Taxidermist Jokes
56 taxidermist jokes and hilarious taxidermist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about taxidermist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Taxidermist Short Jokes
Short taxidermist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The taxidermist humour may include short butcher jokes also.
- Did you hear about the guy who is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian? He has a sign on his door: Either way, you get your dog back.
- You can call a dog a fur baby and nothing happens, but I call OND CHILD a skin dog and suddenly I'm the WORST taxidermist in the state.
- I bought my daughter some stuffed animals for her birthday. In hindsight, getting them at the taxidermist was probably a bad idea.
- What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? A taxidermist takes only your skin. [Mark Twain]
- What's the best thing about going to a veterinarian that doubles as a taxidermist? Either way, you get your dog back
- [On a date] Date: So what do you do? Me: I'm a taxidermist
Date: Oh... wow.
Fox: And a ventriloquist - What's a business name that could work with a barber shop, a taxidermist, and a deli? Cuts 'n Stuff
- A hunter takes two monkeys to a taxidermist… The taxidermist asks Do you want these mounted?
The hunter responds No, holding hands would be just fine - What do taxidermists say when you don't have enough money to pay for a whole duck? "I'll send you the bill"
- A woman wants her two dead pet cats taxidermied. "Would you like them mounted?" the taxidermist says.
the woman replies
"no, just holding hands"
Share These Taxidermist Jokes With Friends
Taxidermist One Liners
Which taxidermist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with taxidermist? I can suggest the ones about zookeeper and paleontologist.
- If you're ever chased by a pack of taxidermists DO NOT play dead.
- The taxidermist mounted the wrong end of my prize lion on the wall. It's a catastrophe!
- What do taxidermists do for fun? Oh, you know... Stuff...
- What does a taxidermist do for a living? Oh you know... stuff...
- What does a taxidermist do on Tuesdays? Nothing special ... just the usual stuff.
- If you ever find yourself being chased by a pack of Taxidermists Never play dead.
- If you are chased by a bunch of Taxidermists Don't play dead
- My mother is dating a taxidermist... That's right, he's stuffing my mother.
- Did you hear about the taxidermist who messed up the award? It was a real catasstrophy!
- If you're being chased by a pack of taxidermists. Don't play dead.
- Trophy Wife Any wife can be a trophy wife...
... if you take her to a taxidermist. - Q. What is a taxidermist's favorite part of Thanksgiving?
A. The stuffing. - What goes, duck, duck, goose? A taxidermist counting yearly inventory.
- I cheated on my taxidermist girlfriend. Now I'm stuffed...
- What happens to the taxidermist after he eats? He gets stuffed.
A Taxidermist Jokes
Here is a list of funny a taxidermist jokes and even better a taxidermist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear what happened to the big game taxidermist who fell behind on his debt? His deer rear career is in arrears
- My neighbor is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian He has a sign that says either way you get your dog back
- Growing up, my kid always had lots of stuffed animals.... ...but he never appreciated them. Everything we went to the taxidermist he'd start crying.
- A man asks a taxidermist what they do for a living... He replies:
"I dunno... stuff... I guess..." - My ex girlfriend kept stuffed animals all over her bed. It really killed the mood... ...because she was a taxidermist.
- Why couldn't the taxidermist finish anything he started? Because he kept getting side tracked by pet projects
- The difference between an Optimist and a Bird Taxidermist The taxidermist sees a gamebird as a mixture of multiple species
The optimist only sees it as half-fowl - What do a child and a taxidermist have in common? They both have rooms of stuffed animals.
Ba dum-tsssss - A hunter shot a lion and wanted its head mounted. Unfortunately, the taxidermist got it backwards. It was a real cat-a**...-trophy
- The other day I overheard my wife on the phone with a taxidermist... She kept going on about how she loved how he stuffed her b**....
Charming Humor Taxidermist Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about taxidermist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zoo keeper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make taxidermist pranks.
My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.
His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."
Welsh pub
One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer.
All the other men in the bar looked at him and the bartender asked, "You're not from around here, are you lad?"
"No," replied the man, "I'm from London."
"So, boyo," said the bartender, "What do you do for a living then?"
"I'm a taxidermist." Replied the man.
"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them do?"
"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."
The bartender then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's o.k. lads, he's one of us!"
A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he's needs a drink so he goes to a local bar
He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks you ain't from around here are you?
No sir, He says, I'm from Minnesota
What the h**... do you do in Minnesota the bartender asks.
Im a taxidermist! The man replies.
What the h**... is that!? The bartender asks.
The guy says nervously I umm, mount dead animals
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar it's ok fellas, he's one of us!
Taxidermist walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
So a guy and a girl are on a blind date.
The girl says to the guy, So, Gerry, what do you do for a living?
Gerry immediately bends down to pick something up from under the table. He pulls out a stuffed gopher, and shows it to the girl. Oh, yeah, he says, I'm a taxidermist.
The girl replies with Oh, that's cool.
Then the gopher says, And a ventriloquist.
A guy walks into a r**... bar.
A guy walks into a r**... bar and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see some flamboyant Yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
"No sir," the guy says, "I'm from North Dakota."
"North Dakota?" the bartender asks. "What the h**... you do in North Dakota?"
"I'm a taxidermist," the guy replies.
"A taxidermist, what the h**... is that?" the bartender asks.
The guy says nervously, "Um, I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay fellas, he's one of us!"
A woman had 2 pet rabbits.
When they both died unexpectedly, she decided to get them stuffed so she took them to a taxidermist.
"Would you like them mounted?" the taxidermist asked.
She thought about it for a moment and said, "no, holding hands is fine".
An old lady's beloved pair of pet rabbits died
So she took them to the taxidermist to get them stuffed. The taxidermist asked her "would you like them mounted?" "No" she replied, "just holding hands."
A friend of mine is a veterinarian. He is also a taxidermist...
A friend of mine is a veterinarian.
He is also a taxidermist.
He has a sign on the side of his car that reads, Either way, you get your dog back.
Rabbits died
My neighbor's pair of pet rabbits died unexpectedly within hours of each other. She was distraught. I suggested she go to my friend the taxidermist. When she arrived, my friend tried to console her and she asked him if he could create a memorial. "Of course", he replied. He explained that he could stuff them and they would almost look lifelike. He asked if she would like them mounted.
"No" she said, "holding paws would be fine."
John has two monkeys that died within 24 hours of each other.
He took them to the taxidermist, because he loved them and wanted to keep them with him forever.
The taxidermist said, "Do you want them mounted?"
John said, "No, just have them shaking hands."
(from a book of old jokes)
