Talking Deer Jokes
14 talking deer jokes and hilarious talking deer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about talking deer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Talking Deer Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good talking deer joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
So, I trained a chicken to talk
WIFE: Well, let's see
ME: What's a male deer?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
WIFE: This is s**.... Chickens just make that sound
ME: Oh believe me it gets better
CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
ME: I trained this chicken to talk.
HER: Let's hear then.
ME: What's a male deer called?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
HER: This is dumb.
CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.
Romantic men
3 men talk about their wives. The first one says: "My wife is like a butterfly, so delicate and pretty". The second one: "Mine is like a baby deer, beautiful and gracious". After a moment of silence the third one goes: "Now that I think about it mine doesn't look much human either".
A farmer walks in his kitchen with a duck under his arm...
He looks at his wife and says "that's the pig I've been telling you about"
For the wife to respond "Deer, that's a duck."
The farmer cuts back "I was talking to the duck."
Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing n**... around his John Deere. "What are you doing!" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing s**... to a tractor." [to attract her]
Some guy was talking to another guy about deer when he asked a question:
Guy 1: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: No ideer.
Guy 2: ....
Guy 1: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Guy 2: ....what?
Guy 1: Still no ideer.
Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing n**... around his John Deere. "What are you doing!" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing s**... to a tractor." [to attract her]
Me: I trained this chicken to talk
Her:let's see
Me:what's a male deer
Chicken: buck
Me: how much is 200 pennies
Chicken: buck buck
Her: this is so s**...
Me: it gets better
Chicken:it gets way better,Karen
Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing n**... around his John Deere. "What are you doing!" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing s**... to a tractor." [to attract her]
An elderly couple next to me are talking to each other at a restaurant.
As they are talking, the man keeps calling his wife the sweetest names like Honey, Deer, Sweetie ect ect ect. When his wife excused herself to use the bathroom, I leaned over and said "I love how you talk to your wife. You call her the nicest things. It appears you two have been married for quite some time. How do you keep the spark going?"
He replies "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm too afraid to ask her what it is".
Lets talk.
A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old g**... an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?"
Deer Hunting
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
The City-Slicker and the Farmer
One year, a man who lived in the city decided to try his hand at deer hunting. He bought all the the necessary equipment, a license, and a rifle and headed out to the gamelands a good distance away from the city.
After a full day's hunting, the man spots a gorgeous buck and manages to make a clean shot. The deer runs for awhile and drops dead right in a farmer's yard. When the man goes to retrieve the deer the farmer meets him and claims that the deer is now his because it's on his land. "What are you talking about?! It took me all day to take this buck!"
The farmer looks at the man, who is obviously from the city. "Tell you what. We'll compete for it. We'll take turns k**... each other in the nuts until one of us gives up. The winner gets the deer." The man, not wanting to go home empty handed, timidly agrees.
The farmer immediately hauls back and lands a kick right in the man's groin, collapsing him. The man writhes in pain on the ground for about a minute and slowly stands up. "Okay, my turn."
The farmer says, "Nah that's ok. You can have the deer." He turns around and walks back into his house.
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