Tanks Jokes
88 tanks jokes and hilarious tanks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tanks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ready to make your friends roar with laughter? Look no further than this collection of wry jokes inspired by the world of tanks, frontline, gears, and battlefield. Whether you're a fan of tanking or not, these jokes will have everyone in stitches.
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Funniest Tanks Short Jokes
Short tanks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tanks humour may include short gas tank jokes also.
- My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
- Why doesn't America parade its new military hardware and tanks down main street like other countries? Because they prefer to parade it down main street IN other countries.
- Putin thought that taking Kyiv was just a matter of painting letters on tanks. It was easier Z than done.
- Two goldfish are in a tank... One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"
- Shark Tank *on shark Tank*
Sharks: what's your idea?
Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
Shark 1: I'm out
Shark 2: I'm out as well
Hammerhead shark: tell me more - Two fish are in a tank Then one of them turns to the other and asks, Do you know how to drive this thing?
- Two goldfish were sitting in a tank. At one point, one of them turns to the other. Do you know how to drive this thing?
- My friend recommended that I try a sensory deprivation tank but I got out after 5 minutes….. I wasn't really feeling it
- My daughter told me this one today and it had me in stitches. Two goldfish are in a tank... One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"
- What is the most unrealistic part of the newest james bond movie? A Brit with a full petrol tank.
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Tanks One Liners
Which tanks one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tanks? I can suggest the ones about russian tank and fish tank.
- Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors? To see the battlefield
- Why do french tanks have rearway mirrors? So the drivers could see the battlefield.
- How do you stop a Russian tank? Shoot the soldiers pushing it.
- Why do french tanks have rear mirrors? So they can also see the front lines.
- How do you stop a Russian tank? You shoot the two soldiers pushing it.
- What should ukrainian soldiers paint on captured Russian tanks? Ctrl-
- How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the soldier pushing it.
- How do you stop a russian tank from advancing? Shoot the soldier pushing it.
- Two soldiers are in a tank… …one turns to the other and says, "blubblublbublub".
- A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
- What do you get when you put adderall into the gas tank of a Ford Fiesta? A ford Focus.
- People of China, do you want to hear what happened on Tiananmen square in 1989? No tanks.
- Old Romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank? You shoot the guy pushing it.
- You know what never gets old? Russian tank drivers
- Two fish are in a tank. One says: How do you drive this thing?
Ww2 Tanks Jokes
Here is a list of funny ww2 tanks jokes and even better ww2 tanks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does an American ww2 veteran say when you ask him if he wants some tea? Sherman tanks!
- French tanks in WW2 have special features They have side mirrors so they can see the Germans when escaping.
- Making tanks in WW2 Italy was a really fun job. It was always riveting work.
- Did you know that Italian tanks in WW2 had 4 gears? 1 for advancing and 3 for retreating.
- "Quality is more important than quantity" Said the German tanks to the US tanks during WW2
- Where do you sell a WW2 german tank? On the Blitzkrieg list.
World Of Tanks Jokes
Here is a list of funny world of tanks jokes and even better world of tanks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- French tanks are the only ones in the world equipped with rear view mirrors. This is so they can see the battlefield when they are driving.
- Microsoft just announced French tanks are available in World of Tanks... I'm not sure why I would want to play a game where I could only drive in reverse.
- What do you get when you cross Charlie Sheen and World of Tanks Pay-to-Winning
- For all you World of Tanks players: what does LTP stand for? LeichtTractor Premium
Unearthly Funniest Tanks Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about tanks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thomas tank jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tanks pranks.
Me: The place with more tanks?
My GF: IDK, a war?
Me: An aquarium
French Jokes
Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.
Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.
A stuttering man wants to join the army
So he arrives at the base and gets in line. The first man approaches the drill seargent.
"Soldier, what do you want to do?"
"I want to drive a tank!" He is put to the tanks
The next man approaches. "I want to fly a plane!". So he takes to the skies in a fighter jet.
The stutterer then comes up.
"What do you want to to?"
"uh....uh-uh-uh---uh-uh-uh-uh..."
He was put in charge of the machine guns.
An young Irish boy
A young Irish boy is stood crying at the side of the road. A man asks him What's wrong wid ya laddie? The boy says Me ma is dead . Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you ? The boy replies No tanks mister, s**... is the last ting on my mind at the moment.
Why does the French Military install rearview mirrors on their tanks?
So that they can see the battle.
Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?
So that they can watch the battle.
Grieving in Ireland
A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?'
The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.'
'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?'
The boy replies, 'No tanks mister. s**... is the last thing on me mind at the moment.'
Why did h**... lose the war?
Because his tanks wouldn't stop Stallin'.
32 Tanks Enter Ukraine From Russia
Ukrainian grandma says, "What is the difference between a Russian tank and a vacuum cleaner? "
Ukrainian grandpa is getting another drink, but yells, "I don't know" from the cellar.
"There's only one dirtbag in a vacuum," she replies, but no one is in the room to hear her.
I heard the French trains are built like their tanks...
... 5 reverse gears and 1 forward.
Why are there windows on the back of French tanks?
So they can watch the battle
The president visits a military base
He asks a solider stationed there what vehicles he's looking at. The Solider replies "Tanks Obama"
Corny jokes!
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are s**...!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
So the French army has recently installed rearview mirrors to their tanks.
That way, they can watch the fighting!
Obama and a general are discussing how to attack ISIS
Obama: We need to get boots on the ground to attack them. Send in soldiers, artillery, and trucks.
General: You are forgetting something important sir.
Obama: No I am not.
General: Tanks, Obama.
How do generals show their gratitude to their troops?
They give tanks.
Did you hear about the latest innovation in french tanks?
Rear view mirrors so they can see the battles going on.
Howard and Dale walk into a bar
They sit down at the bar and see people scuba diving on the tv.
"So here's a question" says Howard "How come scuba divers sit on the side of the boat with their oxygen tanks facing outward, and fall backwards off the boat?"
Dale thought for a minute and then said "Thats easy, if they fell forward they'd still be in the frigging boat!"
p**... And Murphy Are In The Pub
p**... and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. p**... says, "Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?" Murphy thinks for a minute then says, "That's easy. It's 'cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the friggin boat!"
What was the General's answer...
to the President's inquiry, as to what military division has been most under appreciated during his term?
"Tanks, Obama."
The new French tanks have 14 gears
13 go in reverse and 1 goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
When I was in the army I was offered the position of tank commander...
But I said, " No tanks"
Why do French tanks have mirrors?
So they could see the battle.
Why do scuba divers dive backwards?
Cause if they dived forward they would fell on the boat.
Real reason so that the eye and nose masks don't get filled with water on the impact straightforward and the oxygen tanks are heavy and it would exert less strain on the back. A prudent way.
Throwback Thursday Joke
Edited few grammar mistakes.
In an attempt to help the less fortunate, I want to start a charity where people can donate their lightly used weaponry, whether they be guns, knives, tanks, etc so that the poor and disabled can have a sense of security while living on the streets at an affordable price
It could be called the Goodkill
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks him, What's wrong?
The boy says, Me ma is dead .
Oh bejaysus," the man says.
Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?
The boy replies, No tanks mister. s**... is the last ting on me mind at the moment..
Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)
An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."
Why do french tanks have a rearview mirror?
To see the frontline.
I clean my kids' aquariums but they don't appreciate it...
It's a case of tanks but no thanks.
Why do French tanks have rear veiw mirrors
So they can see the battlefield
Whats Tom Hanks Without Resistance?
Tanks
A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian are arguing about cars.
The Frenchman says: We use the Renault for travel inside our country, and the Peugeot when we travel outside the border.
The German says: Ach, ja! We do that too! We use the Volkswagen for travel inside our country, and the Mercedes when we go to foreign countries.
The Russian then says: Well, we do something simmilar, we use Ladas for travelling inside the motherland, and tanks everywhere else.
Do you want to hear a joke about the Israeli army?
A general asks a young soldier, what will you do if you see 20 soldiers coming to attack you? The soldier says that I would take an u**... and shoot them.
The general asks him what if a tank is coming to kill you? I would take a rocket launcher and defend myself replied the young soldier.
The general asks him what if you see tanks, terrorists and planes together?
The soldier says, general, am I the only one in the army?
Austria declares war on China:
„We have 200 soldiers and 3 Tanks
China accepst: „We have 4 Million Soldiers, a Million Tanks an a couple hundred nuclear warheads
Austria replies:„We abort the declaration, we can't provide enough accomodations for the war prisoners
"Your husband died by drowning in one of our beer tanks!"
... said the beer company reps to the woman having just learned about the unfortunate event
"Do you know ... did he suffer?" asks the woman in tears
"We honestly don't think he did.
He came out a few times to pee"
Why do French tanks come equipped with rear view mirrors?
So they can see the battle.
Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors in them?
So they can see the battlefield
So my blind date said "Tell me something quirky about yourself" and I said "Whenever I'm talking to someone and I think they're a waste of time, I start blethering on about Russian tanks"
She said "Wow, that's actually kind of weird" and I said "Yeah, but actually, the T-34 and the KVs really gave the Germans a shock in 1941".
Poland just ordered 6,000 septic tanks
The defense minister is reported to have said "Once our soldiers learn how to drive them, our enemies will be in deep s**...."
My son asked me, "Dad, what does the Z stand for on Russian tanks?"
"Well son", I said, "You've heard of Plan A and when that fails, you go to a Plan B?"
"They're on Plan Z already."
How do you remove all the Russian tanks stuck in the fields outside Kyiv?
Ukraine them out.
So who's winning?
Two men talking at the bar:
\- So, whats new?
\- NATO is at war with Russia
\- Oh, so how it's going?
\- Russia lost couple thousands of their soldiers including their elite squads, over hundred helicopters and planes, couple hundreds of armored vehicles and tanks, three vessels, capability to exchange currency, Ikea, McDonald's and it's possible their whole country will go bankrupt in couple of weeks.
\- And how's NATO doing?
\- NATO didn't entered the war yet
How do you get all those Russian tanks out from the mud?
Ukraine them out.
After 19 days of stealing Putin's tanks.
Ukrainian farmers are now the fifth largest military in Europe.
An American asked a Russian guy about their cars:
\- For what did you make the ZAZ, a copy of the Fiat 500?
\- For rural roads ...
\- What did you make the Moskvich for, a copy of Ford?
"For country roads!"
\- Then what is Lada for, a copy of another Fiat?
\- For city roads!
\- The for what did you invent the Volga for?
\- For the good intercity roads!
\- And what do you go abroad with?
\- We do not go abroad!
"And yet, if necessary?"
\- If necessary - with tanks!
I heard Russia ordered 1,000 septic tanks from Belarus
Once they figure out how to drive them, they'll invade Moldova
Calling a friend in Ukraine
Hi, what is going on ?:
Well, Russia is in war with NATO here.
And how does it look like ?
Russia lost a missile cruiser, over 600 tanks, 25000 soldiers.
And NATO ?
Did not arrive yet.
Why did the Russian Army install Rear-view mirrors in their Tanks?
To see the battlefield.
A Russian comes home after fishing trip
A Russian comes home after fishing trip and hears the news that Russia is at war. He asks another Russian what is going on, and he tells him:
"We are at war with NATO!"
"Oh wow, how many troops have been lost?"
"Well, we have lost 45,000 troops, almost 2000 tanks, a thousand artillery pieces, several hundred helicopters and aircraft, several generals have been captured, our economy is in shambles, and the Moskva was sunk.
"And NATO?"
"NATO hasn't showed up yet."
Russian Tanks
"What's the difference between a Russian tank and a Hoover vacuum cleaner? "
"The Russian tank has 4 dirt-bags in it."
Apparently this joke comes from an OLD soviet-era General who apparently liked to tell it almost any time he gave a speeches to his NATO counterparts.
Two old jews are talking in Odessa.
-What's the news?
-Have you not heard? There is a war!
-who is fighting?
-Russia says it is at war with NATO.
-How's is it going?
-70,000 Russians are dead, they have lost thousands of tanks, used up most of their missiles, and their economy is collapsing.
-and NATO?
-NATO hasn't shown up yet.
Cr
Why do Russians paint Z's on their tanks?
So they can say Ukrainians are not-Z's.
