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Taxes Jokes

152 taxes jokes and hilarious taxes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about taxes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make light of serious tax topics with these funny taxes jokes. These jokes about taxes offer comedians and financial experts a way to joke about death, taxes, fees, audits, and income.

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Funniest Taxes Short Jokes

Short taxes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The taxes humour may include short income tax jokes also.

  1. Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn't valid anymore. There's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
  2. Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
  3. You can tell monopoly's an old game... ...because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail
  4. You can tell Monopoly is an old game... ...because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
  5. What's the difference between Taxes and Texas? Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.
  6. A judge asked Shakira if she commited tax fraud. Shakira: "Of course not your Honor."
    Shakiras Hips:"Of course we did your Honor."
  7. Donald Trump is introducing a 30% tax on shredded cheese. It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.
  8. Do you know how you can tell Monopoly's an old game? ...it has a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
  9. Why doesn't Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax? Because he makes so many brilliant deductions.
  10. I don't feel sorry for people who waited until the last minute to do their taxes... I finished mine over a year ago...

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Taxes One Liners

Which taxes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with taxes? I can suggest the ones about tax man and fees.

  1. Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low? He's a master of deduction.
  2. How can you donate money to Taliban? Just pay your taxes in United States
  3. So much tax evasion in America... Almost like the country was founded on it or something
  4. What's in common between Elon Musk and Homeless man They both do not pay taxes
  5. Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
  6. Why should atheists be exempted from tax? Because atheism is a non-prophet organisation!
  7. Women are like taxes. I don't do them.
  8. A man is arrested after nearly being hit by a taxi He was charged with tax-evasion
  9. What's the 3.141592653% tax that sailors charge? Pi Rates
  10. Everyone should pay their income tax with a smile I tried - but they wanted cash.
  11. What happened when Karl Marx got his tax return? He became Groucho
  12. What's the difference between Texas and taxes? Taxes can keep an electrical grid running.
  13. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, Try not paying your taxes.
  14. Want to hear a joke? Your government is competent and uses your tax dollars efficiently.
  15. Why did the chiropractor go bankrupt? He owed too much in back taxes.

Pay Taxes Jokes

Here is a list of funny pay taxes jokes and even better pay taxes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The game monopoly is fin, but has some major out of date stuff. There's free parking, a luxury tax, you can actually afford to pay rent, and rich people can actually go to jail.
  • If you go to jail for tax evasion.... ....aren't you basically living off taxes, for not paying your taxes.
  • What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ? The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.
  • It would take approximately 42,000 no. 10 parties for rishi sunak to pay the amount his wife dodged in taxes last year
  • Organised Religion and Mafias have a lot in common... Both have their respective clubhouses and neither pay taxes
  • Why don't atheists pay taxes? Because they belong to a non-prophet organization.
  • They say we should pay our taxes with a smile... I tried, but they wanted cash.
  • School Logic Me: What are taxes and how do I pay them?
    School: Worry not
    School: Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
  • Don't forget to pay your taxes this year.... .....other countries and politicians are depending on you.
  • My 6-Year-old came up to me While I was paying thetaxes on my laptop 6yr: What game are you playing?
    Me: Paying the taxes.
    6yr: Are you winning?
    Me: No, In fact I lost 6 Years ago.

Paying Taxes Jokes

Here is a list of funny paying taxes jokes and even better paying taxes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about Trump's tax plan? Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!
  • Wanna know how to fund the Taliban? Pay your taxes.
  • Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes? There was a sin tax error.
    [8.5]
  • I don't know why people bad mouth lotteries. I pay taxes and odds of winning the lottery are way better than the odds of getting good government.
  • Always pay your taxes with a smile I tried, but the IRS still wanted cash.
  • I've got a great idea for tax evasion Apparently if you don't pay your taxes the government will give you free housing free food and a roommate
  • Why shouldn't atheists pay taxes? They are not for prophets
  • What do you call a sith lord that doesn't pay his taxes? Darth Evader
  • If everyone stopped paying taxes... The government couldn't afford to do anything about it.....
  • HR: "Why should we hire you?" Because I want to pay taxes instead of living off of it.
Taxes joke, HR: "Why should we hire you?"

Death And Taxes Jokes

Here is a list of funny death and taxes jokes and even better death and taxes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There are three certainties in life: Death, taxes, and Halloween candy assortments will always include one candy that ruins the bag.
  • Only 2 things are certain in this world - Death, taxes, and my inability to count
  • There is a one difference between death and taxes... ...at least death doesn't get worse every time congress meets.
  • really old joke based off a video game from the 90's What are the three certainties in life? ( Thank you for spellcheck on google chrome ) 1. death 2. taxes. 3. you'll hear this joke sooner or later
  • There are only two things certain in life death, taxes, and people who can't count.
  • The only constants in life are taxes, death, and... 99c+tax AriZona Iced Tea
  • There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes... ...and the fact that the object in front of you causes cancer in the state of California.
  • There's three things in life that are certain... Death, taxes, and if you bring a black light in your son's room you'll be horrified.
  • Three things are certain in life Death, taxes, and Germany failing in Russia.
  • The wages of sin is death, but... ...by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

File Taxes Jokes

Here is a list of funny file taxes jokes and even better file taxes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly. It's hard to believe that 95% of us can't do simple math.
  • I never use TurboTax to file my taxes. I'm just not Intuit.
  • What tax filing service does a pirate use? H&ARGH Block
  • I just filed my taxes and am getting a return of $500. Looks like I'll be able to afford to buy some eggs.
  • Feeling alone? Feeling unwanted, like no one gives a hoot? Do what I did... don't file your tax returns.
  • What service did Michael Jackson use to do his taxes? Pay-To-File
  • What do you call an Indian bread maker that files for Tax Exempt Status? Naan Profit!
  • Did you know that the IRS is now offering a tax credit for those who purchase m**...? Yeah, all you need to do is file a joint return.
Taxes joke, Did you know that the IRS is now offering a tax credit for those who purchase m**...?

Uplifting Taxes Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about taxes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tax evasion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make taxes pranks.

What goes up but never comes down?

Taxes

Inauguration Limerick by Stephen Colbert

There once was a man named Barack
Whose re-election came as a shock
He raised taxes I pay
And turned marriage gay
And now he's coming after your Glock

What do condoms and taxes have in common?

Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.

Last day for your taxes

A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."

So my girlfriend's mother is throwing papers into the fireplace

When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?"
I reply "Taxes."

A comedian is called to the IRS...

...they tell him he owes more taxes. He says, "Why?" They say, "Because we appreciated your humor."

I wonder if Sherlock Holmes is good at his taxes...

He's great at making deductions.

What do call an ant that helps you with your taxes?

An account-ant.

Something came in the mail today...

My taxes

I tried getting my girlfriend to do my taxes...

But she really wasn't Intuit.

Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland?

Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.

Golf is a lot like taxes -

you drive hard to get to the green and end up in the hole.

I'm such an alcoholic....

That when Alcohol does its taxes, it claims me as its
dependant!

I don't pay my taxes...

Because I'm smart.

Afterlife for IRS Cheaters

Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a s**..., ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his s**..., hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing s**... to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have s**...."

Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security...

Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!

If Donald Trump becomes president, he'll increase taxes, he'll increase borders...

And the population of Canada.

Two men are stranded on a deserted island

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.
Really? Why do you think so?
I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.

The Best Way To Teach Your Kids About Taxes...

Is By Eating 30% Of Their Ice cream

Can I write the money I spent at the Indian bakery off my taxes?

They are a naan profit organization ...

What do you call Luke Skywalkers taxes?

The Return of the Jedi

I didn't do my taxes this year

I just wasn't intuit

NJ Gov Elect Phil Murphy says he's going to legalize m**... in his first 100 days. What's going to be higher than NJ residents?

Their taxes.

Back in medieval times King Arthur had a knight that collected taxes

His name was Sir Charge

Gold diggers are like taxes

They really s**... every time you get a pay check

Not a dime of our taxes was used to buy bookmarks....

Politicians prefer to bend a page over.

America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners

Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.

My girlfriend keeps insisting I should do her taxes...

I already told her I'm not intuit.

(Ukrainian joke). Leaders of three countries discuss their economies and taxes.

US President says: we tax our people at roughly 30%, and what they do with the rest, is not of my business
UK prime minister says: we tax our people at 50%, and what they do with the rest is none of my business.
Ukrainian president says: we tax our people at 130%, and where they get the rest, is none of my business
This is a joke from the 1990s.

A man goes to see his accountant

A man goes to see his accountant about some help filing his taxes.
The accountant: okay I'll just need some information. What do you do for a living?
The man: I'm a dentist.
A: okay, and are you married?
M: yes, i am!
A: okay, and what does your wife do for a living?
M: well, it's sorta hard to say...
A: okay, but i need this information to proceed. What does she do?
M: She sells seashells down by the seashore!!

School.

I'm so glad I learned about parallelograms in school instead of how to do taxes.
It really comes in handy every parallelogram season.

How does yoda feel about extra taxes on alcohol?

Backwards, the sintax is.
May the 4th be with you!

If it's a penny for your thoughts, how come I gotta give my two cents?

Taxes.

Why did the dyslexic man get thrown out of the Texas Republican rally?

TAXES!!!

Boss: "and this is what you'll be making before taxes"

Employee: "that's g**..."

I recently told a joke about how Democrats favor small government, and decreased taxes.

It didn't go over very well. Everyone said it was politically incorrect.

I'm really glad I learned geometry instead of taxes.

Now that trapezoid season is coming, I'll be prepared.

I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket.

I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.

People that cheat on their taxes disgust me.

This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in..

If you're trying to get f**ked today...

... Do your taxes 2 months early!

Where does a pirate go to do his taxes?

H&Rrrrrr block (pirate voice)
I thought of this the other day, not sure if it's an actual joke or not, made me laugh at myself though.

I would not say that i am ugly

But women have s**... with me because it can be deducted on the taxes as charity

My accountant is tired from doing too many taxes.

He developed H&R block.

Taxes are s**......

when they go down.

Did you know that you don't pay taxes on flatbreads if they have a picture of Mohammed on it?

That's because naan-prophets are tax-exempt.

I was woken up by a phone call telling me I've committed tax fraud

They must have had the wrong number cause I don't pay taxes

Why does a Dyslexic Ship Captain with Coprophobia never pay his taxes?

He's afraid of the Sea's Fee.

What did the pop star say when she learned she owed back taxes?

Lorde.

Another good thing to come out of the Supreme Court forcing Trump to disclose his taxes

We're gonna finally learn if having teenage h**... pee on your face is claimed as entertainment expense or medical.

Why was the IRS after the chiropractor

He owed back taxes.

What's the difference between taxes and Texas?

At no point have my taxes ever been frozen.

Did you hear about the chiropractor who got in trouble with the IRS?

It was for back taxes.

Taxes joke, Did you hear about the chiropractor who got in trouble with the IRS?

jokes about taxes