Task Jokes
103 task jokes and hilarious task puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about task that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These task jokes will make you laugh out loud with their takes on the impossible, mundane, and intensive tasks of everyday life. Have a laugh at these humorous jokes about multitasking that'll make even the most daunting assignments feel a bit lighter.
Funniest Task Short Jokes
Short task jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The task humour may include short assignment jokes also.
- how many Indians does it take to fix a lightbulb? Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.
- When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage. I do not want unlucky people working in our company
- Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard? Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
- Justin Timberlake has volunteered to fight along side ukrainian Forces His first task… Crimea River
- If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes easy tasks look difficult? A coworker
- It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task
- What do dora the Explorer and Internet Explorer have in common? They both take 20 minutes to perform a simple task.
- How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task? A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.
- How many introverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Does it really have to be a group task?
- Why can't Karens get anything done on a Windows computer? They keep summoning the Task Manager
(Sorry: this came to my mind as I was getting frustrated with my slow computer)
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Task One Liners
Which task one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with task? I can suggest the ones about toolbox and command.
- Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc? Because she wanted to see the task manager.
- Why did Karen push CTRL + ALT + DELETE? She wanted the Task Manager.
- How many introverts does it take to fix a lightbulb? Why does it have be a common task?
- Coming to work drunk, it's like a computer games Your main task is get pass the boss.
- Crucifixion of Jesus was not an easy task... ... however Romans nailed it.
- Who does a Karen yell at if her computer isn't working? The task manager
- Half my coworkers are imposters They pretend to do the tasks and sabotage everything.
- Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete? She wanted to see the task manager.
- Who do robot Karens like to call? The task manager
- Reducing air pollution isn't an easy task, it's emission.
- How does batman schedule a task on his computer? With a .bat script
- What's a similarity between my dad and task manager? They both stopped responding.
- What does a Karen say to the IT department? I'd like to speak to your task manager.
- After the weekend the most difficult task is to remember names…
- What task was assigned to the last electron to join the military? Survalence
Task Manager Jokes
Here is a list of funny task manager jokes and even better task manager puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Task manager! Why did Karen press Ctrl+Shift+Delete? Because she wanted to see the task manager.
- Why do Karens like to press ctrl alt delete? Because from there they can access the task manager
- Did you hear about the Quiznos scandal where the management was pushing their tasks off onto their employees? The media is calling it deli-gate
- Someone keeps taking my task manager combination keys off my keyboards. I've lost all control, and I have not alternative but to delete this horrible joke.
- How do you access the task manager on a Disney-brand PC? You press "Ctrl+Walt+Delete"
- Donald Trump can't 'end task' Why can't Donald Trump bring up the task manager?
He keeps pressing Ctrl+Alt+Right (arrow key) - They call me the task manager I control, shift, then escape...
- How do you read Stephen Hawking's mind? Start Task Manager
- In group projects, they call me the task manager I **control** the group, **shift** the blame, then proceed to **escape**
Multi Task Jokes
Here is a list of funny multi task jokes and even better multi task puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2g it was a iPhone 4.
He can now multi task and use face time. - What is a guy with multi-tasking called? Husband.
- My wife is so good at multi-tasking. She can have s**... and fall asleep at the same time.
- What does a t**... call a bomb? Multi-tasking
Cheerful Task Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about task you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean challenge jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make task pranks.
How many members of an ethnicity does it take to perform a specified task?
A finite number! One member to perform the task, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical to the ethnicity in question.
So a Man Finds a Magic Lamp...
... The genie comes out and tells the man he has 1 wish.
The man asks "I'd like a transatlantic highway so that I can visit my family in France more easily"
The genie replies "That is a bit of a daunting task, is there anything other than this that you'd like?"
The man says "I've never had any luck with women. So, I'd like to be able to understand a woman's thought at all times and know what exactly she wants."
The genie thinks it over for a bit and says, "So how many lanes do you want this highway to be?"
New Secretary At Work
A blonde secretary was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee? the blonde asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me.
Oh good! the blonde sighed in relief. I'll have two regular, two black, and two decaf.
I was tasked with ordering coffee supplies for the office...
I sent an email to all the staff asking if they wanted flavored creamers or regular creamers.
Their answers were half-and-half.
Katie Price's first task in Celebrity....
Katie Price's first task in Celebrity Big Brother is to not get pregnant or married in the next three weeks.
Timbuktu
A Harvard grad and an Agricultural grad are competing for a bank job. The bank president is equally impressed with both candidates so he comes up with with a test to see how they think on there feet. He tells both candidates to write a poem using a word he will give them in 3 minutes to complete the task. Both candidates agree. The presidents say the word is "timbuktu". Go!!!
The Harvard grad starts writing immediately and finishes in a minutes while the Aggie has not written anything down. The president tells him time is half over just write something down. The Aggie frantically writes something and finishes just in time.
Since the Harvard grad finished first he will read his first and it went something like this.
Basting is the desert sun, Camels lined two by two, Destination timbuktu.
Impressed the president reads the Aggies.
A hunting Tim and I went, Spotted three lovelies in a tent, With the morning dew, I buck one and, Tim buck two
Aggie gets the job is you are worried about that.
75 story hotel
Phil, Jim, and John were at a convention together sharing a large suite at the top of a . After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear the elevators were broken, and they now had to climb 75 flights of stairs.
Phil said to Jim and John,"let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something more interesting. Hmm, I'll tell jokes the first 25 floors, Jim, you can sing songs the next 25 floors and John you can say your collection of sad stories."
The others agreed and they started the climb for their hotel room. At the 26th floor Phil stopped with his jokes and Jim started his songs. At the 51st floor songs stopped and John's sad stories started.
"I guess I'll begin with my saddest story first. I forgot the room key in the car."
(EDIT) FIXED THE GRAMMAR d**...
Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody were friends
A task was once given to them. Everybody thought Somebody would do it. Somebody thought Anybody could do it. In the end, Nobody ended up doing it.
Since then, Nobody is trusted.
What do you call a task that isn't quite mundane?
Tuesdane
After much discussion, it was decided that Korea would divide its capital city into two, half for North and half for South, the job of splitting the city went to some unusual ministers: Cenobites. In their first public address about their new task, they gave their mission statement:
"We'll tear your Seoul apart"
My sole task as an elevator boy is pushing b**....
It's just depressing.
Here's one for you recent graduates.
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
Elephant genealogy
First elephant: "I hear you've been trying to trace your ancestors on the internet.
Second elephant: "Yes, and it's a mammoth task.
You can't trust a mule with an important task.
They'll just half-a**... it.
I approach the boring task of buying tampons with the same procrastination used when needing to fill the car up with petrol:
ignore depleting supplies until well in the red.
NASA sends an astronaut and a monkey to Mars.
NASA sends 1 austronaut and 1 monkey to Mars. Everyday the monkey receives instructions to do some task but the astronaut has no instructions. After 3 days he asks NASA to give him something to do. NASA replies; 'feed the monkey'.
Q: How many members of a specified demographic does it take to complete a particular task?
A finite quantity. One to complete the specific task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of persons from said demographic.
Don't determine your worth by if you completed the task you set out to do, it's all about the journey.
I mean there are still Jews but I wouldn't say h**... failed.
Never trust a dolphin to do an important task for you.
Because if they mess up, it wasn't an accident, they did it on porpoise.
What do you say to a small mammal facing a challenging task?
Gofer it!
How many homeless people does it take to change a light bulb?
Only 1. It's not that difficult of a task.
Working at a factory making huge calculator b**... isn't exactly my dreamjob, but at least my only task is to fabricate one kind of button.
That's a big plus.
The best thing about college is, you get more group projects, meaning, usually 4-5 people get the same task...
namely to get on eachothers nerves.
As part of the NHS anti smoking campaign ,they've brought together an all children task force...
The Nicoteens.
A group of scientist were working to develop time travel to stop the creation of Pearl Jam's first album.
But they found it to be an untenable task.
Two lunatics planning their escape from the asylum.
A:(Give a task to B) Go see the keeper's position. If he's on the left we flee by the right; If he's on the right we flee by the left.
B: (returns disappointed) impossible to flee!! He's not here.
A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician are given the task to contain the largest amount of area with a limited amount of fence.
The physicist designs a square fence, showing that a square contains the most area.
The Engineer then designs a circular fence, showing that the area to circumference ratio is better than a square.
The mathematician think for a moment, then starts building a tiny fence around himself. When he's done, he says "I define myself to be the outside.
How many relief aid workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The task should be left to the indigenous population to carry out themselves.
A Christian couple
Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don't you brew us some coffee?"
Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey."
What? Why?
"It's all over the Bible, dearest."
"The Bible says nothing about who's supposed to be brewing coffee!"
The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."
Q: How many members of a cultural, religious or social outgroup does it take to accomplish a routine task?
A: An arbitrary number: One or more to actually perform the task, and the remainder to behave in an absurd fashion consistent with perceived humorous stereotypes!
I've been told I have a difficult time staying on task,
But really I just think
The Last Exam
(Sorry for terrible formatting and grammar)
A Philosophy teacher was handing out empty papers for the last exam of the year. The students had one simple task to complete,
They had to convince their teacher that the chair he had placed on the middle of the classroom didn't exist.
After 40 minutes, students returned their answer sheets. All of them had complex sentences and long paragraphs except one.
It had a single sentence.
What chair?
He was the only one to pass the exam.
OC: Why wouldn't Jesus Christ have been born if Google Chrome existed 2000 years ago?
Because there would've been no more RAM in the Task Manger.
What did the chicken do when presented with a difficult task?
It chickened out
Everyone got it wrong. Actually 15 member Saudi team task was to get caught...
and they succeeded with full marks.
Hey Captain Kirk, who's your most productive officer?
That would be Pavel - any task I give him, he'll quickly Chekov.
Before every raid, members of the CDC task force for eradicating contaminated romaine join hands and say
Lettuce prey
pomegranate is not a fruit
it's a task.
My New Years resolution is to complete all of my task!
Welp, I hope I can complete this resol...
Dog puns
i have owned a maltese x shitzu for about 3 years and everything is fine, the first time we had left him alone i was given the task of getting home fast, we had left the front door unlocked as i didnt have a key. i opened the door and rushed to the bathroom as i needed to use the bathroom. i opened the bathroom door and there was my dog standing in the mirror speaking Maltese! i shitzu not!
What is the most important project task of a grill master at a chop house?
To please their steakholders
I took the kids to the beach
So yesterday I decided to take the kids to the beach. Well after a while the kids decided they wanted to build a sand castle. My oldest was the natural leader of the group and was directing the others where to put the towers and such. Well the oldest self assigns the task of digging the moat around the sand castle. I said ok buddy, but don't screw up or you'll be demoted.
The CIA, KGB and MI6 decide to have a contest.
Each is given the task to find a rabbit
realeased in the woods.
The CIA uses spyplanes and satellites and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.
The MI6 deploys recon and search teams and finds it in 3 hours.
The KGB return after 1 hour with a badly beaten bear who cries out "I am the rabbit and I surrender".
The Old Man and the Burdensome Load
An old man was tasked with carrying a bundle of sticks from his home to the next town over, and it was a terrible task. The bundle was very heavy, and the journey was many miles through harsh terrain. After many days, he could bear it no longer. His feet were blistered, his t**... was dry, and he was too tired to go on. In his misery, he called for Death.
Death appeared to him, clad in a black robe and carrying his scythe. The old man fell to his knees. "Thank you so much for coming to me in my time of need!" He cried with joy. "You can help me carry these sticks!"
Husband asks Wife to make coffee
Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: Darling, why don't you brew us some coffee? Wife looks confused, But that's your task, honey. woman says What? Why? man asks. It's all over the Bible, dear. woman replies The Bible says nothing about who's supposed to be brewing coffee! man replies confused. The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews.
A rookie carpenter is on his first day of a new job...
The foreman greets him at the job site and tells him his first task will be to nail some sheathing on a roof. The rookie grabs a hammer and nails and gets to work.
The foreman watches the rookie work for a while, and when he's finished he calls him over. The foreman says, "I think your nickname in this jobsite will be 'lightning'." The rookies face lit up, and he asked, "Why's that? Am I faster than everybody else?"
The foreman shakes his head and says, "No, it's because you never strike twice in the same place ."
A guy looking to become a bee farmer went to a seasoned Apiarist and asked if he could buy some bees off him to start up a hive. The Apiarist said he had plenty to spare and was having a sale for 50 bees for $50...
The man bought the bees, went home and began putting the bees into the empty hive; he counted each one to make sure he got his moneys worth but by the end of the gruelling task he realized he had not 50 but 51 bees. He called the seasoned Apiarist and asked why he was given 51 bees when the sale was for 50.
The Apiarist replied: >!that's a free-bee!<
Dear Dad, $chool i$ great. I'm making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
