Taking A Dump Jokes
82 taking a dump jokes and hilarious taking a dump puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about taking a dump that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Taking A Dump Short Jokes
Short taking a dump jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The taking a dump humour may include short pooping jokes also.
- My wife told me that if i buy another board game she will dump me Maybe i shouldn't take that risk
- I always leave a penny on the toilet lid after I take a dump Just so that a cent is covering the odor
- Modern art is easy to understand. If you take a dump on someone's door mat, ring the bell and run away - it's an installation. If you ring the bell and then take a dump - it's a performance.
- After she decided to dump me, my rich ex-girlfriend has been begging me to take her back. I explained that when her family pays the ransom she will be safely returned.
- I got kicked out of the bar for taking a dump... Apparently they didn't need any more bar stools
- Want to know how to scare burglars off? First: Put pictures of a tiger all around your house.
Second: Put a cat litter tray in your hallway and take a dump in it. - I tried to take a dump on an airplane. TSA was none too please when they had to clean out the tray
- A horse walks into a bar The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse unable to understand human speech promptly takes a dump on the floor and leaves
- where did the lone ranger take his trash to? to the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
- Every morning this week a German Shepherd has been taking a dump on my lawn Yesterday he brought his dog.
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Taking A Dump One Liners
Which taking a dump one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with taking a dump? I can suggest the ones about taking a bath and sitting toilet.
- How do IT guys take a dump? They log out.
- Where does William Tell take his garbage? To the dump to the dump to the dump^dump^dump
- Found On A Bathroom Wall Here I sit
taking a dump,
Giving birth
to another Trump - Whenever I take a dump I hear voices inside my head... I think I might have shitsophrenia
- If you take a dump in a stump… does it become a toiletry?
- Why did the Navy SEAL take a dump in the water hole? Because he was well-trained.
- A businessman walks into a bar takes a dump on his table and exclaims "I created a job!"
- What do you call a black person taking a dump?
- What time did Henry take a dump? Five turdy
- Did you hear about the guy who lost his hearing while taking a dump? He deaf-icated.
- What do you call taking a dump after breakfast? A Brexit
- What do you call the dump you take after a brunch? Brexit.
- I'm going to the bathroom to take a dump Can I get you anything?
- Pluto: You dumped me, now all you do is drive by real slow and take pictures
- What did Ryu say when he was taking a dump?... "IMMM-DUKEN!'"
Cheeky Taking A Dump Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about taking a dump you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean peeing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make taking a dump pranks.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on j**... Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Three men walk into a bar.
The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down.
When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
Back in Soviet Russia...
...there was a man working at a Siberian coal mine. Every Friday he would take a wheelbarrow full of dirt home. Every time he did this the security guard would stop him, make him dump out the dirt and sift through it searching for coal or other stolen valuables. The security guard always found nothing so he would reluctantly let the man reload the dirt and go home.
This goes on for 25 years until the man finally retired. On his last day the the bewildered security guard pleaded with him "I know you've been smuggling something out of here all of these years. Please just tell me what it was?" The man replied with a sly wink "Wheelbarrows".
Oldie but goodie.
My buddy and I were out hunting one afternoon. He decided he had to take a dump, so he dripped his pants and squatted down. while he was taking care of business a rattlesnake slithered up behind him and bit him on the head of his tally wacker.
He jumbed up with both hands wrapped around it and yelled I've been bit call the doctor. I called the dr and explained about the bite and that we were at least 45 mins from our truck and another hour from the hospital. He got quiet and said " All U can do for him now is to take ur knife out and cut an "x" in each hole and s**... the venom out and get him here asap". I thought for a second and asked 'What if I don't do that what happens?". He replied back "He will die. So get ur knife out and get after it. I will be waiting for u here at the ER." and he hung up.
My buddy looked at me with his tally wacker in his hands about to squeeze it in half and asked " WHAT DID HE SAY???!!!!"
I looked him straight in the eye and told him "He said Ur ging to die".
How Long Does It Take A Black Woman To Take A Dump?
9 months.
A hunter visited a doctor who was about to give him a spinal tap...
Doctor says "Well this might hurt, I just want you do know." The hunter goes "don't worry doc, I've only been in pain twice in my life, this will be nothing."
So the doctor performs the spinal tap and sure enough, the hunter didn't flinch a muscle. Curious about the hunters statement, he asks "So, what are the two times you've been in pain"
Hunter says "I was hunting once and had to take a dump. I dropped my trousers and squated, and my n**... triggered a bear trap I didn't see"
Wincing, the doctor asks "And the second?"
Hunter says "When I ran of of chain"
A man goes to the doctor...
and he says to the doctor: "Doctor I take a dump every morning at exactly 7:30, and I hate that it happens that early every day.
The doctor replies: "Well, you should be happy. You are blessed with amazing intestines. Some people would kill for that!"
To which the man says: "Yeah, that's great and all but I don't wake up until 8."
I love animals, but I'm thinking of getting rid of my pet anaconda. It keeps taking horse sized dumps.
Also, all my horses have gone missing.
An old farmer, back in times of kolkhoz
lives his life peacefully until one day he realizes he doesn't feel as good as usual. He proceeds to visit a local doctor, old friend of his. Doctor makes standard check and finds nothing. He tells farmer to drop his pants for further inspection and as farmer does so the doctor sees farmer is not wearing any underwear. He tells him to get a pair of underpants "They are *cleanliness* and *warmth*, you will feel better!" Farmer takes the advice and gets back home to continue plowing field. He continues doing so, until he needs to take dump. He stops his tractor, heads to side of field near some bushes. As he has used, he drops the pants, sits and does his deed. After he is done, he pulls pants back and turns around get rid of his accomplishment he sees nothing but clear ground. "Wow, **cleanliness** indeed!" - he thinks.
The farmer heads back to resume working, sits down and says- "Ah, and finally there is the **warmth**."
A man goes into the bathroom to take a dump.
When he's done, he realizes there's no toilet paper. Knocking on the stall next to him, he asks, "Hey, do have an extra roll of toilet paper?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have a newspaper?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have an old handkerchief?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have change for a five?"
Got this one from my grandpa.
An English Guy, A Scottish Guy, and An Irish Guy
An English guy, a Scottish Guy, and an Irish guy are in a bar. A fly comes over and lands in the English guy's beer, so he dumps it out. Another fly comes and lands in the Scottish guy's beer, so he takes it out and keeps drinking from it as if nothing happened. A third fly comes and lands in the Irish guy's beer. He takes the fly out, shakes it over his beer and yells "Spit it out, ya little blighter! Spit it out!"
A young black boy walks int to kitchen ...
There he dumps a pound of flour on himself, he goes to his mother and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His mother slaps him in the mouth and says, "go tell your Father what you jst said!" The boy goes to his fAther and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His father takes him over his leg and spanks him hard. Then the father asked," okay son , now what have you learned?" The looks at him and says," I've only been a white boy for 8 minutes now an I already hate you black people!"
So I was thinking while taking the biggest dump of my life...
and I just feel so empty inside.
Did you know that the face you make when taking a dump is what makes your imaginations strong
A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning.
A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning when he sees an elderly man crouched by a gravestone. Not wishing to appear rude the dog-walker greets the elderly man with a cheery:
"Morning!"
The elderly man replies:
"Oh no, just taking a dump."
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump-dump-dump!
What do you call it when the water splashes against your rear while taking a dump?
Poseidon's kiss.
What's it called when a magician takes a n**... dump?
Hairy Plopper
What's worse than taking a dump right after you get out of the bathtub?
Taking a dumb whilst you're in the bathtub.
Two hunters...
..went to a forest to hunt a tiger. They waited on a tree for hours, the tiger didn't show up. They felt the need to take a dump, but fearing the tiger they hatched a plan - they would sit back to back to each other to take the dump so that they would be able to see the tiger if it approaches from either side.
After a while they hear a roar, but can't spot the tiger. o**... asks the other - 'are you scared?'. Other says 'No'. The first guys says again - 'admit you're scared'. Second guy says, 'no, I am not scared, would you just shut up?' First guy yells 'then why are you wiping my a**...?'
What do you do when you're in a busy city and you need to take a huge dump?
First things first, you find a decent plastic bag asap.
Then, you need to takes your pants off and be in a squat.
Take the plastic bag.........
put it over your head so that people don't see your face.
Son of chief: "Father, how are we named?"
Chief: "After you are born, your mother looks out of the teepee and names you the first thing she sees."
Son: "Oh wow, is that how you were named Soaring Eagle?"
Chief: "Yes, Horse Taking Dump"
What's a good excuse for peeing in the shower?
Those things happen naturally when you are taking a dump
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
To the dump to the dump to the dump dump.dump, to the dump to the dump to the dump.dump dump...
What do Superman, Batman, and Spiderman have in common?
They all have to get n**... to take a dump.
Three old men are sitting on a porch relaxing...
The first old man complains about having trouble moving his bowels.
The second old ma complains about having trouble urinating.
The third old man says, every morning at 7am I relieve myself, then at 7:15 I take a huge dump.
The other two men look at him and say what's wrong with that?
The third old man says, I don't wake up until 7:30.
So, I have these friends, Richard and Alice...
And as it turns out, Richard is very strongly attracted to Alice. He asks her if the two of them can have s**..., offering her $100 and stating that he'll be done by the time she picks it up. She agrees, and gets on the bed as Richard produces his hundred dollars.
"You know you're not actually gonna get that much time, right?" Alice asked him. "I mean, the time it takes to pick up $100 is pretty small."
Richard grinned and held up his hundred dollars in quarters, before dumping them all over the bed.
Alice grinned back, rolled up the sheet, and left.
Every party should start with the Queen to take a dump.
The royal flush is higher than the full house.
Which planet has the most moons orbiting it?
Uranus right after you take a dump.
I just made that up after taking a Bing quiz, I think.
Great joke I came up with taking a dump
I enjoy looking at memes when I'm taking a dump, I guess you could say I enjoy toilet humor.
What is it called when a skeleton takes a dump?
A spooky d**...
The blackest dad
3 kids were arguing to see who had the blackest dad.
The first kid says: "My dad is so black, when he pee, it comes out petroleum"
The second kid says: "That's nothing compared to my dad, he's so black that when he takes a dump, he poops coal"
The third kid laughs and say: "you think that's black? My dad's so black that when he farts, we stay a week in the dark"
I was in the portajohn taking...
..a dump. I look up from my phone and saw graffiti that wrote, the joke is in your hand.
You know that satisfaction you feel after sweeping when you have a big pile of dirt and know it was worth it?
I love when that same feeling when you wash your hands after taking a dump
My GF sent me a text a few minutes ago:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams
If you are laughing, send me your smile
If you are eating, send me a bite
If you are drinking, send me a sip
If you are crying, send me your tears
I love you!"
I texted back:
"I'm taking a dump.... What should I do?"
An American goes to a restaurant in Italy for breakfast.
After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to the server: "Yes, it's good. I'll have this".
Sandbox games
The newlyweds and young parents in town discover that the fine sand in the nearby nature resort makes for excellent sandbox sand. So people go in to get a big cart of sand and make some cheap garden sandboxes for their children. The park rangers forbid this and nobody can steal sand anymore. This guy sneaks in with a big cart and scoops it full but on his way out he sees a park ranger and starts to quickly shovel the sand out of his cart. "Oh no sir! You won't get away with it that easily!" the park ranger barks,
"You can't dump that here so take it right back home with you!"
two guys traveling out west
o**... has to take a dump. Complains to other guy, but they can't find a rest area. Finally they see a port a p**... on the side of the road. Guy runs in there but shouts "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER!!" other guy shouts back "just use a dollar!!"
Guy comes out in a while and has c**... smeared all over his hand. Friend says "WTH happened?" Other guy says "I only had 4 quarters"
A man walks out of a restaurant alone on Valentine's day
A man walks out of a restaurant alone on Valentine's day. He just got dumped by his girlfriend some minutes before. A baker takes pity on him and gives him a slice of cake - entirely free.
That man is like me. He's lonely, but at least he got some cake!
I always feel like a better person after taking a dump…
because I know I am no longer full of s**....
You want to know how to catch a bear?
First you dig a big hole, then you place peas all around the rim. After that you dump wood ash in the bottom of the hole.
Now, when a bear comes to take a pea you kick them in the ash hole.
A guy is camping and finds his buddy standing over an outhouse toilet about to drop a $50 bill down the hole.
What on earth are you doing? he asks his buddy.
His friend replies I was taking a dump and a $10 bill fell out of my pocket and went down the hole…… and I sure as h**... ain't going down there for ten bucks .
Bear and Rabbit
A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the forest, and the bear turned to the rabbit and said, we eat a lot of the same things, I'm curious, does s**... stick to your fur? The rabbit replied, the one good thing about being so fluffy is s**... never sticks to my fur. With that the bear promptly picked up the rabbit and wiped his a**... with him.
