The Best 54 Taking A Picture Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Taking A Picture jokes. There are some taking a picture bets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these taking a picture jpeg puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Taking A Picture Jokes and Puns
Jewish ad campaign
Old man Moskowitz was getting along in years. He decided to retire and let his 3 sons run the company (which manufactured a wide variety of nails). The sons thought they could increase market-share with some judicious billboard advertising.
Only a week later the old man was taking his usual Sunday drive in the country when he saw the first billboard ad. There it was - a picture of Christ on the Cross, with the caption: "Nails for Every Purpose. Use Moskowitz Nails."
The old man immediately met with his 3 sons to voice his concern. He explained that the backlash could be horrendous. The company could be ruined. The sons agreed to discontinue that ad.
A week later the old man was again taking his usual Sunday drive when he saw the second billboard ad. There it was - - a picture of the same cross, empty, with Christ crumpled on the ground below... and the caption: "Next Time Use Moskowitz Nails."
Dating in 1962
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,
maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.
"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.
"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse
and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.
"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The damned dance is called the Twist!
A cop knocks on a man's front door late one night
and he asks to see a picture of the man's wife. "Sure," he says, a bit puzzled. The man produces a picture from his wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer takes one look and takes a long, deep breath.
With difficulty, he looks the man in the eyes and says, "Sir, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your wife's been hit by a truck."
The man replies, "I know, but she's got a great personality and she can really cook."
How many 12 year old girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
11; 1 to actually put the lightbulb in, and the other 10 to take hundreds of pictures and upload them to Facebook.
In California...
Did you know that in California you cannot take a picture of a woman with a basket of strawberries?
...you need a camera because strawberries do not take pictures.
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driving her car. The blonde cop says "You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see your license?"
The blonde driver looks confused.
The blonde cop says "Its a little square thing with your picture on it"
The blonde driver reaches in her bag and hands the cop her makeup mirror.
The cop takes the mirror, looks at it and exclaims "Well why didn't you tell me you were a cop? On you go. Have a great day".
One of my favourite jokes. Might take a minute to sink in...
I saw a guy having an epileptic fit in a nightclub. Everyone was just standing around watching, pointing at him and talking about it. "Look!! That guy's having a fit!!" etc...
I said "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder. "Can I see your licence ma'am?"
"My what?" says the driver.
"Your licence," says the cop, "It's the little square thing that has your picture on it."
"Oh!" says the driver and hands over her compact.
The cop takes one look and says, "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
You want hear Latvian joke? Okay, I am tell...
Why Latvian take so good pictures?
No potato.
3 days ago I got a pass-code lock that takes a picture whenever someone enters the wrong code in my phone.
So far I have 26 pictures of drunk me.
You can explore taking a picture take reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean taking a picture profit dad jokes. There are also taking a picture puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.
A guy goes into a bar...
He sits and ask for 2 beers. After he finished them, he take something in his pocket, look at it, put it back and ask for 2 more beers. After he finished them, he did the same process and ask for 2 more beers.
After he did it 4 more times, the bartender intrigued ask the guy what's in his pocket.
- Ohh its just a picture of my wive! When i'm drunk enough to find her attractive I know it's time to go home.
I need to get one of those gadgets for my camera so I can take pictures of myself.
I think it's called a narciss-stick.
How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?
2.
1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.
A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home...
It read as follows:
---
*Michael*,
*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*
*Love, Elizabeth*
*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*
---
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:
---
*Elizabeth,*
*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*
*Take care, Michael*
I hate taking pictures of mirrors.
The pictures always come out with some a**hole in them.
A woman goes into a pharmacy
She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having sex with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."
How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?
12
One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "rape-like",
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being phallic,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
If you find it hard to take pictures of yourself in the sauna...
You have selfie-steam issues.
I tried to take a picture of some fog...
I mist.
^I'll^see^myself^out^BYE!
Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.
One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"
The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?"
A guy asks a bartender for a shot
After drinking it, the guys looks into his pocket and says, "Hit me again."
The bartender pours more liquor into the mans shot glass. The man takes the shot, looks into his pocket, and says, "Hit me again."
5 shots laters, the bartender asks the man, "Sir, why do you keep looking into your pocket?"
The man replies, "Well, you see, I have a picture of my wife in here. And when she looks good to me, I'll go home."
How do you take a picture of the Little Mermaid?
Using Ariel photography. (If that doesn't work, try your shell phone.)
Got a password lock
that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong password to look into my phone.
Now I have fifty pictures of drunk me.
I tried to take some High Res pictures of my farmland and fields.
They still came out pretty grainy.
I hate taking pictures at the beach...
They're always so grainy
Been married for 20 years
Been married for 20 years, but I still carry my wife's picture in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties in life, I take out my wallet and stare at her picture. And It comforts me knowing that... If I survived being married to this psycho, I can survive anything.
How do you take a picture of an eclipse without a camera?
Stare at it for 30 seconds
A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket
A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket. He calls the bartender over and asks for another shot. Again, he downs the shot and looks back in his pocket.
He continues to do this and the bartender finally says, Every time Iļø pour you a shot, you down it, look in your pocket and order another. What's in your pocket?
The guy responds, A picture of my wife. When she starts to look good I'll head home.
What do you call a picture where the prisoners take their own mug shots?
Cellfies
Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip (NSFW)
Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk. One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"
The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?
What kind of pictures does Shaun Connery take?
Shelfies
alt. What kind of pictures do fish take?
Shellfies
alt. What do hermit crabs call their utility bills?
Shell Fees
alt. Why did my wife leave me?
Herpes
Why couldn't the press take pictures of the fastest superhero?
No Flash photography.
What's better to have at home, Jesus or a picture of Jesus?
The picture, it only takes one nail to put it up!
I used to read shampoo bottles while on the toilet..
But now with smartphones I can just take a picture of the bottle and read it anywhere!
I bought a homeless man a sandwich and a cup of tea...
and I forgot to take a picture and tell the Internet. Absolute waste of a fiver that.
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
The cop tells the driver "License please."
"What is a license?" the driver answers.
The cop replies "it goes in your wallet, has a picture of you on it..."
As the blonde driver digs through her purse, after a while she pulls an object out, looks at it for a second, smiles, says "Found it! Here you go officer!" and hands a mirror to the cop.
The cop takes off her aviators, looks in the mirror, rolls her eyes, and hands it back to the driver.
"If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"
Why aren't there many pictures of the Sphinx from the back?
People get uncomfortable taking pictures of its sphinxter
My friend has a habit of taking blurry pictures of himself in the bathroom mirror after taking hot showers...
I thunk he has a high selfie steam problem.
What is it called when you take pictures with plants?
photosynthesis
Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus
It takes 1 nail to hang a picture
My friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures of himself in the shower.
He has some serious selfie steam issues.
Becky discussing with her friend Karen
Becky: Last week, my uncle was taking pictures of me and asked me to climb up a ladder so he could get a better angle.
Karen: did you do it?.. it was just an excuse to see your panties.
Becky: I know. That's why I took it off before climbing the ladder.
A man is sitting at a bar...
Orders a shot, pulls a picture out of his shirt pocket, looks at it, takes a shot. Same routine repeats 6 more times. Bartender asks: "Hey buddy, next round is on the house, if you tell me what your routine is all about".
"Ok", says patron, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and I look at it before I drink. When she starts to look hot, I know it's time for me to go home"
I met an old drunk at the bar
He had a picture of his wife in his pocket. Almost every hour, he'd take it out and look at her. I asked him why and he replied, As soon as she starts to look pretty, I know it's the time to go home.
How many millennials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They sit in the dark and cry while posting blank pictures to instagram
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only take 1 nail to hang the picture.
My friend is making a lot of money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It's like shooting fish in apparel.
A guy walks into a bar
He sits down and orders a drink. After he finishes it, he takes out a picture and looks at it for a couple minutes before putting it away and ordering another drink. He repeats this a few times always looking at the picture in between drinks.
The bartender gets curious and says "Man I have to know, what picture are you looking at?"
The man says "Oh, it's just my wife. I don't go home until she's pretty!"
LPT: An easy way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in a formal outfit.
It's like shooting fish in apparel.
I went up to this girl and asked if she could take a picture of me, and she said yes.
So I handed her a framed portrait of me and walked away.
My Siberian cousin was kidnapped while taking a selfie.
In Soviet Russia, pictures take you.
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.
.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."
"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.
The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the taking a picture policewoman jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working taking a picture photos piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.