Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.
When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!
They sit down, order drinks and start bragging about how strong they are. As they're doing this a small bit of green tarmac walks in and they hide under the table as it orders its drink.
When it leaves they all get up and the barman asks them
"What's up with you guys? I thought all of you were tough."
"Oh, we're tough," they said, "but he's a cycle path."
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.
Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"
"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
They see some chairs next to a lump of tarmac, and the one goes over to sit when the other grabs him saying:
"Dude, don't sit next to him.. he's a cycle-path"
And said: "one for me and one for the road"
The barman says to the bit of black tarmac, What the heck was all that about?
The bit of black tarmac replies, You have to be careful not to upset that one. He's a bit of a cyclepath."
So a man walked into the bar carrying a roll of Tarmac. He orders one pint and one for the road.
He looks at the bartender and says, "A pint for me, and one for the road."
He said " can i have a drink and one for the road"
One says to the other "I'm the hardest piece of tarmac in here I could take anyone on".
Just as he's saying this a Red piece of tarmac enters the pub.
The Black piece shuts up and hides under the table.
The other black piece of tarmac says "what's up with you" and he replies "I might be hard, but he's a cycle path"
The landlord says to the rest of the customers:
"Don't talk to him! He's a **cycle path**!"
Ba Dum Tss!
...when the door bursts open and a red piece of tarmac comes storming in loud and aggressively.
The piece of black tarmac turns to the barman anxiously: *"Don't even think about serving him!"*
*"Why not?"*, the barman asks.
*"Isn't it obvious? He's a freaking cycle path!"*
he needs the toilet, so he asks the guy next to him to watch his beer while he goes to the toilet. Gets back to the bar, and the beer is gone!!
"hey, what gives?" demands the piece of tarmac.
"oh, that piece of red tarmac over there said he was a friend of yours." said the man, "frankly I've never seen talking tarmac before today, so I didn't argue, and he drank your beer. Do you want to go talk to him?"
"Im not talking to him!!" said the tarmac, "he's a cycle path!"
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