The Best 95 Taste Jokes

YUK!

A man walks in on his daughter pleasuring her-self with a cucumber.

He yells at her: "Oh god, that's disgusting! I was going to eat that, and now it's gonna taste of cucumber"

A guy walks into a bar...

sits down and orders 10 shots one after the other without saying anything.

When he finally stops, the bartender is curious and asks him what the shots were for.

"My first blow job" the man replies.

"Oh" the bartender says, "Well then in that case let me give you one on the house."

"No, thanks," the man says "if 10 can't get the taste out of my mouth 11 sure won't."

What's the worst thing for a cannibal to say to a friend?

Your family has impeccable taste.

I've been to a mate's funeral today; he drowned last week...

I got a lot of abuse for my floral tribute in the shape of a life belt.

They said it was in bad taste but I think it's what he would have wanted.

Have you ever tasted a baby wookie?

It's good, but still a little Chewie.

7 shots

So a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 7 vodka shots
The bartender asks the man what's the special occasion the man says
" I just experienced my first blow job" .
And the bartender says "congrats how about a 8th shot on the house" and the man goes
" if 7 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will

What does non-alcoholic beer and going down on you cousin have in common?

Sure they taste the same, but it just ain't right.

A guy walks into a bar

He orders 9 scotches, straight up.

Bartender: "Wow, that's a a lot of scotch. You must be celebrating?"

Guy: "Yes. My first blow job."

Bartender: "Well then, the tenth one is me!"

Guy: "If the first nine don't get the taste out of my mouth, ten won't either."

I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester.

I was so close I could taste it.

Smart pills

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''
''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.
So he ate them and said, ''These taste like crap.''
''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''

What does alcohol free beer taste like?

Like going down on your sister. It tastes the same but something's not right.

I took a blind taste test today

Turns out they taste just like regular people

A tasteless joke.

People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.

What do you call people that can't taste food?

Ethiopian

A man walks into a bar and orders 11 shots.

The the bartender pours the shots and asks the man what the occasion is. The man says "First time for a blow job today." The bartender congratulated the man and said "For such an occasion, I'll add a 12th shot on the house." The man said "Nah, don't worry about it. If 11 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, 12 won't either."

TIL: Due to the placebo effect, if you tilt your head back, close your eyes, and pretend as if you're shaking a salt-shaker into your mouth, your brain will cause you to actually taste salt

Classic dad joke, but in bad taste

So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(

A dad walks into his daughter's room and saw her fapping with a cucumber, he said:

Hey! I was going to eat that, now it's going to taste like cucumber!

a stepfather walks in on his stepdaughter

a stepfather walks into his stepdaughter's room, as he walks in he sees his stepdaughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber, in disgust he leaves her room as fast as possible

he then says,"dammit I was gonna eat that!..................
now it will taste like cucumber"

Monica Lewinsky is going to vote for Bernie

The last time a Clinton was in office it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One turns to the other and asks, "*does this taste funny to you?*"

The other responds, "*no.*"

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

why don't foot fetishists ever win anything?

because they like the taste of defeat.

i'm not even sorry.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election

She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

Mainly, the taste.

Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.

Monica said she wasn't voting for Hilary...

because the last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth

How can a redneck tell his twin sisters apart?

By taste.

Say what you want about Cannibals

but they have a great taste in people.

A son runs to his dad screaming: "Dad, I think I'm gay!"

The dad says: "And why's that?"

The child replies: "I think that Justin Bieber is kinda hot..."

The dad then says: "That doesn't mean you're gay, you just have a really bad taste in women!"

I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating

I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber and I immediately shut the door.

"Ewe gross, I was going to eat that later, now it's going to taste like a cucumber"

A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks what is the occasion.

The man replies 'his first blowjob'

The bartender congrats him and offers to buy him another shot

The man says that is unnecessary, if ten shots doesn't get the taste out of his mouth, one more won't make a difference.

You'd think glass would taste like rocks..

But it just tastes like blood.

Did you hear about the missionary who went to visit the cannibals?

He gave them their first taste of Christianity.

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.

Cannibal 1: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Cannibal 2: "Not at all, and there's plenty to go around!"

Why don't people with foot fetishes mind being on the losing side of a battle?

They like the taste of defeat

Crayons are just like M&Ms....

They taste the same no matter what colour they are.

Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Jägermeister

Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Jägermeister.

The bartender looks at him and says "Wow 6 shots of Jäger! You must be celebrating something."

The man replies,"You bet I am! I am celebrating my first blow job."

"Hey congrats man!" says the Bartender "I'll get you a 7th shot on the house"

The man replies "No thank you. If 6 shots of Jäger doesn't get rid of this taste nothing will."

Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

Because they're a little meteor

I caught my sister masturbating with a carrot

I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...

And now it's gonna taste like carrot....

What is the difference between a prostitute and EA?

Both have expensive loot boxes we have to pay for however it's prostitutes who end up with a bad taste in their mouths not their clients.

Man walks into a bar

and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first blow job". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"

What do Tide Pods taste like?

Natural Selection.

Guy at a restaurant orders a soup

Some random guy orders a soup in the restaurant and the waiter brings him the soup. Right after the waiter leaves the table the guy calls him back and says "Try the soup" the waiter asks "What's the matter, is it too salty?" guy says "Go ahead and taste it" and the waiter asks "Is it too spicy?" and the guy says "Just freakin' try it!" and the waiter asks "Where's the spoon?" and the guy answers "Exactly"

Why do gay men have such amazing taste in clothing?

They take years before coming out of the closet.

Why do people with foot fetishes never win?

Because they like the taste of defeat

A young man sits down at a bar and says, "I want six shots of Jagermeister."

"Six shots!?" exclaims the bartender, "Are you celebrating something?"

"My first blow job," replies the young man.

"Well, in that case," says the bartender, slapping him on the back, "let me give you a seventh on the house."

The man holds up his hand, "No offense, sir. But if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot......

I said, Come on, dammit, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.

One says, "Does this taste funny?".

The other says, "No".

Why was the shark eating pineapples?

Because it makes seamen taste better.

I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better

you might even say the bacon is CRISPR

Two cannibals are eating Amy Shumer's body

One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

The other replies: "no, not at all."

I broke up with my Thai girlfriend today.

She was a little bit too cocky for my taste.

A shark is teaching his kid how to attack swimmers.

"Make sure your dorsal fin is above the water and swim toward them *really fast*, then veer away at the last moment. Do that a few times, and then go back and eat them."

"But why not just come up from below and eat them right away?"

"Well, they taste a lot better if you *empty* 'em first."

Two cannibals were eating an entitled kid

One says to the other," Does this taste a bit spoiled?"

The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.

Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.

How does a blindman know if he is done wiping his ass ?

It starts to taste like toilet paper

Beer Belly

Some guy looked at my beer belly in the bar last night and asked sarcastically "Is that Budweiser or Heineken?"

My response: "There's a tap underneath, taste it for yourself."

Waiter! These potatoes taste powdery.

Yes sir. We use only the finest ingredients.

Do you know the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The Taste.

Sad news to share: my dad just contracted COVID, and lost his sense of taste.

He's been listening to a lot of Justin Bieber.

What's the difference between being vegan and having Covid 19?

With Covid the loss of taste is only temporary...

Why did everyone have Covid-19 at the KPop concert?

Because a symptom of Coronavirus is lack of taste.

I lost my sense of taste and think I have COVID!!!!

Oh shit. It's just Bud Light, I'm ok.

My girlfriend got covid

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

I tried an At Home Covid Test

Instructions:

1. Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2. If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3. If you can smell it and taste it, this confirms that you don't have the Covid.

Last night, I did the test 19 times and all were negative. Tonight, I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and I feel like I'm coming down with something.

Despite the pandemic, my family decided to get together for a big dinner this Christmas

The food was bad though, didn't taste like anything

3 months since I had COVID and I've still got very little sense of taste.

Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends

A girl I'm hitting on just caught the Corona virus

I might have a chance now, as she's lost all her taste...

The worst thing about this pandemic is all the restaurants apparently using lower quality ingredients to save money.

I'll keep eating out every day, but I haven't been able to taste anything for weeks.

Do It Yourself COVID Test

1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus

​

Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat them today, as I woke up with a headache and a bit disoriented this morning.

An Indian family went into self quarantine

after eating lunch at their English friend's house as they couldn't taste anything.

A Covid test nurse asked me if I've had a sudden loss of taste.

I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."

Two cannibals were eating Amy Schumer

One looks to the other and says,

does this taste funny to you?

and the other says no

Damn girl, do you have Covid?

Because if you're talking to me, then you have no taste.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."

2 Cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

Cannibal 1: Does this taste funny to you?

Cannibal 2: No.

Why do Foot fetishists make terrible Olympians?

They love the taste of defeet.

Some would say that putting decorative soaps that look like food in their bathrooms is cute.

But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

A taste of what my wife has to deal with

My wife was stepping on my back and she suddenly asked "How do dominatrixs not kill people when they do this with stilettos. Do they have to get certified or classes?"

I told her "The only certification for dominatrix is a master's degree"

Top tier groan in response.

One that made the wife groan

A few weeks ago I was talking to my wife about how our taste buds have changed since we were kids.

I said "Yeah, I still can't handle mushrooms though, they are awful"

Her "I don't know, mushrooms have grown on me"

Me deadpan "Well, you should probably shower more often then."

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.

Two cannibals were eating Amy Schumer.

One says, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

The other one goes, 'No'.

When I was little, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason!

So I've worked all my life to invent a time machine of my own, and I'm going back to when he was little and we'll see how he likes the taste of his own medicine.

Dinner Date

My husband and I were out for dinner and the waiter started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my husband said. "Why?," I asked. My husband replied, "Because she has no taste."

The trick to swallowing is to shove it all the way in your throat since there are no taste buds back there.

My mother's cooking is terrible.

This one is a little tasteless, so be forewarned.

Water.

Did you see the Catholic church released a breakfast cereal?

Cinnamon Pope Crunch: The See You Can Taste

An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...

... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."

"Why the long clause?" asked the barista, making the drink.

"For ants," replied the anteater. "You have to dig real fast to get those tasty little suckers."

Guy walks into a bar and says, I don't want to taste alcohol, what should I get?

Bartender says COVID

Why do so many restaurants have financial problems?

Because there's no Accounting for Taste.

What happened when the missionary met the cannibal?

He gave him his first taste of religion.