mama technology one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Technology puns for adults, dirty knock knock technology jokes or clean technologies gags for kids.

There is an abundance of ios jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 59 funniest jokes on technology. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any device witze you can hear about technology.

The Best jokes about Technology

President Obama visits the Pentagon...

President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.

A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"

Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."

My grandpa said "your life revolves too much around technology.

Then I said, "no, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.

I was talking to my grandfather

When he said
"your generation relies too much on technology"
I then said
" no grandpa yours does"
Then I unplugged his life support.

Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.

In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.

A married couple is having a baby...

As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.


So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...

Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

Your generation relies too much on technology.

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

"Your generation is too reliant on technology," my grandfather said to me.

"No, YOUR generation is too reliant on technology!" I said as I pulled the plug of his life support in order to further prove my point.

I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology...

... The biggest difference is that the phrase "my server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.

I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."

My Grandfather told me my generation is to reliant on technology.

I told him, "no Grandpa, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.


My Grandpa said, " Your generation relies too much on technology. I'm doing you a favor" as he tossed my phone into the toilet.

I laughed, and replied "No Grandpa, but yours does," as I unplugged his life support.

Technology has ruined our kids

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "

A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...

...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.

He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.

"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"

Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn't tried wiping their but with an IPad.

I bought a new set of Electric Garden Trimmers.

They're cutting-hedge technology.

New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop

I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

A mans wife was in labor when the doctor said...

You know, there is an experimental technology that can transfer your pain to the father, but he will feel the pain 10 times as much

The husband, seeing his wife in pain hurt him too much and said, Do it. I'm strong enough

The doctor then did it, and the man didn't feel a thing, which the doctor found odd.

Later, the couple came home, and found their mailman, on their driveway, dead.

Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space

Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.

**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.

**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.

**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.


Knives are extremely advanced

They are all cutting edge technology

It's really nice to see Churches embrace internet technology during this pandemic.

Our priest even bought my son his own Webcam.

Ain't that the truth

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Next Battlefield map set in Nepal.

It's made using groundbreaking technology.

What do you call an innovation in scissors?

Cutting-edge technology

My girlfriend complained that there should be more women in technology

So I put her in my new smart fridge

Did you hear about the man who spent his whole life trying to perfect cloning technology?

When it finally happened, he was beside himself.

The technology behind whiteboards is remarkable.

Salary

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Obsolete Technologies

A man is sitting in a recliner watching television when he asks his wife to pass the newspaper.

She starts barking at him,"Why don't you learn how to use this iPad? You're never going to get better at technology if you don't start using it for some of the simple things."

Considering his lovely angel's request, the man shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, why not."

A second later... SMASH!!!

That fuckin' spider never even saw it coming.


props to /u/mongreloid , with minor editing from myself

Whoever said technology will replace paper

..has obviously never tried to wipe their ass with an iPad!

My grandfather told me that teenagers have become so lazy because of technology.

"They're not the only ones," I said, looking at his mobility scooter.

What do you call a major advancement made by an emo?

Cutting edge technology.

I wish dicks were more like technology

So I could brag about how small mine is

Difference between I.T and management

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, Excuse me, can you tell me where I am? The man below says: Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field. You must work in Information Technology, says the balloonist. I do replies the man. How did you know? Well, says the balloonist, everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone. The man below replies, You must work in management. I do, replies the balloonist, But how'd you know? Well , says the man, you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault.

Yesterday, I had a problem with my computer so I called Eric...

Yesterday, I had a problem with my computer so I called Eric, a friend of mine who is very skilled with technology.

He solved the problem quickly and easily. As he was leaving, I asked him what the problem was. He replied that the issue was an "ID ten T" error.

I didn't want to appear stupid, but I enquired "What is an 'ID ten T' error?"
He replied "Write it down, I think you'll figure it out."

I wrote it down: ID10T

I used to like Eric.

My grandpa told me, "You millennials are too dependent on technology...

.. so I plugged out his life support

$125,000

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.

"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"

His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to invent them!"

Reaching the end of a job interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it.

What's the difference between a car salesman and a technology salesman?

The car salesman knows he is lying.

So I was visiting my elderly neighbor the other day and he told me something:

He said "Your generation is too dependant on technology."

I replied with "No your generation is." Then I unplugged his life support.

Canada got it all wrong!

So Canada got it all wrong. I mean, they had the opportunity to have American technology, British culture and French cuisine, but went with American culture, British cuisine and French technology!

Heard this about 20 years ago and it still makes me chuckle. Can't beat a good stereotype!

The chancellor of the university is complaining to the dean of physics...

"We need to cut costs!" He says. "All this complex technology you guys use! Why can't you be more like the Maths department? All they need is pencils, paper and wastebaskets!"

"Better still," says the dean of physics, "we could be like the philosophy department. All they need is the pencils and paper."

Engineer searching for a job

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

I own an innovative gardening supplies store.

We sell cutting-hedge technology.

A senior citizen gives birth

Modern medicine has allowed women to give birth at an even older age than than they had been able to do so before.

Using this new in vitro technology, a 65 year old has a baby.

All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.

When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says not yet.

A little later they ask to see the baby again.

Again the mother says not yet.

Finally they say, When can we see the baby?

And the mother says, When the baby cries.

And they ask, Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?

The new mother says, because I forgot where I put it.

I hear North Korea is coming out with some new cloning technology...

I can't wait to meet Kim Jong-deux.

My grandfather once said that we're starting to rely way too much on technology; that it's important we remind ourselves to live without it. I honestly had to agree with him.

So, I unplugged his life support.

What do you call a robotic emo that likes dark humor.

Cutting edge technology

"Wow! Are you kidding?"

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Old technology

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."

A few weeks later, 'The British Archaeological Society of Northern England' reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely sod all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

Two Aliens

2 aliens are talking in outer space, looking down on Earth.

"It seems the inhabitants of planet Earth have created nuclear technology and missiles" says one alien

"are they showing signs of intelligence?" asks the other

"I dont think so. They seem to be aiming at themselves"ο»Ώ

I saw a man cutting a pizza with a smart phone

I know it's cutting edge technology but jeez

My Grandfather Says I should not be so Dependent upon technology...

...Yet he is the one hooked to life support.

I want to start a competitor website to Farmers Only...

I want to start a competitor website to Farmers Only. I wanted to call it eFarmony, but I realized that there's a way better name.

Attractor. Where technology and love combine. Meet someone on a tractor.

Did you hear about that new state of the art jackhammer technology?

"Groundbreaking"

It's a lot of rubbish when people talk about "how good" modern kids are these days with technology.

My grandson is staying for the weekend, and he looks absolutely clueless with my VCR and VHS tapes.

iPhone vs Samsung

iPhone user: The new iPhone is coming out

Samsung user: What's new?

iPhone user: We're getting facial recognition

Samsung user: Had that 4 year's ago next

iPhone user: We're getting wireless charging

Samsung user: Had that 2 year's ago next

iPhone user: We're getting water resistance

Samsung user: Had that 3 year's ago next

iPhone user: Nothing is better that an iPhone

Samsung user: Your screen is from Samsung you know, it's our technology

iPhone user: What am i paying for then?

Samsung user: A galaxy s6

I hope Amazon's drone uses better technology than the military's.

Or kindergartens are going to get a lot of wrongly delivered packages

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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