Target Jokes
126 target jokes and hilarious target puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about target that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Humor and laughter are both important parts of life. If you're looking for a good laugh, check out our funny collection of jokes about Target Store, target practice, target dress, target clothes, month end target, archery, dart, and Artemis!
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Funniest Target Short Jokes
Short target jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The target humour may include short destination jokes also.
- The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers. At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.
- Engineers What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets. - Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson: Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
- In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags. Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time.
- Two ninjas are training in a field. One ninja says "I'll bet you can't hit that that target with your throwing star."
The other ninja says "Shur-I-ken." - Archery When asked what they are aiming for,
A newbie will say precision,
A pro will say grouping,
And dads will say "the target." - What did the throwing star say when I asked her if she could hit her target? Of course, I'm shuriken.
- When I'm buying milk, the clerk always says "Do you want your milk in a bag?" I always say "No just keep it in the carton."
I like to see who's awake at Target. :) - Wal-Mart Why are there no Wal-Marts in the middle east?
A: Because there are too many Targets - The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target. It's an attention-seeking missile.
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Target One Liners
Which target one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with target? I can suggest the ones about goal and direction.
- Did you know there are no Walmarts in Syria? ...only Targets
- did you know that ukraine has no Walmarts? only targets.
- Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq? Because they're all Targets.
- Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afganistan? Because there's a target on every corner.
- I've never shot a gun because that would be a weird target
- What's a stormtrooper's favourite store? The one right next to the Target
- I took my kids to the shooting range today. But they said I had to use the paper targets.
- Why is there no Walmarts in Afghanistan? Too many Targets
- Why aren't there any Wal-Mart's in Afghanistan? Because they are all Target's!
- Why are there no K-marts in syria Because there are targets everywhere
- What do you call a shuriken that never hits the right target? An unsure-iken
- How did the bank robber choose his next target? He used Google safe search.
- Did you hear about the half-assed hitman? He assinated his targets.
- Why don't terrorists shop at Walmart? They prefer a Target.
- I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target. tldr, I'm covering for Gary this weekend.
Walmart Target Jokes
Here is a list of funny walmart target jokes and even better walmart target puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If the NRA had its way, there would be no more Walmart stores... ...but there'd be Targets everywhere.
- You know how stores move stuff around? Target and Kroger do it for strategy but Walmart does it to keep you in there.
- Ever wonder why North Korea doesn't have any Walmarts? They only have Targets there.
- I tried telling higher value jokes in Walmart but nobody was laughing. I guess it wasn't my Target Audience.
- Are there any Wal-Marts in Syria or only Targets? Asking for a friend... Well?
Target Store Jokes
Here is a list of funny target store jokes and even better target store puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Florida man fires gun at a retail store. It was target.
- Why would Target be the worst store to run the Enterprise? Because they all wear red shirts
- Newspapers are missing the obvious headline for Target's Canadian stores closing down... TARGET MISSES THE MARK
- Guess what stores are opening in Afghanistan? Targets.
I'll let myself out. - WTC joke guy 1- Did you see there gonna be putting a department store on the top floors of the new World Trade Center?
guy 2- No I didn't what store are they putting up there?
guy 1- A Target - What's Harambe's favourite retail store? Target
- I heard Target is closing all its stores in Canada I guess you can say nobody will miss it
Target Practice Jokes
Here is a list of funny target practice jokes and even better target practice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Being in the military, my kids are used to moving around a lot. Because I use them for target practice.
- What's the difference between target practice and having cow computer problems? You shoot with a bullet and troubleshoot with Bull IT
- What do Stormtroopers call target practice? Shooting the breeze
- Do you know why far right US politicians are pro-life? Because they need to do regular target practice
- What do you call a riot in Baltimore? Target practice.
- What was Hiroshima's code name in World War 2? Target Practice.
Entertaining Target Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about target you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean focus jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make target pranks.
A French, a German and a Spaniard are trying to shoot three targets at 50 meters
The French goes first and gets it in one shot
The German goes next and also hits the target with his first shot.
Turn now for the Spaniard, who fails. The other two men are very surprised.
After all, nobody expects the Spanish imprecision.
A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...
...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"
Freedom Tower
Apparently they're having such a hard time filling office space in the new Freedom Tower, they've opened it up to big chain department stores...
Just what America needs — another Target.
Arrows & Targets
A boy gets a bow & arrow for his 10th birthday. He walks outside and starts shooting his arrows. Later his father walks in on him and exclaims, "Wow each of these arrows landed in a target great job! Lets go out for ice cream!" So his father and he go out for the ice cream after it's finished his father asks, "how did you do it?" Then the son says, "It wasn't hard. I just shot arrows and drew circles around them."
Accidentally wore a red shirt and khaki pants to Target today...
Long story short, I think I got promoted to Assistant Manager.
Fans of two famous writers watched them both compete in an archery contest...
Talk about a target audience.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are there no Walmarts in Syria?
Because there is a target on every corner.
Guys, this syriaous.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Target inspired joke
I got fired from Target but it was worth it. My coworker Alfred was stocking shelves and I was at front. A large lady came in and inquired about the mobility scooter. Hmmm I thought. A mobility scooter for fat people.
I got on the intercom and announced "Alfred, please bring around the Fatmobile."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
This whole Target credit card theft is a real nightmare
For this reason, I only buy stuff with credit cards I find in lost wallets.
Why did the soldier not hit target?
Because sale on Wall Mart.
Why was Macaulay Culkin an easy target for Michael Jackson?
Because he was home alone.
I tried to walk into Target
But I missed. - Mitch Hedberg
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
80s rock fan and popular assassination target Kim Jong Un recently stipulated the soundtrack for his f**......
... Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.
A blonde goes to a target
And misses.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Sir, the UAV strike b**... missed the target."
"Were we at least close?"
"Not even remotely."
What do they call American Liberty in Israel?
A valid target.
A physicist, mathematician, and engineer go to target practice
The engineer is up first and hits 5 inches to the right of the bullseye. The physicist says, "No no no, you forgot to account for the curvature of the Earth and the wind." The physicist does his calculations, but misses 5 inches to the left of center. The mathematician yells: "BULLSEYE! Great job guys!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on the beach with my wife.
"My business is failing, nobody is buying my product," I told her.
An old man, who was completely n**..., overheard and walked over. He said, "That's interesting."
"You are completely n**...," I frowned, "There are children on this beach."
He said, "Well at least I know my target market."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...
You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.
A major American chain of stores may be on the receiving end of some recent controversy.
Although sources will not outright name the chain for legal purposes, they did say the stores have painted a giant target upon themselves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?
...because its not a Target.
Target audience
A nine year old kid disappeared after using a cream that makes you look 10 years younger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up.
Must be why I keep running over female joggers.
I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board
and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I shouldn't have agreed to be a cowboy's target d**... for lasso throwing practice.
How did I get roped into this?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why isn't there a Wal-Mart in Iraq?
....because there is a target in every corner.
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing...
After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered.
"How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?" Asked Obama. "They don't bite you at all!"
Putin smiled knowingly and replied: "They're not allowed to".
Hunters should always know what's behind their target
Behind mine is a Sam's Club and a Starbucks
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you do when there's a m**... on the loose but you can't miss out on the extra 15% off on the entire store?
You find a Safeway to Target
Where do you find arrows?
At a Target
My girlfriend often accuses me of telling sexist, condescending jokes that target women.
I've explained to her those jokes are actually ironic jabs at the current state of post-modern feminism, designed to highlight societal double standards across genders.
So she needn't worry her pretty little head about it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Jaws target brown seals
They're great w**... and want to make the seas great again
I got kicked out of Target today
I was shouting obscenities in the men swear department
A man walks into Target
He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Canadian s**... hit a target from 2 miles
When asked how he did it, he said it was a team effort. "I could have never done it without my spotter and 2 sweepers."
Shoplifters
I was at Target yesterday and LP caught some man lifting a calendar..
..he got 12 months.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A telecoms engineer joins the army...
On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"
I've never shot a gun
What an odd target to shoot at.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last word's
"NO AIM IT AT THE TARGET!"
I thought it impossible to get assaulted over duck puns...
...But my target finally quacked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... toy companies should target their advertisements at virgins.
It's an untapped market.
The mob boss sends two of his men to kill a gangster...
They park outside his house half an hour before his expected return, check their guns, and wait. Half an hour later, the gangster's not there. They keep waiting in silence, an hour passes - and he's not there. Time passes, and the target is still not home. Finally, one of the hitmen looks at the watch and says:
"We've been here for three hours, and he still ain't showed up."
"Jeez," the other hitman says, "I hope nothing happened to him."
Why did Apollo 11 take off during full moon?
Its an easier target.
------
Yes. Its incredibly lame.
In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.
Yeah, right.
How are manchester city and Oscar Pistorius similar?
They lost both legs, but still managed to get four shots on target.
Hear the story about the target that vanished out of thin air?
You're not missing anything
My wife asked me to buy a king sized pillow at Target.
After a fruitless search, I replied, "As a trans madam once said to a prospective client, 'Sorry, they're all standard queens.'"
(true story, bro)
What do Cardinal McCarrick and Target have in common?
Boys' pants, half off.
What do Catholic Priests and Target have in common?
They often have little boy's pants half off.
What do you call a duck that always hits the target?
A quackshot
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you preform a sneak attack?
t**... shoe and throw it at your target
Why don't serial killers target anti-vaxxers?
they don't know where they've been.
I like to go to Target to find a girlfriend
Cuz they're all looking for stuff they don't need
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you could kill one person in history who would you kill?
Myself, I'd target the person who killed h**....
Why does Target not sell weapons?
The two don't mix very well if you ask me.
What do you call a particular group of people that likes to watch blind archers?
A Target Audience.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do guys go to bars to meet women?
Go to target instead. The female to male ratio is 10-1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
When the target range was asked when they would be fully open again
They said they were shooting for the fall
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Two Drunkards
Two drunkards are from their usual drinking spree on their way home when they spot a mango fruit up the tree, they start tossing stones at the fruit to fell it, after what seems like a life time missing the target, one says to the other, ''Maybe it is not even ripe, let me scale up the tree and take a closer look" the other agrees.
He tediously scales up the tree and gently squeezes the fruit to feel if it is ripe, he comes down joyfully to his friend and say "yeap, the fruit is d**... ripe, let's get it".
And they continue tossing the stones to the fruit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.
She said, I'd like a p**.... Maybe a Glock?
She gave me a t-shirt with a target on it.
What's the best part of being a hitman salesman?
Their target audience never complains.
