Tasted Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Tasted puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Tasted

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

Have you ever tasted a baby wookie?

It's good, but still a little Chewie.

I was on acid and I actually tasted colors.

Tasted a lot like paint.

I had this horrible nightmare last night!

It was just horrifying, I was on a boat in a lake, when suddenly my boat tipped over! As I fell into the lake I realized it was orange, orange crush infact! Tasted delicious, but after a minute I started sinking, I was going to drown in a lake of orange crush!

That's when I woke up and realized, it was just a fanta-sea

Priest and Rabbi

A priest and a rabbi are seated together on a plane. After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said,

"Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque

The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"

The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out

Mommy...

A little girl comes home from school and her mother asks how her day was. The little girl told her mom That she had found out something new. Her mother asked what it was and the girl replied
"Johnny showed me his pee-pee today and it reminded me of a peanut."
Of course her mother was disturbed and she decided to go along with the little girl's act to see if it wasn't true.
"What about it reminded you of a peanut? Was it small like a peanut?"
"No, it tasted salty."

Just found this Sub and it made my day.

It was half eaten and tasted kinda funky though.

There was a vampire who drank his own blood

He said it tasted irony.

Ever tasted Ethiopian food?

Neither have they.

No wonder they killed Jesus...

Have you tasted this guy's blood?

Have you tasted baby Wookie meat?

They say it's a little Chewie

I once knew a vampire who refused to drink blood

He would satisfy his cravings with fake blood, which his body rejected and he ended up dying from it.

I asked him on his death bed how the fake blood tasted and he said "a little irony"

Finest whisky! NSFW (Long)

Paddy finds bottle on beach. Rubs it and Genie appears and offers him one wish. "I'd like to pee the finest Irish whisky," says Paddy.

"Granted!", says the Genie. Paddy pees in a cup, tastes it and is taken aback. "This is the finest whisky I've ever tasted." He rushes home, tells his wife (who is a bit dubious at first -- but when he finally tries a sip, she agrees that it's the best whisky she's ever tasted.) They spend the night sipping the limitless supply of free whisky.

Next night Paddy comes home from work and his wife tells him she has two large glasses ready on the kitchen table. "We'll only need one," says Paddy. "You're drinking straight from the bottle tonight!"

Adam and Eve were wandering on the Garden of Eden

They were walking with their makeshift clothes, since they already tasted the Forbidden Fruit and realized they were naked.

Soon, God shows up, and realize they disobeyed his only rule so far.

Mad and with His thunderous voice, He yells at them:


"**WHY, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!? WAS ALL THE OTHER FRUITS OF THIS GARDEN NOT ENOUGH? WHY ARE YOU WEARING THOSE CLOTHES!?** "


Scared and surprised, Adam looks at Eve and realizes that there's no use lying. Shaking and with his tremble voice, he answers the implacable deity:



"We-- We've just-- *We just updated our privacy policy*"

I was eating an orange this morning, but it tasted funny...

so I put it back in the crayon box!

Dads favorite medical school joke.

Medical students were attending their 1st biochemistry class. They all gathered around the Lab table with a urine sample. The professor dip his finger in urine & tasted it in his own mouth.  Then he asked the students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes, but at last every one dipped their finger in urine sample & tasted it.... When everyone finished, the professor looked at them & said: The most important quality is 'Observation'.  I dipped my MIDDLE Finger but tasted the INDEX Finger. Today you just learn, how to pay attention.

A rabbit escapes a laboratory

Upon running away he stumbles across a group of rabbits in a field. The leader welcomes him and says 'the outside world isn't like the lab, you can do what you want here, try some of the grass'. The grass tasted like nothing the rabbit had tasted before, it was so refreshing and tasty. He then went around mating with all the female rabbits all day. At the end of the day the leader saw the rabbit running back to the lab and he said 'what are you doing? I thought you loved it here', the rabbit said 'yes I do, but I'm dying for a cigarette'.

Blow Job

A son runs up to his father and says dad I got my first blow job. The dad says that's great how was it? The son said it tasted terrible.

I received some food stamps the other day

They tasted terrible.

Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday.

Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner.

Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"

His employees replied, "No."

Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"

His employees replied again, "No."

Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"

His workers responded, "A puppy."

My wife asked why the spaghetti sauce tasted odd

I told her I didn't have the thyme to make it right.

I still remember my first fortune cookie...

...and how much it tasted like paper.

My billionaire boss sent me out for a gallon of milk. "That's what, about $3000?" he asked. "Yes, sir," I replied. So I pick it up for him and kept the difference.

Skim milk has never tasted so good.

I went to a blind tasting session the other day...

It was a waste of time, they tasted the same as people who can see.

I ate a lot.

It tasted like cement.

A man went to a German food stand

A young man went to a German food stand to order a bratwurst. As he gets his order, both ends of the sausage were missing. It was nonetheless the best bratwurst he has ever tasted so he decides to ask why the ends were missing and if it improves the taste somehow.
The cook answered that just does it because that's how he learned it from his grandmother. Furthermore he told the man that if he wants to know more he can always visit his grandmother and ask her if there is something to it.

The man then went to the grandmother's home to ask her his question. She was baffled and asked if her grandson still has the old small frying pan.

I asked a cannibal if humans tasted good.

He said it can vary from person to person.

the barista at my coffee shop talked me into trying a funky new coffee.

I took a drink and told her it tasted like dirt and she said, "well that's cuz it's fresh ground."

What did Oedipus say whenever he tasted something savoury?

Oo mommy

I was dared to eat a spoonful of dry ice.

It tasted sublime!

Ordered a burger at GameStop

Sent it back because it tasted so gamey.

Classic joke from Norm MacDonald: I quit smoking and nothing much is different. Except I can taste my food. I went to a friend's place for dinner and I was like... What's this zingy, zangy thing you're serving me here? Never tasted anything so zingy and zangy.

... A boiled potato, eh? Huh.

Why did the Pakistani cook get fired?

He could only cook eggs Sunni side up and, honestly, they tasted like Shi'ite.

My uncle opened a clown themed restaurant.

It didn't do very well though, customers kept saying the food tasted funny.

I had a Cuban sandwich for lunch today

Just tasted like pork

Some Ethiopian jokes...

How do you kill 100 flies in 10 seconds? Slap an ethiopian in the face.
What's the best part about getting head form an ethiopian? SHe always swallows
Have you ever tasted ethiopian food? Neither have they.
What's positive about ethiopians? HIV.
How many ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth? All of them.

I stopped off to get some coffee on the way in to work today

I took a sip after paying and walking away from the counter, it tasted terrible.

I turned around and told the barista "hey, this coffee tastes like mud".

She replied "well it should, it was just ground this morning".

Abebe Bikila famously won the 1960 Olympic marathon while running barefoot.

Do you think his opponents tasted defeet?

A man and his best friend, a preacher, are traveling together.

They stop at a vineyard and after the taste testing the preacher comments that one of the wines is the best he's ever tasted. The man, knowing his friend's congregation is particularly conservative, grins and tells the preacher, I'll buy you a case of this wine IF you thank me for it in front of your congregation next Sunday.

The preacher gives it some thought and finally accepts. On Sunday morning before his sermon he stands at the pulpit and says, I'd like to thank my good friend Jeff for the gift of the fine grapes and the excellent spirit in which they were given.

I was given a recipe book for roadkill recently

I collected some roadkill and followed the recipe. It tasted good but I have no idea what to do with his bike.

At the mall today I saw a toddler gnawing on a small rubber duck.

I asked him if it tasted like quackers.

Most disgusting joke I know ... [NSFW]

So, I was eating out my girlfriend when all of a sudden I tasted horse sperm. I couldn't help but shout out "aha grandmother, so that's how you died!".

My wife got mad because I used the word puke.

But to me that's what her dinner tasted like.

Two Cannibals Are Talking

Two cannibals are talking to each other.

Hey, you remember that person we ate a couple weeks ago, the one that tasted so good?

Yes, it's still flesh in my memory.

Panicking, I told the doctor that I couldn't smell my food and it tasted plasticky. With a concerned look on his face, he told me to...

...remove it from the package.

I tried Tylenol for the first time today.

It tasted a lot like cotton.

What if instead of a "morning after pill"....

They made a "right before pill" that you take before sex... And what if they tasted like mints so you had fresh breath for kissing too...
We could call them Pre-dick-a-mints.

My brother said his pasta tasted weak and brittle.

It seems to have a bad case of sauceteoporosis.

Gordon Ramsay goes to a restaurant.

He comes across what looks like soup.

Let me taste the soup!

But...

No buts!

He tasted the soup.

IT TASTES LIKE DISHWASHER WATER!

It is dishwasher water, but you didn't listen.

I still remember the first time I tasted Kombucba tea...

..seems just like yeasterday

I bought a cake that had "ha ha" written on it

It tasted funny

So my step-brother just said to me...

" I would eat tomatoes if they tasted different"
Pause
" And if they had a different texture"

I tried Haggis for the first time today...

It tasted offal!

I accidentally ate gone-off meat

It tasted offal

Have you ever tasted traditional Nigerian food?

No? Neither have they.....

A man was in a cafe

He took one sip of the coffee, and grimaced.

Walking to the barista, he asked why it tasted so bad.

The barista shrugged, and told him "well, it was ground this morning!"

I told my friend that collard greens tasted like shoe leather. She said of course,

they're soul food.

Did you hear about that vampire that's never tasted blood?

It's a little irony

Chai Tea

My wife just got back from Tai Chi class. She brewed a pot of Chai Tea. I told here it tasted pretty shi...

The bruises will heal soon.

I don't like vegetables, so somebody told me to get a juicer.

It didn't help. That thing tasted worse than the vegetables.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes