The Best 91 Tank Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Tank jokes. There are some tank refuel jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tank yugo puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Tank Jokes and Puns

Paddy the Irishman took his goldfish to the vet...

... and says to the vet,
"Doctor, my goldfish is very sick! I think he may have epilepsy."

The vet has a quick look at the fish, and after a few seconds he says, "Well, Paddy, your fish looks fine."

Paddy then replies, "Oh wait Doc, I haven't taken him out of the tank yet!"

A stuttering man wants to join the army

So he arrives at the base and gets in line. The first man approaches the drill seargent.

"Soldier, what do you want to do?"

"I want to drive a tank!" He is put to the tanks

The next man approaches. "I want to fly a plane!". So he takes to the skies in a fighter jet.

The stutterer then comes up.

"What do you want to to?"

"uh....uh-uh-uh---uh-uh-uh-uh..."

He was put in charge of the machine guns.

Where does the army keep fish?

In a tank.

Tank joke, Where does the army keep fish?

A fish lies on the ground outside of his tank, dead.

The two remaining fish in the tank talk to each other:

"What happened?!"

"I don't really know... He just yelled 'EVOLUTION!' and jumped out."

Two goldfish are in a tank...

One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"


How do you stop a Polish tank?

Shoot the guy pushing it.

Four engineers in a car...

Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."

After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"

Tank joke, Four engineers in a car...

What did the fish scream when its tank cracked?

"Dam-it!"

Here's an old German joke: What is the difference between a Russian tank and a vacuum cleaner?

There's only one dirtbag in the vacuum cleaner.

Vacations

Russian military tank crosses the border into Finland and a Russian soldier steps out.

"Good morning," says the Border police, "Name?"

"Ivan Ivanovich."

"Occupation?"

"No, just a vacation."

A man on fire

A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.

You can explore tank cistern reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tank nozzle dad jokes. There are also tank puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What business are you in?

I'll start

'What business are you in?'

'I'm in the Necrophiliac business.'

'How is it?'

'Fucking dead.'

**************

'What business are you in?'

'I'm in the Parkinson's business.'

'How is it?'

'Bit shaky at the moment.'

A game we played as 13 year olds. Plenty more in the tank

What do you call a rich man's white tank top?

A trophy wife beater.

Who was the winner of the first Tour De France?

The Wehrmacht Tank division.

How do you stop a Mexican tank?

You shoot the people pushing it.

Two soldiers are in a tank.

One soldier looks over to the other and says "borglopblaooog"

Tank joke, Two soldiers are in a tank.

Why don't Canadians wear tank tops?

They don't have the right to bare arms

There were two fish in a tank...

One fish said to the other "Who's driving this thing?"

(I know its lame but its the joke our dad has been telling us for years and I thought maybe you guys havn't heard it)

Two fish in a tank

Fish 1: uh, Greg?

Fish 2: what

Fish 1: how do we drive this thing


What's the sound that a French tank does just before the enemy frontline attacks?

Beep Beep Beep...

How do you stop a North Korean tank?

Shoot the soldier pushing it.

Don't invest in SeaWorld

It's really starting to tank

Who won the first Tour de France?

I don't know his name, but I know he was in a German tank.

My daughter told me this one today and it had me in stitches. Two goldfish are in a tank...

One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"

How do you double the price of a Fiat?

Fill the tank

Did you hear about the ex-porn star who got fired from the gas station?

Every time he got close to filling the tank, he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gasoline all over the car.

How do make a Kia twice as valuable?

Fill up the tank

Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?

Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.

2 fish are in a tank

One of them says "You drive, I'll shoot!"

What kind of tank flies?

A Peter Panzer.

How do you stop an Ethiopian tank with a gun?

Shoot the people pushing it.

Police Shooting

A lady was filling up the gas tank in her car and lit a cigarette to pass the time. After which a piece of ash fell onto her arm and started a fire. As she's flailing about trying to put the fire out, a police cruiser pulls into the station. Instinctively, she starts running towards the officer in an effort to get help. The police officer sees the lady running at him and shoots her, killing her

I guess you shouldn't run towards police officers if you have a firearm

Why did the Frenchman put snails in his gas tank?

To make escargot.

When I was in the army I was offered the position of tank commander...

But I said, " No tanks"

Tank tops shouldn't be against school dress codes

After all, we have a right to bare arms.

My father died today at work...

he worked at the brewery and fell into a beer tank. All the co-workers rushed to help him and to get him out, but despite their best efforts my dad managed to fight them all back and then drowned.

The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"

I responded, "Inflation."

I tried to sell my Thomas the Tank Engine train set at an antiques store today.

"You would have got more for it if the fat controller wasn't missing." Said the assistant.

"Yeah, you're probably right." I replied. "She's good at haggling."

How many gears does a french tank have?

6, 1 forward and 5 reverse.

Customer: "How much is a drop of gas?"

Gas station attendant: "A drop? Free."

Customer: "A tank of drops of gas, please."

A man took his goldfish to the vet.

"I think that my goldfish is epileptic!" said the man.

"He seems okay; he doesn't look epileptic." replied the vet.

"Well I haven't taken him out of the tank, yet!"

What do you get when you put adderall into the gas tank of a Ford Fiesta?

A Ford Focus.

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

I wear tank tops because of the Second Amendment.

I sure do love my right to bare arms.

Two fish are in a tank...

...And one fish says "you man the guns, I'l drive!"

(laugh track)

Suddenly, the fish points to the horizon and says "What is that over there?" The other fish then exclaims "That's anemone! I can sea him!"

John goes to the gas station

John goes to the gas station and asks the owner: What does a drop of gas cost? The owner answers that he could get a drop for free. So John goes on to say: Well then, I would like to have a tank full of drops.

I call my toilet the oval office..

It's got a think tank, and a pipeline for delivering healthcare reform.

Who won the first Tour de France?

The 3rd German Tank Division.

Shark Tank

*on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

Two fish sitting in a tank

One said to the other I have no idea how to drive this thing

Have you heard about the new French tank? It had fourteen motors.

13 go in reverse.

The last one goes forward, in case the enemy attacks from behind.

How did Thomas the Tank become a faster steam engine?

He trained.

How to go through intersection in a tank

1) Approach intersection

2) Check if there is another tank coming

3) Proceed

Two goldfish are in a tank. What did one say to another?

You handle the guns, I'll drive

There were two fish in a tank...

The first fish looks over at the second fish and asks....

"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Two goldfish in a tank. One asks the other...

How do you drive this thing?

What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers?

A skeptic tank.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."

Why do lots of Americans wear tank tops?

Because they have the right to bare arms

Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium?

Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.

Old Romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

There are two turtles in a tank...

one says to the other, "how do you drive this thing?"

Two fish are in a tank

Then one of them turns to the other and asks, Do you know how to drive this thing?

Two soldiers are in a tank

They both drowned

What do you call it when Thomas the Tank Engine beats his wife?

Domestic Caboose.

There were these two goldfish, sitting in a tank....

One says, "You drive. I'll do the guns."

best jokes about Albania, from Romania:

Why the Albanian submarines resurface every 2 minutes? So the rowers can breath.

How do you destroy an Albanian tank? You shot the guy that pushes it.

Why did the Albanians lost the war? The archer was sick.

The Albanians managed to releases on market their fist computer, it's keyboard has 2 buttons: if you pres the first one nothing happens and the second one cancels the command

I still remember my grandfather's last words before he passed away

"Son, you are stepping on the oxygen tank"

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.

"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.

After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

`"Try it now,'' said the bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''

"BP,'' answered the bee.

Two goldfish were sitting in a tank. At one point, one of them turns to the other.

Do you know how to drive this thing?

There are 2 fish in a tank.

One of them looks at the other and says "How do we drive this thing?"

Two fish are in a tank, one looks at the other and says,

How do you drive this thing?

Two goldfish are hanging out in a tank

One fish turns to the other and says, 'Any idea on how to drive this thing ?'

Two goldfish are in a tank

One says to the other how do we drive this thing?

Two fish are in a tank.

One says: How do you drive this thing?

A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.

Did he ride it? No. It wooden start.

In 1919, a storage tank full of molasses in Boston exploded, causing a flood that killed 21 people.

I guess you could call it the Boston Molassacre.

Do you want to hear a joke about the Israeli army?

A general asks a young soldier, what will you do if you see 20 soldiers coming to attack you? The soldier says that I would take an Uzi and shoot them.

The general asks him what if a tank is coming to kill you? I would take a rocket launcher and defend myself replied the young soldier.

The general asks him what if you see tanks, terrorists and planes together?
The soldier says, general, am I the only one in the army?

A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.

On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.

The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.

This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.

But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.

Two fish are in a tank....

One turns to the other and asks, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

My fish clean my tank for free

Suckers

Two goldfish are in a tank.

One looks at the other and says, You know how to drive this thing?!

Little Johnny Catches his Dad and Step-Mom Having Sex

Dad: It's OK Little Johnny, I'm just filling your step-mom's tank..........

Little Johnny: Really? Well, you should trade her for a woman that gets better mileage. The Postman already filled her up this morning.

How do you stop a Syrian Tank?

Shoot the guy pushing it

A man made a motorcycle completely out of wood

It had a wooden engine, a wooden frame, wooden tires, wooden gas tank, everything was wood.

But did he ride it?

No, wooden start....

What did the Soviets say during the 1956 Hungarian Revolution?

Soviets:You're not you when you're Hungary. Have a tank.

There are two fish in a tank...

One looks at the other and asks 'any idea how to drive this thing?'

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other-

How the hell are we supposed to drive this thing?

Two friends are talking...

"I want to buy a tank!" "Buy it then." "But I don't have the money!" "Borrow it then." "But I don't have the money to pay it back!" "You'll have a tank by then."

Two fish in a tank

One turns to the other and says, do you know how to drive this thing

Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says,

"How do you drive this thing?"

Two soldiers are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "BLUGHGLGHGBGBHB"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tank petrol jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tank gears piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes