tank Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious tank puns

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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When I said to my teacher,I had 26 pets, didn't believe me. So I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

Teacher freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."

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The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"

I responded, "Inflation."

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Two goldfish are in a tank...

One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"

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Shark Tank

*on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

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Two fish are in a tank

Then one of them turns to the other and asks, Do you know how to drive this thing?

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There's two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says..

'You man the guns, I'll drive'

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How do you stop a North Korean tank?

Shoot the soldier pushing it.

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What do you get when you put adderall into the gas tank of a Ford Fiesta?

A Ford Focus.

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Old Romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

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My daughter told me this one today and it had me in stitches. Two goldfish are in a tank...

One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"

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A man on fire

A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.

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Paddy the Irishman took his goldfish to the vet...

... and says to the vet,
"Doctor, my goldfish is very sick! I think he may have epilepsy."

The vet has a quick look at the fish, and after a few seconds he says, "Well, Paddy, your fish looks fine."

Paddy then replies, "Oh wait Doc, I haven't taken him out of the tank yet!"

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Two fish sitting in a tank

One said to the other I have no idea how to drive this thing

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Here's an old German joke: What is the difference between a Russian tank and a vacuum cleaner?

There's only one dirtbag in the vacuum cleaner.

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Tank tops shouldn't be against school dress codes

After all, we have a right to bare arms.

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2 fish.

there are 2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says,
"How the fuck do you drive this thing?"

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Why do lots of Americans wear tank tops?

Because they have the right to bare arms

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Two Goldfish are in a Tank

One turns to the other and says..

"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

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Who won the first Tour de france?

The 7th German tank division

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Four engineers in a car...

Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."

After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"

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Two soldiers are in a tank

They both drowned

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a pakistani soldier enlists in the army , ( xpost - india )

A Pakistani soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Pakistani army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Indian tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Indians. I approached the border, and saw an Indian tank. I put my white flag up, the Indian tank put his white flag up. I said to the Indian soldier, 'Do you want to get a 3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"

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blondes

A girl came skipping home from school one day. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde? the girl said. Yes, it's because you're blonde, said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy? Yes, it's because you're blonde. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. Very good, said her embarrassed mother. Is it because I'm blonde, mommy? No Honey, it's because you're 24.

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How many gears does a french tank have?

6, 1 forward and 5 reverse.

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A man drives to a gas station with the sign "Free sex with every full tank".

The man fills up, goes inside and asks the guy inside for his free sex. The attendant says "Tell me a number between 1 and 10", "7", "That was close, it was 8, better luck next time."

Next week he tries again, and he chooses 2 and close but no free sex. Keep on trying is the attendant advice. The man returns to his car and later shares his disappointment with a coworker.

"But don't you realize" says the coworker "that this is a marketing ploy, and you are never going to win at it?" "I'm not stupid." says the man, "And I know it's not just a ploy, because, three times in a row now, my wife has won it".

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How do you stop a Mexican tank?

You shoot the people pushing it.

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An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.

The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?"

"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, 'Do you want to get a 3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"

β€”Henny Youngman

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[maybe NSFW] How can you tell that a porn star works at your local gas station?

Right before he's done filling the tank he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the trunk of your car.

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What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers?

A skeptic tank.

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Southern Gas Station Promotion

A gas station owner near Camden , Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close! The number was 7. Sorry; no sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but NO free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE Sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My WIFE won twice last week."

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Two gold fish are sitting in a tank...

Two gold fish are sitting in a tank. One gold fish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"

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How to go through intersection in a tank

1) Approach intersection

2) Check if there is another tank coming

3) Proceed

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A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
\`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.

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What are the most funny Tank jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Tank? Well, here are the best Tank dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Tank pick up lines to share with friends.

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