teams Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious teams puns

Tour guide in the mountain

A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours. The descent, again depending on your skill level, takes anywhere between 4 hours and 30 seconds."


The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB.

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.

The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.

The Mossad goes next. They study the mummy for a month, and conclude: it was a pharaoh who ruled 1000 years BC, give or take 100 years.

The KGB team goes next. They hold the mummy for a week, and then come up with this: it was Pharaoh Ramenhotep the Second, born 1022 BC, became king after murdering his uncle, ruled for five years, on the third year of his reign the Nile flooded Luxor, on the fourth year the hittites attacked.

Everyone is perplexed: "How did you find all this out?"

"He confessed"


Why are even the best forensic teams unable to catch hillbilly criminals?

Because they all share the same DNA and there are no dental records.


Gatorades competition.

Upon the inception of Gatorade at the University of Florida, and the strides the teams were making on the field, Florida State University *also* tried to make their own energy drink for student athletes.

Unfortunately no one wanted to drink the "*Seminole Fluid*"...


The CIA, Mi6, and KGB all meet for a competition [LONG]

Dropped off on a deserted island each team is tasked with the same mission. Go into the jungle and catch a rabbit. Fastest time wins.

The CIA team goes first, within 5 minutes they come out with a rabbit squirming around in hand. As the the other teams seem mildly impressed.

Next, the Mi6 team goes in and within 3 minutes They come out not only with one but 3 rabbits.

Finally the KGB goes in and within 30 seconds you hear this massive scuffle making its way through the jungle guns pointed and yelling and they pull out a massive elephant. As the elephant desperately yells, "I'm a rabbit, I'm rabbit!!!".


There are now 3 undefeated cat teams in the NFL!

The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs.


Why are there no Mexican teams in the olympics?

If a mexican can run, jump or swim, they're in the US.


Breaking news

This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.


Why aren't there many female football teams?

Because you can't convince 11 women to wear the same clothes


Had a tricky and emotional chat with my 9-year-old son this morning. There was a lot of "Boo hoo, nobody picks me for teams" and "I haven't got any friends".

Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some tips for being more sociable.


It's 1/4 funny πŸ˜„

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a super bowl game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game he asked her how she liked it.
Oh, I really liked it, she replied. I just don't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked,
What do you mean?
Well they flipped a quarter, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...'get the quarterback!, get the quarterback!' I'm like Hellooooo, it's only 25 cents!


If college football created a bowl game called the "Hyperbole," which two teams would be selected to play in it?

The two greatest teams in the history of the known universe.


The three English soccer teams with a rude word in their names?

Arsenal, Scunthorpe and Manchester Fucking United


I mean, NHL teams have father-son road trips all the time

I don't think they're as common in the NBA though...


I'm a day late, but here's some Canadian jokes I came up with

1.) What do you call a Canadian military group?

- *The Eh Team*

2.) Welcome to Canada: Native land of the world's two sexiest Ryan's and the world's two most hated Justin's.

3.) Canadians are great at introducing themselves to strangers since they're so used to breaking the ice.

4.) Canada only has one team in the MLB because we don't like to hit, only one team in the NBA because we don't like to shoot, but we have seven teams in the NHL because we really give a puck.


Did you hear about player safety in the super bowl?

Both teams suffered from blackouts


There was once a professional French soccer team whose players were all ducks

Named Le Tariat, they were so good that all other teams were amateur by comparison. This led to a lot of resentment, and the other teams all shunned them. While most simply ignored them, a few were very mean about it.

Le Tariat hatched a plan to kidnap the meanest of the players who were shunning them. In the middle of the night they did exactly that. They were caught though, and ended up going to prison where, being much smaller than the human inmates, they had a very bad time.

So in the end, seizing the meanies of pro duck shun didn't make the pro Le Tariat any happier.


How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women's basketball?

It's skirts versus shins.


What do baseball teams and muffins have in common?

They both rely on a good *batter*


How do alien sport teams get to the game?

In the sportsmanship.


A Scotsman goes to America and attends his very baseball game.

He's never been to a game in Scotland, nor watched a game on TV, or seen movies such as Bull Durham, The Babe or Eight Men Out.

He figures out players need to beat out the throw to first base before arriving to first base

The visiting teams pitcher throws 4 pitches out of the strike zone, the last one being a ball the catcher was unable to catch.

The batter s-l-o-w-l-y trots to first base.

The Scotsmen gets up and screams RUN, RUN, RUN while wildly waving his arms

His American friend, who took him the game says He doesn't need to run, he has four balls

The Scotsmen then remarks Walk, and walk PROUDLY


How many teamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

19 . Got a problem with that?


what are pee wee herman's favorite baseball teams?

yanks and the expos


Heard a dwarf-comedian tell this ( no offence ti anybody) (quite long)

There is a bar that sponsors a soccer team for midgets, so after every game the team and their opposing team of that weak eat free at the second floor of that bar. So when the teams are eating a man comes in and starts drinking, big time. After a while the first team leaves and the man looks in surpise bus remains silent. After he's had another drink the second team leaves. The man then turns to the barkeeper and says dead serious: " I don't mean to alarm you but I think your foosball ( table football) table is leaving."

No offence to anyone. I just thought it was hilarious.


Uber teams up with Lyft to fight ride-sharing restrictions in Germany

Deutschland Uber allies was probably a bad choice for the name of the coalition.


What are your best Sports Team jokes?

With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).


Germany brought 12 tons of supply for World Cup in Moscow, the most among 32 teams.

They paid the price for not bringing enough 75 years ago.


Was part of a really bad dodgeball team named off in the woods....

Other other teams would rejoice saying "Last night we beat off in the woods".


Why did the kids get shot in the getto neighborhood?

Because they were playing tag with blue and red teams..


What should you serve for dinner when the guest of honor will be your father who "switched teams" and now is named Ella?



Do you know why an Asian teams can never win the soccer world cup?

...Every time a player gets a corner, he builds a shop


Why are there no teams named after a dog in the NFL?

They would get beaten by Michael Vick


The Wizard of Oz, synopsis.

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.


If two teams of football players hosted a game at a beach..

Would it be a Jersey Shore?


What happens when the man with the world's largest dick teams up with the man with the world's largest balls?

A Super Bowl Championship. Fly Eagles Fly.


What are the most funny Teams jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Teams? Well, here are the best Teams dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Teams pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes