The Best 70 Teach Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Teach jokes. There are some teach education jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these teach sensei puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Teach Jokes and Puns

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.

jokes about teach

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face


Make the little things count...

teach midgets arithmetic.

I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery.

None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.

Teach joke, I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery.

A teacher said to her class, "Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would do"...

Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. "Why aren't you writing Johnny?" she asked. Johnny looked up. "I'm waiting for my secretary."

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"

Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

A teacher walks into a bar and says "Can I have a beer"

The barman says "I don't know, CAN YOU?"

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"

T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"

S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"

You can explore teach enroll reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean teach teaching creationism dad jokes. There are also teach puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I try to teach my mom something new everyday.

Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes.

Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.

Give a man a jacket

He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.

My daughter just lost her first tooth!

That'll teach her to talk back.

A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...

"Who's a Trump fan?"

Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.

"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.

"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.

"And why are you a Sanders fan?"

"Because mommy and daddy are"

"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked

"A Trump fan"

Teach joke, A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.

"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

A teacher was giving a math lesson...

...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"

The student replied, "Two dollars."

"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.

"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.


Give a man a jacket, and he will be warm for the day.

Teach a man to jacket, and he will never leave his house.

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)

Because that's where students have the most potential.

All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with

But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

Teach a man to fish, and he'll be able to eat for a lifetime

Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is

A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"

Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen?

Me: We have the same teacher.

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

Teach joke, A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank

Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.

My son lost his first tooth today.

That will teach him to talk back...


My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Do you know any jokes?

**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"

**Me:** "No."

**Her:** "I'll teach you one."


"Knock! Knock!"

**Me:** "Who's there?"

**Her:** "Ash."


"Now ask, Ash: who?"

**Me:** "Ash: who?"

**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."

**Me: rekt**

Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital

*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?

P : my dad is still in the hospital.

T : wow, this must be serious.

*1 month later*

T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.

P : Indeed.

T: well, how come?

P : he's a doctor.

Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakobo

Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence'

Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'


Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Student: I is the...

Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home."

One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.

"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.

"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."

Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?

A curious child asked his mother: Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!

The child replied innocently: Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

My teacher accused me of plagiarising my paper.

His words. Not mine.

Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South?

Because they don't like integration.

Teacher at parents meeting :

- Your boy was caught smoking marijuana !!!

The mother :

- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??

- He said he got it from his best friend.

The father, wiping a happy tear :

- My boy really said that ... ?

Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day.

Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.

My Russian wife wouldn't even teach me how to say hello in her language

She says it's private.

My teacher asked me to describe myself in 5 words...

Lazy

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

I am starting a charity to teach short people maths.

It's called making the little things count.

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

A student says to the teacher, "you only teach useless crap"

to which the teacher replies, "hey there no need to be so hard on yourself"

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.

But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

Teacher: what is 4+2?

Johnny: 3!

Teacher: Yes, you are right.

Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.

A teacher told his students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted, angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

Give a man a fish you'll feed him for a day

Teach a man to fish and he'll spend thousands of dollars on equipment and go once a year

The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny.

"He stopped calling for help yesterday

Teacher: how do you spell 'crocodile'

Kid: K-R-O-K-I-D-I-A-L.

Teacher: no, that's wrong.

Kid: no, I'm right. Other people might spell it differently but you asked how I spell it.

Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.

Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.

Charlie: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.

A man buys a parrot and brings him home.

But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him, and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."

The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."

The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"

As my teacher used to say: "Pre- means before. Post- means after."

"To use both prefixes together would be preposterous."

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza.

I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

My teachers told me I would never amount to anything because I procrastinate to much.

I told them, "just you wait!"

A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.

Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

Trying to teach English is very frustrating

I mean how hard is it to understand that "I peppered salt on my baked fries and boneless ribs?"

Teacher: What is 117 + 3?

Johny: 5!

Teacher: Correct..

a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name hijkm she says i'm sorry, i'm not sure how to pronounce this name, then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:

that's me, and it's pronounced noelle

I was teaching my science class about Pavlov.

The students were laughing at the stupidity of the dogs.

Then the bell rang and they all got up and rushed to the canteen for lunch.

What did the teacher say when the student peed his pants?

Urine trouble!

Teacher : Why can't Trump go to the white house anymore?

Student: Because it is FOR BIDEN

Why can't you teach the concept of irony to a kleptomaniac?

Because they take everything..literally.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the teach instructor jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working teach lesson piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes