Following is our collection of funny Talk jokes. There are some talk talk to the hand jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these talk meet puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.
None. They only *talk* about change.
Boss says Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!
Man says Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity.
They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"
"Rabbi, I think my wife is trying to poison me!"
"Very interesting," says the Rabbi. "Let me go and talk to her and see what I can find out."
A few hours later the Rabbi calls the man up.
"I've spent several hours speaking with your wife," he says.
"What should I do?" the man asked.
"Take the poison."
This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."
Since you probably don't know what that means, its when you talk down to people.
Me: Oh no! Why doctor?"
Doctor: Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting.
Guy's having sex with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
That means I talk down to people.
Except for my lamp. It won't talk to me anymore.
You can explore talk father reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean talk family table talk dad jokes. There are also talk puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
When he said
"your generation relies too much on technology"
I then said
" no grandpa yours does"
Then I unplugged his life support.
I told him, "My door is always open".
A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "why? Are they short on electricians?"
because every time I talk to her she gets off on a tangent.
They are always in denial.
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
They only talk to me when they want something.
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''
I don't like to interrupt her.
That'll teach her to talk back.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!
There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about.
not my fault she cant remember the password to my pillow fortress
Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time?
Mom: No, Never!
Son: Well neither would he!
"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.
"What?" says the woman.
They discussed me.
I just need to talk her into it now.
(That means I talk down to people)
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Why?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"
They don't talk to me unless they want something.
He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.
They don't understand how killer the commute from Moscow is.
We've been texting a lot lately and she just told me she's an undercover cop, that's quite impressive for her age.
Lefty loosey
Righty tighty
and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."
God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"
The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."
... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on.
That will teach him to talk back...
If I wanted to disappoint 2 people at once, I'd just talk to my parents.
Cause there's only 28 days
Talk about swallowing your pride.
Mom: 'Finn, your father and I have decided to have a talk about sex.'
Finn: 'Okay, what do you want to know?'
The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"
Now all I need to do is talk her into itβ¦
There were 2 of them now it's a sensitive subject.
I didn't talk to them for two years
That's why some people appear bright until they talk.
She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
And while looking for her, he sees a stunning brunette. The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Why?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
"Goodnight."
that you do not talk, speak, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!
James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "
but when I borrow a dress suddenly we "need to talk."
(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)
The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.
- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.
- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.
- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.
- Will do.
- Thank you. *hangs up*
- Wait. What do you mean "if"?
She said, "My name's Batarka."
I said, "That's an unusual name, you don't hear that every day."
To which she replied, "Actually, I do."
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
He wanted to have a manta-man talk
(I'm so sorry)
It's just Tariffying
I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?
She replies: Why?
I say: You will see in 20 seconds.
When one of them said "What's upstairs?"
I told him that the stairs don't talk.
I had to talk him out of it: "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?!?"
"Why son?" The dad asks.
"Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."
It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."
I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Now that you're here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
and now I talk with a strange Axe scent.
The doctor tells him "We need to figure out how bad her hearing is. Using a normal tone, talk to her at various distances until she can hear you."
That night the man decides to try this. He estimates he is sitting about 30 feet from his wife and asks her, "What's for dinner?"
He hears nothing so he moves a little closer; about 20 feet away. He asks her again, "What's for dinner?" Still nothing.
Finally, he gets right next to her and asks, "What's for dinner?"
She finally hears him and responds "For the third time, chicken!"
A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."
"Good morning." She replies.
"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.
"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.
"Excellent trade, Ma'am."
They call her 'Cagey B'
That is not a good sign.
Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent
They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.
15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.
The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:
You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path
Because communication is key.
Talking to my Y:
?
p
u
s
'
t
a
h
w
,
y
e
H
with an Ouija board
Boss: Why don't you answer it?
Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.
Boss: ANSWER IT GODDAMMIT!
Me: 911, what's the emergency?
Me: When the hell did my resume learn to talk?
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
One day I went to the pet store and picked up some bird seeds. Then, as I was standing in line to purchase them, the cashier was trying to make some small talk with me and I asked, "So how long does it take for the birds to actually grow?" I wonder why she looked at me funny?
They don't like to dialogue.
Talk to the guy in the back alley.
He just keeps rubbing it in.
Because they never finish their sentences.
Because first rule of fight club is not to talk about the fight club
A spelling bee
What's better than a spelling bee?
A navy seal
Do you know what the difference is between my wife and the IRS? The IRS wants to talk to me.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the talk quiet jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working talk converse piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.