Teach Kids Jokes
89 teach kids jokes and hilarious teach kids puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about teach kids that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Teach Kids Short Jokes
Short teach kids jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The teach kids humour may include short teach jokes also.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
- My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza.. .. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.
- I started a summer camp for kids with add/adhd to teach them to manage their symptoms. It didn't do so well, people kept telling me Concentration Camp was a bad name.
- To teach my kids about the election I let them vote for dinner. They voted for pizza so I made tacos to teach them their vote doesn't matter anyway.
- I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences
- I pulled my kid out of pre-school because they were indoctrinating him into a socialist liberal mindset Today, his teacher was teaching him how to share.
- My dad always believed in learning things by doing them so when I was a kid, he threw me in the lake
just so he could teach himself cpr - I got fired from my job as a math teacher I was supposed to teach the kids what sine divided by cosine was, but I kept going off on a tangent.
- In a job swapping exercise , a politician was assigned the job Of a math teacher .
Guess what did he teach the kids in the class.
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Teach Kids One Liners
Which teach kids one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with teach kids? I can suggest the ones about kids teacher and taught.
- What do you call it when a kid teaches their parents? Learning from your mistakes.
- How do you teach a kid to climb stairs? There is a step by step guide
- What did Star Trek teach millions of kids? To boldly split infinitives!
- The Best Way To Teach Your Kids About Taxes... Is By Eating 30% Of Their Ice cream
- Going to teach my kids fire breathing Can't wait to see their little faces light up!
- The only way to teach your kids to behave Lock them in a cage
- Samsung Teaches Kids How To Count To Ten. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...whoah there...
- Shia LaBeouf should never teach s**... education He'd tell the kids to just do it.
Comical Teach Kids Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about teach kids you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kids train jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make teach kids pranks.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
What's Resurrection?
There was a man teaching the children's Sunday school class, and his lesson was on resurrection. The man asks the kids if they know what the word resurrection means.
After a long silence a little boy in the back of the room raises his hand and says "Well I don't know what it is but I know that if it lasts more than 4 hours, you have to go see a doctor."
An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.
The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.
The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."
The instructor feinted.
Kid friendly jokes?
I'm a ski instructor. I usually teach kids ages 9-13 years old. What are some good kid friendly jokes to keep them interested?
Example:
Q: Where do kings keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies.
Why couldn't the trig professor teach the deaf kid?
Cos sec sin!
Alternatively: cosecant sine
Thanks /u/mephysteaux
I came up with this while studying, I should probably keep doing that.
A teacher was speaking to her class about self-esteem.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were s**... to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him, Why did you stand up? He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.
A teacher is teaching.
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)
What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?
Grandparents.
I'd like to teach under-privelaged kids lattice geometry
Nothing would give me more pleasure than getting at-risk youth hooked on crystal math.
Fat cow
Teacher is teaching kids
Teacher: what does the chicken give you?
Student: meat!
Teacher: what does the pig give you?
Student: bacon!
Teacher: what does the fat cow give you?
Student: HOMEWORK!!
My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.
I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.
If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day but...
if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done
How do Alabama parents teach their kids to put on their underwear?
Yellow in the front, brown in the back.
When I have kids I'm going to teach them valuable lessons like don't do drugs
...Sell them!
Why do people in the ghetto keep chickens in their front yards?
To teach their kids how to walk
What did you do in school today?
Mother: How was school today, Patrick?
Patrick: It was really great mom! Today we made explosives!
Mother: Ooh, they teach some very fancy stuff to kids these days! So, what will you do at school tomorrow?
Patrick: What school?
When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.
He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.
Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security...
Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!
All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with
But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read
Dave worked at a circus school...
Normally, he teaches kids how to juggle or do cartwheels but it wasn't all that interesting.
One day, he decides to teach the kids something a bit more exciting so he brought in a cannon.
Long story short - he was fired.
I wanted to teach my kids about American democracy, so I let them choose what food to have dinner.
They chose pizza, but I gave them tacos since they didn't live in a swing state.
What do you call a program that teaches kids how to make orange juice?
A concentration camp
German dream
A teacher in germany was teaching the students about the american dream. At the end of the class the teacher asks if there were any questions. A kid raised his hand and asks if there is a german dream too. The teacher replies "there was, but our neighbours didnt like it that much"
Teaching a kid about animals and asked her: "Which animal is the largest animal in the world?"
She replied: "You."
(True story, just happened minutes ago while tutoring a kid. *Cries*)
When I was a kid my dad threw me into a lake to teach me how to swim
It would have been easier had he not put me in the duffle bag first.
Kid comes home from school and says 'Dad, we're gunna be rich tomorrow'.
Dad's like 'How?!?!'
'My math teacher said he's gunna teach us converting cents into dollars'.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were s**... to stand up.
One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him, Why did you stand up? He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.
While helping some freshmen check into their dorms at our state college I overheard a couple of new co-eds rate me as a six.
It really saddens me that our public school systems are only teaching kids to count to six.
CHRISTMAS TIP: Wrap empty presents and put under the tree.
When you kid starts misbehaving throw one in the fire place.
That'll teach them little b**....
Why can't schools in Afghanistan teach kids to count by drawn lines?
Because of the tally ban
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They voted on pizza.
Then I took all their pocket money, spent it all on booze and blamed my ex-wife for their predicament.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner: pizza or tacos .
They picked pizza.
So I made steamed broccoli because that's what we get after we are done voting.
Remember kids
the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
A teacher was going over the history syllabus.
The teacher says to the class "We will be learning about history for the next 6 months. Each month I will teach a different decade. We will cover the 1940s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 2000-2010".
A student puts her hand up and asks "what about the '90s?". The teacher replies saying "only 90s kids remember the 90s".
How do you teach a bunch of kids about God—who He is, and what He does?
Gather them all in a classroom. Then never show up.
Kenny Rogers was a video game purist who insisted on teaching his kids the correct way to play.
He said, "if you're gonna play the Gameboy, you gotta learn to play it right."
I Was Teaching Some 4-Year Olds at Church Today...
I asked them,"What do you need to do to get to heaven?"
One of the kids promptly replied,"Die!"
Human thought
A teacher is teaching the kids that there is nothing quicker than a human thought. All of a sudden, one of the kids gets up and says that she is wrong, so the teacher asks, "What could be quicker, then?"
The kid then says, "Well, last night I overheard my parents having s**... as I was passing by the bedroom. After a short while I heard my dad say, 'Shit, I came quicker than I thought.'"
An English teacher went to Germany to teach the German kids English words.
On Day one, he taught them all the English words beginning with A.
Day two, he taught them all the English words beginning with B. After day three which was words C, he thought to himself.
"How are they gonna handle D-day?"
Celibacy is very important to teach to your kids.
It'll only prepare them for when they're married.
Cinderella teaches young kids a very important lesson.
It doesn't matter how poor you are, as long as you're really hot and you suitor has a f**....
As a professional s**... educator I have frequently teach kids that the "pull-out method" is almost 90% effective when I do it right.
That or I'm shooting blanks
What did Slim Shady ask the class on his first day of teaching at music school?
"Hi kids, do you like violins?"
I used to teach at a special school
I'm surprised how badly they treat the kids. To summarize my experience there, there's no ups only downs.
I don't believe in hitting my children as punishment
So I teach them Fortnite dances and send them to school so that other kids can beat them
When I was a kid, in the second grade, my parents began teaching me to expand my vocabulary so I didn't sound "dumb"
Nowadays parents only have show their children memes of Donald Trump
This is insane, schools don't even teach our kids that Pluto is planet anymore!
Seriously, how'd it turn from a planet into some freaking dog?!
At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics.
At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics. She says: "Does anybody of you already know how to count? For example you, what's your name?"
"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."
"Please show me."
"Four, five, six, one two, three."
A shark is teaching his kid how to attack swimmers.
"Make sure your dorsal fin is above the water and swim toward them *really fast*, then veer away at the last moment. Do that a few times, and then go back and eat them."
"But why not just come up from below and eat them right away?"
"Well, they taste a lot better if you *empty* 'em first."
A kid walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what's s**...?"
The dad says, "Well Timmy, you're almost 10 years old so I guess you're old enough to know the truth. Follow me."
He follows his dad to his room where his mother is spread eagle on the bed.
"Now son, do you see that hole between your mother's legs?"
"Yeah..."
"Watch this."
With that, the dad went to town on his mom. A few seconds later the boy's little sister walked by.
"Whatcha doin?"
"Daddy is teaching me about s**...."
"What's s**...?" she asked.
"Well, you see that hole between daddy's legs?"
"Yeah..."
"Watch this."
Every Friday Mrs. Jones ask the class a question.
The kid that answers correctly gets to leave class early.
Timmy has never been that kid. But this Friday he decided it was his turn. Friday comes around and Timmy is ready. The class sits down and is listening for the question. Timmy pulls some marbles out and rolls them across the floor. The teacher turns around and says to the class.
"Alright kids, who's the comedian with the black b**...?"
Timmy yells, "Chris Rock, See ya Monday Teach!"
To teach my kids about capitalism...
...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.
Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.
Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gave them nothing.
This joke is translated from georgian.
A teacher is having a lesson about good deeds.
She teaches the kids to help people cross the road and such.
The next day a group of kids go over to the teacher and one of them says:
Hey teacher, Me, Zach, Andy, George, Tom, John and Luke helped a lady to cross the street.
The teacher asked:
Why so many of you?
The kids answer:
She wasnt crossing.
I just hope my kids get a teacher that can teach them the difference between:
\*They're, their, and there.
\*You're and your.
\*You and Yu.
So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..
His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.
She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?
Son: Ok
Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.
Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem...
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were s**... to stand up.
One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him,
Why did you stand up?
He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.
A teacher is teaching a class of kids about intelligence
She explains what intelligence is and then
Teacher: people opposite to intelligent are called s**.... Now how many of you think of yourselves as s**..., stand up.
She waits to see if someone would stand up but no one does. After a long while, finally a kid stands up.
Teacher: Do you think you are s**...?
Student: No
Teacher: Then why did you stand up?
Student: I felt bad since you're the only one standing.
I've been teaching my kid to fall forward…
Because his teacher said he will repeat the grade if he continues to fall behind.
I want to name my kid History
Then I will teach them to say every sentence twice.
When other people get confused, they will come and ask me why my child is saying everything twice.
I'll answer, "You know, because History always repeats itself."
Teaching my kids to be specific
Since my kids were little they would bring me their socks and ask daddy could you put my socks on ? My answer is always Sure but I don't think they will fit me . So now they ask questions like can you put my shirt ON ME ? I love being a dad. 😎
So, I decided to teach my kids about democracy, right?
I was like, 'Alright kids, we're gonna have a vote. We're gonna decide on what show to watch and what food to order.'
And they're excited, they're like, 'Ooh, democracy!'
And I'm like, 'Yeah, this is how it works.'
And then I picked the show and got the food I wanted because I'm the one with the money.
John was at the grocery store buying beer for poker night with his buddies
When he is in the frozen food section a voluptuous redhead approaches him and says:
Excuse me, I think you are the father of one of my kids
John replied: ohhh, we're you that redhead that I banged in the bathroom at Shannon's a couple of years back?, you certainly look good
The redhead replied: No sir…, I'm a kindergartner teacher and I teach Timmy, your 5 year old son…