Take Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Take jokes. There are some take jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these take puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Hilarious Take Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friend

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!

A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?

It takes me five minutes to walk from my house to the pub. It takes me 35 minutes to walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

To everybody that takes black jokes so seriously...

Maybe you should lighten up a little.

It takes me 10 minutes to walk to the bar, but an hour to walk home.

The difference is staggering.

It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman.

Doesn't matter if it's Visa or Mastercard.

It takes me 5 minutes to walk from my house to the bar, but 25 minutes to walk home.

The difference is staggering.

It only takes 3 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn't matter if it's mastercard, visa or American express.

It takes a big man to accept when he is wrong

It takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut

It takes 5 minutes for me to walk to my pub and 15 for me to walk back.

The difference is staggering.

It takes me 5 minutes...

It takes me five minutes to walk from my house to the pub. But, it takes me 35 minutes to walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

What takes 3 years?

Making a successful post on my cake day!

You can explore take reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean take dad jokes. There are also take puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

It only takes 3.5 to pleasure a woman.

It can be Visa, Master Card, or Amex.

What takes many nails to build, but only one screw to use?

A crib.

Nobody takes my decision to be a comedian seriously.

Whenever I tell a joke people just laugh at me.

It takes many nails to build a crib...

...but only one screw to fill it.

Do you know why it takes longer to build a blonde snowman?

You have to hollow out the head!

It takes a big man to admit he's wrong,

but it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut

It takes a long time for a giraffe...

...to swallow its pride.

Takes a second to understand.

The more suicidal people, the less suicidal people.

It takes me a while to post because I lost my hand in an accident

I'm sure there's a joke in there but I can't put my finger on it.

It takes a village to raise a child...

...it takes a child with a flamethrower to raze a village.

If someone takes their watch off their arm and interlocks it with enough other watches to use it as a belt, what do you call it?

A waist of time.

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

And balls to be a sperm donor.

The HR takes the top 20 application folders from the pile and throw it in the trash.

Those people have bad luck. We don't want people with bad luck.

It now takes a dollar more to pump up a tyre at the local garage

I guess it's due to inflation

It usually only takes me one drink to get completely wasted

I just can't remember if it's the 16th or the 17th

It really takes heart to be an organ donor.

Or a liver. Or a pancreas. Even a kidney or two.

Do you know why it takes one sperm out of a million to fertilize one egg?

Because no man will stop and ask for directions...

Who takes over when the Ultrasound man is on leave?

The Hip Replacement Guy.

It takes me 5 minutes to get to the bar.

But it takes me 45 minutes to get back.

The difference is staggering.

I'll see my self out. :)

It takes a pretty twisted person to mock an amputee.

Honestly, just try putting yourself in their shoe.

It takes a lot of nails to put together a crib

But it only takes one screw to fill it

He Takes His Golf Seriously.

An elderly golfer is about to putt when a funeral procession drives by.

He removes his hat, and waits for the cars to pass by.

His golfing buddy turns to him and says, "That was very thoughtful of you to do that."

He responds, "Well, it seemed appropriate. I was married to the woman for 55 years."

It takes 10,000 hours to be really good at something.

It's really easy being poor now.

It takes guts...

...to be an organ donor.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the take puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working take piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes