Tall Jokes
187 tall jokes and hilarious tall puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tall that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking to make someone who is tall laugh? Read this article and find out why tall jokes can be both insulting and funny. Learn more about why some people might find it amusing to make fun of someone's height, as well as how to turn the joke around and make yourself feel confident and powerful. Discover the various measurements of "tall," and have some great tall jokes to distribute the next time someone makes fun of your height!
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Funniest Tall Short Jokes
Short tall jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tall humour may include short lengthy jokes also.
- Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway! The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
- Boss: You're 4 hours late! What's the matter? Employee: I fell from the 2nd floor this morning.
Boss: That's 20 feet tall! It shouldn't take you more than 5 seconds! - I realized why girls like tall men Because it makes it easier to crop your head out of photos when you break up.
- I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings Apparently it's an Apartment Complex
- I went to school with a very tall guy named Jimmy Glasscock. You could always see him coming.
- They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall. They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.
- It doesn't matter if you're black, white, old, young, tall, short or even if you're from another country. It's what's INSIDE that counts! I love you refrigerator!
- Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house? He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view.
- Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins? Society
- Doesn't matter if you are tall or short, fat or thin, black or white, at the end of the day... It will be night time.
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Tall One Liners
Which tall one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tall? I can suggest the ones about narrow and skinny.
- How did Kevin Spacey find the little boy in all the Tall grass? Satisfying.
- There once was a king who was 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but a great ruler.
- How tall is the world smallest grandmother? One Nanameter.
- A tall guy walks into a bar that's what he gets for being tall
- How did the priest find the little boy in the tall grass? Delightful
- How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.
- Being tall is an enormous responsibility Short people look up to you.
- I'm 12 feet taller than my grandparents. I'm 6 feet tall and they're 6 feet under.
- What do girls call guys who are less than 6 feet tall? Friends.
- It's better to love a short girl... than not a tall.
- Which Goddess is 3.37 feet tall? Demeter
- A short person walks into a bar. And his tall friend trips over it.
- Did you hear what happened to the really offensive joke about tall grass? [re mowed]
- Today at the park / Saw a six foot tall pigeon Now that's a high coo!
- Why areshort people better than tall people? They are more down to earth.
Tall Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny tall man jokes and even better tall man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How tall is the worlds tallest amputee? About a foot shorter than the tallest man.
- Police are currently on the search for a man who steals the ends of jokes. He is described as being a tall, blond man with a very big
- What do you call a dead man that was only 12 inches tall? One foot in the grave.
- A man walks into an Irish bar... A man walks into an Irish bar and orders a tall glass of Guinness. The leprechaun next to him turns and says, Can I borrow a dollar?? I'm a little short.
- A very tall and handsome man walks into a bar and suffers a mild concussion.
- A restaurant owner says that he employs a 2-meter tall musician. The musician was 160 cms tall, just another man exaggerating the size of his pianist.
- How tall is a chinese man. That is a statement.
- Push a man from 5 meters tall and he goes Bam! Arrrghhhhh.. Push a man from 50 meters tall and he goes aaarrrRGGGHHHHHH BAM!
- A tall boy killed a short man. And her's the proof.
- A man walks into a restaurant and orders a Sandwich on stilts. The chef exclaims: That's a tall order!
Feet Tall Jokes
Here is a list of funny feet tall jokes and even better feet tall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is 5 feet tall, has 22 legs and feigns death if you approach it up to two meters? The Italy national football team.
- Who is 50 feet tall, has a blue ox and kills co-eds? Ted Bunyan.
- Why wife woke me this morning and said I'm half the size of Chris Evans. I think she's confused, because I'm definitely not 3 feet tall.
- Why can't your lawn be 3 feet tall? 'Cause then it'd be a yard.
- What do you call a boss that's under 5 feet tall? A micro manager
- How tall are you cowboy? I'm six feet and seven inches, ma'am. Let's forget about the six feet and talk about your seven inches.
- Disneyland will be opened in Chernobyl. As always, at the entrance, the visitors will be greeted by a 7-feet-tall mouse. But this time, a real one.
- My friend claims that his apartment is 100 feet from ceiling to floor. Bit of a tall story if you ask me.
- Why Didn't The Tall Guy Get Into The Graveyard? He wasn't under six feet.
- Paul was 6 feet tall, Bob was 5 feet tall, John was 5'5. John was the mean one.
Tall Guy Jokes
Here is a list of funny tall guy jokes and even better tall guy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the policeman say to the guy about to jump from a tall building? You've got a lot of potential!
- Have you guys heard of the king that was only a foot tall? He was a 12 inch ruler.
- A regular guy walks into a really tall BBQ joint The steaks were high
- A tall guy rushed in front of an elderly woman on the train to take the last seat. The woman shouted, What a mean guy! But he was clearly above average
- A chemist sees a guy standing on the ledge of a very tall building... ...but keeps walking, because this problem is clearly in the realm of physics.
- As a tall girl, it's easy for me to pick up guys. And put them back down.
@caredee - A guy walks into Starbucks and orders a Frappe with unicorn hair and newt eyes It was quite the tall order
- A guy walks into a Starbucks and orders a tall blonde to go... The girl behind him then leaves.
- Do you know what tall guys suffer? Superiority complex
- This guy I know is the CEO of a huge company and lives on the top floor of a very tall, 5* apartment building You could say I've got friends in high places
Foot Tall Jokes
Here is a list of funny foot tall jokes and even better foot tall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper "Small medium at large"
- Did you know that the queen is only a foot tall? She's a ruler.
- Have you heard the one about the 60-foot-tall boxer? Never mind, the punchline would just go over your head.
- My brother's in the circus - he gets £500 a week for swallowing a four-foot sword. What's so good about swallowing a four-foot sword? He's only three feet tall.
- I once dated a 3 foot tall model who played a supporting role in Cat and the Hat She was a pretty little thing
- NERD JOKE: What is the difference between a refrigerator and a one foot tall man painting the side of a house? Answer: On a quantum level, there is no difference.
- How tall is Luke Skywalker? Six foot force :)
- What do you call a 7 foot tall Ellen Pao? Pao Ming.
- Are you a rollercoaster? *motions hands to be about a foot long* cuz im this tall to ride
- Why was the King only a foot tall? because he was a RULER.
Your So Tall Jokes
Here is a list of funny your so tall jokes and even better your so tall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know the Hover Dam was supposed to be twice as tall as it is now? After some re-evaluation, they thought it would be 2 dam high.
I'll see myself out... - I saw a bunch of kids trying to throw another kid into a dumpster and I had to step in. They weren't tall enough to get him over the top.
- You know what the worst part about being tall and funny is? My jokes go right over most people's head.
- What do you call a giant psychic who manipulates the stock market. A tall medium who shorts.
- If I had to describe myself in three words... It would be; Tall, dark and unable to follow basic instructions
- What is 8ft tall,lives in the woods and has a curly tail... Pigfoot
My 7 year old told me this and thought I would share - It's so sad... that trees look at telephone poles, and think that being tall and skinny is the only way to get people talking.
- I just checked my BMI and found out... I'm dangerously under tall.
- Do you know why they don't have 13th floors on most buildings? Apparently it's because most buildings aren't that tall.
No, no that's fine I can show myself out . . . - My mother wasn't tall enough to ride the rollercoaster "Theres a minimum" said the ride attendant
Hilarious Tall Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about tall you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean giant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tall pranks.
So..the wife and I were in town shopping....
..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three ladies meet up for a drink
Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
The First Night of the Honeymoon
The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.
The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.
She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.
"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."
She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.
The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.
She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently women prefer men who are taller than them.
So I guess it could be said that tall women have higher standards.
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
In a far away land over the seas, there lives a tribe of 2 foot tall pygmies who live in 3 foot tall grass...
... called the Fug-ow-ees. They were named by an explorer who stumbled upon them one day in his travels and heard them say something along the lines of "we're the Fug-ow-ee."
A chemist, a physicist, and an economist...
are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food.
"Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist.
"No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree"
"I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."
Three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger...
One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ" he exclaimed.
Joseph said: "Write that down, Mary. It's better than Wayne."
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy sees a tall black man
The boy says "wow you must be good at basketball!"
The black man irritably says "That's racist, just because I'm black doesn't mean I'm good at basketball."
The boy replies "I said you must be good at basketball because you are tall. If I judged you for being black, I wouldn't have said you were good at anything."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking past a lunatic asylum
Walking past a lunatic asylum , and I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over .all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14,
A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....
I own the tallest horse in town.
When I sit on it, I understand what it's like to be a vegan.
A boy is looking over a tall cliff...
A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".
A son asks his father
Son: Dad, what do I give my
girlfriend as a Christmas gift?
Dad : How does she look?
Son: She looks sweet, pretty, fun to be with, and even tall and also fair in complexion.
Dad : Give her my number.
Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park
They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.
How to tell time in a forest
Here's how to tell time in a forest.
Try and face north, or make your best approximation as to which way is north. Stand straight and tall. Extend both arms so that they are parallel with the ground. Lower your left arm back down to your side. Bend your right arm so that your hand is against the left side of your chest. Now lower your chin to your chest and look at your watch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tall people don't need to be inspirational
Everyone already looks up to them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I haven't had s**... since 1956!
A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"
Shout out to u/mister_damage
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?
The Adhomineminal Snowman
Four older men are bragging about their sons
The first says, "My son is a bishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Excellency".
The second says, "My son is an archbishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Grace".
The third says, "My son is a cardinal, and when he enters the room people say, Your Eminence".
"My son is 7 feet tall, and 500 pounds," says the fourth man.
"And when he enter the room, people say, 'My God!'"
...told by my parish priest.
My pops favourite joke.
An old man starts to lose his hearing, and goes to the doctors to be diagnosed.
The doctor says to the man, "can you describe to me the symptoms?"
The man replied "yes, Marge has tall blue hair and Homer is an alcoholic."
I was in a car accident.
I got rear ended the other day, and the driver, who was less than 4 feet tall, started yelling and hollering.
He screamed, "I am NOT HAPPY!", so I yelled back, "WELL WHICH ARE YOU THEN?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are Dutch people so tall?
Shorter ones drowned in floods.
Which is the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has many stories.
Okay, I'll show myself out.
A blind man walks into a bar
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
Everytime I leave the house...
I keep getting followed by this really tall bird, I think I'm being storked.
How did the farmer find his sheep in the tall grass?
Very satisfying ;)
(Sorry if this has been here but it was new to me)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the r**... find his sister in the tall grass?
Quite satisfying
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men call short women "petite". What do women call short men?
Um, yeh, they don't call.
Source: I'm not a tall man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch...
Is that people think you're just tall.
I have a friend who can jump higher than an average house.
He's really tall, and also an average house can't really jump.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby...
...you could call them m**...-mum and mini-mum.
The other day I went on a date and she said "I like tall men because I like wearing heels."
I was shocked that we had that in Common.
TIL
There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.
But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''
An indian lady visited a bar for the first time
She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm pretty convinced that tall girls are secretly witches
Every time I try to work up the courage to talk to one, I get turned into a chicken ☠️
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer candidate goes for an interview...
The officer says, "Take this p**... and shoot A TALL BLACK GUY AND THREE WHITE RABBITS."
So the candidate asks,"why the three white rabbits?".
Officer"that's the kind of attitude we're looking for. You're selected".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once knew a girl who only dated tall guys
I guess you could say she had a f**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy n**....
I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said d**... Loch Ness monster I ain't giving you no tree fiddy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you heard the one about the dwarf who abuses his tall wife?
It's a little offensive.
But a real knee s**....
A couple has 4 sons
The first three were tall with straight brown hair and brown eyes, but their youngest son was short with curly blond hair and blue eyes. When the husband was on his deathbed, he called his wife over and asked, "Is that 4th son mine?"
His wife said, "I swear, on all things holy, that child is yours."
The husband died a few moments later. She said to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
Tried translating a joke from Latvian.
John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.
"Well, I saw a giraffe."
"What's a giraffe?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but really tall and with a long neck."
"Okay, what else?"
"Zebra."
"Zebra?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but with stripes."
"Okay, what else then?"
"I saw a hippo. "
"What's that?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Like a horse, but big and fat."
"Hm. Okay. Anything else?"
"Yes... a crocodile."
"What's a crocodile?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing like one."
Did you know taller people
Sleep longer in bed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the pervert find the sheep in the tall grass?
Very satisfying.
Did you know tall people are usually bad at math?
... cus it's the little things that count
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four little boys brag whose dad is the tallest.
The first boy says: my dad is taller than a tree!
The second boy says: my dad is taller than a mountain!
The third boy says: my dad is so tall that if he stands on the tips of his toes he can reach the stars!
The fourth boys says: and those are large?
\-Yeah.
\-Round?
\-Yeah?
\-Warm?
\-..Yeah, so?
\-...Those are my dad's b**....
A man was close to passing and said to his wife "Please answer one final question honestly for me"
"Anything" replied his wife.
The man continued, "We have three sons. Two are fine strapping lads, handsome, tall, strong. They have been the pride of my life. But our third son is so different, he is small, weak, and always ill. Please tell me honestly before I die, is he actually my son?"
His wife replied sincerely "Yes, you don't have to worry, he is our son". And with his mind set at ease the man passed away.
His wife thought to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other two."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day during a war....
A tall, strong and handsome Roman soldier broke into a house where he found two luscious maidens and their matronly nurse.
Chuckling with glee, he roared, "Prepare thyselves for a conquest, my pretties."
The lovely girls fell to their knees and pleaded with him, "Do with us as thou wilt, O Roman, but spare our faithful old nurse."
"Shut thy mouth," snapped the old nurse. "War is war."
