team Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious team puns

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

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Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction

And name it "Elon-Gate"

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Osama Bin Laden appeared in a video recently claiming to be alive

Among other things, he also commented on how shitty the English football team had become.

British Intelligence, however, have dismissed it saying that it could have been recorded anytime during the last 44 years.

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Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I throw half of them in the trash

I sure don't want unlucky people on my team.

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The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!

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If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on?

The Ex-Men.

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After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

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"There's no 'I' in team"

"But there's a whole lot of 'U' in shut the fuck up"

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The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

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What would you call the Fantastic Four if Snoop Dogg joined the team?

The High Five

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How many Broncos does it take to change a tire?

One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.

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I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"

My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.

It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.

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England fans must be pretty happy right now.

They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.

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I was clinging for dear life on the edge of the cliff...

As the rescue team approached, one of the guys shouted, "Whatever you do, don't look down!"

So I started smiling...

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Someone actually wished me Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to you too, Team Snapchat

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The NFL has hired their first female referee.

She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.

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A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"

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A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon are drinking together.

The Jew boasts about his fertility

"I have 4 sons; one more and I'll have a basketball team!"

"That's nothing," says the Catholic, "I have 10 sons! I almost have a football team!"

The Jew and Catholic looked expectantly at the Mormon. "Well?"

"I have 17 wives. I almost have a golf course!"

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The Cleveland Browns team visited an orphanage today.

"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.

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Elon Musk: Did you move my car?

Team: Yeah.

Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?

Team: Parking!?

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I used to run a pro-life debate team.

No one could de-fetus.

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The English team visited an orphanage in brazil.

"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope ,said Jose age 6.

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I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.

it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.

it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

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It was my first day at a new school.

When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.

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I thought of this joke this morning in the shower

A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"

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Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)

Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is Mormon.

Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."

Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."

David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

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There's no I in team.

There's no u either.

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What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

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This just in, giant fly attacking the city

The SWAT team has been called in to deal with the situation

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The England Football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday..

"It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.

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There's no 'I' in team...

...but there's five in 'individual brilliance'.

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Wife calls her scientist husband...

"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."

"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"

"Whats that?"

"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."

"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."

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What does a Dallas Cowboys fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?

He turns off the PlayStation.

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How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once?

About a brazilian...

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The men in my debate team only want one thing...

And it's fucking discussing!

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What are the most funny Team jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Team? Well, here are the best Team dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Team pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes