Talking Cat Jokes
48 talking cat jokes and hilarious talking cat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about talking cat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Talking Cat Short Jokes
Short talking cat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The talking cat humour may include short talking animal jokes also.
- This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.
I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot. - A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vets He says: I've come to talk wi' thee about me cat.
The vet replies: is it a tom?
The Yorkshireman says: no, I've brought him here wi' me. - Don't trust cats I was talking to this cat who insisted he was the biggest house cat in existence.
Turns out he was lion - Talking to cats This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.
I came into my house and told my dog... we laughed a lot. - Darling, what happened to the parrot? – Darling, what happened to the parrot?
– I dunno, Mommy, but I heard the cat talking. - The wife and cat Wife: [talking & making baby noises at cat]
Husband: You must be really bored
Wife: No I'm not
Husband: I was talking to the cat - A man got a cat A man got a cat and walked to his wife and said "so what do you think of the cow ?"
His wife said that's a cat.
The man said "shh I'm talking to the cat" - It's uncomfortable talking about how i got my cat fixed last week... But sometimes you gotta call a spayed a spayed
- A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle."
His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."
He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!" - I saw my neighbour talking to her cat Clearly she thought It could understand her, I went home and told my Dog. We had a good laugh!!
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Talking Cat One Liners
Which talking cat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with talking cat? I can suggest the ones about talking dog and cat fur.
- I think my cats are communists They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.
- all cats are communist they just wont stop talking about mao.
- Guys, I think my cat is a communist! He won't stop talking about Mao!
- I think my cat's a communist. He always talks about Mao.
- I just spent the last 30 minutes trying to get my cat to talk. He was not amewsed.
- I told my cat she was adopted and now she's not talking to me.
- Why do cat ladies talk weird? Cat got their tongues.
- I used to talk to my cat, but I stopped, because my dog told me I was crazy.
- What does a cat use to talk? *DRAMATIC PAWS*
His Meowth - What do you call the area where a group of French cats talk? A chatroom
- If cats could talk... they wouldn't.
Amusing & Witty Talking Cat Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about talking cat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cat human jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make talking cat pranks.
A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner.
"Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different."
The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede.
"Really?" says the man "How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 50.
Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.
On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says, "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says nothing.
Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.
An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede again says nothing.
Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund.
An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says "I heard you the first time you m**...! I'm putting my shoes on!"
One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him.
“Daddy, the cat died today!”
“Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.”
“But why are his arms and legs up in the air?”
“Well, darling, that’s just something they do.”
She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later.
When the dad comes home, she runs up to him.
“Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!”
“What are you talking about?”
“I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say.
His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?"
He says"Quack quack Mummy."
His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right."
She says "What does a dog say?"
He says "Woof woof Mummy."
She says "Very good."
She says "What does a cat say?"
He says "Meow meow Mummy."
She says "Yes that's right."
Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go."
His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?"
The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says."
Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
2 cats were talking and...
one says to the other, "Do you think its weird that humans have no tails?" In reply, the other cat said,"Actually, that's only true for half of them. The other half have a tail, but it's put on backwards."
My cat and dog both keep trying to talk to me.
I just yell at them, "I don't speak onamonapia!"
An old one my late grandmother used to tell
In a Catholic school English classroom, a nun was giving the lesson.
"Today, children, we'll be talking about rhyme. Does anyone have a rhyme they'd like to share?"
Several little hands shot up. The nun pointed to the smallest girl, Sally, in the front.
"Hey, d**..., d**...,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon."
"Very good, Sally." said the nun. "Who else?" She called on a little boy, Jack.
"It has my name in it!
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe."
"Wonderful rhyme, Jack!" replied the nun. Now, in the back of the class sat Michael. Michael came from a loud Irish family and was known as a troublemaker. The nun had tried to pick the other students before him, but he was beginning to make a commotion so she sighed and called out "yes, Michael."
"I've got a rhyme for you, Sister" he said.
"Mary came from Boston, Mass. and went into the water up to her knees."
"Michael," began the nun, "that doesn't rhyme."
"Oh, I know Sister. But wait until the tide comes in."
A man with a dog and a cat walks into a bar...
The man, the dog, and the cat all sit down at the bar and the bartender says "What can I get you?" The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says I'll take a v**..., the guy will take a water, and the cat will take a scotch." The bartender looks absolutely shocked at the dog and says "This is AMAZING! You're a dog that can talk..." The guy looks at the bartender, and says "Don't be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist."
A student goes away to college for the first time
He's worried about how his cat will take his absence, so he calls home the first chance he gets. His little brother answers the phone.
How's Mittens doing?
Oh, Mittens died.
What?
Yeah, Mittens is dead.
I can't believe that you just blurted it out like that.
What do you mean?
Well, you could have broken it to me gently. You could have said, 'She's up on the roof and we can't get her down.' Then next time I called you could say that Mittens fell and got hurt, and then next time you could say that she died. It wouldn't have been such a shock.
Yeah, I see what you mean. Sorry.
That's OK, just let me talk to Mom.
Uh, she's up on the roof and we can't get her down.
Cat jokes
#10
Why does a tiger tell the truth?
Because he isn't a lion.
#9
If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat?
None! They were copy cats!
#8
Why did the cat run from the tree?
Because it was afraid of the bark!
#7
What is cleverer than a talking cat?
A spelling bee!
#6
What is a cat's favorite TV show?
The evening mews!
#5
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens!
#4
Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?
Because he's always spotted.
#3
What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
A duck filled fatty p**....
#2
What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?
He stole the whole show!
#1
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?
A big, furry creature that purrs while it sits on you
A man walks into a bar with his dog and cat.
Bartender asks, "What can I get you?"
The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says, "I'll have a v**..., the man will have a water, and the cat will have a scotch."
The bewildered bartender looks at the dog and says, "This is AMAZING! You're a talking dog..."
The man looks at the bartender and says, "Don't be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist."
A blond and a redhead are talking one afternoon.
Redhead - "So how was your weekend?"
Blond - "Not to good my cat got it's tail cut off by the lawn mower."
Redhead - "That's terrible! What did you do about it?"
Blond - "Well I got the cat and it's tail and took it to Walmart."
Redhead - "Why wouldnt you take the cat to the vet?"
Blond - "Well I heard that Walmart was the larger retailer in the country."
Credit goes to my mother for this one.
I'm a bit of a wizard when it comes to talking to animals.
I have a dog called woof. I asked him it's name, and it said woof. I have a cat called meow, because it said meow when I asked her name. And I have a parrot called Whatsyourname.
I swear my neighbor is completely crazy! She was walking her dog this morning and talked to it the WHOLE time. She acts like it's a human!
When I got back to my apartment I told my cat all about it. We laughed about it for hours and hours...
A man has a booth at a fair with a talking cat...
A woman walks up and asks, "Can your cat really talk?"
The man turns to the cat and asks, "Which leader is attributed to the most deaths in human history?"
The cat says, "Mao."
The woman, who is annoyed by this ruse, walks away.
The cat turns to the man and asks, "Should I have said Genghis Khan?"
When Love Fades......
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, my Love. . . Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, a\*\*hole. I was talking to the cat."
A blonde was visiting the zoo and reached the big cat exhibit.
"I wonder what these tigers would say if they could talk," she said to the man next to her.
He replied, "I'm pretty sure they'd say 'We are leopards.'".
