The Best 72 Teach Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Teach jokes. There are some teach education jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these teach sensei puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Teach Jokes and Puns

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

Teach joke, Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face


Make the little things count...

teach midgets arithmetic.

I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery.

None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.

Teach joke, I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery.

A teacher said to her class, "Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would do"...

Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. "Why aren't you writing Johnny?" she asked. Johnny looked up. "I'm waiting for my secretary."

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"

Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

A teacher walks into a bar and says "Can I have a beer"

The barman says "I don't know, CAN YOU?"

The best jokes also teach you something.

In 1954 John Stapp broke a huge record. Using a rocket powered sled that was going 632 mph, he came to a full stop in just over 1 second. He experienced 46.2 G's making his 168 pound body feel for an instant like it was 7,700 pounds and he STILL only felt half as fat as yo mamma.

You can explore teach enroll reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean teach teaching creationism dad jokes. There are also teach puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Paul: I is the...

Teacher: No, Paul . You must say "I am" not "I is."
Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"

T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"

S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"

I try to teach my mom something new everyday.

Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes.

Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.

Give a man a jacket

He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.

Teach joke, Give a man a jacket

My daughter just lost her first tooth!

That'll teach her to talk back.

A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...

"Who's a Trump fan?"

Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.

"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.

"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.

"And why are you a Sanders fan?"

"Because mommy and daddy are"

"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked

"A Trump fan"

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.

"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.


A teacher was giving a math lesson...

...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"

The student replied, "Two dollars."

"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.

"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

Give a man a jacket, and he will be warm for the day.

Teach a man to jacket, and he will never leave his house.

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)

Because that's where students have the most potential.

All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with

But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day,

Teach a man to phish and he'll empty an old woman's savings account.

Teacher: Tell me the sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Teach a man to fish, and he'll be able to eat for a lifetime

Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is

A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"

Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen?

Me: We have the same teacher.

Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"

Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"

Jamaican student: "the cheetah is faster dandelion"

*Everyone dies*

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

I tried teaching my mom how to build a PC

But all it did was make my motherboard

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank

Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.

My son lost his first tooth today.

That will teach him to talk back...

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up"

*Nobody stands up*
Teacher:"There has to be at least one stupid student here"
*Timmy stands up*
Teacher:"Timmy do you think you're stupid?"
Timmy:"No, I just felt bad that you were standing alone"

Do you know any jokes?

**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"

**Me:** "No."

**Her:** "I'll teach you one."


"Knock! Knock!"

**Me:** "Who's there?"

**Her:** "Ash."


"Now ask, Ash: who?"

**Me:** "Ash: who?"

**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."

**Me: rekt**

Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital

*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?

P : my dad is still in the hospital.

T : wow, this must be serious.

*1 month later*

T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.

P : Indeed.

T: well, how come?

P : he's a doctor.

My teacher told me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakoboο»Ώ

Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence'

Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Student: I is the...

Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home."

One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.

"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.

"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."

Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?

A curious child asked his mother: Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!

The child replied innocently: Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

My teacher accused me of plagiarising my paper.

His words. Not mine.

Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South?

Because they don't like integration.

Teacher at parents meeting :

- Your boy was caught smoking marijuana !!!

The mother :

- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??

- He said he got it from his best friend.

The father, wiping a happy tear :

- My boy really said that ... ?

Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day.

Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.

My Russian wife wouldn't even teach me how to say hello in her language

She says it's private.

My teacher asked me to describe myself in 5 words...

Lazy

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

I am starting a charity to teach short people maths.

It's called making the little things count.

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.

My teacher asked me how I view lesbian relationships...

Apparently 1080p Full Screen HD wasn't the right answer.

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

What do you call parents who don't teach their children about safe sex?

Grandparents!

A student says to the teacher, "you only teach useless crap"

to which the teacher replies, "hey there no need to be so hard on yourself"

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.

But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

Teacher: what is 4+2?

Johnny: 3!

Teacher: Yes, you are right.

Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.

A teacher told his students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted, angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"?

In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.

Teacher:Β Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."

Student:Β I is the ...

Teacher:Β Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."

Student:Β OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem...

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.


One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him,


Why did you stand up?
He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.

A teacher was teaching her class about whales.

She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn't possibly swallow a human. The little girl said, When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah.

The teacher replied, What if Jonah went to Hell?

The girl said: Then you ask him.

Teacher : Why didn't you come to school yesterday?

Me : I'm sorry, my dad's in the hospital

(One week later)

Teacher: Is your dad still in the hospital?

Me : Yeah, he's a doctor.

Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses?

She had bright students!

Why was the teacher cross-eyed?

She couldn't control her pupils

A teacher asked her students.

"What does the little chicken give you?"
The students replied, "Eggs"
"What does the round pig give you?"
"Bacon"
"What does the fat cow give you?"
"Homework"

The teacher told the girls in the class to start screaming and running out of class every time John lied

It was the perfect revenge prank

Once John entered, the teacher asked why he was late, he answered They're building a strip club right across my house

The girls then started screaming and running out of class, John just looked confused and said

chill out hoes they're not hiring yet

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the teach instructor jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working teach lesson piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes