Takeaway Jokes
31 takeaway jokes and hilarious takeaway puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about takeaway that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of jokes for your next takeaway delivery! Whether you're looking for an appetizer for your restaurant or just a healthy dose of laughter, we have you covered. Find jokes, puns, and all sorts of comedic gold that will have you cracking up in no time.
Funniest Takeaway Short Jokes
Short takeaway jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The takeaway humour may include short takeout jokes also.
- Had an excellent meal last night at this cosy little Christian restaurant near us called "The Lord Giveth" They also do takeaways.
- Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got? They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!
- Thanks to Uber Eats, ordering Chinese takeaway for a picnic is as easy as a wok in the park.
- An Irish man calls a Chinese takeaway after a night in the pub *phone rings*
Chinese takeaway: "Hello, Wan-King"
Irishman: "Oh Christ I'll call you back in 10 minutes" - I called up my local takeaway shop to see if they deliver meals He goes "we do chicken, we do beef, we do fish - we don't do liver"
- I went back into the chinese takeaway I shouted " This chicken is rubbery!" The little man behind the counter said. "Frank you vrery much."
- I'm thinking of starting a Death-Metal themed take-away joint that caters to Pirates. I'm gonna call it "Pizzas of Hate".
- Name of new reality show featuring families obsessed with ordering takeaway... KUWT Doordashians
- So I took my family to get Chinese last night But apparently the dog shelter doesn't do takeaway
- Off to the Chinese takeaway tonight and I'm going to try the sweet and sour badger with special fried badger cubs. It's a sett meal for one.
Share These Takeaway Jokes With Friends
Takeaway One Liners
Which takeaway one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with takeaway? I can suggest the ones about getaway and chinese takeout.
- What do you call a delivery driver from an indian takeaway? A curryier.
- I went to a restaurant called The Lord Giveth. He also does takeaway
- I just opened a new christian restaurant called "The Lord Giveth" We also do takeaway.
- What do the Chinese call the one-child policy? Chinese takeaway.
- what do you call a spicy wrap made at an Indian takeaway? currito
- I was asked what my favourite takeaway was I said "It's a Thai"
- What do you get if you take-away 3.14 from an opinion? An onion.
- What do you call a well-behaved Indian takeaway? A proppadom
Chinese Takeaway Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese takeaway jokes and even better chinese takeaway puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call it when a Chinese family put their child up for adoption? Takeaway Chinese
- I've come up with a name for a Star Wars themed, internet based Chinese take-away... Ewok.

Great Takeaway Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about takeaway you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean taking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make takeaway pranks.
After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.
After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..
"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.
"It may be time to take away her life support."
Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright in bed..
"Did someone mention takeaway?"
Brits
They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV
Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign
Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)
My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up of me making fun of her height.
So tonight I'm going to make it up to her.
I've got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show.
When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favorite takeaway which we'll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs.
Then afterwards I'm going to go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My vegetarian friend
My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to die just for her dinner.
She then said,
"If the menu said 'kind chicken' or 'loving chicken', then I wouldn't be eating it, but it says right here- j**... chicken'".
