Tale Jokes
113 tale jokes and hilarious tale puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tale that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article takes a look at the different types of tale jokes, ranging from funny fairy tales to veggie tales. Learn the difference between tall tales, tell tales, and shark tales, plus discover how Emmy Award-winning shows use silly and stupidly funny jokes to make us laugh.
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Funniest Tale Short Jokes
Short tale jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tale humour may include short tally jokes also.
- "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
- Not all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time... Many begin with "If I am elected, I promise to..."
- My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer... I guess she'll have to flip a coin....
Heads or Tales. - Man went to the butchers and asked if he had any ox tales 'Sure' replied the butcher 'once upon a time an ox…'
Sorry messed up title should read 'ox tails' whoops - Some consider romeo and juliet a tale of true romantic love... But only if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic...
- My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale... I gave her some bread crumbs and left her in the forest.
- Why aren't there any "old husband tales"? There are. They just get re-branded as "logic" and "the truth".
- I wanted to tell my children a story about a ship that brings cars from one side of the river to the other But then I noticed that they're too old for ferry tales.
- A little girl asked her Dad one day, Dad, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time?' Her Dad replied, No honey, some of them begin with 'If I'm elected.'
- Dickens " A tale of two cities " was originally published in two local newspapers. It was the Bicester times, it was the Worcester times...
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Tale One Liners
Which tale one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tale? I can suggest the ones about teller and tells story.
- You guys hear about the half of a mermaid that washed up on shore? It's only a tale...
- What do cows tell their calves at bedtime? Dairy tales.
- How can a table become a tale? Only if one Believes
- Did you hear the story about the peacock? You haven't? Well, it's a beautiful tale
- Guys don't turn on the news right now There are spoilers for season 1, Handmaid's Tale
- What kind of stories do big boats tell little boats? Ferry tales
- Which fairy tales are longest? The ones that drag on.
- What do you call a depressing tale about a discontinued car? A Saab Story.
- The tale of the haunted refrigerator was calm and cold. Indeed, it was chilling.
- How do you identify a snitch? There are usually some tell-tale signs.
- How do you classify fairy tale creatures? Gnomenclature
- What do you call a story about a WW2 shipyard? A riveting tale.
- Never believe anything a Dutchman tells you It is all tall tales.
- What's a mathematician's favorite book? *A tale of two cosines*
- I'd tell you a tale about my swedish car.. But it's just another Saab story.
Fairy Tale Jokes
Here is a list of funny fairy tale jokes and even better fairy tale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm like Cinderella - I wash, clean, cook ... Wife:
\- I'm like Cinderella - I wash, clean, cook ...
The husband responded:
\- I told you, if you marry me, you will live like in a fairy tale! - What's the difference between US and USSR fairy tales? US fairy tales start with "Once upon a time there was"
USSR fairy tales start with "Really soon there will be" - What is the difference between english and russian fairy tales? English fairy tales start with "Once upon a time.."
Russian fairy tales start with soon comrades, soon.. - The World's Shortest Fairy Tale Once upon a time a young man asked the fairest lady in the village to marry him. She looked him up and down and said "No."
He lived happily ever after. - Why did the old witch in the woods get removed from the Grimm's fairy tales? Hansel Culture.
\-- Late Night with Seth Meyers
(I apologize for this) - My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
- Fairy tales My granddaughter asked me, "Do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time?
I said, no, some begin with "If elected, I promise to……………………" - One day a handsome young man proposes to his girlfriend, but she says no. And the man lives happily ever after!
- Do all Fairy Tales begin with ''Once Upon a Time''? No........
The Best begin with ''If Am Elected'' - How do all Mexican fairy tales begin? Juan-ce upon a time...
Tell Tale Jokes
Here is a list of funny tell tale jokes and even better tell tale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm AMAZED by mythology. I'll tell you about my favorite tales... if you have a minotaur two. (amazed... get it?)
- What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale? The Juan who lived.
- Why are anti-vaxxer's children good at keeping secrets? Cause they don't live to tell the tale
- I'll tell you a weird story about a pig's behind, but... I've got to warn you; it's a twisted tale.
(tail) - Some still tell the tale of the young woman who denyed her having an affair... It's now called Christianity or something
- What's the difference between Monkeys and Apes? Monkeys are better at telling stories because they have Tales.
- Have you guys heard about the new film adaptation of Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart?" It's rumored to star Beneathio del Flooro.
- What kind of story does a rabbit tell? A fluffy tale.
- What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales!
- I would tell you guys a long-winded tale involving the singers of "It Wasn't Me" and "Drop It Like It's Hot"... ...but I don't think you guys would have time to read yet another Shaggy/Dogg story.
Veggie Tale Jokes
Here is a list of funny veggie tale jokes and even better veggie tale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is a children's television show centered on the imaginary adventures of comatose Christians be called? Veggie Tales!
Veggie Tales!
Veggie Tales! - What do you call a children's show about a bunch of brain-dead people? Veggie Tales
- What do you call a crippled man's story? A veggie tale.
- Have you heard about the new documentary on Steven Hawking? It is called Veggie Tales.
- me: Can I play some music?
**uber driver:** Yeah, sure.
**me *[pulling out my tuba]*:** Do u like veggie tales?
Fun-Filled Tale Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about tale you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean story telling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tale pranks.
A tale of two young men
There is a young man walking a tight rope between two high rise buildings. In the same city, at the same time, there is another young man receiving o**... s**... from from a 80 year old woman. They both are thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. What could it be?
DO NOT LOOK DOWN!
A whale tale
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."
Fairy tales
A father is tucking in his son at night. His son asks him if he can tell him a fairy tale.
"Of course," the father replies. He begins telling a story, "Once upon a time..."
The son interrupts him, asking "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?"
The father says, "No, son. In fact, most fairy tales begin with the words, 'When I'm elected...'"
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
Another tale from the bar.
A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a monkey, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
So an old man marries a 20 year old blonde...
and she gets pregnant. So he goes to the doctor. The doctor proceeds to tell him a tale:
"Once a boy went to the woods alone with an umbrella. He encounters a tiger in the woods. The boy points the umbrella at the tiger and the tiger drops dead immediately." The old man interrupts "Somebody else must have shot her!". "Exactly what I want to tell you" says the doctor.
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
My marriage is pretty much like a fairy tale.
Every time i try to tell my wife she's a princess she either falls asleep, runs away, or asks me to prove it.
and since i don't have a magic carpet or poison apple it's kind of hard...
Q: What do you call it when an honest politician rides a unicorn to victory in the Kentucky Derby? A: A Fairy Tale, there is no such thing as an honest politician
Jokes
1. Something said in the pursuit of laughter.
2. A short tale with an end worth laughs after.
3. A noun you expect
commands no respect.
Root word "jocus". This limerick: disaster.
I think me life is like the Truman Show.
I was tryin' ta figure out what type a genre show it be.
I thought, "It might be a drama," but me life isn't sad enough.
I thought, "It might be an action tale," but alas, 'tis too boring.
"Then, perhaps, it be a comedy," I thought, but me life isn't funny, so I cast that idea overboard.
"Well," I thought, "it might be British."
Ambush Watch
Down at the Senior Center the other day Joe was telling a tale about his experience in the jungle during his war. It seems that he was wearing a cheap watch one night while on an ambush and it made so much noise that his buddy insisted that he douse the watch with bug spray . . . to get rid of the ticks.
The Leprechaun & The Stripper
A Terrifying tale from North Clare
My Favorite Fairy Tale
The dog who cried woof
Eh?
This was originally a tech support tale but I thought it was funny enough to turn into a joke.
>Speaking to a Canadian: "Hit Ctrl+A."
>Canadian: "Okay, I hit Ctrl, eh? And nothing happened, eh?"
A boxer (dog) wrote a book
It was a very short tale
A tale of two chimneys
What did the big chimney say to the smaller chimney?
You're too young to smoke.
What did the smaller chimney say to the big chimney?
GAH! TALKING CHIMNEY!
I'm not a very talented person, but I do have the ability to identify any German sausage on sight.
Could be wurst..
What's the talent show where the contestants do basically nothing?
"American Idle"
A guy narrates of his incredible tale to a friend
"I came across this beautiful woman. She was tied to the railroad tracks. I freed her and we made passionate love. Her body was smoking hot!"
"How was the face?" his friend asked.
"Oh I didn't find the head."
I'm going to write a book about adhesives.
It's going to be a griping tale about bonding, attachments, and a few sticky situations.
How much talent did the lead guitarist of Cream have?
A Clap-Ton.
World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motocycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank.
The End
A Fairy Tale
After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.
"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"
"A king, since you asked," whispers Stefan, "…but don't tell that to the queen!"
What do you call a fairy tale character with an eating disorder?
Thumbulimia.
Have you heard the tale of Darth Oedepus the wise?
It's not a story your mother would have told you...
What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags it's tale, the other tags a whale.
A man walks into a bar ...
with a pig under his arm. The bartender looks at the pig, notices a wooden leg and asks 'Why has this pig got a wooden leg ?'
The man replies 'Ah that's a tale. We had a fire in our house last week. This pig came upstairs and woke up our entire family. We all escaped the blaze thanks to this pig'.
The bartender was impressed. ' Did the pig lose a leg in the fire?'
'Oh no' said the man 'An animal this valuable ? You don't eat them all at once'
If you watch Cinderella backwards...
it's the triumphant tale of a woman learning her place in the world. Happy International Women's day!
Dickens' a Tale of two Cities was first serialised in two newspapers
It was the Biscester Times, is was the Worcester Times.
A Tale Of Two Skunks
Once upon a time there were two little skunks named "In" and "Out."
They lived in a hollow tree with their mother.
Sometimes In and Out played outside, but other times they played inside.
One day In was out and Out was in.
The mother skunk asked Out to go out and bring In in.
So Out went out and in a few minutes he came in with In. "My my, Out," she said, "how did you find In so quickly?"
Out just smiled and said, "Instinct."
An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.
"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.
A talented unemployed singer is like communism
Sounds good, doesn't work.
A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and h**...
Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like $1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for h**...'s first name. He thought about, smiled and said "Heil" He did not win his $1.25 but almost everyone in Ireland remembers the tale.
Talent is like good grammar...
You either have it or you ain't.
Did you hear about Rosie's autobiography?
It was a rivetting tale.
Did you know Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities was originally released as a storyboard in two local newspapers?
It was the Bicester Times, and it was the Worcester Times.
Is the tale of St Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland just mythology?
No, it's hiss-story.
Apparently, married women over sixty are "more likely to become furries".
I think it's an old wive's tale
'A Tale of Two Cities' was originally serialized in two local papers in the British Midlands.
It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.
I am so talented that I can close my eyes and type this
Bdndjfkdhshdjfkfbshcjskahwjwwksndhcjdksbahxdkjbd
What is the difference between a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?
A capitalist fairy tale begins with Once upon a time, there was.....
A Marxist fairy tale begins with Someday, there will be...
Homeless man tells the tale
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical benefits coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?
Oh no, nothing like that, he said, because of Coronavirus, I was unexpectedly paroled.
Granddad could tell a tale
He used to say that as a boy he had the strongest arm in the county. He said he could throw a stick so hard that it would take his dog an hour to retrieve it.
To me that always seemed far-fetched.
My barber interrupted my horse story...
...even though I told him *not* to cut off my pony tale
What's the difference between a fairy tale and a r**... tale?
Fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...", while r**... tales begin with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**......"
First Time
**My new girlfriend says that our first s**... experience should feel like a fairy tale.**
**I'm looking for 7 midgets to join us this evening. No weirdos please.**
I got in trouble my bookstore today...
...they didn't appreciate me moving The Handmaid's Tale to non-fiction.
(My heart goes out to the US. I'm so sorry.)
Out of all of Aesop's Fables, my favorite is the one about the herbs
It's a thyme-less tale that ends with some really sage advice.
TIL that Charles Dickens first published A Tale of Two Cities in two English local newspapers:
.
.
.
.
.
It was the Bicester Times. It was the Worcester Times.
What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
A northern fairy tale begins, Once upon a time, …
A southern fairy tale begins, Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit…!
