The Best 70 Team Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Team jokes. There are some team nhl jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these team your team is so bad puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Team Jokes and Puns
A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon all walk into a bar...
The Jewish man boasts, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team." The Catholic man says, "That's nothing! I have ten sons. One more and I'll have a soccer team!" The Mormon stands up and proclaims, "Big deal! I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"
The Polish farmer
During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold
Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)
Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is Mormon.
Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."
Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."
David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.
....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.
How many Broncos does it take to change a tire?
One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
England fans must be pretty happy right now.
They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.
My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."
Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.
England soccer team have got a new captain today
His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..
After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,
The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.
I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!
So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.
I thought of this joke this morning in the shower
A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"
You can explore team league reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean team dodgers dad jokes. There are also team puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What does a Dallas Cowboys fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
He turns off the PlayStation.
The NFL has hired their first female referee.
She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.
Why can't an eel and an eagle team up?
Because it would be eel-eagle!
Why do the Minnesota vikings wear purple as a team color?
If you've been choking for 50 years, you'd be purple too!
A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon are drinking together.
The Jew boasts about his fertility
"I have 4 sons; one more and I'll have a basketball team!"
"That's nothing," says the Catholic, "I have 10 sons! I almost have a football team!"
The Jew and Catholic looked expectantly at the Mormon. "Well?"
"I have 17 wives. I almost have a golf course!"
What's the Al-Qaeda's favourite sports team?
The New York Jets ( Ν‘Β° ΝΚ Ν‘Β°)
I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.
it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.
it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."
If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on?
The Ex-Men.
After much deliberation, the Cambridge University Netball Team....
...decided not to abbreviate their name
What would you call the Fantastic Four if Snoop Dogg joined the team?
The High Five
A man got lost on a camping trip
A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.
Charlie Smith, someone shouted, is that you?
Yes, it is, came the reply. Who are you?
We're from the Red Cross.
I gave at the office! Charlie shouted back.
A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.
A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"
The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!
A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...
The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."
The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."
To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.
The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"
The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"
The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"
The Columbine basketball team hasn't been the same...
Since they lost their two best shooters
Wife calls her scientist husband...
"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."
"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"
"Whats that?"
"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."
What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?
One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.
You see comrade, there is no I in team
But there is a U in gulag.
This just in, giant fly attacking the city
The SWAT team has been called in to deal with the situation
There's no I in team.
There's no u either.
Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I throw half of them in the trash
I sure don't want unlucky people on my team.
I used to run a pro-life debate team.
No one could de-fetus.
It was my first day at a new school.
When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.
There's no 'I' in team...
...but there's five in 'individual brilliance'.
I was clinging for dear life on the edge of the cliff...
As the rescue team approached, one of the guys shouted, "Whatever you do, don't look down!"
So I started smiling...
The Cleveland Browns team visited an orphanage today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
Someone actually wished me Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to you too, Team Snapchat
My wife doesn't need makeup to look beautiful.
She needs a team of surgeons.
Elon Musk: Did you move my car?
Team: Yeah.
Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?
Team: Parking!?
In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .
It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!
The England Football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday..
"It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.
Interviewer to Pelè: Do you think Barzil's 1970 team can beat today's Argentina?
Pelè: Yes.
Interviewer: By how much?
Pelè: 1:0
Interviewer: That's it?
Pelè: Well, most of us are over 75 now...
What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?
A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
Bit of British humour right there ;)
The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.
All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly β¦
How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once?
About a brazilian...
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Why does China have the best baseball team?
Because they took out the whole world with one bat
China should have a cricket team.
They can take out the whole world with one bat
Trump: "We cannot let a woman be president!"
Staff: "That's not what transition team means, sir."
I just found out the kool-aid man plays on a baseball team.
He's the pitcher.
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventureβ¦
So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are talking about their families.
The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition
They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.
"The mummy is Amenhotep XIII" says one of the NKVD goons.
"How did you find out?" asks one of the archeologists.
"He admitted it", replies the NKVD goon.
Young adult novel
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventureβ¦
So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.
I went to visit him for the first time. As we're discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.
As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to straighten him up again.
As she walked away, I asked:
Me: So gramps, how do you like living here so far?
A tear starts running down his face as he gets this wistful look in his eyes.
Grandpa: it's not too bad. I just wish they would let me fart.
How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, but it takes a surgical team to get it out.
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure...
So I took a trip to the library to see if they
had a copy.
The librarian said that my description rang a
bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
Last year a guy took his Blonde girl friend to the Superbowl
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled?
Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her.
I said "Son, she's a keeper."
Did you know Hitler had a bowling team?
It was called "The Third Streich".
My team had to play a football game on a pitch that was littered with loads of stones and gravel.
Luckily we still won on aggregate.
What does a Maple Leafs fan do after his team wins the Stanley Cup?
Turns off the Playstation and goes to bed.
Too soon?
Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work
to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.
ted cruz, greg abbott, and the uvalde swat team run into a bar
because they heard a car backfire
When I die, I want the Uvalde police SWAT team to be my pallbearers.
That way, they can let me down like they let their entire city down.
So there's this football team that needs to take a plane for their next game and all have first class seats.
Unfortunately the airline overbooked first class and one of the player's has to give up their seat.
The team captain steps up and says, "put me in coach."
This new girl joined our soccer team
I was amazed, she was exactly what we wanted
She was tall, she was athletic, her legs were long, she wasn't fragile and she was extremely good with her hands
The moment I saw her I knew,
She's a keeper.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the team swat team jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working team team work piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.