Tattoos Jokes
62 tattoos jokes and hilarious tattoos puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tattoos that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tattoos Short Jokes
Short tattoos jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tattoos humour may include short tattoo artist jokes also.
- People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
- This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.
- Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo. After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.
- Whenever my wife is upset I let her colour in my black and white tattoos. Sometimes she needs a shoulder to crayon.
- So you like limericks, huh? On the Breast of a woman named Gale
was tattooed the price of her tail
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in braile. - If I ever start to go bald I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
From a distance it would look like a hare - What do you call it when someone gets their whole face tattooed? An everlasting job stopper.
- Last month, I asked my dad if I could get a tattoo. He told me to get it somewhere that didn't matter, so I got it done in Oklahoma.
- What do children and tattoos have in common? Both are pretty permanent, but can be removed with lasers.
- So I dragged off this girl from the bar the other night... She had this cool tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. Damnedest thing, though! When I put my ear to it, I could smell the ocean.
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Tattoos One Liners
Which tattoos one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tattoos? I can suggest the ones about stamps and graffiti.
- I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
- I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell
- Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist. I regretted it literally one minute later.
- What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player? A tattoo.
- What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer? A Tattoo.
- As a hispanic, my first tattoo was the word Mucho It means a lot to me.
- What does one tat say to the other tat? I am a tattoo
- What do you call a beautiful woman on an accordion player’s arm? A tattoo.
- A friend asked me what my tattoo says. I told him, "It doesn't really talk much."
- What do you say to a bass player with a beautiful women on his arm? Nice tattoo!
- If you get a tattoo of a thermos, Is it now a thermostat?
- I got a tattoo of a gong Because I heard it's cool to get a tattoo of a Chinese cymbal
- My friend decided to get a tattoo of Pi on his face. It was an irrational decision.
- From the moment I saw my wife's abacus tattoo, I knew I could always count on her.
- Why do people get tattoos in prison? Because they like to vandalize government property.
Cheerful Tattoos Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about tattoos you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stitches jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tattoos pranks.
I was once friends with an albino Dalmatian
He was tired of being made fun of for being completely white, so he decided to get small round tattoos inked all over his body. He was just $20 short.
I told him, Don't worry Dog, I'll spot you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old woman joins a gang.
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She went to a bar where she new they hung out and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms was at the entrance.
She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the parking lot.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my n**... a few times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This punker gets on a bus and takes a seat.
His hair's all green, he's got brightly colored tattoos covering his arms and piercings all over his face. Feathers hang from each earlobe. Across the aisle sits an old man who proceeds to stare at him for the next fifteen miles. Eventually the punker gets pretty unnerved and blurts out:
Hey man, didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?
Without missing a beat, the old man replies:
Yeah, when I was in the Navy, I got drunk one night in Singapore and had s**... with a Bird of Paradise. I was just wondering if you were my son.
--------------------------------------------
From Mark Z. Danielewski's "House of Leaves".
I hate tattoos
For instance, if you get a tattoo of a Tarantula, 60 years later it'll look like Daddy Long Legs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I may be Jesus. Because today, I realized he and I have something crazy in common...
See I have a tattoo on my back of a Cross. I will be walking around until I did with a Cross on my back. "Okay, A lot of people have Cross tattoos on their back, why do you think you are Jesus?"
Well, the tattoo artist who caused all the pain and put the Cross on my back was Jewish...Crazy right. My name is Jeff, so I always say, "What Would Jefus do?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teenager sits next to an old man on a bench...
... and the old man will not stop staring at him. The kid had a long, spiky mohawk that was different colors. His arms and neck were covered in tattoos, and multiple piercings in his nostrils and ears.
Finally, the kid, sick of the old man staring at him says, "What's the matter old man? Ain't you never done anything crazy in your life?"
Without missing a beat the old man replies, "When I was young I got drunk and had s**... with a peacock once - I was wondering if you were my son."
Bumper stickers are like tattoos for cars...
permanent, identifying, and I don't love Regina anymore.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman entered her daughter's room and found a letter
Dear mom
I hate to tell you this, but I escaped with my new boyfriend. He's sweet guy although people judge him because the rings on his ears and nose, and his many tattoos and his big bike.
I'm also pregnant. He tells me that we'll live happy in the forest and have many kids.
He also tells me that w**... is fine, and we'll grow it for our friends who will give us c**....
Don't worry, mom. We pray to god that scientist will find a cure for aids, because my darling deserves it.
I'm 15 now, mom, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'll visit you and introduce you to your grandchildren.
Love you. Daughter .
.
.
.
P.S.
Mom, I'm joking. I'm at our neighbor's house. By the way, the test grades report is on my table .
If we get matching tattoos I want them on the elbow because weenus together.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An older woman's husband dies during a b**... session.
She decides to do something crazy with her life, and buys a Harley, gets a few tattoos, and goes out in search of the h**...'s Angels.
When she finds them they give her an initiation test.
"You ever killed a man?" They ask.
"Yep" she says. "Killed my husband."
"You ever steal anything?" They ask.
"Oh all the time." She replies.
"You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
"Sure have, and strung up by my n**...".
I've decided to get a couple tattoos. On my right knee I'm going to get "Disney." And on my left...
dat-knee.
Would it be wrong to give terminally ill children tattoos?
I mean... it's not like they'll grow up to regret them. :(
Babies are like new tattoos
They are yours forever, but you should probably hold off posting pictures for a bit until they aren't raw and weird looking anymore.
A guy walks into a tattoo parlor
He gets a nice tattoo of his daughters name. The guy comes back the next week and gets just a dash on his arm. He keeps coming back each week getting another dash.
Eventually the tattoo artist asks him what he's doing. The guy replies "Keeping count."
"Of what?" the tattoo artist asks.
"How many tattoos I've got."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tattoos are like dead babies
Even if you peel the skin, they're still there
My boyfriend cheated on me
So I convinced him to get matching tattoos... he went first and I went home
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I cancelled my date with a holocaust survivor...
I just don't really dig chicks with tattoos
I'm not fat
I just have a lot of canvas for tattoos.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your mom gained so much weight
that her tattoos redshifted.
If a arm covered in tattoos is called a "sleeve", what do you call a full body covered in tattoos?
A mistake.
How are tattoos and kids the same?
They're usually permanent but both can be removed with lasers
Danielle is going to show me her tattoos.
She has got a bird on her hand, and two.....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear the one about the mentally challenged Bostonian who got tattoos right after removing them?
He's re-tatted
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bird of Paradise
His hair's all green, he's got brightly colored tattoos covering his arms and piercings all over his face. Feathers hang from each earlobe. Across the aisle sits an old man who proceeds to stare at him for the next fifteen miles. Eventually the punker gets pretty unnerved and blurts out:
Hey man, didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?
Without missing a beat, the old man replies:
Yeah, when I was in the Navy, I got drunk one night in Singapore and had s**... with a Bird of Paradise. I was just wondering if you were my son.
What ancient civilization had the best tattoos?
The Ink-ans
A man went to a tattooist and requested a tally mark on his back
Every couple of weeks, the same customer came in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks. One day, the tattooist decides to ask: "What are you counting?"
The man says: "The number of tattoos i've gotten"
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
What do you call a Bostonian when they remove their tattoos, and gets them again?
Re-tatted
The other day the wife asked me where is the best place to get eyebrow tattoos done.
I told here, just above the eyes...
Tattoos used to be such a controversial subject
Now there's Botox and nobody even lifts an eyebrow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly gentleman sits on a park bench.
On the opposite bench sits a young punk. With his multi\-colored mohawk and f**... tattoos, he presents quite a spectacle for the older man, who can't help but to stare incredulously. Finally, the young punk has had enough of the elderly man's staring.
"What's your problem, old man?" yells the punk. "Didn't you ever do anything wild and rebellious?"
"Oh, for sure, for sure," replies the old man. "Many years ago, I got drunk and made love to a parrot."
"You see?" replies the punk. "So what are you staring at me for?"
"My apologies," the old man answers, "I was actually just wondering if you might not be my son."
Why do mumble rappers have neck tattoos?
So the paramedics know it was fentanyl.
How do you know if a person has class ?
Their tattoos are spelt correctly.
I have tattoos on my body, which means I can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery.
Also I'd have to be Jewish. And dead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men with neck tattoos used to make me nervous.
Now they make me lattes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Most tattoos are half assed.
I've never seen someone with a tattoo on both b**... cheeks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My cheating ex hated tattoos so I decided to get a tattoo on my left b**...
That was my t**... for tat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't have any tattoos and don't I think I'll ever get one. But if I do, I might get a Kirkland Signature logo t**... stamp and I'd get it at Costco.
If I'm not completely satisfied, I'm sure their return policy would cover it. Which would technically be an even bigger tattoo saying RETURN POLICY.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The tattoo parlour in my town is offering free tattoos to anyone who would flash their b**....
It's a t**... for tat special.
I'm fair-skinned.
I have tattoos of ferris wheels, tilt-a-whirls and sno-cone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm thinking of opening a tattoo parlor where women flash their b**... for free tattoos.
Call it..."t**... for tat".
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're appalled by his haircut, tattoos and piercings.
The boy leaves and the girl's mom remarks, Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy.
* Oh, come on Mom! If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 300 hours of community service? *
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
