tarmac Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious tarmac puns

Two pilots are landing a plane.

Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.

When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"

The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!

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A piece of tarmac was arguing with a stone in a bar...

"I'm the hardest!." says the tarmac, "All the roads in the country are made from me bitch!." "I'm the hardest" says the stone, "Every mountain in the world is made from me!" 2 minutes later, a piece of a bicycle lane strolls in, orders a whiskey and silently sits down in the corner. A hush falls over the bar. Sensing some hostility, the barman tries to keep the peace. "Hey guys, whose the hardest?" "We're hard, but that guy's a cycle path."

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Three slabs of concrete walk into a bar

They sit down, order drinks and start bragging about how strong they are. As they're doing this a small bit of green tarmac walks in and they hide under the table as it orders its drink.

When it leaves they all get up and the barman asks them

"What's up with you guys? I thought all of you were tough."

"Oh, we're tough," they said, "but he's a cycle path."

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A tough piece of back tarmac is having a pint at the bar.

The bartender notices a muscled red piece of tarmac enter the bar, and asks the black piece if he could take him in a fight.

'Of course mate, he's a fucking bus lane.'

A little while later, a blue piece of tarmac enters the bar. The bartender again asks if the black piece could beat him up.

'Listen, he's a fucking disabled parking space. No problem.'

Shortly after, a green piece of tarmac enters the bar, and once again the bartender asks if the black piece is tougher.

'Oi, keep your bloody voice down! I'm not messing with that guy, he's a fucking cycle path!'

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Airline Safety

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.

Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"

"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

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This piece of tarmac is arguing with a stone in a bar...

"I'm the hardest!." says the tarmac, "All the roads in the country are made from me bitch!." "I'm the hardest" says the stone, "Every mountain in the world is made from me!"
2 minutes later, a piece of a bicycle lane strolls in, orders a whiskey and silently sits down in the corner.
A hush falls over the bar.
Sensing some hostility, the barman tries to keep the peace.
"Hey guys, whose the hardest?"
"We're hard, but that guy's a cycle path."

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Malasian airlines

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.

After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

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Two lumps of concrete walk into a busy bar...

They see some chairs next to a lump of tarmac, and the one goes over to sit when the other grabs him saying:

"Dude, don't sit next to him.. he's a cycle-path"

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A man walks into a bar with some tarmac under his arm...

And said: "one for me and one for the road"

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A bit of red tarmac and a bit of black tarmac were sitting quietly in the pub having a pint, when this bit of green tarmac walks in, beats the living daylights out of the red bit of tarmac and then storms off again...

The barman says to the bit of black tarmac, What the heck was all that about?

The bit of black tarmac replies, You have to be careful not to upset that one. He's a bit of a cyclepath."

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A bit of red tarmac and a bit of black tarmac were sitting quietly in the pub having a beer, when this bit of green tarmac walks in, beats the living daylights out of the red bit of tarmac and then storms off again...

The bartender says to the bit of black tarmac, What the heck was all that about?

The bit of black tarmac replies, You have to be careful not to upset that one. He's a bit of a cyclepath…

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A man walks into a bar

So a man walked into the bar carrying a roll of Tarmac. He orders one pint and one for the road.

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.

He looks at the bartender and says, "A pint for me, and one for the road."

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Man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac....

He said " can i have a drink and one for the road"

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A man walks into a bar with a piece of green tarmac on his head...

The landlord says to the rest of the customers:

"Don't talk to him! He's a **cycle path**!"

Ba Dum Tss!

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A black piece of tarmac is having a quiet drink at the pub...

...when the door bursts open and a red piece of tarmac comes storming in loud and aggressively.

The piece of black tarmac turns to the barman anxiously: *"Don't even think about serving him!"*

*"Why not?"*, the barman asks.

*"Isn't it obvious? He's a freaking cycle path!"*

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Piece of tarmac walks into a bar, and orders a beer...

he needs the toilet, so he asks the guy next to him to watch his beer while he goes to the toilet. Gets back to the bar, and the beer is gone!!

"hey, what gives?" demands the piece of tarmac.
"oh, that piece of red tarmac over there said he was a friend of yours." said the man, "frankly I've never seen talking tarmac before today, so I didn't argue, and he drank your beer. Do you want to go talk to him?"

"Im not talking to him!!" said the tarmac, "he's a cycle path!"

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What did the Arab land his 747?

The tarmac, you racist.

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Did you hear about the red tarmac that went around murdering people?

It was a cycle-path.

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A man walks into a bar with a lump of tarmac under his arm

He says I'll have on for me and one for the road

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A man walks into a bar

with a tarmac under his armpit. He says to the bartender:

Bartender, 2 beers please. One for me and one for the road.

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What are the most funny Tarmac jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Tarmac? Well, here are the best Tarmac dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Tarmac pick up lines to share with friends.

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