Taught Jokes
104 taught jokes and hilarious taught puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about taught that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Taught Short Jokes
Short taught jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The taught humour may include short teach jokes also.
- If this year has taught us anything, it's that donald trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
- If online bullying has taught us anything. It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
- If Snapchat has taught me anything .... .... it's that a lot of today's teens look better as farm animals.
- When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him.
- I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.
- If there's anything my wife has taught me about being sexist, It's probably wrong because she's a woman.
- I was once taught that nothing rhymes with silver... But to this day, I still don't think they sound the same.
- My father taught me the first rule of theatre "Always leave them wanting more"
A great man. Terrible anaesthetist. - My Spanish teacher taught me the word for "Transgender" I asked him if the word is masculine or feminine
- My father always taught me that in adultery there are no winners but participation is more important than winning
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Taught One Liners
Which taught one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with taught? I can suggest the ones about instructed and learnt.
- I taught my parents something today... ...I guess they learned from their mistake
- Yesterday my wife taught the car a new trick. She taught it to roll over.
- I taught my maths class how to use a protractor, with varying degrees of success.
- My dad always said, "I before E expect after C". Society taught me otherwise.
- My dog kept chasing people on bikes I never should have taught him to cycle!
- I taught a class on invisibility once Nobody showed up.
- I taught my pet wolf to meditate. Now he's aware wolf.
- Alcohol is our worst enemy Good thing Jesus taught us all to love our enemies.
- My wife taught the car a new trick Who knew they could roll over...
- My mom taught me stereotyping is bad. So now i just type with one hand.
- The one thing quarantine has taught me is you don't need fun to have alcohol.
- My friend taught his female dog to add. That sumbitch.
- I taught a wolf to meditate Now he is aware wolf
- Did Rudolph go to school? No. He was Elf-taught!
- What Covid-19 has taught me.... America is a 3rd world country wearing a Gucci belt.
Gather Around for Fun Taught Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about taught you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean preached jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make taught pranks.
As a volunteer, I taught a seminar on how to write persuasive speeches at my local prison.
I titled the course: "Prose and Cons".
Philosophy final
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
Music-related limerick
A tutor who taught on the flute,
tried to teach two young tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot or,
to tutor two tooters to toot?"
So I taught my Grandad how to use skype ...
Only problem is, I can never tell if it's just buffering or if he's having a s**....
An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.
The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."
The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."
The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"
The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"
The bartender answers, "A rose?"
"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"
What the Mayans taught me
The Mayans taught me that if you don't finish something, it's not really the end of the world.
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". He doesn't react, because living a society that systematically discriminates against noble gasses has taught him that getting angry will only bring violence upon him. He totally writes an angry tumblr post about it later that evening though.
Did you know that calculus was never taught in southern schools before the 1960s?
They didn't believe in integration.
What do you call Batman and Robin after they've been run over by a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon!
My father told me this joke the same day he taught me how to whistle.
R.I.P. Dad
LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...
You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.
After my friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow.
I also taught it to say, "Dave, it's your brother. reincarnation is real!"
Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*c**... you, say daddy!
Baby: F*c**... you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: F*c**... you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*t**....
Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
TIL that a class was taught by the wrong stand in teacher and the students knowingly went along with it.
Whoops, wrong sub.
Robert Kardashian taught Kim an important lesson.
You can become famous if you help a black guy get off.
Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog Morse code!
Dog: [taps paw]
Me: What did it say??
Scientist: "Woof."
At school we were always taught the pull-out method doesn't work...
...but like many teenagers, it hasn't stopped the UK trying anyway.
IF JFK taught me one thing...
The best way to clear your head is to take a ride in your car.
My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard...
It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!
Two Norwegian scientists were operating on a frog....
They taught it to jump on command. When they said "Jump!" it leaped forwards.
They removed one rear leg and said "Jump!". The frog leaped forwards.
They removed the other rear leg and said "Jump!", but nothing seemed to happen.
After much discussion they could conclude that if you remove both rear legs from a frog, it becomes deaf.
As a child I was always taught there is a brain in my skull.
Now I can't get it out of my head.
I can't believe that they only taught us abstinence during s**... ed!
It's inconceivable!
[OC] My friend recently taught his dog how to say "I love you"
I'm still trying to teach my dad.
Johnny walks out of the bathroom without washing his hands
A man named Leonard approaches him and says, "I went to Harvard and they taught us to wash our hands after peeing."
Johnny looks at him and says, "I went to the University of Georgia and they taught us not to pee on our hands."
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...
"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."
I went to the pool with the local orphanage but none of them would get in the water.
It's like thier parents never taught them to swim. Or something
My Father taught me everything I know about s**....
Thankfully, he was a gentle man.
If minecraft taught me one thing...
It's to never spend diamonds on a h**....
A Scientist is with his peer
The peer asks the scientist, "What are you working on?"
The scientist says, "Its amazing. I taught a dog how to communicate to humans with morse code!"
The two walk down the hall to see the dog and the scientist gives the dog a command. The dogs taps his paw on the ground with intervals of time creating letters in morse code.
The peer says, "What is he saying?"
The scientist says, "Woof."
Bill Gates recently visited a kindergarten and taught the children how to count to ten.
"1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
My grandma taught me to be like Jesus and spend every day helping the powerless.
So I became an electrician.
The blacksmith only sold items he crafted himself. Like his father taught him...
He who smelt it, dealt it.
My dad taught me everything I know about passing gas.
I've been under his tootelage my whole life.
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the w**... should be separated.
I mean, that's just basic laundry.
I was taught there are 3 rings in life.
The engagement ring. The wedding ring. And the suffering.
The teacher asked little Timmy if he could count numbers yet.
He replied "yes, my father taught me."
"Great," said the teacher. "What comes after three?"
"Four," Timmy replied.
"Well Done," the teacher said. "What comes after six?"
"Seven," Timmy replied.
"Finally, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.
"Jack."
I taught my young daugther to switch out the discs in my PS4 for me.
It was a real game changer.
The only way to learn...
When I was a young kid my dad taught me how to swim by throwing me in the deep end of a pool. Swimming to the ladder was easy, but getting out of the sack was the hard part.
If there's one thing minecraft has taught us
It's that you don't waste diamonds on a h**...
My fifth grade teacher taught me how to smoke p**... and kiss.
Best hire I've ever made as a school principal.
A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."
My car broke down the other day and I tried to remember everything my dad taught me growing up
all I knew was point the flashlight there .
Hippo was a great motivational speaker. Hippo taught that you must never give up. Hippo didn't follow his own advice.
Hippo Quit
A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, Two plus six, that son of a b**... is eight...
Three plus seven, that son of a b**... is ten."
Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b**... is four.
Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
Cards reference
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.
Yes, he said. My father taught me.
Good. What comes after three?
Four, answered the boy.
What comes after six?
Seven.
Very good, said the teacher. Your dad did a good job. And what comes after 10?
Jack.
My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....
Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle j**... a horse as she was telling me that.
My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever
Nothing but net
The son of a b**...
Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...
"2+5, the son of a b**... is 7"
"3+6, the son of a b**... is 9"
His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"
"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"
Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"
"Yes mom "
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a b**... is 4?"
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."
***
Guy: Anatomy shouldn't be taught by women
Woman: Don't objectify women!
Guy: Ok. Women shouldn't teach anatomy
I've finally taught my dog to fetch a glass of red wine.
He's a Bordeaux Collie
And yes, he paws it himself...
My son has taught me many things.
The main one is that you should never have unprotected s**....
I'd like to say thanks to the person who taught me the meaning of the word many
It really means a lot
I taught English in Germany.
The first day I taught them everything beginning with A.
The second day I taught them everything beginning with B.
D Day was a bit tricky.
After my best friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow.
Then I secretly taught it to say, "Daniel, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"
Numbers
The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" "Four," answers the boy. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"
"A jack," says the little boy.
A pastor taught his parrot...
A pastor taught his parrot to recite the Lord's Prayer when he pulled a string on the parrot's right leg, and to recite the 23rd psalm when he pulls a string on his left leg. The pastor was showing this to a man in the church, he pulls the right string and the parrot recites the Lord's Prayer. He pulls the left string and the parrot recites the 23rd psalm. The man is surprised and says "Wow! That's incredible! What happens if you were to pull both strings?"
The bird replies with "I'd fall on my a**... s**...!"
A lawyer, an environmentalist and a teacher were going the bathroom.
The lawyer gets done, washes his hands and uses the entire roll of tissue paper to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be thorough.", he said.
The environmentalist washes his hands and uses his own kerchief to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be environment friendly.", he said.
The teacher walks out without washing his hands. "I was taught not to p**... on my hands.", he says.
An inmate appeals for parole
Judge: Why should you be granted parole?
Inmate: Within the several years that I've served, I have...
Judge: What have you learned thus far during your incarceration?
Inmate: Well I've had plenty of time to reflect which has really taught me that...
Judge: What will happen when you're back in the real world?
Inmate: Could you let me finish my sentence?
Judge: Okay, parole denied!
I failed Calculus when we reached differentials...
I guess I should have known my limits. I could barely derive anything from what the teacher taught us.
