Tavern Jokes
47 tavern jokes and hilarious tavern puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tavern that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best tavern jokes from DND taverns, cantinas, lounges and cafes. Get ready for an evening of laughter with these hilarious jokes!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Tavern Short Jokes
Short tavern jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tavern humour may include short brewery jokes also.
- SEO Expert walks into a bar... An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey...
- If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard. I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
- Jesus walked into a tavern and saw a man who could not walk. He said,
"FRIEND, HAVE YOU BEEN INVOLVED IN AN ACCIDENT AT WORK THAT WASN'T YOUR FAULT?!" - A lady suspects her house is haunted and converts it into a tavern... She was possessed by the entrepreneurial spirit.
- Man walks into a tavern. Man walks into a tavern and passed the bar. Bartender turns to him and says, "You can't be back here." Man says, "It's OK. I'm a lawyer now."
- Did you hear about the Monk that killed 75% of the workers at the Tavern? He left them a Quarterstaff.
- An African and a parrot went to a tavern they ask for a beer...
and the Barman asks: where did you find this animal?
and the Parrot responds: In Africa.
Share These Tavern Jokes With Friends
Tavern One Liners
Which tavern one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tavern? I can suggest the ones about saloon and irish pub.
- A dog walked into a tavern and said I can't see a thing. I'll open this one.
- Why was the Minstrel refused entry to the tavern? He was BARD for life.
- My friends tried to take me to an underwater tavern but I declined. I hate dive bars.
- What is the highest tavern in Estonia? Tall Inn
- So I bought a tavern... It was a real bar-gain.
- Sideshow Bob bought out Moe's Tavern... ...So he could become a BARTender!
- Can i enter your tavern? Yes, please hey inn
- What do you call a tavern that only serves non-alcoholic drinks? A pro-teen bar
- A web developer walks into a bar, tavern, pub, saloon, lounge, booze, alcohol, drinking
- A thesaurus walks into a tavern.
- What spell does a Bard use at the tavern? Detect Thots
- a horse goes to he tavern and bartender yell to horse "hey"
horse replies "of course" - What do you call two bunnies that visit all the taverns downtown? Bar hoppers
- What do you call a tavern that only serves baby foxes and adult felines? Kit Cat Bar
Cheeky Tavern Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about tavern you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pubs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tavern pranks.
A wife is complaining about her husband spending all his time at the local tavern, so one night he takes her along with him.
"What'll ya have?" he asks.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replies.
So the husband orders a couple of Jack Daniels and gulps his down in one go.
His wife watches him, then takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.
"Yuck! It tastes awful, worse than awful!" she splutters. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go!" cries the husband. "And you think I am out enjoying myself every night!"
Spy
A spy is getting instructions for his mission: You will parachute in a field behind the enemy lines. By the field there is a shack by a road. Behind the shack there is bicycle. Ride the bicycle 10 miles north and you will be in a village where you will meet your contact at the local tavern. He will give further information.
That evening the spy is dropped from the airplane. The parachute doesn't open. The spy complains: I bet there is no bicycle either .
A party of adventurers walk into a tavern
fully armed and sit down at a table. The bartender comes over and asks, "Hey, why do you guys have your weapons ready?"
The party leader replies, "Mimics."
The bartender laughs.
The party laughs.
The table laughs.
3 men in a bar
3 men are in a bar talking about which tavern has the best customer service. Man 1 says; I know a place that gives you a free drink for every 5 you buy. Man 2 says; You think that's good I know a place where for every 2 drinks you get a free third. Man 3 says; Even better, I have heard of a place where you can drink all night free and then you get laid. The other men are amazed and ask where they can find that bar...and man 3 says: I am not sure, You'll have to ask my sister, she goes there every night
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A chicken, a goose and a pheasant were sitting in a tavern drinking…
The chicken said, "How about we go back to my place and play s**... poker?"
The goose nodded its head, the pheasant said "I'm game."
A Greek guy walks into a tavern and sees two sea monsters arguing
"What's up with them?" he asks.
"Oh, that's scylla and charybdis."
"Are they usually this angry?"
"Yeah, but they're not violent. Just don't get between them."
A dying Scottish man is meeting his lawyer at a local tavern to talk about his will.
After a few rounds of whiskey, the Scot admits that he doesn't want to leave his hard-earned fortune to his good-for-nothing, lazy son. But he feels like he had no other choice. He has no other family and no friends.
The lawyer says he could write a clause that would force the son to do something before getting his inheritance, like take up a sport, go back to school or get a job.
Would this really work? asks the Scot.
You bet, replies the lawyer as he downs a shot of whiskey. It'll be strong enough to make your heir curl.
A man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a pint. After he finishes , he peeks inside his shirt's pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another pint.
After he finishes, he again peeks inside his shirt's pocket and orders the bartender to bring another pint. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' drinks all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt's pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk calls a tavern owner early in the morning
The tavern owner picks up, and the drunk says "When are you opening your tavern?" The tavern owner replies and says that he will open at 11 am.
An hour later, the same drunk calls. The tavern owner says "I can't serve you beer until 11 am, I'll be there then." And he hangs up.
At 10:30 am, the drunk calls once more. The tavern owner, now frustrated, picks up and says "d**...! I'm on my way I'll let you in soon!"
The drunk replies: "I'm not trying to get in I'm trying to get out!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... & Murphy had just come out of O'Reilly's Tavern
p**... says to Murphy, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."
Murphy stared into the sky for a moment and stops and looks at his drunken friend, "You are wrong. That's not the moon, that's the sun."
Both started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.
"Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said,
"Sorry, I don't live around here."
A businessman enters a tavern...
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That Sound
Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl. The first man said, "I think it's WOOMB."
The second replied, "No, it must be WOOOOMBH."
The third said, "You both have it wrong -- it's WOOM."
The fourth stated, "No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB."
At this, the young lady could stand it no longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, "Look. It's w**.... That's it, that's all there is to it." Then she left.
Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, "Well. I don't know. A young girl like that. I don't see how she could know. I'll bet she's never even heard an elephant pass wind!"
10 Blondes and a Puzzle Box
One blonde walked into a tavern one day and asked for a table that will sit 10 and a for a pint. She received her beer and a table that would sit 10. Later 2 more blondes walked in and ask for a pint a piece and sat by the blonde from before. More and more blondes came in until 9 sat at the table. The 10th one walked in with child's puzzle box with a huge grin. She asked for a pint, walked to the table and slammed the box into the center of the table. All 10 blondes began to drink hard and chant "51 days!!" The other customers became mad and asked the barkeep to stop their chanting. The barkeep walked up to the blonde that brought the puzzle box and asked, "Before I kick you out, tell me one thing, why are you chanting?" The blonde grinned and said, "Well us blondes have be racially descriminated for so long that my friends and I decided to prove everyone wrong. This puzzle box says 2-4 years and we solved it in 51 days!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lumberjack and the Moose
So this lumberjack moves into a logging camp in the middle of nowhere. It's a nice little camp. There are cabins for all the workers and a tavern where they can get food and drink in the evenings.
The new guy sits down next to one of the regulars and starts having a conversation with him. The conversation turns toward the topic of s**... when the new guy asks what the workers do to satisfy their needs in the camp. The seasoned worker tells him there is a field where moose gather and graze every Thursday night. When the men have an urge they just go do a moose. The newcomer cannot believe this, but after six months he can't take it anymore.
One Thursday night he goes out to the field, picks a moose, and just starts giving it to the moose. After a minute or two he feels like someone is watching him. He turns around to see the man he had the conversation with on his first night at camp staring at him with his jaw hanging wide open. The new guy says, "What? Don't tell me that you were joking when you told me you do this?!"
The veteran shakes his head and just says, "No. That's just the ugliest moose I've ever seen!"
