teaching Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious teaching puns

My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off...

I said son that's 4 schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you

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Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten:

1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10



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My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class wank him off. I said,"Son that's three schools this year.

Maybe teaching isn't for you."

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My son got thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class jack him off...

I said "Son, That's three schools this year...maybe teaching is not for you"

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My son was thrown out of school for the third time this year for letting a girl in his class jerk him off

Im starting to think that maybe teaching isn't for him.

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My son just got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off.

I said son, that's the third school this year, maybe teaching isn't for you.

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My son was kicked out of school for letting a girl in his class jerk him off. I said, "Son, that's the third school this year..."

"Maybe teaching isn't for you."

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A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?

One student raises their hand,

The cheetah is faster dandelion.

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A little boy was doing his math homework

...saying to himself, 2+5 the son of bitch is 7,

3+6 the son of bitch is 9

His mother heard this & asked "Why are you swearing?"

Boy, "Mom this is how the teacher taught us all."

Furious, the mother called the teacher: "Are u teaching math to children by saying 2+2, the son of bitch is 4?"

The teacher started laughing & answered: "What I taught them was, 2+2, the sum of which is 4"

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I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery.

None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.

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My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off in class.

That's three schools now. Maybe teaching isn't for him.

(Joke by Jimmy Carr)

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I started teaching Maths to midgets in my area.

I'm making little things count.

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My Son got sent home from school for the third time this year for letting a girl wank him off in class...

...I told him "maybe teaching isn't for you.."

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A dad was teaching his baby how to talk...

Dad: Say daddy!

Baby: Mommy!

Dad: Come on, say daddy!

Baby: Mommy!


Dad: Fuck , just say daddy!

Baby: Fuck, Mommy!

Mom: Honey, I'm home!

Baby: Fuck!

Mom: Who taught you that?

Baby: Daddy!

Dad: Son of a bitch.

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A mother shark is teaching her young how to eat humans.

"First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them"

"But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?"

"Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat them with all the shit still inside?"

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The Pope is teaching a Sunday school class

"Children" begins the Pope. "Where's Jesus today?"

Little Tommy says: "He's in my heart."

Little Barry says: "He's in Heaven."

Little Davey says: "He's in our bathroom."

The surprised Pope asks Little Davey how he knows this.

"Well," says Little Davey, "every day my Dad bangs on our bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?"

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What does a suicide bomber say when he's teaching class?

Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.

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Tried teaching my baby to say Daddy

Me: "Say Daddy!"

Baby: "Mama!"

Me: "Come on... Say Daddy!"

Baby: "MAMA!"

Me: "Fuck you. Say Daddy dammit!"

Baby: Fuck you! Mama!!"

Wife: "Honey, I'm home."

Baby: "Fuck you!"

Wife: "What? Who taught you to say that!?"

Baby: "Daddy!"

Me: "Son of a bitch..."

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Young love... sort of...

Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.

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When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.

He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.

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Started teaching my son and his friends Karate...

I'm not qualified I just really enjoy kicking children.

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I tried teaching my mom how to build a PC

But all it did was make my motherboard

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There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..

One day it was nap time and I gained enough nerve to sleep next to her. She didn't do anything. The next day at nap time I decided to kiss her on the forehead and sleep under her blanket. Again, she didn't do anything The next day at nap time I put my ball sack on her face. Let's just say that's the end of my teaching career.

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Today, I made the little things count

by teaching math to midgets.....

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Why did the cyclops quit teaching?

He had only one pupil.

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A father is teaching his boy how to pee in the toilet.

"OK son", he says. It's as easy as counting to 5.

1. Pull down your pants.
2. Pull back your foreskin.
3. Pee in the toilet.
4. Put your foreskin back.
5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4".

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A shark is teaching his kid how to eat humans

and he says Look son, first you swim full force at the human but at the last second, you turn away. The son nods. Then you swim at him full force again, but again at the last second you swim away. Then you can go back and eat the human.


But dad, why can't we just go eat them human the first time?


Well, you can but why would you want to eat it when it's still full of shit?

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War is God's way of teaching

Americans geography.

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A professor was teaching a languages course

"In English" he said, "A double negative makes a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right"

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Two Italian men are talking loudly on a bus

One is telling the other one, "First Emma come. Then I come. Then two asses, they come together. Then I come again. Then the two asses, they come again. Then I peepee. Then I come one last time."

An old lady sitting next to them turns and exclaims, "Excuse me, but nobody else on this bus wants to hear about your disgusting sexual depravity!"

The Italian man says to her, "Scusi lady, I am teaching my friend how to spell 'Mississippi'."

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Hide and seek.

A girl was teaching a boy about her own rules at hide and seek: "If you can find me in 20 minutes, you may hold my hand. If you can find me in 10 minutes, you may kiss me. If you can find me in 2, you may do whatever you want to me, and I always hide behind the fridge."

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I was teaching my science class about the female anatomy:

"This is the vagina. This is the clitoris, and this is the anus. Any questions?"

"Yes," said one of the pupils, "Can I put my knickers back on now?"

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I told my boss that when I get nervous, I like to imagine my audience naked...

... she said I should probably stop teaching the 2nd grade.

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I tried teaching my dog how to dance, but it turns out...

...he's got 2 left feet.

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NSFW My son got kicked out of school today.....

...for letting a girl in his class wank him off!
I said " son that's 3 schools this year, maybe teaching isn't for you".

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What are the most funny Teaching jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Teaching? Well, here are the best Teaching dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Teaching pick up lines to share with friends.

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