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Tall Jokes

191 tall jokes and hilarious tall puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tall that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking to make someone who is tall laugh? Read this article and find out why tall jokes can be both insulting and funny. Learn more about why some people might find it amusing to make fun of someone's height, as well as how to turn the joke around and make yourself feel confident and powerful. Discover the various measurements of "tall," and have some great tall jokes to distribute the next time someone makes fun of your height!

Funniest Tall Short Jokes

Short tall jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tall humour may include short lengthy jokes also.

  1. Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?" Bartender says "Three feet tall."
    Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"
  2. Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway! The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
  3. Boss: You're 4 hours late! What's the matter? Employee: I fell from the 2nd floor this morning.
    Boss: That's 20 feet tall! It shouldn't take you more than 5 seconds!
  4. A physicist sees a person on the top of a very tall building. "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
  5. Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall... He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.
  6. A man runs into a bar and shouts, Quick! How tall is a penguin?! The bartender says, Depends. Less than 3 feet.
    The man cries out, Oh my God! I just drove over a nun!
  7. I realized why girls like tall men Because it makes it easier to crop your head out of photos when you break up.
  8. Men call short women "petite". What do women call short men? Um, yeh, they don't call.
    Source: I'm not a tall man.
  9. I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings Apparently it's an Apartment Complex
  10. A physicist notices a man about to jump of a really tall building, he yells: DONT JUMP YOU HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL

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Tall One Liners

Which tall one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tall? I can suggest the ones about thick and narrow.

  1. How did Kevin Spacey find the little boy in all the Tall grass? Satisfying.
  2. There once was a king who was 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but a great ruler.
  3. How tall is the world smallest grandmother? One Nanameter.
  4. A tall guy walks into a bar that's what he gets for being tall
  5. I asked a tall guy "how's the weather up there" He spat on me and told me it's raining
  6. How did the priest find the little boy in the tall grass? Delightful
  7. why are black people so tall? because their knee grows
  8. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.
  9. How did the pervert find the sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying.
  10. Once there was a king only 12 tall. He was a lousy king, but made a great ruler.
  11. Being tall is an enormous responsibility Short people look up to you.
  12. Optimist: Glass half full Pessimist : Glass half empty
    Engineer: Glass is too tall.
  13. I'm 12 feet taller than my grandparents. I'm 6 feet tall and they're 6 feet under.
  14. How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass? Attractive
  15. What do girls call guys who are less than 6 feet tall? Friends.

Tall Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny tall man jokes and even better tall man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building... She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"
  • A man is standing on a tall ledge. A physicist yells from the street, "Don't jump! You have too much potential!"
  • How tall is the worlds tallest amputee? About a foot shorter than the tallest man.
  • Police are currently on the search for a man who steals the ends of jokes. He is described as being a tall, blond man with a very big
  • What do you get when you fuse a short man and a tall woman? Your medical licence revoked, sicko.
  • What do you call a dead man that was only 12 inches tall? One foot in the grave.
  • A man walks into an Irish bar... A man walks into an Irish bar and orders a tall glass of Guinness. The leprechaun next to him turns and says, Can I borrow a dollar?? I'm a little short.
  • A very tall and handsome man walks into a bar and suffers a mild concussion.
  • A restaurant owner says that he employs a 2-meter tall musician. The musician was 160 cms tall, just another man exaggerating the size of his pianist.
  • How tall is a chinese man. That is a statement.

Feet Tall Jokes

Here is a list of funny feet tall jokes and even better feet tall puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character? The Adhomineminal snowman
  • What is 5 feet tall, has 22 legs and feigns death if you approach it up to two meters? The Italy national football team.
  • Which Goddess is 3.37 feet tall? Demeter
  • Who is 50 feet tall, has a blue ox and kills co-eds? Ted Bunyan.
  • Why wife woke me this morning and said I'm half the size of Chris Evans. I think she's confused, because I'm definitely not 3 feet tall.
  • Why didn't the necrophile like tall girls He likes them 6 feet under.
  • Why can't your lawn be 3 feet tall? 'Cause then it'd be a yard.
  • What do you call a boss that's under 5 feet tall? A micro manager
  • How tall are you cowboy? I'm six feet and seven inches, ma'am. Let's forget about the six feet and talk about your seven inches.
  • Disneyland will be opened in Chernobyl. As always, at the entrance, the visitors will be greeted by a 7-feet-tall mouse. But this time, a real one.
Tall joke, Disneyland will be opened in Chernobyl. As always, at the entrance, the visitors will be greeted by

Tall Guy Jokes

Here is a list of funny tall guy jokes and even better tall guy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went to school with a very tall guy named Jimmy Glasscock. You could always see him coming.
  • Guys i just bought a 256GB iPhone 11, my brother dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway! The kid is 6 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
  • Guys I just bought a 256gb iPhone XR, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways, I am doing a giveaway!! The kid is 7, cute, thin and not really tall.
  • What did the policeman say to the guy about to jump from a tall building? You've got a lot of potential!
  • Have you guys heard of the king that was only a foot tall? He was a 12 inch ruler.
  • What do you call two tall skinny guys looking out a window? Curt n' Rod
  • Why Didn't The Tall Guy Get Into The Graveyard? He wasn't under six feet.
  • A regular guy walks into a really tall BBQ joint The steaks were high
  • A tall guy rushed in front of an elderly woman on the train to take the last seat. The woman shouted, What a mean guy! But he was clearly above average
  • A chemist sees a guy standing on the ledge of a very tall building... ...but keeps walking, because this problem is clearly in the realm of physics.

Foot Tall Jokes

Here is a list of funny foot tall jokes and even better foot tall puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.
  • A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper "Small medium at large"
  • Today at the park / Saw a six foot tall pigeon Now that's a high coo!
  • I was at the courthouse today and witnessed a 4 foot tall felon go down a flight of stairs.... It was a little condescending.
  • What do you call a four foot tall mind-reader who escaped from jail? A small medium at large.
  • Did you know that the queen is only a foot tall? She's a ruler.
  • Have you heard the one about the 60-foot-tall boxer? Never mind, the punchline would just go over your head.
  • Did you see the headline about the 5 foot tall psychic that escaped from prison? It was:
    "Small medium at large"
  • My brother's in the circus - he gets £500 a week for swallowing a four-foot sword. What's so good about swallowing a four-foot sword? He's only three feet tall.
  • I once dated a 3 foot tall model who played a supporting role in Cat and the Hat She was a pretty little thing

Your So Tall Jokes

Here is a list of funny your so tall jokes and even better your so tall puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I just purchased a new iPhone 7 Plus, and my son dropped it, So i'm giving it away. He's 8 years old, tall and quite thin. Good with pets.
  • They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall. They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.
  • It doesn't matter if you're black, white, old, young, tall, short or even if you're from another country. It's what's INSIDE that counts! I love you refrigerator!
  • Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house? He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view.
  • Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins? Society
  • Doesn't matter if you are tall or short, fat or thin, black or white, at the end of the day... It will be night time.
  • Did you know the Hover Dam was supposed to be twice as tall as it is now? After some re-evaluation, they thought it would be 2 dam high.
    I'll see myself out...
  • It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day... It's night.
  • I saw a bunch of kids trying to throw another kid into a dumpster and I had to step in. They weren't tall enough to get him over the top.
  • Tall people don't need to be inspirational Everyone already looks up to them.
Tall joke, Tall people don't need to be inspirational

Hilarious Tall Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about tall you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skinny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tall pranks.

I like my women like i like my coffee...

...Always there to brighten my morning
...Decaffeinated
...Black and strong
...Tall
...Grande
...Brazilian
...With sauce
...Twice before I leave the house
...Right before I smoke
...Bitter and cold
...At the end of the day, scraped off the bottom of a p**...
...Slow roasted
...Ground up in my freezer
...With boiling water poured over them
...Light and sweet
...A day old

So..the wife and I were in town shopping....

..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.

Three ladies meet up for a drink

Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

The First Night of the Honeymoon

The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.
The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.
She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.
"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."
She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.
The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.
She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass?

Very satisfying.
Retweaked joke:
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

A crusty old biker walls into a bar..

..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist...

are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food.
"Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist.
"No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree"
"I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."

Three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger...

One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ" he exclaimed.
Joseph said: "Write that down, Mary. It's better than Wayne."

How did the h**... find the sheep in the tall grass?

Satisfying

The English and the Scots.

A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."

A young boy sees a tall black man

The boy says "wow you must be good at basketball!"
The black man irritably says "That's racist, just because I'm black doesn't mean I'm good at basketball."
The boy replies "I said you must be good at basketball because you are tall. If I judged you for being black, I wouldn't have said you were good at anything."

A man is standing on the top of a tall building about to commit s**......

...when a physicist at the bottom shouts up, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Walking past a lunatic asylum

Walking past a lunatic asylum , and I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over .all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14,

A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.

Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....

I own the tallest horse in town.

When I sit on it, I understand what it's like to be a vegan.

A boy is looking over a tall cliff...

A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

What do tall people and black people have in common?

They have no one to look up to.

I haven't had s**... since 1956!

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"
Shout out to u/mister_damage

If I had to describe myself in three words...

It would be; Tall, dark and unable to follow basic instructions

Four older men are bragging about their sons

The first says, "My son is a bishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Excellency".
The second says, "My son is an archbishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Grace".
The third says, "My son is a cardinal, and when he enters the room people say, Your Eminence".
"My son is 7 feet tall, and 500 pounds," says the fourth man.
"And when he enter the room, people say, 'My God!'"
...told by my parish priest.

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

You know what the worst part about being tall and funny is?

My jokes go right over most people's head.

I was in a car accident.

I got rear ended the other day, and the driver, who was less than 4 feet tall, started yelling and hollering.
He screamed, "I am NOT HAPPY!", so I yelled back, "WELL WHICH ARE YOU THEN?!"

Penguin

A bartender was working late at night when suddenly a man ran bursting through the door and asked the bartender.
Man: "QUICK, HOW TALL IS A PENGUIN?"
The bartender slightly confused, he simply said.
Bartender: "about this tall"
The man started to panic and said.
Man: "Oh god i ran over a nun!"

Why are Dutch people so tall?

Shorter ones drowned in floods.

Which is the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has many stories.
Okay, I'll show myself out.

A blind man walks into a bar

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

It's so sad...

that trees look at telephone poles, and think that being tall and skinny is the only way to get people talking.

How did the r**... find his sister in the tall grass?

Quite satisfying

A biker walks into a bar...

...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A short person walks into a bar.

And his tall friend trips over it.

If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby...

...you could call them m**...-mum and mini-mum.

Did you hear what happened to the really offensive joke about tall grass?

[re mowed]

TIL

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..

Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...

Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...

''Where the Fakawi?''

An indian lady visited a bar for the first time

She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.

A homeless guy sees a lady about to kill herself.

He walks up to her standing on the edge of a tall bridge and says, hey I know what you're about to do, and I won't pretend to understand or stop you, but before you do, can we please have s**...? It's been a really long time.
She replies, no you sicko!
So he says it's cool. I'll just go wait at the bottom.

An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp

Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishman looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie responds, "It is twenty miles tall, a hundred feet thick and made of granite. Nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it with water."

A police officer candidate goes for an interview...

The officer says, "Take this p**... and shoot A TALL BLACK GUY AND THREE WHITE RABBITS."
So the candidate asks,"why the three white rabbits?".
Officer"that's the kind of attitude we're looking for. You're selected".

A little girl asks her mum

A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a c**..."

I once knew a girl who only dated tall guys

I guess you could say she had a f**...

An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy n**....

I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said d**... Loch Ness monster I ain't giving you no tree fiddy.

Poor daddy

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and brown eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son truly my child?
The wife replied, I swear on everything holy that he is your son. With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered Thank goodness he didn't ask about the other three.

Why areshort people better than tall people?

They are more down to earth.

A couple has 4 sons

The first three were tall with straight brown hair and brown eyes, but their youngest son was short with curly blond hair and blue eyes. When the husband was on his deathbed, he called his wife over and asked, "Is that 4th son mine?"
His wife said, "I swear, on all things holy, that child is yours."
The husband died a few moments later. She said to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Tried translating a joke from Latvian.

John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.
"Well, I saw a giraffe."
"What's a giraffe?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but really tall and with a long neck."
"Okay, what else?"
"Zebra."
"Zebra?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but with stripes."
"Okay, what else then?"
"I saw a hippo. "
"What's that?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Like a horse, but big and fat."
"Hm. Okay. Anything else?"
"Yes... a crocodile."
"What's a crocodile?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing like one."

A guy rushes into a bar, in a hurry

He asks the bartender, "Quickly! How tall is a penguin?"
The bartender replies "I don't know, three feet. Why?"
The guy says "Oh my god, I think I just ran over a nun!"

Did you know taller people

Sleep longer in bed

A man was close to passing and said to his wife "Please answer one final question honestly for me"

"Anything" replied his wife.
The man continued, "We have three sons. Two are fine strapping lads, handsome, tall, strong. They have been the pride of my life. But our third son is so different, he is small, weak, and always ill. Please tell me honestly before I die, is he actually my son?"
His wife replied sincerely "Yes, you don't have to worry, he is our son". And with his mind set at ease the man passed away.
His wife thought to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other two."

Tall joke, A man was close to passing and said to his wife "Please answer one final question honestly for me"

jokes about tall