Teacher Jokes

195 teacher jokes and hilarious teacher puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about teacher that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Be entertained by funny jokes and witty quips as teachers and students alike go head to head in this hilarious collection of jokes about the dynamic between educators and students. Find out who comes out on top in this timely collection of teacher jokes!

Funniest Teacher Short Jokes

Short teacher jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The teacher humour may include short student jokes also.

  1. When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
  2. Student: Are well and actually both single-syllable words? Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
  3. Boy: What's a palindrome?
    Teacher: racecar
    {10 years later}
    Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome
    Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]
  4. My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
  5. I asked my maths teacher, "Will we ever use any of this algebra?" She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."
  6. I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.
  7. Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I" Bobby: I is...
    Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
    Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.
  8. Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
  9. A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"
  10. A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
    Because they multiply by dividing.
    RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.

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Teacher One Liners

Which teacher one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with teacher? I can suggest the ones about trainer and education.

  1. If We're Going to Arm the Teachers All I ask is that the librarians get silencers
  2. It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.
  3. Teacher: What is 117 + 3? Johny: 5!
    Teacher: Correct..
  4. My math teacher said I was average... How mean.
  5. My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.
  6. Someone keyed the music teacher's car Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor
  7. My physics teacher said i have potential and then pushed me down the stairs
  8. Teacher: what is 4+2? Johnny: 3!
    Teacher: Yes, you are right.
  9. My teacher asked me to describe myself in 5 words... Lazy
  10. Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils.
  11. There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired Because she couldnt control her pupils.
  12. My teacher accused me of plagiarising my paper. His words. Not mine.
  13. My math teacher used to call me average. How mean!
  14. My maths teacher never goes outside I can tell, cos there's no sin of his tan
  15. What is the average maths teacher like? Mean

Teacher And Student Jokes

Here is a list of funny teacher and student jokes and even better teacher and student puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
  • Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence' Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'
  • Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!! Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.
  • Today I gave a student detention for being tardy I was then fired from my job as a special ed. teacher
  • Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!" The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."
  • A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!" "You mean history."
    "Don't change the subject!"
  • Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence" Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"
    Jamaican student: "the cheetah is faster dandelion"
    *Everyone dies*
  • A frustrated student handed in his exam. "I've been writing for two hours, yet i haven't answered a single question!" he complained.
    "Well done, that's a straight A." replied the Politics Teacher.
  • A man lost $100 bill Teacher: Why are you late?
    Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
    Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
    Student: No. I was standing on it.
  • The student and the teacher. JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
    TEACHER:" Of course not. "
    JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."

Student Teacher Jokes

Here is a list of funny student teacher jokes and even better student teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • "When am I ever gonna use this?" Asked the student to the algebra teacher "Well you won't, but one of the smart kids might" he replied cheerfully
  • Teacher - how did our grandparents kill time without smartphones or internet ? Student- I've already asked this question to my mum, her 5 brothers and 7 sisters !!
  • Do special ed teachers mark late students as tardy? i have no shame.
  • What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof? Don't do that, you have so much potential!
  • My sister is a theater teacher and asked her class, "What would the world be like without theater?" One of her students replied, "Well, Abraham Lincoln would've lived a bit longer."
  • A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton" "I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"
    "Ok tell the last part"
    "... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton
  • The teacher says "If you answer my question, you can go home." One student throws a pen at him. The teacher asks "Who did that?"
    "It was me, goodbye."
  • Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student? Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
  • Student: (*hands in exam*) "I've been writing for 2 hours but I haven't answered a single question!" Politics Teacher: "Congratulations, that's a straight A."
  • The Chemical Formula For Water Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
    Student: "HIJKLMNO."
    Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
    Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"
Teacher joke, The Chemical Formula For Water

School Teacher Jokes

Here is a list of funny school teacher jokes and even better school teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When I was a kid my mom used to say " Perdon my French" when she said any bad word. I'll never forget the day in school when my teacher ask if could speak French.
  • The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
  • When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class. Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
  • School joke Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
    One boy throws his bag out the window.
    Teacher: Who just threw that?!
    Boy: Me! I'm going home now.
  • Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school? Sources say that the teachers were alarmed.
  • When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"
  • Is it ok for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school? Or does that make me a bad teacher?
  • My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now" Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher. No idea why the school hired him.
  • I was tucking my son in last night, and he tells me that his teacher is "an idiot" and she's "out to get him." Which is just the last thing you want to hear when your kid's home schooled.
  • Why was the math teacher late for school? He took the rhombus

Teacher Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny teacher day jokes and even better teacher day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent. So instead, a subreddit.
  • My dad would swear and then say, "Excuse my French" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand.
  • Happy Pi Day Me: I dreamed my teacher is making me read out endless values of π.
    Psychiatrist: Is it recurring?
    Me: Not as far as anyone can tell.
  • In my day, schooling was so severe. If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.
    Tough measures.
  • To the English teacher that stole my calendar... Your days are numbered. Mark my words.
  • The other day, my Physics teacher said I had so much potential... Then he pushed me out the window.
  • My teacher used to tell me that I would never amount to anything by looking out of the window all day Man did I feel smug as I passed him his burger and fries at the drive-through last night
  • Harassment. So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"
  • My ceramics teacher was excellent. Day after day, she was always kiln it.
  • When I was a kid, my parents always said, "Excuse my French!" whenever they swore. I'll never forget my first day at school when my teacher asked the class of any of us knew any French.

Teacher Student Jokes

Here is a list of funny teacher student jokes and even better teacher student puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A teacher asks a student.. Teacher: I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer fast. Got it?
    Student: Yes teacher.
    Teacher: What is 2+2?
    Student: FAST!
  • Teacher: What is the tense of the phrase "I am beautiful" Student: Past
  • The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied... "Yeah, right!"
  • Teacher: did your father help you with your homework? Student: no he did it all by himself
  • A teacher asks her students to use the word dandelion on a sentence A boy raises his hand and says, the cheetah is faster dandelion.
  • A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. One student replies "G"
    "Why's that Angus?"
  • Teacher: What is the formula for water? Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.
    Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
    Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
  • Biology Joke Biology teacher:
    Can anyone name a disease?
    I can sir.
    Well done. Whose next?
  • Teacher: So what's your sentence that contains the word contagious? Student: our neighbour is painting a wall with 2 inch brush, my dad says it will take this contagious.
  • A teacher asks her student Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?
    Student: Honey
    Teacher: What does a cow gives us?
    Student: Milk
    Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?
    Student: Homework
Teacher joke, A teacher asks her student

Share Hilarious Teacher Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about teacher you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cola jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make teacher pranks.

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?
**A European student:** What's scarcity?
**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?
**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.
Johnny: I is...
Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'
Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling
Oh, hi
Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Really? Wow! That's..
Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet

Jimmy approached his teacher

After looking at the syllabus for their next lesson on graphing, Jimmy approached his teacher with a stern look on his face and said, I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!

A teacher said to her class, "Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would do"...

Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. "Why aren't you writing Johnny?" she asked. Johnny looked up. "I'm waiting for my secretary."

I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out.

She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.

I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.
She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

A teacher walks into a bar and says "Can I have a beer"

The barman says "I don't know, CAN YOU?"

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"

A student walks up to his teacher...

-Student: "Miss, would you blame someone for something that they didn't do?"
-Teacher: "No of course not. I would never do that."
-Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."

When your Dad is a math teacher you grow up with jokes like this...

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius s**...?
A: To get to the same side!

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison...

...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Why was the piano teacher arrested?

He kept f**... A minor.

What do you call a teacher that doesn't f**... in public?

a private tooter.

A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...

"Who's a Trump fan?"
Not wanting to look s**... for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.
"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.
"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.
"And why are you a Sanders fan?"
"Because mommy and daddy are"
"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked
"A Trump fan"

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

Why did the kid eat his homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew

A teacher was giving a math lesson...

...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."

o**... Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...

He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"
"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."
"Why, what did you answer?"
"The Empire State Building."
"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."

My Spanish teacher taught me the word for "Transgender"

I asked him if the word is masculine or feminine

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...

Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into s**... position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

Why couldn't Snape be a Herbology teacher?

Because he wasn't able to keep the Lilies alive.

So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69.

Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.

Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen?

Me: We have the same teacher.

Son: "I got expelled"

Dad: "How?"
Son: "I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."
Dad: "That's pretty dumb but-"
Son: "Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."
Dad: "Ok?"
Son: "And rub 1 out."

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...

"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"
"I did Teacher"
"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"
"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."
"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"
"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"

Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

I think my math teacher works for the CIA...

He always wants to put radicals in isolation.

The German dream

The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."

What do you call an IT teacher who has s**... with his students?

A PDF File

What do you call a fantastic Japanese teacher?


I used to smoke w**... and go to class...

Sneak in ten minutes late with a b**... excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.

Idiot Teacher

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital

*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?
P : my dad is still in the hospital.
T : wow, this must be serious.
*1 month later*
T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.
P : Indeed.
T: well, how come?
P : he's a doctor.

Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy w**... from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy c**... from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakobo

What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"
Student: I is the...
Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home."

One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.
"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.
"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."

My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results...

... speak for themselves

Smart first grader

A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.

I found out what that math teacher with graph paper from yesterday's joke was plotting....

...weapons of math instruction.

Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters

Teacher: Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Me: They aren't Silent, They are waiting their turn

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up

Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....


What was the guitar teacher arrested for?

f**... a minor

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."

Teacher at parents meeting :

- Your boy was caught smoking m**... !!!
The mother :
- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??
- He said he got it from his best friend.
The father, wiping a happy tear :
- My boy really said that ... ?

Sir, your son was smoking m**... at school during the class!

Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?

A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"
The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."
The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"
The kid says, "The cow ate it all."
"Ok, then where's the cow?"
"It left because there was no more grass."

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'

I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during s**....

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.


Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:
1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water
The next day, the teacher shows the results:
The 1st worm in beer, dead.
The 2nd in wine, dead.
The 3rd in whiskey, dead.
The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.
The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?
And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey, does not have worms.

Teacher joke, Worms

jokes about teacher