Takeoff Jokes
21 takeoff jokes and hilarious takeoff puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about takeoff that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Takeoff Short Jokes
Short takeoff jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The takeoff humour may include short plane landing jokes also.
- Why do people fear flying with United Airlines? Because they reach their bruising altitude before takeoff.
- Why did Jesus not directly go to heaven as he died on the cross? Take-off weight too high.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a seatbelt and reclines his seat before takeoff and landing on an airplane because he can.
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Takeoff One Liners
Which takeoff one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with takeoff? I can suggest the ones about touchdown and tee off.
- If a pilot can't get it up during takeoff Is it called projectile dysfunction?
- I've always wanted to joke about airplanes Although I'm afraid they won't takeoff
- Takeoffs are optional... Landings are mandatory
- I like my women like I like my takeoffs. Hot and high.
- You know Migos member died in an airplane accident? He couldn't takeoff
The Funniest Takeoff Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about takeoff you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean landing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make takeoff pranks.
Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....
Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!
Then silence.
A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!
A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in 'u-n-t' that refers to a woman?
Oh my god! the man thought. I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word. The gentleman thinks for quite a while, then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, I think the word you're looking for is 'Aunt'.
Oh, of course! the Pope exclaims. Do you have an eraser?
Blind pilots
A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"
The US Military today confirmed that two m**... users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.
Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.
A boy at school
A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''
Horse race
A man has a racehorse who never won a race.
Man in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
I got on a plane the other day. As we were about to depart, a pro-life group ran out on the runway in protest.
Ironically, the pilot had to abort the takeoff.
Which brings a question to mind…. When does flight truly begin? Boarding? Taxiing? Takeoff? Some would have you believe it's not a flight yet even during final descent.
Santa's annual check ride
As the sled rotated off the runway, the examiner pulled a double-barreled shotgun from under his cloak and blasted one of the raindeer. He then turned to the perplexed Santa and said "Engine failure on take-off!"
A few Indian pilots went to Russia for the training of modern MiG-27 aircraft
Russian instructor:
Press this button to takeoff.
Press this button to turn the plane right.
Press this button to turn the plane left.
Pressing this button to go up.
At the end of the training, Indian pilots stood up and asked.
But how will we bring the plane down?
The instructor took a deep breath and said "Do not worry about it and leave this job to Pakistan"
Some American pilots challenged their Russian counterparts to find out whose planes are faster.
The Americans took the latest supersonic aircraft, but the Russians managed to get only an old, decommissioned Kukuruznik and tied it to the American plane with rope.
After takeoff, an American crewmember said to his commander:
"Sir, the Russians are right behind us!"
"What is our speed?"
"400 mph!"
"Raise to 500!"
"Sir, the Russians aren't falling behind!"
"Raise to 600!"
"Sir, I'm afraid we will lose!"
"Why?"
"They still haven't retracted their landing gear yet!"
