The Best 59 Taxes Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Taxes jokes. There are some taxes loans jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these taxes color of taxes puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Taxes Jokes and Puns
What goes up but never comes down?
Taxes
Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.
That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
There is a one difference between death and taxes...
...at least death doesn't get worse every time congress meets.
Inauguration Limerick by Stephen Colbert
There once was a man named Barack
Whose re-election came as a shock
He raised taxes I pay
And turned marriage gay
And now he's coming after your Glock
What do condoms and taxes have in common?
Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.
Last day for your taxes
A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's testicles and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
really old joke based off a video game from the 90's
What are the three certainties in life? ( Thank you for spellcheck on google chrome ) 1. death 2. taxes. 3. you'll hear this joke sooner or later
A comedian is called to the IRS...
...they tell him he owes more taxes. He says, "Why?" They say, "Because we appreciated your humor."
There are only two things certain in life
death, taxes, and people who can't count.
I wonder if Sherlock Holmes is good at his taxes...
He's great at making deductions.
I don't feel sorry for people who waited until the last minute to do their taxes... I finished mine over a year ago...
You can explore taxes income reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean taxes money dad jokes. There are also taxes puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Always pay your taxes with a smile
I tried, but the IRS still wanted cash.
I tried getting my girlfriend to do my taxes...
But she really wasn't Intuit.
Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland?
Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.
Golf is a lot like taxes -
you drive hard to get to the green and end up in the hole.
I don't pay my taxes...
Because I'm smart.
Afterlife for IRS Cheaters
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his stupid, hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing sex to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have sex."
Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security...
Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!
If Donald Trump becomes president, he'll increase taxes, he'll increase borders...
And the population of Canada.
Did you hear about Trump's tax plan?
Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!
Two men are stranded on a deserted island
Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.
Really? Why do you think so?
I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.
Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?
He's a master of deduction.
There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes...
...and the fact that the object in front of you causes cancer in the state of California.
The only constants in life are taxes, death, and...
99c+tax AriZona Iced Tea
What do you call a sith lord that doesn't pay his taxes?
Darth Evader
School Logic
Me: What are taxes and how do I pay them?
School: Worry not
School: Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
Back in medieval times King Arthur had a knight that collected taxes
His name was Sir Charge
Gold diggers are like taxes
They really suck every time you get a pay check
Not a dime of our taxes was used to buy bookmarks....
Politicians prefer to bend a page over.
America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners
Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.
They say we should pay our taxes with a smile...
I tried, but they wanted cash.
My girlfriend keeps insisting I should do her taxes...
I already told her I'm not intuit.
(Ukrainian joke). Leaders of three countries discuss their economies and taxes.
US President says: we tax our people at roughly 30%, and what they do with the rest, is not of my business
UK prime minister says: we tax our people at 50%, and what they do with the rest is none of my business.
Ukrainian president says: we tax our people at 130%, and where they get the rest, is none of my business
This is a joke from the 1990s.
A man goes to see his accountant
A man goes to see his accountant about some help filing his taxes.
The accountant: okay I'll just need some information. What do you do for a living?
The man: I'm a dentist.
A: okay, and are you married?
M: yes, i am!
A: okay, and what does your wife do for a living?
M: well, it's sorta hard to say...
A: okay, but i need this information to proceed. What does she do?
M: She sells seashells down by the seashore!!
Only 2 things are certain in this world -
Death, taxes, and my inability to count
How does yoda feel about extra taxes on alcohol?
Backwards, the sintax is.
May the 4th be with you!
If it's a penny for your thoughts, how come I gotta give my two cents?
Taxes.
My 6-Year-old came up to me While I was paying thetaxes on my laptop
6yr: What game are you playing?
Me: Paying the taxes.
6yr: Are you winning?
Me: No, In fact I lost 6 Years ago.
HR: "Why should we hire you?"
Because I want to pay taxes instead of living off of it.
Boss: "and this is what you'll be making before taxes"
Employee: "that's gross"
Why did the chiropractor go bankrupt?
He owed too much in back taxes.
I never use TurboTax to file my taxes.
I'm just not Intuit.
Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly.
It's hard to believe that 95% of us can't do simple math.
I'm really glad I learned geometry instead of taxes.
Now that trapezoid season is coming, I'll be prepared.
People that cheat on their taxes disgust me.
This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in..
If you're trying to get f**ked today...
... Do your taxes 2 months early!
Where does a pirate go to do his taxes?
H&Rrrrrr block (pirate voice)
I thought of this the other day, not sure if it's an actual joke or not, made me laugh at myself though.
I would not say that i am ugly
But women have sex with me because it can be deducted on the taxes as charity
Did you know that you don't pay taxes on flatbreads if they have a picture of Mohammed on it?
That's because naan-prophets are tax-exempt.
Why shouldn't atheists pay taxes?
They are not for prophets
What did the pop star say when she learned she owed back taxes?
Lorde.
Why don't atheists pay taxes?
Because they belong to a non-prophet organization.
What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ?
The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
Try not paying your taxes.
There are three certainties in life:
Death, taxes, and Halloween candy assortments will always include one candy that ruins the bag.
Don't forget to pay your taxes this year....
.....other countries and politicians are depending on you.
Why was the IRS after the chiropractor
He owed back taxes.
What's the difference between Taxes and Texas?
Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.
What's the difference between taxes and Texas?
At no point have my taxes ever been frozen.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the taxes tariff jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working taxes debt piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.