Following is our collection of student humor and instructor one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Teachers Question puns for adults, dirty classmates jokes or clean maths gags for kids.
There is an abundance of answer jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 77 funniest jokes on teachers question. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any class witze you can hear about teachers question.
A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"
One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.
"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.
"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."
**An African student:** What's food?
**A European student:** What's scarcity?
**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?
**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I'm going home now.
"Question 2 ?" I asked.
"No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs."
In the class the teacher said: "the first person to answer my question will go home early".
Little Johnny threw his bag outside.
Teacher asked: "Whose bag is that???"
Johnny answered: "It's mine....
bye bye!"
Student- I've already asked this question to my mum, her 5 brothers and 7 sisters !!
Tom threw his bag outside the window.
The teacher asked angrily "Who threw the bag?"
Tom answered "It's me! "
Tom got dismissed early.
She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give us?"
Her students paused for a moment and they all shouted "Homework!"
"Can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"See I told you not to worry!!!!"
One student throws a pen at him. The teacher asks "Who did that?"
"It was me, goodbye."
"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."
Three first-graders are flunking their class. The teacher calls them in and tells them: "I will ask you one question each, if you can answer it, you pass."
"Jim, how do you spell 'Cow'?"
"Jack, how do you spell 'Car'?"
"Muhammad, how do you spell 'Racial discrimination'?"
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "
Teacher: I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer fast. Got it?
Student: Yes teacher.
Teacher: What is 2+2?
Student: FAST!
The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.
She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.
He asked: Why are periods so important?
The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?
Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself
Teacher says, "Whoever can answer my next question, is free to leave class."
One little boy chucks his backpack out the window.
Teacher asks, "Who threw that bag?"
Little boy, "Me! I'll see you tomorrow!"
Billy gets up to go ask the teacher a question, when he runs into Tommy along the way.
Billy: What are you going up to ask?
Tommy: I wanted to know what the word coincidence means.
Billy: Wow that's funny, I was just about to go ask the same question.
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a questionβ¦
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies⦠Well, I have a question for you⦠Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is sucking her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one sucking the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Two men applied, a Canadian man, and an American. After the test and the interview, they company decided to go with the Canadian man. The American with distraught asked why they decided to hire the Canadian and how he did in the interview and test. They said it was a very difficult decision because they both did equally well on the test and in the interview. The American was outraged. "THEN WHY DID YOU HIRE THE CANADIAN?!?." The manager then responded, "Well, you both did equally well in the interview, but the real problem was the test. You both got 9/10 on the test, but for question 10, the Canadian man put 'I don't know' and you put 'me neither.'"
Shout out to my Math Teacher for telling me this one.
so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 sucking it, 1 licking it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one sucking it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think
Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is licking it, one is biting it, and one is sucking it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one sucking it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" ξ
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' ξ
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' πΆ
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. ξ
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? ξ
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.' ξξ
The teacher fainted...ξξξ
A father had a rather dim-witted son. One day, the son came home from school. His father asked him, "How was school, son?" His son replied, "Great dad! My teacher asked a question, and only I could answer!" His father was overjoyed. He probed, "Good kid! What was the question?"
His son replied, "She asked, 'Who farted?' "
The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"Β
Little Johnny is sitting in his kindergarten class when the teacher asks the following question: "There are three birds sitting on a fence, and a hunter shoots one of the birds. How many are left?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "There are zero birds left. One was shot, and the other two flew away when they heard the sound of the gunshot;" to which the teacher replies "No, Johnny, the answer is actually two, but I like the way you think." So then Johnny asks if he can pose a question to the teacher. She agrees to answer Johnny's question.
Johnny says, "There are three women sitting on a park bench, eating popsicles. The first woman is just looking at the popsicle, not really paying it any mind. The second woman is biting the popsicle, taking off large chunks at a time. The third woman is slowly sucking on the popsicle, moving it in and out of her mouth, slowly and rhythmically. Which woman is married?"
The teacher blushes and says "Well, if I have to guess, I suppose it would be the third woman."
Johnny says, "Actually, it's the woman with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."
The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she leapt up and shouted 'JESUS CHRIST!'
'Correct again Claire'
And the class continues until the teacher asks a third question
'What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd child?'
Again Todd poked Claire, and she yelled out
'I SWEAR IF YOU POKE THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO SNAP IT IN HALF!'
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'"
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little
Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three
women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking
the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of
the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like
your thinking."
In the first grades classroom one day, the teacher asks the students:
-*Why* *is* *the* *flounder* *so* *flat* ?
Alan then quickly responds:
-*Because* *he* *had* *sex* *with* *a* *whale*.
The teacher gets mad, and sends Alan straight out of the classroom. The teacher then asks another question:
-*Why* *are* *the* *crabs* *eyes* *so* *big* ?
Alan then opens the door and sneaks his head out into the classroom and says:
-*Because* *he* *saw* *the* *whole* *thing* !
teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says,
"I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
.....but I like your thinking."
A teacher is with her class and notices one student isn't paying attention. The teacher calls out the student, asking: There are seven birds on a wire and one gets shot. How many are left? The student replies, there would be no birds left because the noise of the one getting shot would scare the other birds off.
The teacher replied "Well the answer was 6 but I like the way you think. the student says, Now I have a question for you: There are three women on a park bench and they all have ice cream. One women is licking the cone, the other one is shoving the whole thing in her mouth, and one is biting the cone. How do you know which one is married?
The teacher, blushing, replies, I guess the one shoving the whole cone in her mouth.
The student replies, No, its the one with the wedding ring but i like the way you think.
An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?" One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away." The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.
Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, "No, there would be one --the one that the farmer shot."
The teacher replied, "No, Johnny, you're wrong, but I like the way you think."
"OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you," boasted Johnny. "Let's say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?"
After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, "Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and sucks out the inside."
Johnny responded, "No, teacher, you're wrong --it's the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."
Oldie, but a goodie.
Molly and Charlie were at Sunday school at their local church, and Molly, being tired, began to fall asleep. The Sunday school teacher then proceeded to ask:
''Who came down from heaven to save our souls?''
Charlie sticks a pin in Molly's arm as she wakes up with a start:
''Jesus christ!''
''Well done Molly, thats correct''
Molly then goes back to sleep. The teacher asks her another question:
''Who lives up in heaven and created the earth?''
Charlie again sticks the pin in her arm as she again wakes up:
''God almighty!''
''Correct again Molly''
Molly then goes to sleep for a third time, as the teacher asks her another question:
''What did Eve say to Adam after their 23rd baby?''
Charlie again sticks the pin in her arm as Molly wakes up and shouts:
''If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll snap it in two!''
Susan was a good little Christian girl, but one Saturday night, she stayed up way to late. So when Sunday rolled around and it came time for Sunday School, she finally forced herself to go. Upon her arrival she figured it wasn't all that important as it was the same lesson from 3 weeks ago. She dozed off, and when the teacher asked her, "Who is the Son of God?" The boy next to her poked her with a pencil. She immediately woke up and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!". After this she nodded off again and the teacher called on her again, "Susan, who is the creator of the universe?" The boy poked her again with the pencil, awakening flustered and rather angry, she spoke softly, growing gradually louder, "Oh, my, God!" Again she falls asleep when the teacher asks one final question, "Susan, what did Eve say to Adam after their 56th child?" The boy once more prodded her with his pencil and she screams, "IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME, I WILL SNAP IT IN HALF!!!"
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
Teacher: "Ok, Jimmy. If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"
Jimmy: "Five!"
Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"
Jimmy: "Four!"
Teacher: "Good, Jimmy! Now if I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"
Jimmy: "Five!"
Teacher: "Jimmy! That is incorrect! Why are you answering with five?"
Jimmy: "Because I already have a cat!"
Children give usual answers: Bill wants to be a pilot, Sue wants to be an actress. But when it comes to little Dave, his answer is a shock to everyone. Dave wants to be a homeless alcoholic with no penny in his pocket.
20 years go by and Dave is now rich, Really Rich.
He stands in his appartament on the top floor of the highest building on the continent, looking at the town of which he owns 3/4, with a glass of most exensive single malt in his hand, and he asks himself a question...
When did this all go wrong?
"If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with
the first gun shot" The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,
The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on,... but I like your thinking."
A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
A teacher asks her class "if there are 5 birds sitting on a wall and you shoot one of them how many are left?" She calls on little johnny "none they all fly away at the first gunshot" the teacher replies "the correct answer is 4 but I like your thinking" then little johnny replies "now I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream. One is delicately liking the sides of a triple scoop ice cream, the second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone and the third is biting of the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher blushes and replies "well I guess the one that is gobbling down top and sucking the cone" "the correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking"
I guess my teacher didn't think "black people" was a good answer.
"Stand up if you think you're stupid."
The room was quiet for a bit, then one boy stood up.
"Do you think your stupid, James?", asked the teacher.
"No," replied James.
"Why did you stand up then?" asked the teacher.
"I didn't want you to be standing alone."
One day a teacher says "whoever answers my next question can go home."
So little Timmy throws his school bag out the window.
"Who threw that?" the teacher asks.
"Me. Can I go home now?"
Teacher: If I give you two cats, then two more cats, and then another two cats, how many cats do you have?
Student: Seven.
Teacher: Listen carefully. If I give you two cats, then two more cats, and then another two cats, how many cats do you have?
Student: Seven.
Teacher: Okay, how about I put it this way. If I give you two apples, then two more apples, and then another two apples, how many apples do you have?
Student: Six.
Teacher: Good, you get it! So if I give you two cats, then two more cats, and then another two cats, how many cats do you have??
Student: Seven.
Teacher: Why the heck seven??
Student: Because I already have a cat!
Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?
Son: I just wanted to clear my doubt. I asked her a valid question for which she had no answer, so she took out her frustration by being violent.
Dad : What was the question?
Son: I asked her why 'bra' is singular when it covers two things & 'panties' plural when it covers only one
The teacher spoke about a young gay boy, being bullied because of his sexuality. She spoke in length about his life, and the verbal abuse he suffers. She then asked a question, 'How do you think he takes it?' Apparently, 'Up the arse!' wasn't a suitable answer.
Each of them are brought into the bosses office individually and asked only one question.
The mathematician comes in and is asked "what is 2 + 2?" To which he answers "obviously it's 4"
The engineer is asked the same question. "Well it's hard to say for sure, I'd have to make a few calculations, draw up some graphs. Let me get back to you in about a week."
Finally, the statistician is brought in.
"What's 2 + 2?"
The statistician then casually closes all the blinds in the room and slyly asks "what do you *want* it to be?"
"Excuse me?" he replied, hesitantly. "I was asking if you knew 'sheet' music."
"if there's two birds on a power line and somebody shoots one of them, how many birds are left?"
" Zero" the boy said "the others would have flown away"
"Actually the correct answer is two" said the teacher "but I like where your heads at."
The boy came back to school next day and asked the teacher a question. "If there's three women sitting on a bench eating ice cream and one is licking their ice cream, one is chomping on theirs and the other is sucking on theirs, which one is married?"
The teacher answered "the woman sucking her ice cream."
The boy replied "actually it's the one with the wedding ring but I like where your heads at."
A little girl raised her hand during a biology lesson and asked the teacher if her grandmother could have a baby.
The teacher surprised by the question explains that her grandmother would be too old to have a baby.
The little girl followed that up by asking if her mother could have a baby.
The teacher explains that although it was possible her mother is a bit old now so it was unlikely she would have a baby.
The little girl then asked "can I have a baby?"
"Of course not, you're much too young to have a baby" replied the teacher.
"See!" Said a voice at the back of the classroom. "I told you that you didn't have anything to worry about!"
She snarled, "No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs."
A teacher asks her young students a problem solving question.
She says, "Ok students, there are 6 birds sitting on a fence. If you shot at 4 of them how many would be left?"
Timmy raises his hand and says "None. The sound of the shot would have scared them all away."
The teacher replies, "the answer I was looking for was 2, but I like the way you're thinking."
Timmy says "ok now I have a question. There are three women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first woman only licks the top of the ice cream. The second licks the top all the way down the sides and back up again. And the third woman takes the whole ice cream cone into her mouth until the top of the ice cream hits the back of her throat. My questions is: which one of these women is married?"
The teacher thinks for a second and says "the one who puts the whole thing in her mouth."
Timmy replies, "Actually, it's the woman wearing the wedding ring. But I like the way you're thinking."
...and the teacher asks him, "If you have 3 birds sitting on a power cable and you shoot one with your bb gun, how many do you have left?" "None" replies Johnny. "None?" the teacher inquires as Johnny explains that by shooting one bird, it scares the remaining away. "Well I was looking for the number, 'two birds left', but I like the way you think, Johnny". So Johnny asks the teacher if he can ask her a question and she agrees. "You have three women on a park bench, each eating ice-cream cones. One of them is biting it, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one of them is married?" Johnny asks. "Well..., I guess the one sucking it?" ponders the teacher. "It's the one with the wedding ring", says Johnny, "but I like the way YOU think".
A boy comes home proudly announces to his parents "Mom, dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!"
The parents are very happy and ask, "That's amazing Lenny! And what was the question?"
Sticking out his chest, the boys says, "Who farted?"
Sure Hans. Let me ask you some questions.
Capital of Germany? Berlin
Capital of France? Berlin
Capital of Russia? Berlin
Capital of Poland? Berlin
Capital of USA? Tokyo
Capital of China? Tokyo
Hotel? Trivago
That's my boy.
"What's your opinion on donating food to foreign countries?" The African student says, "What's food?" The Indian student says, "What's donating?" The American student says, " What's foreign countries?" And the Chinese student says, "What's my opinion?"
but there was a boy behind her that kept poking her with a stick. During this, the teacher began to call on the girl and ask her questions.
Teacher: Who do we believe in?
*poke
Girl: God!
Teacher: Very good. Who died for our sins?
*poke
Girl: Jesus Christ!
Teacher: Excellent! What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 6th child?
*poke
Girl: If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half.
"Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H .......in Hour, Honour. .....etc. She replied, "We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent."
During lunch break that day, the teacher gave the student her packed lunch and asked him to heat it in the Cafeteria. He ate all the food and returned her the empty container.
Shocked, she asked: "What happened? The boy replied: "Madam, I thought 'H' was silent.
the teacher is asking the 5 year olds questions, and asks one specific question to little Suzie; "And why is it important for us to be quiet when we're listening to the sermon, Suzie?" To which she replied, "because the old people are sleeping."
This joke is pretty fun to tell, but you need a friend to make it work.
You: A class went on a field trip to the zoo. The teacher stopped by the gorilla cage and said "Can anyone tell me what animal this is?" the retarded kid raised his hand and said "It's a gorilla." Everyone said "Yay for the little retarded kid!" They continue and the teacher stops by the flamingos and asks the same question. The retarded kid raised his hand and said "They're flamingos!" everyone said "Yay for the little retarded kid!" They stopped at another pen with white and striped horses in it. They're white, and they have black stripes... I can't remember what they are. (Act like you really don't know)
Your friend: Zebra.
You: *claps* Yay for the little retarded kid!
Blonde : Because i can't even
..."there are 7 birds in a tree, if you shoot 3 down, how many would remain?" A smartass jumps up and says "None, all of them would fly away!". Teacher with a bit of belittling tone: "Incorrect, but I liked your style".
Then the student strikes "Ma'am, I'd like to ask a question too. You see three women walking by, eating ice cream. One is eating it by licking it, the other one is by sucking it and the last one by biting it. Which of these women is married?" The teacher thinks about it for a sec and answers "The one sucking it". The student then says: "No ma'am, it's the one with a wedding ring. But I liked your style too".
They had a final exam and wanted to impress their classmates, so they agreed to arrive 30 mins late for the exam.
As soon as they arrived late, their teacher asked them why they were late. The driver responded: "we had a flat tire sir"
The teacher said: "very well, why don't the four of you sit right there at the back"
They sat down and started writing their test, only for the teacher to get to them and say: "there's been a change in the exam for the four of you. Question 1: which tire was flat?"
As the Principal made his rounds during the first day of school, he could hear a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.
He quickly rushed in and spotted one boy, much taller than the others, who appeared to be making the most noise.
He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to remain there until he was excused.
Returning to the classroom, the Principal restored order and lectured the students for quite some time on the importance of good behavior.
"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"
One girl stood up timidly and asked, "Yes, sir. May we please have our teacher back?"
Teacher: First one to answer the next question gets to leave early.
(Johnny immediately threw his bag out the window)
Teacher: Who threw that bag?
Johnny: I did! Bye guys!
In class the teacher says:
- "Who answers my next question, can go home."
Little Johnny throws his bag out the window.
- "Who just threw that?"
- "Me and I'm going home now."
Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully; four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot. The others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that isn't the right answer. But I like the way you think."
Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask you a question?"
Teacher: "Sure."
Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream shop. One is licking, one is biting, and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"
Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."
Little Johnny: "No. The one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Their question was to write the past tense of a sentence
The boy has a cold
James wrote The boy had a cold
John wrote The boy had had a cold because it is grammatically correct to say 'had had' back to back
The teacher looked at the two answers and proceeded to mark Johns as correct and James's as incorrect
So to summarise: John, while James had had 'had', had, had had 'had had'; 'had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.
To clarify: this is not my joke, I found it on a video and it was really funny so I decided to post it
She told to me to rank all the bonds.
So I did.
1) Connery
2) Craig
3) Brosnan
4) Dalton
5) Lazenby
She sent me outside the class. I still wonder if there were any Moore?
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.