Tapping Jokes
44 tapping jokes and hilarious tapping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tapping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Tapping Short Jokes
Short tapping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tapping humour may include short tapped jokes also.
- When a maple syrup producer sees a maple tree they don't own, do they think "I'd tap that"?
- As a doctor I often get asked why I use that rubber hammer to tap patient's knees. I dunno. I just get a kick out of it.
- You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water? In Flint, the waiter asks you, "Regular or Unleaded?"
- What did the NSA agent say to the other NSA agent when he saw the German Chancellor? I'd tap that.
- First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door
My plumber has a funny sense of humour - Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog morse code! Dog: [taps paw]
Me: What did it say??
Scientist: "Woof." - My girlfriend hates it when I tap the brakes to make the car bounce when I listen to hiphop. But when I think about it, she never did like brakedancing.
- Someone tapped me on the shoulder today then did a double-take and said, "Sorry, I thought you were someone else!" I said, "I am."
- A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race... the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.
- Beer Belly Some guy looked at my beer belly in the bar last night and asked sarcastically "Is that Budweiser or Heineken?"
My response: "There's a tap underneath, taste it for yourself."
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Tapping One Liners
Which tapping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tapping? I can suggest the ones about taps and slapping.
- I wonder if tap dancers.... Look at a floor and think "I'd tap that"
- I had to quit tap dancing. I kept falling in the sink.
- Why did the pianist go to jail? Because he tapped *A Minor*
- This morning I woke up to a tap on my front door. My plumber has a weird sense of humour.
- This morning there was a tap on my door My plumber has a weird sense of humor
- This morning there was a tap on the front door Funny sense of humour, that plumber.
- woke up to a tap on my door this morning got to get a new plumber
- I was woken up today by a tap on my door Odd sense of humor my plummer has.
- It's white, it's ceramic, and it taps on your door. Let that sink in.
- You heard a tap at the door. Let that sink in.
- What do you call a 1000 rabbit stepping backwards? A receding hare line!
Tap snare! - Girl, are you a maple tree? Cause I'd tap that.
- What do you call it when a tap dancing mare signals for help? Horse code
- I can stop any pipe from leaking Just by giving it a tap
- Dude, the water from the sink is sooo hot... I would tap that.
Double Tapping Jokes
Here is a list of funny double tapping jokes and even better double tapping puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They say men can't multitask, but I can. I just double tap the home button
- A l**... gets submitted by double armbar. He never tapped.
Share Hilarious Tapping Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about tapping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rubbing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tapping pranks.
After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelled my name!"
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen.
What are you doing working so late?
Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. They misspelled my name!
One day, a taxi cab passenger touched...
a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"
Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be f**... driver for 25 years.
A man is riding in the back of a taxi...
and the taxi driver is silent and concentrated on the road. Wanting to ask a question, the man taps the driver on the shoulder and says "Hey, buddy!" The driver screams and loses control of the taxi and crashes into a pole. The man says "Wow I didn't know me tapping you would scare you so much!" The driver replies, "It's not you're fault. This is my first day driving a taxi... last 20 years I drove a hearse!"
Blind pilots
A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"
A man got a text from his neighbor: "I'm so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I've been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."
The man anguished and betrayed, went into his room, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife.
A couple of seconds later, another text arrived.
f**... auto correct, I meant "wifi", not "wife"'
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
A alien walks into a bar
He orders a drink. After some time he taps the waiter and says "beep". After 5 minutes he does it again. He does it repeatedly until the waiter says "I swear to God, if you do that one more time I'm gonna chop your b**... off!" Alien responds "I don't have any b**...". The waiter says "Then how do you have s**...?". The alien responds by tapping the waiter and saying "beep"
The intelligent dog
Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.
It was a dark night in the cemetery..
..and Eric had, unwisely, elected to take a short cut. The leaves rustled in the trees, the shadows appeared to move around him, and then.. and then.. tap, tap, tap. Eric started to walk faster but the tapping was only getting louder. Eric grew scared, really scared, until he rounded a big old gravestone and saw a man tapping away at the front of the stone. Trying to hide his relief, Eric said, "You're up late on a cold windy night!" "Yes", said the man. "You always work this late?" said Eric. "Not normally", replied the man, "But the b**... spelt my name wrong!"
Blondes..
My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.
After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.
Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.
She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!
A teenage girl came across an old man sitting next to his radio, tapping his cane in time to a Lil Wayne song.
"Holy c**...! I didn't know you'd like rap music?!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".
Dead funny
Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetary. Hearing a tapping sound, he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man.
"You gave me a fright of my life! Why are you working so late?"
"The spelled my name wrong."
The E.E.P.A levies charges against Franck Riboud, CEO of Evian, for tapping into protected aquifers in the Swiss Alps.
I guess he's in haute water now!
What do you call Bill Clinton's VP programmatically tapping his foot and clapping his hands?
Algorithm
A blind man is tapping his way past the fish market.
He stops, takes a deep breath and says, "Good morning, ladies."
So this hot babe goes to a fancy dress party stark n**... and rings the bell.
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The host opens the door and sees her standing there brazenly, tapping her forefinger on her chin.
Host: What are you?
Hot babe: A self-tapping screw!
One Dark Halloween Night........
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap- tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
At a wedding, tapping on the glass makes the groom and the bride kiss. Smashing the glass however..
Clearly got me kicked out of the house.
My wife says sorry
Whenever my wife does something wrong or messes up she starts tapping her fingers on the nearest surface in a strange rhythm. Eventually, after she had broken a glass, apologised and I told her it was ok she started tapping away again.
It was getting on my nerves so I decided to ask her. She said
It's my remorse code
My friend and I are making a band
He's a really good pencil tapper and I rap.
We decided to go with a generic name so people would know what we're about.
It's called "Rapping and Tapping."
Russian submarines caught tapping into undersea internet cables to intercept and manipulate internet traffic going to North America.
I practised my sweeping and tapping for a Mary Poppins audition...
I didn't get the part. They said I used too much distortion.
I have been tapping your wife day and night
Engineer
A ship was malfunctioning so they called in a guy to fix it. The guy went down into the engine room, and returned 2 minutes later saying it was fixed, so they started it up and it worked, and the owner asked how much it was going to cost, and the price was 10,000$
"Thats ridiculous, I need an itemized list of the expenses!" said the owner.
the list read:
*Tapping pipe - 1$*
*Knowing where to tap 9999$*
She didn't realize tapping him on the shoulder would scare him
Last week a passenger in a cab, leaned over and tapped the driver to get his attention
The driver screamed and lost control, almost hit a bus and drove over a curb
For a few moments everything was quiet and then the scared shitless can driver asked if the women was alright
She said yeah but I didn't know a tap on the shoulder would scare you that badly
The driver said I'm sorry it was my fault, today is my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for 25 years
A man walks on to a busy fishing pier carrying nothing but tap dance shoes and a large bucket...
The other fishermen notice him changing into these shoes. They stare perplexed, and whisper among themselves. None can figure out what's going on.
The man, now with his shoes on stands up and starts tapping out a quick rhythm. "Click click click" his shoes go as he moves down the pier. Suddenly a fish jumps out of the water on to the pier. It's followed by another, and soon fish are jumping out like crazy.
Satisfied, the man takes off his shoes, and starts loading the fish into his bucket. The other fishermen are very confused now. One of them asks, "Hey, how did you do that? How did that work?" The man with the tap shoes replies "It's called clickbait. How does it work? The answer will SHOCK you!"