The Best 64 Tampon Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Tampon jokes. There are some tampon kotex jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tampon urinal puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Tampon Jokes and Puns

Why do tampons have strings?

Because crabs like to bungee jump too.

Told this to my friend's dad.His answer:So you can floss when you're done eating.

One from the 1970's . . .

What's uptight, outta sight and in the groove?

A tampon.

A Vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar. When the bartender asks what he'll have to drink the vampire replies, "a glass of hot water." The bartender a bit confused asks, "I thought you vampires drank blood?" The vampire proceeds to pull out a used tampon and replies, "I'm having tea."

Tampon joke, A Vampire walks into a bar...

What do a tampon and a redsox season ticket holder have in common?

Both have a great place to go but at a terrible time.

Why do tampons have strings?

So crabs can go bungee jumping


A Vampire walks into a bar....

And orders a cup of hot water from the bartender. Upon hearing this request the bartender asks "Why just water?" To which the Vampire, pulls out a used tampon and replies "I'm making tea."

Two vampires are sitting in a bar...

and the barkeep comes up and asks, "what can I get for you guys?"

The first vampire says, "I'll just have a glass of blood"

The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of hot water"

The first vampire is rather confused and says to the second vampire, "hot water? This place has the best blood in town!"

The second vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm having tea"

Tampon joke, Two vampires are sitting in a bar...

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?

When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

What's the difference between a tea bag and a used tampon?

- What's the Difference between a tea bag and a used tampon?

- I dunno…

- I'm never drinking tea at your house again then!

Black guy and Jewish Genie

A black man is walking along the beach one day, when he finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Jewish Genie.
"I vill grant you 3 vishes"
Without hesitating, the man says "I wanna be White, Tight, and out of sight!"
*POOF*
He turns into a tampon ....

What's the moral of the story?
You never get anything from a Jew, without a string attached.

Two Vampires wal into a bar.

Two vampires walk into a bar. They both sit at a table and wait for employee to come. Once the employee comes one of the vampires asks for a glass of blood, while the other asks for hot water.
When the employee delivers the orders to the table he couldn't avoid to ask:
- Why would a vampire drink hot water?
The vampire, slowly goes into his pocket and brings out a used tampon and says:
- I prefer tea sir...

**

You can explore tampon pad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tampon brassiere dad jokes. There are also tampon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Childish but made me laugh

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"

So there's this new tampon...

So there's this new tampon in the store, and he's complaining about how he hates his job and wishes he was something better. His complaining starts to really annoy everyone when an older tampon walks up, slaps him, and looks him sternly in the eyes and says, "Suck it up."

How does a black woman know she's pregnant?

When she pulls out her tampon the cotton's been picked.

How does a black women tell she is pregnant?

When she pulls the tampon out and the cotton is already picked.

*NSFW* A vampire walks in to a bar.

He asks the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender brings over the glass of hot water and with a puzzled look asks "don't vampires drink blood?" "Yes" the vampire responds as he pulls a used tampon out of his coat and puts it in the glass "but today I just feel like having tea."

Tampon joke, *NSFW* A vampire walks in to a bar.

My grandma made a joke about a tampon but I didn't understand it

I guess it must have been a period joke

Wife's Campaign

My wife has wasted years campaigning for tampon companies to make sanitary products suitable for the 'larger' lady.

I'm trying to convince her that it's time to just throw in the towel.

Count Dracula walks into a bar...

and asks the bar man for a cup of boiling water. The bar man quickly returns with the water as requested, and puts it on the bar in front of Dracula. Curious, the bar man says to Dracula "Forgive me, but I thought you vampires only drank blood, what do you want the hot water for?" Dracula takes a used tampon from his cloak pocket. "For making tea, of course" replies Dracula.


Why was the tampon flying down the school hallway?

He was late for his next period.

Do you ever feel like a tampon?

In a good place, but at the wrong time.

What do you tell a girl who won't stop asking for a tampon?

Put a sock in it.

My 5 year old daughter wants a Tampon for Christmas

She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...

What do you call a German tampon?

A twatstika.

Archeologists in South Africa have just discoved what they think is the oldest tampon ever found

They are trying to find out what period it came from

The UK announced it's removing tax from tampon sales.

Though there will undoubtedly be strings attached.

How does a black girl know shes pregnant?

When all the cotton is picked off her tampon.

Three vampires walk into a bar...

The first two order a pint of blood each, the third asks for a jug of boiling water, confused the barman asks "why?". The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea"

Why do tampons have strings attached?

So you can floss after you eat.

Alt ending: So the crabs can bungee jump.

A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a mug of hot water.

The bartender looks confused and asks 'Don't you drink blood?'

The vampire holds up a used tampon and says. 'I'm making tea.'

How do you troll an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask which period it's from.

Asked my friend who works at the tampon store if he could get me a discount

He said he'd pull some strings.

3 vampires walk into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of hot blood.
15 minutes later, a second vampire walks in and does the same.
Not soon after, a third vampire walks in and orders a hot cup of water.
"Why the cup of water?" the other two asked.
He then pulled out a used tampon and said, "I'm making tea."

Vampires at the bar

Rich Vampire: I want a fresh blood from a healthy human!

Ordinary Vampire: Ordinary blood please!

Poor Vampire: Excuse me! Can you give me a hot water? I'll make tea instead. (pulls out tampon)

Why do tampons have strings?

So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea.

A vampire walks into a bar..

He approaches the barman. The barman asks, "what will it be?" The vampire asks for a mug of hot water. The barman confused asks "don't you folk drink blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea"

How do you know your waitress is having a rough night?

She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen.

I asked my mate if he could get me a job at the tampon factory where he works.

There's no openings at the moment, he said, but I'll see if I can pull some strings.

My friend killed himself the other day... swallowed everything in his bathroom cabinet.

He choked on a tampon

Three vampires walk into a bar.

The first asks for a pint of blood.

The second asks for blood on the rocks.

The third asks for hot water and as the bartender is about to ask why the vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm just gonna have a tea."

If SpongeBob is absorbent and lives in bikini bottom

then I'm pretty sure that makes him a tampon

How can you tell when a black woman is pregnant?

When she pulls out her tampon all the cotton is picked off.

How do you confuse a paleontologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

What do you call a Canadian tampon?

A beaver dam

Two vampires walk into a bar

Two vampires sit down at a bar. The first vampire orders a glass of blood but the second one just asks for a cup of hot water.

The first vampire is surprised by this and remarks "Just water? Are you feeling alright?"

The second vampire waves him off and pulls a dripping tampon from his coat pocket "Yes yes I'm just in the mood for some tea!"

Tampax are releasing a tampon with tinsel attached to it...

It's for the Christmas period.

A vampire walks into a bar...

The bartender nervously says "what do you want to drink?"

The vampire says "hot water please"

The bartender hands him the hot water saying "I thought vampires drank blood?"

The vampire pulls a used tampon out of his pocket and puts it into the water "I'm having tea."

Yo mama so nasty,

She had to cut the string off her tampon so the crabs stop hanging themselves.

A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle.

A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle. Suddenly a genie burst forth and yelled,

"YOU HAVE FREED ME FROM MY 1000 YEAR PRISON, WHAT DO YOU DESIRE? I WILL GIVE YOU THREE WISHES!"

The Hippie looks at the genie and says, "Cool man. I want too be Uptight, Out of sight, and in the groove."

So the genie turns him into a tampon.

Archaeologists have found a tampon in the desert

They're trying to work out what period it came from.

How to embarrass an archaeologist:

hand them a used tampon and ask, "which period is this from?"

Tampons on sale

A woman goes into the drug store and notices a large stack of tampons in the corner with a sign above saying: "Special Offer, Five Boxes for $2.50"

She says to the assistant. What's the catch"?

The assistant replies "It's a genuine offer, five boxes for $2.50, no strings attached.

Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear

One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...

...no strings attached!

Tampon jokes

My girlfriend said she didn't think we were going to be able to have sex tonight because she was on her period. I told her I would see if I could pull some strings and make it happen.

How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Hand him a used tampon and ask which period it's from.

Did you hear about the tampon thief who got out of prison?

Apparently he pulled some strings

A vampire walks into a pub...

... and asks the barman for a cup of boiling water.

"I thought you lot only drank blood" says the barman.

The vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used tampon;

"I'm making a cup of tea."

This is an old joke but my husband told me to never tell it again!

3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks a Bloody Mary?

The vampire shakes his head. Hot water for me

Hot water?

I found a tampon out back and want to make tea

A French and British vampire walk into a bar

The French orders for a glass of champagne then mixes blood into it.

The British orders a cup of hot water, which makes the French surprised:

\- No tea?

\- Quite the contrary, my friend - The British replies - then pulls out a used tampon from his jacket

How do you piss off a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.

Forgot the tree this year, so I'm putting up a 6 foot, tinsel covered Tampon.

Just for the festive period.

I hate it when the string falls in my tea.

Like, great, now how do I get the tampon out without burning my fingers?

One time a demon showed her daughter how to use a tampon

It was an excellent demonstruation

Three vampires walk into a bar

They all take a seat and the bartender comes up to serve them.

'I'll have a glass of blood', the first vampire says. The bartender hands it to him and looks over to the next vampire.

'I'll have a glass of blood too', the second vampire says. The bartender does the same before walking up to the third.

'I'll have a cup of boiling water please', the third vampire requests. The bartender looks at him, puzzled.

'Not having a glass of blood like your friends?', the bartender asks.

'Not today.' the final vampire said, taking out a used tampon from his pocket. 'I'm making tea.'

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tampon diaper jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tampon tampax piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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