Teacher Pupil Jokes
95 teacher pupil jokes and hilarious teacher pupil puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about teacher pupil that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Teacher Pupil Short Jokes
Short teacher pupil jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The teacher pupil humour may include short student teacher jokes also.
- You guys hear about the insecure cross-eyed teacher?? Apparently he couldn't control his pupils
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who got fired? She couldn't keep her pupils straight
- Did you hear about the teacher who was always cross eyed? She struggled to control her pupils.
- There was a one eyed teacher at my school He was fired for only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got killed by her students? She couldn't control her pupils.
- I had a terrible cross-eyed teacher in primary schoool She could never keep her pupils under control.
- A teacher asked his poorly behaved pupil 'Johnny, which is worse ignorance or apathy?' Johnny: 'I don't know and I don't care'
- Have you heard about the cross-eyed teacher? He has a lot of trouble controlling his pupils.
- Hear about the teacher with two lazy eyes? Didn't last more then a day, couldn't control his pupils.
- I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher They have small pupils.....
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Teacher Pupil One Liners
Which teacher pupil one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with teacher pupil? I can suggest the ones about school teacher and kids teacher.
- Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils.
- There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired Because she couldnt control her pupils.
- Why can't people with a lazy eye be teachers? They can't control their pupils!
- Why did the cross-eyed teacher get fired? She didn't have control of her pupils
- Why was the lazy-eyed man a horrible teacher? Because he couldn't control his pupils.
- The cross-eyed teacher at school got fired today. He couldn't control his pupils.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn't control her pupils.
- The crossed eyed teacher... ...had trouble controling his pupils.
- Why do kindergarten teachers have bad eyesight? Because their pupils are small.
- Why was the Cyclops a terrible teacher? He only had one pupil.
- Why did the teacher wear shades in school? Because her pupils were too bright!
- Why was the cross-eyed teacher fired? Because they couldn't control their pupils.
- What do you call a teacher without pupils? Blind
- Why did the lazy eyed teacher get fired? because he couldn't keep his pupils in check
- A cross-eyed teacher Got fired because he couldn't control his pupils
Teacher Pupil Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about teacher pupil you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean classroom student jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make teacher pupil pranks.
Q: What did the cross-eyed teacher say?
A: I can't control my pupils!
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can’t sit down!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That’s not fair!
You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk."
Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
Teacher: "Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions."
Pupil: "It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers."
pe teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
It was at the end of the school year,
and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
Pupil shows art for teacher
A pupil came and showed something that he draw. He said that he drawed a cow eating grass. The teacher said: But there's nothing there! Then the pupil said: It's because the cow ate all the grass and went away to look for some more grass.
*Excuse my grammar, not perfect at english*
I was fired from work at school...
So, due to a minor defect at birth, I was born with Strabismus, and up until last Friday, I was happy performing my duties as a teacher.
Unfortunately, I was fired. My boss told me he couldn't have a teacher in his school that couldn't control his pupils.
What did the teacher call her intelligent yet self-harming student?
Her scar pupil.
Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham, ENGLAND.
*Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham, ENGLAND.
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:*
"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here"
"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here"
"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here"
"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here"
"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here"
"Ali Son al En — *silence in the classroom.*
"Ali Son al En" — *continued silence as everyone looked around the room.*
*The teacher repeated the call.*
*A girl stood up and said*: "Sorry teacher. I think that's me. It's pronounced Alison Allen."
Teacher
Why did the teacher get glasses?
Because she was having trouble with her pupils
A day at the races
Two female teachers took a group of pupils from years 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Epsom Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the u**.... Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'willies' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.
As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in year 3?
'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Atlantic Jewell in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.
A student visits his teacher man early in the morning
And sits on in a chair. The teacher man looks up and offers the pupil a cup of coffee.
"Sure, I'll take a mug of joe," says the student.
The teacher pours a cup, and gives it to the kid. The student takes a sip, and nearly gags.
"The is terrible! Seriously! What is this, mud??"
"Well," the professor replies, "it was ground just this morning."
A Very Outdated But Still Funny Joke
A high-school teacher asks a girl in the class, "What part of the body enlarges to ten times its normal size during periods of excitement?"
The girl stammers and blushes and looks at the floor and says, "I don't want to answer that question."
So the teacher asks a boy, "Do you know the answer?"
The boys answers, "The pupil of the eye."
"That's right," says the teacher. Then he turns to the girl and says, "Two things are obvious. First, you didn't study your lesson last night. Second, you wedding night is going to be a terrible disappointment to you."
Fourth Grade Logic
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To draw out all his savings?"
Did you hear about the teacher who had eye problems?
She couldn't control her pupils.
Why was the blind teacher fired?
She didn't have any pupils.
What sort of condition results in misshapen pupils?
An abusive teacher
Which teachers make pupils feel good about themselves?
Maths teachers, they make everybody count.
Teacher: "What is the most common phrase used in school?"
Teacher: "What is the most common phrase used in school?"
Pupil: "I don't know..."
Teacher: "Correct!"
Teacher Jokes
Teacher If Cannot is short for cannot.
What is Don"t short for?
pupil. doughnut.
Teacher:" You missed school yesterday, didn't you?"
Pupil: "Not a bit."
Can a crossed-eyed teacher...
control her pupils?
Researchers found that students of a teacher who regularly took l**... lived extraordinarily long lives.
It seems his pupils die late.
Why was the teacher with no eyes unsuccesfull?
He had no pupils.
A teacher at a school for obese children has been sacked for his c**... use
He was given away by his massive pupils
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and s**....
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
A teacher speaks to his straight-F pupil
"With grades like this you'll never achieve anything in your life. You'll end up a loser"
Fast forward 20 years later. Retired teacher is deadly ill, only a very risky and expensive surgery can save him.
It happens that the best surgeon in the country knows the old man and aggrees to save him for free.
After surgery, when teacher wakes up, the grown-up straight-F student comes into the recovery room.
He unplugs the life support and plugs in his vacuum cleaner.
c**... in school
One of the teachers at my local school for obese children, was fired today. He was fired for doing c**... before going to work. He was ratted out by his large pupils.
Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital
*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?
P : my dad is still in the hospital.
T : wow, this must be serious.
*1 month later*
T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.
P : Indeed.
T: well, how come?
P : he's a doctor.
Teacher asks the class, "What part of your body can grow as much as six times its normal size?"
No one answers, so she asks Tiffany in the front row if she knows the answer. Tiffany blushes, giggles, and covers her face with her hands.
Heather in the desk behind raises her hand and says, "The pupil, miss. The pupil may grow as much as six times its normal size."
"Correct" says the teacher. "And, Tiffany, I have three comments for you. 1. You have a dirty, filthy mind. 2. You haven't been doing your homework, and 3. You are in for a lifetime of bitter disappointment."
Pupil: My neighbour, Mr Chang, got run over and killed by a steam roller. Teacher: Johnny! That's awful and has nothing to do with the homework I set you. Sit down immediately!
Pupil: But Miss, you said we had to talk about crushed Asians.
Why couldn't the unemployed teacher see?
She had no pupils.
Why did the teacher have mirrors in her glasses?
So she could keep an eye on her pupils
The teacher to his pupils in a s**... bomber lesson
"Please, pay attention cause I'll only say this once"
Trying out new Arm-the-Teachers laws, a Texas teacher recently shot a student in the eye.
In the teacher's defense, it was a bad pupil.
What do you call a teacher with just one pupil?
A cyclops
Teacher ask her pupils what they want to be when they grow up
Children give usual answers: Bill wants to be a pilot, Sue wants to be an actress. But when it comes to little Dave, his answer is a shock to everyone. Dave wants to be a homeless alcoholic with no penny in his pocket.
20 years go by and Dave is now rich, Really Rich.
He stands in his appartament on the top floor of the highest building on the continent, looking at the town of which he owns 3/4, with a glass of most exensive single malt in his hand, and he asks himself a question...
When did this all go wrong?
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
Head Teacher: I'm going to have to expel you.
Pupil: You'd have to eat me first, w**....
(Shout out to Emo Philips)
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?
She couldn't control her pupils.
Classroom situation
Teacher: There are three birds sitting on a fence, you shoot two of them how many birds are there now?
Pupil: Zero.
Teacher: Why zero?
Pupil: Because all the birds flew away when they heard the shots.
Teacher: No there is one left, but i like the way your thinking.
Pupil: Can I ask you a question now?
Teacher: Yes.
Pupil: Three women are sitting on a bench eating ice cream, one of them bites her ice cream, the other one licks her ice cream, the third one s**... on her ice cream. Who's married?
Teacher: The one who s**... on her ice cream.
Pupil: Wrong, the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way your thinking.
Mr. Rogers the biology teacher called on Mary
"Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions expands upto 6 times it's normal size?"
Mary gasped and said in a huff, " Mr. Rogers! That is a very inappropriate question. The principal will be hearing of this. " She sat down red faced.
"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Rogers.
"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions." said Susan.
"That is correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you, Firstly, You have not studied your lesson.
Secondly, You have a dirty mind. And Third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday."
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
He got fired because he couldn't control his pupils
A teacher at a college reminded her pupils of the next day's final exam...
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' she said.
A smart-arsed kid at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and s**....
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'
My teacher
My teacher had a lazy eye, she couldn't control her pupils.
The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.
First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."
Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."
Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The s**...!"
Four teachers are talking in the staffroom
The English teacher said: "I had a particularly dim pupil today ask me what came after 'F', I made sure be kind when I told him it was 'G'"
The music teacher replied with "I think I taught the same boy, he must've been confused when I told him that naturally F sharp came after F."
The computer science teacher chimed in with "Interestingly I told him that 1 came after F since we're learning hex at the moment"
The PE teacher after quietly listening in sheepishly admits "I told him it's okay, you can always train to teach gym".
Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
She couldn't control her pupils
A teacher teaches class on drug a**...
He walks into the classroom, draws a big circle and a small circle on the blackboard and asks: What are these?
As nobody answers, he says: The big circle is your eye pupil, when you're clean, and the small circle is your eye pupil, when you're high! If the police see this, they put you in jail…
Then he proceeds to draw a small circle and a big circle and asks: What are these? . Nobody answers…
He points to the small circle and says: This is your a**..., before you go to jail….
A teacher arrives to work drunk.
"Alright class, today we're going to... I don't b**... know. Learn the alphabet"
"Are you okay sir?" enquires one of the pupils.
"It starts A, B, C, D you idiot!"
That's disgusting...
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a Big disappointment."