Teams Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Teams puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Teams

Tour guide in the mountain

A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours. The descent, again depending on your skill level, takes anywhere between 4 hours and 30 seconds."

The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB.

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.

The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.

The Mossad goes next. They study the mummy for a month, and conclude: it was a pharaoh who ruled 1000 years BC, give or take 100 years.

The KGB team goes next. They hold the mummy for a week, and then come up with this: it was Pharaoh Ramenhotep the Second, born 1022 BC, became king after murdering his uncle, ruled for five years, on the third year of his reign the Nile flooded Luxor, on the fourth year the hittites attacked.

Everyone is perplexed: "How did you find all this out?"

"He confessed"

Why are even the best forensic teams unable to catch hillbilly criminals?

Because they all share the same DNA and there are no dental records.

Gatorades competition.

Upon the inception of Gatorade at the University of Florida, and the strides the teams were making on the field, Florida State University *also* tried to make their own energy drink for student athletes.

Unfortunately no one wanted to drink the "*Seminole Fluid*"...

The CIA, Mi6, and KGB all meet for a competition [LONG]

Dropped off on a deserted island each team is tasked with the same mission. Go into the jungle and catch a rabbit. Fastest time wins.

The CIA team goes first, within 5 minutes they come out with a rabbit squirming around in hand. As the the other teams seem mildly impressed.

Next, the Mi6 team goes in and within 3 minutes They come out not only with one but 3 rabbits.

Finally the KGB goes in and within 30 seconds you hear this massive scuffle making its way through the jungle guns pointed and yelling and they pull out a massive elephant. As the elephant desperately yells, "I'm a rabbit, I'm rabbit!!!".

There are now 3 undefeated cat teams in the NFL!

The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs.

Why are there no Mexican teams in the olympics?

If a mexican can run, jump or swim, they're in the US.

Breaking news

This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.

Why aren't there many female football teams?

Because you can't convince 11 women to wear the same clothes

There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program.

Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.

Had a tricky and emotional chat with my 9-year-old son this morning. There was a lot of "Boo hoo, nobody picks me for teams" and "I haven't got any friends".

Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some tips for being more sociable.

It's 1/4 funny 😄

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a super bowl game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game he asked her how she liked it.
Oh, I really liked it, she replied. I just don't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked,
What do you mean?
Well they flipped a quarter, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...'get the quarterback!, get the quarterback!' I'm like Hellooooo, it's only 25 cents!

If college football created a bowl game called the "Hyperbole," which two teams would be selected to play in it?

The two greatest teams in the history of the known universe.

I mean, NHL teams have father-son road trips all the time

I don't think they're as common in the NBA though...

Jungle animals started a softball league...

The teams are separated by species.

A colorful long beaked bird, not sure where to go, asked an old monkey umpire, where his team was playing.

He replied, "Mongoose vs snakes are on field 1, ants vs frogs play on field 2..."

"Quit monkeying around", the bird chuckled, "I just want to know which field I'm on."

"Species puns, huh?" he replied, "Well toucan play at that game."

I'm a day late, but here's some Canadian jokes I came up with

1.) What do you call a Canadian military group?

- *The Eh Team*

2.) Welcome to Canada: Native land of the world's two sexiest Ryan's and the world's two most hated Justin's.

3.) Canadians are great at introducing themselves to strangers since they're so used to breaking the ice.

4.) Canada only has one team in the MLB because we don't like to hit, only one team in the NBA because we don't like to shoot, but we have seven teams in the NHL because we really give a puck.

Did you hear about player safety in the super bowl?

Both teams suffered from blackouts

Superbowl LIII is the only superbowl I've seen where fans of both teams got along and agreed

That it was the worst superbowl ever

There was once a professional French soccer team whose players were all ducks

Named Le Tariat, they were so good that all other teams were amateur by comparison. This led to a lot of resentment, and the other teams all shunned them. While most simply ignored them, a few were very mean about it.

Le Tariat hatched a plan to kidnap the meanest of the players who were shunning them. In the middle of the night they did exactly that. They were caught though, and ended up going to prison where, being much smaller than the human inmates, they had a very bad time.

So in the end, seizing the meanies of pro duck shun didn't make the pro Le Tariat any happier.

How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women's basketball?

It's skirts versus shins.

What do baseball teams and muffins have in common?

They both rely on a good *batter*

How do alien sport teams get to the game?

In the sportsmanship.

How many teamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

19 . Got a problem with that?

what are pee wee herman's favorite baseball teams?

yanks and the expos

What are your best Sports Team jokes?

With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).

Teams are interested in Kareem Hunt

I didn't know kickers where in such high demand.

Uber teams up with Lyft to fight ride-sharing restrictions in Germany

Deutschland Uber allies was probably a bad choice for the name of the coalition.

Heard a dwarf-comedian tell this ( no offence ti anybody) (quite long)

There is a bar that sponsors a soccer team for midgets, so after every game the team and their opposing team of that weak eat free at the second floor of that bar. So when the teams are eating a man comes in and starts drinking, big time. After a while the first team leaves and the man looks in surpise bus remains silent. After he's had another drink the second team leaves. The man then turns to the barkeeper and says dead serious: " I don't mean to alarm you but I think your foosball ( table football) table is leaving."

No offence to anyone. I just thought it was hilarious.

You hear about the quarterback who switched teams after being sacked 8 times??

The grass was greener on the other side of defense.

Sports Teams should be named for what their city is famous for

For example: Dallas is known for cowboys, San Francisco was the place for the miners, 49ers, to bring their gold and claims, Islignton was famous as being home of the Artillery Regiment, thus "Arsenal," Milwauke HAD brewing.

Washington should change their name to "Senators," and Cleveland could become the "Steamers."

Why did the kids get shot in the getto neighborhood?

Because they were playing tag with blue and red teams..

Do you know why an Asian teams can never win the soccer world cup?

...Every time a player gets a corner, he builds a shop

What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?

They both need a good batter.

Was part of a really bad dodgeball team named off in the woods....

Other other teams would rejoice saying "Last night we beat off in the woods".

Why are there no teams named after a dog in the NFL?

They would get beaten by Michael Vick

Germany brought 12 tons of supply for World Cup in Moscow, the most among 32 teams.

They paid the price for not bringing enough 75 years ago.

What should you serve for dinner when the guest of honor will be your father who "switched teams" and now is named Ella?

Paella.

What type of firearms does the Wonka chocolate factory security teams use

the UMP-A

If two teams of football players hosted a game at a beach..

Would it be a Jersey Shore?

The Wizard of Oz, synopsis.

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.

The Grecian Gods vs the Greeks

Zeus and his human friend Spiro were watching a game of football, the gods versus the humans. Spiro looked around the pitch at all the players and then saw an absolute unit of a player, a half horse, half human professional. Spiro asked Zeus, Hey, who's that player over there? Zeus responded, That's our teams centaur-forward .

Cleveland sports teams don't have websites...

Because they can't string three W's together.

It's good to see Thailand hasn't changed since I was last there

With entire soccer teams in deep holes, and way too many traps.

Why do painters prefer working in teams?

They don't want to dye alone.

In the latest sequel, John McClain teams up with two elderly nuns to save the Vatican from terrorists.

It's called Old Habits Die Hard.

What do you call a football team full of retards?

Special teams.

NFL running back Adrian Peterson is officially a free agent.

Which is a step in the right direction for him because it means he'll be switching teams instead of his kids.

"I'd like to welcome all the athletes to the Olympic Games"

"I'd also like to welcome the curling teams"

10 dead in cowboys stadium

10 people were found dead in cowboys stadium after an f5 tornado swept through on Sunday. Witnesses say the group felt assured there could be no touchdowns in that building.

The most tragic news from this story is that they would have been safe had they chosen not to stand in the away teams endzone.

Favourite football/soccer teams

What's an arthroplasty surgeon's favourite football team? Ipswich Town

What's a jockey's favourite football team? Derby

What's a detective's favourite football team? Leads United

What's a fossil's favourite football team? S'underland

What's a stale meat's favourite football team? Oldham

What's a fit, balding person's favourite football team? Wigan Athletic

What's a pirate's favourite football team? Loot-on (Luton) Town

There are a lot of great players on the Houston Rockets right now, but which one has helped solidify the teams ranking this season the most?

If you ask me, I'd say Harden.

Do you know how many North American teams qualified for LOL worlds 2019 group stage?

N/A

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes