The Best 67 Target Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Target jokes. There are some target accuracy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these target nra puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Target Jokes and Puns
A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...
...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"
Freedom Tower
Apparently they're having such a hard time filling office space in the new Freedom Tower, they've opened it up to big chain department stores...
Just what America needs — another Target.
Arrows & Targets
A boy gets a bow & arrow for his 10th birthday. He walks outside and starts shooting his arrows. Later his father walks in on him and exclaims, "Wow each of these arrows landed in a target great job! Lets go out for ice cream!" So his father and he go out for the ice cream after it's finished his father asks, "how did you do it?" Then the son says, "It wasn't hard. I just shot arrows and drew circles around them."
Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afganistan?
Because there's a target on every corner.
Accidentally wore a red shirt and khaki pants to Target today...
Long story short, I think I got promoted to Assistant Manager.
Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
Why are there no Walmarts in Syria?
Because there is a target on every corner.
Guys, this syriaous.
The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target.
It's an attention-seeking missile.
A Target inspired joke
I got fired from Target but it was worth it. My coworker Alfred was stocking shelves and I was at front. A large lady came in and inquired about the mobility scooter. Hmmm I thought. A mobility scooter for fat people.
I got on the intercom and announced "Alfred, please bring around the Fatmobile."
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF bombers and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
Three boys are bragging about whose dad is the fastest runner...
The first says "My dad is a hunter. He can shoot an arrow, run to where it's gonna land and catch it!"
"That's nothing!" says the second boy "My dad's a police officer. He can shoot a bullet and be at the target before the bullet hits!"
"My dad can run the fastest!" says the third boy. "He's a civil servant. He works till 4 and is always home by 3:30!"
You can explore target artemis reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean target bullseye dad jokes. There are also target puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags.
Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time.
I tried to walk into Target
But I missed. - Mitch Hedberg
80s rock fan and popular assassination target Kim Jong Un recently stipulated the soundtrack for his funeral...
... Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.
"Sir, the UAV strike bombing missed the target."
"Were we at least close?"
"Not even remotely."
A physicist, mathematician, and engineer go to target practice
The engineer is up first and hits 5 inches to the right of the bullseye. The physicist says, "No no no, you forgot to account for the curvature of the Earth and the wind." The physicist does his calculations, but misses 5 inches to the left of center. The mathematician yells: "BULLSEYE! Great job guys!!"
I was on the beach with my wife.
"My business is failing, nobody is buying my product," I told her.
An old man, who was completely naked, overheard and walked over. He said, "That's interesting."
"You are completely naked," I frowned, "There are children on this beach."
He said, "Well at least I know my target market."
When toddlers get naked and run around giggling, it's "cute" and "funny"
...but when I do it, I'm "drunk" and "not allowed back in Target"
Husband sat in his room throwing darts....
at his wife's photo but not even a single one hit the target. From another room the wife asks the husband : "What are you doing?" . Husband: "MISSING YOU".
A major American chain of stores may be on the receiving end of some recent controversy.
Although sources will not outright name the chain for legal purposes, they did say the stores have painted a giant target upon themselves.
Two ninjas are training in a field.
One ninja says "I'll bet you can't hit that that target with your throwing star."
The other ninja says "Shur-I-ken."
Why don't terrorists shop at Walmart?
They prefer a Target.
Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?
...because its not a Target.
Target audience
A nine year old kid disappeared after using a cream that makes you look 10 years younger.
In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up.
Must be why I keep running over female joggers.
I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board
and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…
I shouldn't have agreed to be a cowboy's target dummy for lasso throwing practice.
How did I get roped into this?
Why isn't there a Wal-Mart in Iraq?
....because there is a target in every corner.
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing...
After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered.
"How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?" Asked Obama. "They don't bite you at all!"
Putin smiled knowingly and replied: "They're not allowed to".
Hunters should always know what's behind their target
Behind mine is a Sam's Club and a Starbucks
What did the throwing star say when I asked her if she could hit her target?
Of course, I'm shuriken.
My girlfriend often accuses me of telling sexist, condescending jokes that target women.
I've explained to her those jokes are actually ironic jabs at the current state of post-modern feminism, designed to highlight societal double standards across genders.
So she needn't worry her pretty little head about it.
A man walks into Target
He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."
A Canadian sniper hit a target from 2 miles
When asked how he did it, he said it was a team effort. "I could have never done it without my spotter and 2 sweepers."
I've never shot a gun
because that would be a weird target
I don't know why men go to bars to meet women...
They should be going to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
A telecoms engineer joins the army...
On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"
You know how stores move stuff around?
Target and Kroger do it for strategy but Walmart does it to keep you in there.
Sex toy companies should target their advertisements at virgins.
It's an untapped market.
The mob boss sends two of his men to kill a gangster...
They park outside his house half an hour before his expected return, check their guns, and wait. Half an hour later, the gangster's not there. They keep waiting in silence, an hour passes - and he's not there. Time passes, and the target is still not home. Finally, one of the hitmen looks at the watch and says:
"We've been here for three hours, and he still ain't showed up."
"Jeez," the other hitman says, "I hope nothing happened to him."
Why did Apollo 11 take off during full moon?
Its an easier target.
------
Yes. Its incredibly lame.
When I'm buying milk, the clerk always says "Do you want your milk in a bag?"
I always say "No just keep it in the carton."
I like to see who's awake at Target. :)
In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.
Yeah, right.
How are Manchester City and Oscar Pistorius similar?
They lost both legs, but still managed to get four shots on target.
My wife asked me to buy a king sized pillow at Target.
After a fruitless search, I replied, "As a trans madam once said to a prospective client, 'Sorry, they're all standard queens.'"
(true story, bro)
What do you call a shuriken that never hits the right target?
An unsure-iken
What do Catholic Priests and Target have in common?
They often have little boy's pants half off.
Florida man fires gun at a retail store.
It was target.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women?
Go to target instead. The female to male ratio is 10-1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
a stormtrooper's favorite store
is the one next to Target
When the target range was asked when they would be fully open again
They said they were shooting for the fall
Archery
When asked what they are aiming for,
A newbie will say precision,
A pro will say grouping,
And dads will say "the target."
I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target.
tldr, I'm covering for Gary this weekend.
The Two Drunkards
Two drunkards are from their usual drinking spree on their way home when they spot a mango fruit up the tree, they start tossing stones at the fruit to fell it, after what seems like a life time missing the target, one says to the other, ''Maybe it is not even ripe, let me scale up the tree and take a closer look" the other agrees.
He tediously scales up the tree and gently squeezes the fruit to feel if it is ripe, he comes down joyfully to his friend and say "yeap, the fruit is damn ripe, let's get it".
And they continue tossing the stones to the fruit
Asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.
She said, I'd like a pistol. Maybe a Glock?
She gave me a t-shirt with a target on it.
How did the bank robber choose his next target?
He used Google safe search.
What's the best part of being a hitman salesman?
Their target audience never complains.
A friend just got an intellectual property lawsuit filed against him.
He told a «your mother» joke to someone, and the target of it claimed he'd come up with that joke first, and demanded compensation.
I have no idea which way it'll swing, but I'm gonna bring popcorn to the trial where a judge decided whether someone's mother is fair use or public domain…
Why are there no Walmarts in Afghanistan?
Cos there is a target on every corner
Being in the military, my kids are used to moving around a lot.
Because I use them for target practice.
The Italian Game
Pulled this on my wife on a road trip
Rules: In a thick Italian accent, you say "Imma A" and your target says "Imma not A" after you. You both go through the alphabet that way together
Me: Imma A!
Wife: Imma not A (confused)
Me: Imma B!
Wife: Imma not B
Me: Imma C!
Wife: Imma not C
Me: You're a *WHAT*?!
She groan-screamed and pretended i didnt exist for 10 miles
What's a Stormtroopers favourite business?
The one next to Target.
Men need to start going to target to meet women
The women to men ratio is 10 to 1 and they're already looking for things they don't need
Two IT techs are at the local gun range.
After about 10 minutes of practice, one of the techs isn't able to hit the target. The other looks at him and says "What is your problem?"
The embarrassed IT tech puts his head down and says, "Troubleshooting."
Back in my day we had to fly those bombs to the target. They didn't ride on these fancy rockets.
Ok bomber.
Father shark teaches the son shark how to eat human
"Look boy, when you target a swimming human go close with your fin out of the water. Take a few laps around the target then you can eat. Does it make sense?"
"Yes, father. Thank you." the son replayed.
"Now go find your lunch" said the father.
The guy went in one direction and came back after some time.
"Did you find someone?" father.
"Yes dad."
"Did you do what I said?"
"Yes, I found a human and ate him?"
"Did you show your fin and make a few laps around the target?"
"No. I just ate him"
"Oh boy. You ate the shit with that human."
A Physicist, and Engineer, and a Statistician...
are attempting to fire a cannon at a target 100 meters away. The physicist takes the lead, and performs numerous calculations to determine the cannonball's trajectory. He carefully aims the cannon and fires, coming short by 10 meters. The engineer, accounting for real world tolerances and imperfections, then performs his own calculations. After carefully aiming the cannon and firing, he overshoots by 10 meters.
The statistician then begins shouting with glee that they hit the target.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the target archer puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working target rifle piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
