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Takeout Jokes

52 takeout jokes and hilarious takeout puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about takeout that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Takeout Short Jokes

Short takeout jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The takeout humour may include short takeaway jokes also.

  1. Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50 Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.
    Riceless.
  2. UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout
  3. Whoever coined the term 'delivery' for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
  4. There is one thing that United got right: their food is just great. I hear they even serve a Chinese take-out now.
  5. I got fired from my job at Planned Parenthood My boss didn't like me saying Takeout or delivery? whenever someone walked in the door
  6. Is it ok to ignore dumplings in my Chinese takeout? Or will I be charged with wonton neglect?
  7. I just couldn't decide which asian takeout food I like the best, Japanese or Chinese. I ended up calling it a Thai.
  8. Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu? I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.
  9. They say you shouldn't eat takeout too often because it makes you fat... I think it's worth the weight.
  10. Before ordering takeout, the Indian guy made himself some piping hot tea, but spilled it on himself. He got chai knees.

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Takeout One Liners

Which takeout one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with takeout? I can suggest the ones about chinese takeaway and dining out.

  1. Why did the depressed Mexican order chinese takeout? Because he was feeling lo mein
  2. I can just eat Chinese takeout every day. I'm lo meintenance.
  3. What's United's favorite meal? Chinese takeout
  4. Unites Airlines newest in-flight cuisine Chinese Takeout
  5. What's an assassin's favourite type of restaurant? A take-out restaurant
  6. What is Captain Picard's favorite Chinese takeout ? Make it Tso!
  7. What is Batman's least favorite food? A: Chinese takeout
  8. What can be said for Vietnamese soilders and takeout food? They never make it home
  9. When I eat on airplanes... I go for the Chinese Takeout.
  10. Thank you for calling Planned Parenthood... Will this be for delivery or take-out?
  11. What kind of restaurant is most common in the airport in Houston? Asian takeout
  12. First time trying New York Chinese takeout and was asked how I liked it. It was Tso Good.
  13. What's the opposite of Chinese takeout? Taiwanese Putin
  14. What do you call it when a woman in China gets an abortion? Chinese Takeout
  15. I didn't know United Airlines catered they just won first place in Chinese takeout

Chinese Takeout Jokes

Here is a list of funny chinese takeout jokes and even better chinese takeout puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man goes to a Chinese takeout. Orders the starter combo platter, eats one piece, leaves the rest on the counter,
    and strolls off with wanton abandon.
  • What do Asians meeting up at their favorite Chinese take-out say? "Where my dogs at?"
Takeout joke, What do Asians meeting up at their favorite Chinese take-out say?

Hilarious Takeout Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about takeout you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean getaway jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make takeout pranks.

Ordered takeout from Door Dash and offered the Dasher some fries.

"Nah, I'm good. I already had some"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

United is #2 in chinese takeout...

#1 is n**...

My prejudiced grandfather

One time I was reheating leftover fried rice from Chinese take-out, and I decided to mix in some basmati we had from the Indian restaurant. My grandfather smacked me on the head and told me to knock it off.
He believes in separating the rices.

I just ordered takeout.

I had to fill out a 37-page questionnaire detailing my political beliefs. Separation of powers cost me an egg roll.

Asian stereotype joke

An Asian man walks up to a fast food restaurant for takeout.
He says "Flied lice please."
He leaves but comes back a minute later
"This is fried rice, I ordered flied lice."

I got takeout Indian food and realized when I got home that they forgot about the bread.

It was a naan issue.

What's the difference between a take-out dinner and a make-out session?

How can you take something out you've never put in?

Chinese takeout

My wife has been angry at me all night for bringing her six bowls of soup back from the local Chinese restaurant.
I don't know what her deal is, she very clearly asked for wanton soup.

I got really sick from eating Indian takeout last year.

The doctors said I was in a korma for a month.

My truck flipped and crashed after I brought on my takeout.

Apparently it was Wonton too heavy.

Takeout joke, What do you call it when a woman in China gets an abortion?

jokes about takeout