The Best 35 Teach Kids Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Teach Kids jokes. There are some teach kids jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these teach kids puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Teach Kids Jokes and Puns

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with

But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza..

.. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.

When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.

He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.

What do you call it when a kid teaches their parents?

Learning from your mistakes.


A teacher was speaking to her class about self-esteem.

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him, Why did you stand up? He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.

So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..

His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.

She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?

Son: Ok

Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.

Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds

A teacher is teaching a class of kids about intelligence

She explains what intelligence is and then

Teacher: people opposite to intelligent are called stupid. Now how many of you think of yourselves as stupid, stand up.

She waits to see if someone would stand up but no one does. After a long while, finally a kid stands up.

Teacher: Do you think you are stupid?

Student: No

Teacher: Then why did you stand up?

Student: I felt bad since you're the only one standing.

A teacher is teaching.

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

I started a summer camp for kids with add/adhd to teach them to manage their symptoms.

It didn't do so well, people kept telling me Concentration Camp was a bad name.

You can explore teach kids reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean teach kids dad jokes. There are also teach kids puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


To teach my kids about the election I let them vote for dinner.

They voted for pizza so I made tacos to teach them their vote doesn't matter anyway.

At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics.

At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics. She says: "Does anybody of you already know how to count? For example you, what's your name?"
"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."
"Please show me."
"Four, five, six, one two, three."

A shark is teaching his kid how to attack swimmers.

"Make sure your dorsal fin is above the water and swim toward them *really fast*, then veer away at the last moment. Do that a few times, and then go back and eat them."

"But why not just come up from below and eat them right away?"

"Well, they taste a lot better if you *empty* 'em first."

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.

One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him, Why did you stand up? He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.

I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid

He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences

My dad always believed in learning things by doing them

so when I was a kid, he threw me in the lake








just so he could teach himself CPR

Fat cow

Teacher is teaching kids

Teacher: what does the chicken give you?
Student: meat!

Teacher: what does the pig give you?
Student: bacon!

Teacher: what does the fat cow give you?
Student: HOMEWORK!!

My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.

I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.


I want to name my kid History

Then I will teach them to say every sentence twice.
When other people get confused, they will come and ask me why my child is saying everything twice.
I'll answer, "You know, because History always repeats itself."

This joke is translated from georgian.

A teacher is having a lesson about good deeds.
She teaches the kids to help people cross the road and such.

The next day a group of kids go over to the teacher and one of them says:

Hey teacher, Me, Zach, Andy, George, Tom, John and Luke helped a lady to cross the street.

The teacher asked:

Why so many of you?

The kids answer:

She wasnt crossing.

How do you teach a kid to climb stairs?

There is a step by step guide

An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.

The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.

The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."

The instructor feinted.

Remember kids

the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.

What's Resurrection?

There was a man teaching the children's Sunday school class, and his lesson was on resurrection. The man asks the kids if they know what the word resurrection means.

After a long silence a little boy in the back of the room raises his hand and says "Well I don't know what it is but I know that if it lasts more than 4 hours, you have to go see a doctor."

An English teacher went to Germany to teach the German kids English words.

On Day one, he taught them all the English words beginning with A.

Day two, he taught them all the English words beginning with B. After day three which was words C, he thought to himself.

"How are they gonna handle D-day?"

If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day but...

if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done

I've been teaching my kid to fall forward…

Because his teacher said he will repeat the grade if he continues to fall behind.

A teacher was going over the history syllabus.

The teacher says to the class "We will be learning about history for the next 6 months. Each month I will teach a different decade. We will cover the 1940s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 2000-2010".
A student puts her hand up and asks "what about the '90s?". The teacher replies saying "only 90s kids remember the 90s".

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem...

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.


One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him,


Why did you stand up?
He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.

Why can't schools in Afghanistan teach kids to count by drawn lines?

Because of the tally ban

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner: pizza or tacos .



They picked pizza.

So I made steamed broccoli because that's what we get after we are done voting.

I'd like to teach under-privelaged kids lattice geometry

Nothing would give me more pleasure than getting at-risk youth hooked on crystal math.

Human thought

A teacher is teaching the kids that there is nothing quicker than a human thought. All of a sudden, one of the kids gets up and says that she is wrong, so the teacher asks, "What could be quicker, then?"

The kid then says, "Well, last night I overheard my parents having sex as I was passing by the bedroom. After a short while I heard my dad say, 'Shit, I came quicker than I thought.'"

Kid comes home from school and says 'Dad, we're gunna be rich tomorrow'.

Dad's like 'How?!?!'

'My math teacher said he's gunna teach us converting cents into dollars'.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the teach kids jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working teach kids piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes