The Best 77 Teachers Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Teachers jokes. There are some teachers pupil jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these teachers teachers question puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Teachers Jokes and Puns
If We're Going to Arm the Teachers
All I ask is that the librarians get silencers
Why don't personal teachers fart in public?
Because they're private tooters!
Waking up on a Monday morning...
On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up son. It's time to got to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why."
"Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!"
"That's no reason. Come now get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go?"
"Well for one you are 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!".
Teachers...
Teacher: "Anybody who thinks they are stupid stand up"
*Nodody stands up*
Teacher:" I'm sure there are some stupid students here"
*Steve stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Steve so you are stupid?"
Steve:" No... I just feel sorry you are standing alone..."
2 Reasons Why I Should go to School
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
I was so excited when all my teachers called my work outstanding
I haven't even handed it in yet!
A man walks into a church confession booth ...
"Father, I have a confession to make; I had a threesome with two hot teachers."
"Well my son, we all have our transgressions. I want to you say 10 Hail Mary's".
"Father I can't do that, I'm Jewish !"
"Then why are you telling me this ? "
"Father, I'm telling EVERYBODY"
An Arab student e-mails his dad
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
My dear loving son,
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
Why is it fun to date teachers?
Because if you don't get it right the first time they make you do it again ;)
How many public school teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Whatever it says in the book.
Why don't English teachers like parole?
They prefer complete sentences.
You can explore teachers classmates reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean teachers tangents dad jokes. There are also teachers puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I was expelled from school for masturbating in the showers
The teachers said I ruined the trip to Auschwitz
Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?
Because everyone there hates integration.
Which teachers care the most about their students?
Math teachers, because every student counts.
Mom: - "Get up Liam, you will be late for school."
- "But I don't wanna go, all the teachers and students hate me."
- "You have to go."
- "Give me one reason why I should go."
- "Your 35, and you're the principal."
At the 3rd grade violin rehearsal ...
... Donnie Corleone Jr. walks in, opens his violin case and unveils, to the shock of all, a tommy gun. The teachers are livid, panic nearly ensues, but Donnie just starts laughing uncontrollably.
"What's wrong with you? This is serious! Why are you laughing?"
"Because I just imagined dad holding up the bank with my violin."
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk?
My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
Why are math teachers so unhappy?
Because they have a lot of problems.
Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school?
Sources say that the teachers were alarmed.
What state do the most math teachers come from?
Mathachusits!
Do special ed teachers mark late students as tardy?
i have no shame.
I'm an atheist with a god-complex...
...which explains why all my highschool teachers always said I never believed in myself.
How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Well I'm not just going to tell you. You need to figure it out yourself.
A group of engineering proffesors got in a plane...
Before closing the doors, the flight attendants told them that the plane had been built by their own students. Scared, all of the teachers ran out of the plane, except one. The pilot came to him and asked him why he was so relaxed. The proffesor said "I know my students very well. And I'm sure that if this plane is really built by them, the thing won't even start!"
Late for School
Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."
Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."
Mother: "Yes, you do."
Victor: "Give me one good reason."
Mother: "Because you're 34 years old, and you're the principal."
A mother wakes her son in the morning
'Get up, son, you have to get to school!'
'But Mum, why do I have to go? I hate it!'
'Tell me two reasons why you think you shouldn't go.'
'Firstly: all the kids hate me. Secondly: the teachers hate me even more.'
'Hmph, excuses! C'mon, go get ready!'
'Tell me two reasons why you think I should go!'
'Firstly: you're 47. Secondly: you're the headmaster!'
Just one word
With the new school year, teachers hand out those "we'd like to know more about you" forms for the students to fill out. One of the questions was "Use one word to describe yourself". My son's answer:
"Can't follow directions"
A man in need of a brain
A man was dying in the hospital and he needed a new brain or he wouldn't survive for long, the doctor told him there were 3 available brains but each with a price.
The first one was an professor's brain that costs 3000 dollar
The second brain was a teachers brain that costs 2500 dollar
The third brain was the brain of a blonde woman that costs a good 9000 dollar
The man asks why the blondes brain is so expensive
The doctor replies: because it's never used
Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten
As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"
The karate student kept killing all his teachers...
I guess he became desenseitized
Why doesn't Alabama have calculus teachers.
They don't like integration.
Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds
I have my first shift on Monday.
I was intrigued by finding out all these students were having sex with their teachers, so I decided to join the club.
It didn't occur to me until 3 weeks after I had sex with my teacher that I'm home schooled.....
whats a math teachers favorite soda
root beer
Cocaine in school
One of the teachers at my local school for obese children, was fired today. He was fired for doing cocaine before going to work. He was ratted out by his large pupils.
Teachers didn't have sex with students when I went to school
There were principles for that.
There was an incident at my school today--one of the teachers caught a boy sharpening an arrowhead under his desk. She called 911, and the police got involved.
As it turns out, though, it was just a kid knapping.
Im Ok With Arming Teachers,
As long as the librarians get silencers.
Checkmate Democrats
If teachers don't have arms, how are they supposed to write on the board?
How many teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, it's not on the state standardized test and light bulbs aren't in the budget.
I think the $250 million we spent on bombs for Syria would have been better going to schools in our own country
Then there wouldn't be any teachers left to give raises to.
What do you call a convention for English teachers?
Comma-Con
I don't fuss over the difference between "can" and "may" like other English teachers.
In fact, once a student asked me this: "Can you give me an example of future progressive tense?"
I responded with "Certainly. I will be seeing you after class."
He must have wanted another example, as he was still standing in my classroom when I arrived the next day.
American teachers are now going to be armed with pistols for protection.
Librarians will be issued silencers.
Why can't people with a lazy eye be teachers?
They can't control their pupils!
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
To Times Square.
The ironic thing about teachers is that they tell us to follow our dreams...
but will get mad when we fall asleep in their class.
My son came home and said "I got the Zucker Award today at school!"
I said, "What's that?"
He said, "A big building with teachers and kids in it, dad, but that's not important right now"
Why do kindergarten teachers have bad eyesight?
Because their pupils are small.
News just in that American teachers will now be armed with 9mm Glocks.
Librarians will be issued silencers.
Schools are always telling you to "follow your dreams..."
But my teachers never let me sleep in class.
I know a guy that had a sexual relationship with one of his teachers
I suppose there's a lot less competition when you're homeschooled
Can teachers give homeless kids...
... homework?
Alabama is canceling home schooling.
Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.
In the morning, the mother wakes up the child "Come on, wake up, you know the quarantine is over and school starts again!"
"But, mom, why do I have to go? I hate school!"
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"One: all children hate me, two: all teachers hate me even more!"
"These are just excuses, get up once and for all!"
"But then YOU give me two reasons to go."
"One: you are 41 years old, two: you are the school principal!"
What's the difference between school and church?
In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.
What do the Backstreet Boys and Algebra teachers have in common?
They both want you to tell them Y.
My least favorite subject in school was Ancient History.
The teachers tended to Babylon
As a former high schooler I'm glad online classes are becoming the norm. I remember having to witness teachers having sex with kids, meth being done in the bathrooms, and living with the fear of school shootings.
Being home schooled in Mississippi was rough.
Why is this fair?
A guy in my class asked out a girl and he got a girlfriend. So I asked out a girl and lost my teachers licence. -\_-
Mother is waking her son: Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.
Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.
No, it's really high time, now get up.
But I don't want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!
Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!
Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.
Paulie, first of all, you're **45**, and second, you're the **headmaster**.
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper
They're always plotting something.
Why don't calculus teachers go to bars?
Because they don't want to drink and derive.
Homeschooling cancelled in Alabama
Too many students sleeping with their teachers.
Trump visits an elementary school
Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete moron? Are you stupid? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!
A freshman is talking to the new girl in school. You'll like it here, he tells her. Everyone is pretty chill, the teachers are all nice, but the principal is kind of a moron.
Do you know who I am? the girl asks her new classmate. I'm the daughter of the principal.
The boy is silent and then asks her, Do you know who I am?
She shakes her head no. Good, says the boy as he walks away.
Back when I was in elementary school one of my teachers would have a letter of the day and then pick one of the students to say something about the letter of the day.
One day I got picked and the letter of that day was N so I got asked, "Jeff, why don't you use the letter of the day, N, and tell us something that you're not very good at that starts with the letter N." I stood up next to my desk and said... Spelling
I walked into my teachers doing the deed
Goddamn homeschooling
I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.
They commit math genocide on a daily basis.
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Four teachers are talking in the staffroom
The English teacher said: "I had a particularly dim pupil today ask me what came after 'F', I made sure be kind when I told him it was 'G'"
The music teacher replied with "I think I taught the same boy, he must've been confused when I told him that naturally F sharp came after F."
The computer science teacher chimed in with "Interestingly I told him that 1 came after F since we're learning hex at the moment"
The PE teacher after quietly listening in sheepishly admits "I told him it's okay, you can always train to teach gym".
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead
On the way to a teacher convention the pilot makes an announcement, before taking off I should tell you that the plane has been made by your students
All the teachers throw themselves out the door as quick as possible except one, the pilot puzzled comes closer and asks him:
- do you trust that much your students?
- Of course, the teacher answers with a peaceful voice, I'm pretty sure the plane won't even start.
Why do all math teachers wear glasses ?
Cuz it improves division
My kid got sent home from school one day.
They said he was catching bees and throwing them at other kids. So I sat him down and had a chat. I said, "Son, you can't be doing that, obviously it's not ok to throw bees at people, they could get stung and what happens if someone has an allergic reaction? How would you feel if that happened?" And he replied, " Well I know it doesn't sound safe, but my principal said I could do it and the teachers said I could do it. Infact both of you even said I could do it! You all said I can bee who I want to bee!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the teachers grade jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working teachers little johnny teacher piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.