Talking Tom Jokes
12 talking tom jokes and hilarious talking tom puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about talking tom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Talking Tom Short Jokes
Short talking tom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The talking tom humour may include short talking cat jokes also.
- A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vets He says: I've come to talk wi' thee about me cat.
The vet replies: is it a tom?
The Yorkshireman says: no, I've brought him here wi' me. - Tom Hanks was recently quoted talking about how much he disliked one of Stephen King's novels. T. Hanks: I hate It.
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Talking Tom One Liners
Which talking tom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with talking tom? I can suggest the ones about tom brady and talking dog.
- David Bowie and Tom Petty have one thing in common ....but they don't talk much about it.
Talking Tom Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about talking tom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean talking animal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make talking tom pranks.
A man goes to the doctor....
He says, "I don't know what's happening: I've grown a hairy chest, sideburns and I'm started talking in a Welsh accent.
"Ah", said the doctor, "I think you have Tom Jones sydrome".
"I've never heard of that", says the man, "is it very common?"
The doctor says, "It's not unusual."
New Kind Of Car
At the bar, Tom and Bill were talking. My uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took the wheels from a Cadillac, the radiator from a Lexus, and tires from a Ford," said Tom.
What did he get?" asked Bill.
Two years, said Tom
A man in the 80's was talking to his best friend when the conversation turned to their wifes.
"You know Jim, you ever tried spicying things up?"
"Whatd'ya mean Tom"
Leaning over to his ear, Tom whispered, "You know, like trying the other hole"
"Why of course not!" Jim exclaimed. "She might get pregnant!"
The second career
Tom was in his early 50's, retired and started a second career.
However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job,
but you're being late so often is quite bothersome.'
"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd
though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Army.
What did they say if you came in late there?"
They said, "Good morning, General."
A joke my Filipino friend told me
Tom and I had to get to the other side of town so we hopped on the bus and when he received his change from the driver he says "thank you kindly, Sir"
I asked him "why so formal?"
"Well my momma always taught me to refer to the bus driver as Sir otherwise it would be rude"
At the end of the day we started to head back. We took out our return tickets and hopped on the bus again. Tom stepped up to the driver, took off his hat and showed his ticket.
"Why'd you take your hat off?" The bus driver asked.
Tom replied "because my momma taught me to always take my hat off when talking to a lady, sir"
Two twins, Tom and Harry.
There were two twins, Tom and Harry. Tom was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that Harry's wife died the same day Tom's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Tom and mistaking him for Harry said I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must be feeling terrible.
Tom, thinking she was talking about his boat said Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the middle
The old woman fainted hearing all this.
The Tax Office
The Tax Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Tom, my first-mate, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus 1/5 of the catch."
Boat Owner: And, there's Bob, the deckhand, he's been with me for a year. I pay him $300 a week plus 1/5 of the catch.
Boat Owner: Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 16 hours a day and does about 80% of the work. I can't pay him very much cause the boat expenses are high, and some times we don't catch anything. Every now and then I'll buy him a bottle of r**... and he gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.
AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?
There were two prawns talking together in the sea...
One was called Tom, and the other was called Christian.
"I hate being a prawn, it's too dangerous. I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten." Said Tom, and after he said a school of fish swam past him and with a whoosh, Tom was transformed in to a shark. Christian got scared of Tom and swam home.
A week later, Tom was swimming around was felt really bored and depressed.
"I hate being a shark... It's so boring and I have no friends..." Tom sighed, but after another minute of swimming he found the school of fish that granted his wish a week ago and he swam over to them.
"Hi, could you pleases grant me another wish? I hate being a shark, I want to be a prawn again." And after a whoosh, Tom was back to being a prawn again. Exited, he swam to his friend's house, b**... on the door.
"Go away shark! I know you're there!" Was the reply.
"Hey! Come on and open the door! I'm not a shark anymore! I'm a prawn again Christian!"