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Tax Jokes

161 tax jokes and hilarious tax puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tax that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Try out these tax jokes to lighten the mood around tax season! From jokes about accountants and filing taxes to jesting about being taxed and bankruptcy, there are plenty of humorous quips to get a laugh!

Funniest Tax Short Jokes

Short tax jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tax humour may include short bankruptcy jokes also.

  1. Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn't valid anymore. There's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
  2. Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
  3. You can tell monopoly's an old game... ...because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail
  4. You can tell Monopoly is an old game... ...because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
  5. What's the difference between Taxes and Texas? Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.
  6. A judge asked Shakira if she commited tax fraud. Shakira: "Of course not your Honor."
    Shakiras Hips:"Of course we did your Honor."
  7. Donald Trump is introducing a 30% tax on shredded cheese. It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.
  8. Do you know how you can tell Monopoly's an old game? ...it has a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
  9. Why doesn't Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax? Because he makes so many brilliant deductions.
  10. I don't feel sorry for people who waited until the last minute to do their taxes... I finished mine over a year ago...

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Tax One Liners

Which tax one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tax? I can suggest the ones about wages and income.

  1. Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low? He's a master of deduction.
  2. How can you donate money to Taliban? Just pay your taxes in United States
  3. So much tax evasion in America... Almost like the country was founded on it or something
  4. What's in common between Elon Musk and Homeless man They both do not pay taxes
  5. Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
  6. Why should atheists be exempted from tax? Because atheism is a non-prophet organisation!
  7. Women are like taxes. I don't do them.
  8. A man is arrested after nearly being hit by a taxi He was charged with tax-evasion
  9. What's the 3.141592653% tax that sailors charge? Pi Rates
  10. Everyone should pay their income tax with a smile I tried - but they wanted cash.
  11. What happened when Karl Marx got his tax return? He became Groucho
  12. What's the difference between Texas and taxes? Taxes can keep an electrical grid running.
  13. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, Try not paying your taxes.
  14. Want to hear a joke? Your government is competent and uses your tax dollars efficiently.
  15. Why did the chiropractor go bankrupt? He owed too much in back taxes.

Tax Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny tax man jokes and even better tax man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man brings some condoms to the cashier... "I thought those were $4.99" said the man
    "35 cents for the tax" replied the cashier
    "Oh, I was wondered what kept those things on."
  • A man admitted he lied on his income tax return: he listed himself as the head of the household!
  • Why did the dyslexic man get thrown out of the Texas Republican rally? TAXES!!!
  • A man admitted he lied on his income tax return: he listed himself as the head of the household!
  • Why was the black man acquitted for tax evasion? Because it was a white colored crime.
  • I'm just like every other man... I do my taxes one leg at a time!
  • A lawyer, a tax-man and a m**... jump off a cliff in a race to the bottom. who wins? society

Tax Return Jokes

Here is a list of funny tax return jokes and even better tax return puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • U2 are one of Ireland's most successful bands. Or according to their tax returns, one of netherlands' least successful hardware store owners.
  • Trump may have dodged the draft but he was still given honorary military ranks. Private Tax Return,
    Major Embarrassment,
    Chief Petty Officer,
    General Incompetence.
  • At this point I feel that there's probably nothing self-incriminating in his tax returns. Or else Donald J. Trump or Junior would have tweeted it out to the public.
  • Clinton to Trump: Release your tax returns! I have never seen them. Trump: …but I emailed them to you. Of course you've never seen them.
  • Trump will move to Mar-a-Lago once his tax returns go public That will be his last resort
  • I just filed my taxes and am getting a return of $500. Looks like I'll be able to afford to buy some eggs.
  • Feeling alone? Feeling unwanted, like no one gives a hoot? Do what I did... don't file your tax returns.
  • I'm glad that I learned about parallelograms in HS math instead of how to do my tax return. It comes in so handy during parallelogram season.
  • Did you hear about the Barcelona football star who got busted for tax evasion? They said his tax returns were Messi.
  • What do you call Luke Skywalkers taxes? The Return of the Jedi
Tax joke, What do you call Luke Skywalkers taxes?

Income Tax Jokes

Here is a list of funny income tax jokes and even better income tax puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ? The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.
  • Why do underground hackers report their income to the IRS? They know how the system will react to sin tax errors
  • Dog named Tax There once was a dog named Tax. I opened the door and income Tax.
  • I need to find a better job I can't even pay my income tax
  • Guess which Avenger paid the least taxes this year? Spiderman, because his entire income was net income
  • What happens to people who don't pay their income taxes? They run for president.
  • The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple.
    If you use the short form, the government gets your money.
    If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.
  • When it comes time to claiming kids on your income tax. Hood rich
  • Why do accountants hate pre-tax income? It's g**....

Tax Evasion Jokes

Here is a list of funny tax evasion jokes and even better tax evasion puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you go to jail for tax evasion.... ....aren't you basically living off taxes, for not paying your taxes.
  • I've got a great idea for tax evasion Apparently if you don't pay your taxes the government will give you free housing free food and a roommate
  • David Cameron: Tax evasion is morally wrong, I leaned that from my father. The tax evasion bit, not the morally wrong bit.
  • We just hired an ex-con, who was in for tax evasion, to do our landscaping And I must say he is terrific at cutting the corners.
  • Dolce and Gabbana are to be jailed for tax evasion. Looks like someone finally called the fashion police.
  • Did you hear about the chef arrested for tax evasion? His mis-spelled nouvelle cuisine and got caught cooking the books.
  • Government - 'Um, we're having big issues with tax evasion. People are stashing away notes with large denominations.' Modi: 'Have you tried turning them off and and on again?'
  • Did you hear Mike Sorrentino from the jersey shore is pleading guilty to tax evasion? You could say he's in a Bad "Situation".
  • DMX is going to jail for 5 years for Tax Evasion Looks like the Government is gonna be givin it to him.
  • What is Greece's most popular sport? Tax Evasion
Tax joke, What is Greece's most popular sport?

Cheeky Tax Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about tax you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean taxes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tax pranks.

I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...

Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave

Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?

It's a loss he **can't** write off on his tax returns.

If being s**... was a crime

I'd be in jail for tax fraud

If being s**... was a crime

Then I'd still be in jail for 34 counts of tax evasion

Don't get in line behind l**... at the tax office

The devil takes many forms.

A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people

and squeezed it dry. He said, 'If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I'll give them 100 bucks.'
Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon. Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice. Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, 'Who are you?'
The second man replied, 'Income tax officer.'

Monopoly is amazing but it has some pretty old stuff that one can't relate to anymore

I mean there is free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

A teenager buys condoms for the first time...

The cashier says, "That'll be $9.95 plus tax.".

Horrified, the boy exclaims "I thought they stayed on by themselves!"

What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners

Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.

The game monopoly is fin, but has some major out of date stuff.

There's free parking, a luxury tax, you can actually afford to pay rent, and rich people can actually go to jail.

I have a joke for you

The government in this country is excellent, and uses your tax dollars efficiently.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms for the first time.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms for the first time. He brings a box up to the counter and the clerk says, "That will be five dollars plus 15 cents for tax."
The young man screams "Tacks, I thought they stayed on by themselves!"

Six months

A woman is told by her doctor that she has six months to live.
"Is there anything I can do?" she asks.
"Yes, there is," the doctor replies. "You could marry a tax accountant."
"How will that help my illness?" the woman asks.
"Oh, it won't help your illness," says the doctor, "but it will make that six months seem like an eternity!"

Pharmacist: May I help you, sir?

Customer: Yes... I, uh... well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I'm going out on a date tonight and, you know, I need some...
Pharmacist: Protection?
Customer: Right.
Pharmacist: Small, medium or large?
Customer: Uhhhh... Medium, I guess.
Pharmacist: Okay, that'll be $2.35 including tax.
Customer: Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!

How many Republican does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Twelve to investigate Obama's involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the lightbulb industry and 51 to pass a tax credit for lightbulb changes.

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

School days...

Teacher: If income tax is 20% and your dad earns $50,000, how much tax does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: Let's try again. If income tax is 30% and your dad earns $100000, how much does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: Alright, last try. If income tax is %50 and your dad earns $1000000, how much does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: you don't know your percentages.
Kid: you don't know my dad.

little johnny finally got to the third date....

and knowing the reputation of the girl he was seeing, knew that he would "get lucky" on this one... so off to the drug store he goes to get a c**....
"i got a hot date tonight and i need a c**...!" he tells the employee there, who hands it over almost immediately...
"that'll be a dollar, plus tax" says the employee...
"tax?" little johnny asks...
"dont they stay on by themselves?"

The UK announced it's removing tax from t**... sales.

Though there will undoubtedly be strings attached.

A guy stops in at the local pharmacy to buy condoms.

That will be twelve fifty with tax.
Tax he exclaims!!! don't these things stay on by themselves???

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. [Mark Twain]

It would take approximately 42,000 no. 10 parties for Rishi Sunak to pay the amount his wife dodged in taxes last year

What is Father Christmas's tax status?

What is Father Christmas's tax status?
Elf-employed.

The German tax evader in Switzerland

A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.
He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"
The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsuspicious? Poverty is not a shame in Switzerland."

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store

A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store. He walks up to the counter and mutters, "Uh... hi... I'd like to buy some... condoms."
Cashier replies, "sure thing! That'll be $9.75 including tax."
The young man starts to panic and says, "Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!!!"

Star Wars names are just regular words if you put a random space somewhere:

Mos Quito
Que Sadilla
Scu Bagear
Syn Tax
Rev Erse
Mala Mute
Trypto Phan
Cano Nical
Impo Tent
Slee Papnea

I just heard that atheists are trying to get tax exempt status.

They are a non-prophet organisation.

Guy walks into a store to buy condoms.

Grabs a pack and asks the clerk "How much are these?"

Clerk says, "$4.50 plus tax."

Guy says, "Tacks? Don't they stay on by themselves?"

Rishi Sunak wife tax

Next time I bump into Rishi Sunak’s wife I’ll have to ask her whether she’s the one who lives next door to me or the one who lives in India for tax purposes.

(Ukrainian joke). Leaders of three countries discuss their economies and taxes.

US President says: we tax our people at roughly 30%, and what they do with the rest, is not of my business
UK prime minister says: we tax our people at 50%, and what they do with the rest is none of my business.
Ukrainian president says: we tax our people at 130%, and where they get the rest, is none of my business
This is a joke from the 1990s.

If you elected me president, I would implement a m**... tax...

Talk about saving the economy single-handedly.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing well.

I'm writing a film about a cannibal undead tax exile who plays drums, eats your mother and then is sick.

It's a nondomtomtomnomnommomvomromzomcom

Which state has the biggest tax rate?

Taxas

I saw a lady in tears at the store. She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside.

I gave her $100 because I had just found about $1600 in the parking lot. #payitforward

Donald Trump has just announced a massive jobs program involving tax credits for shredded cheese factories.

He says he wants to "make America grate again."

All states should legalize m**... and redirect the resulting tax revenues to road repair

We'll call the program "Operation p**... Holes."

I would never dream of giving up my British citizenship

for tax purposes I'm an American

How did Mitt Romney get a 14% tax rate?

He claimed 47% of America as dependents.

A blonde, worried about the h**... crisis, walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.

"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the blonde.
"It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on
and they stayed there.
Tacking them could be painful."

Did you know that Athiest organizations are tax exempted?

Its because they're non-prophet organizations.

In class, my statistics teacher said, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math."

I shrugged and said, "h**..., anybody can win the lottery."
My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"
I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."

Did you hear about Trump's tax plan?

Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!

Don't know why used car salesmen get such a bad rap.

Mine knocked 20 bucks off the muffler tax just because he liked my face!

A preist, a p**..., a tax evader and a r**... walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

A man calls the IRS office

"Hi, my last name is Sweady, but on the cheque you sent me for my tax return, you've written it as cyirwu."
"I'm sorry about that, could you spell it out for me?"
"Sure, S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u, and Y as in you."

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error.
[8.5]

A nervous man walks into a pharmacy...

... and the pharmacist asks how she may be of service.
"Well, you see, I uhh... I got a hot date tonight... and I'd like some... uhhh... you know..."
"Protection?" says the pharmacist.
"Yes, uhh... that's right."
"Small, medium, or large?"
"Uhh... I guess... medium."
"All right then," she gets out the box of medium condoms and totals up the bill, "that'll be $4.95 plus tax."
The man is shocked by this, "tacks!?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!"

How does Romney only claim a 14% tax rate?

He claims 47% of the U.S. as dependents.

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.

Young Guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms for the first time.

The cashier said "That will be 5.99 plus tax".
The young guy says "Tacks!!! I thought these things stayed on by themselves!!!"

What tax filing service does a pirate use?

H&ARGH Block

What's massive, scary, starts with T, ends with X, and eats people alive?

Tax

There was 5 Chinese immigrants. Their names were chu, lu, bu, fu, and su.

When they decided to go to America, they decided to change their names to something more western. They renamed themselves:
Chuck, luck, and buck. Fu and Su didn't get a passport because they committed tax fraud.

I paid more tax than amazon

That's it

Joel Osteen is actually interested in using his arena-sized megachurch as a shelter...

...Oh wait. You're not a tax? Never mind.

I don't think the new AI is all that great.

I asked ChatGPT to do my taxes in the style of Ernest Hemingway.
And it replied, "For Free: Four Quarterly Tax Payment Vouchers, never used."
That is really not helpful, at all.

So the EU just passed their internet censorship legislation...

[Insert $0.05 tax to view joke here]

Three questions to a lawyer . . .

A man called up a lawyer and asked: How much would you charge to answer three questions?
The lawyer thinks for a moment and said: Two thousand dollars plus tax.
TWO THOUSAND! cries the man. That's a bit expensive, isn't it?
Yes, I suppose it is, said the lawyer. After thinking a moment longer, he added: So what's your third question?

Tax joke, Three questions to a lawyer . . .

jokes about tax