Take A Hike Jokes
16 take a hike jokes and hilarious take a hike puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about take a hike that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Take A Hike Short Jokes
Short take a hike jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The take a hike humour may include short hike jokes also.
- On our hike yesterday, my partner wouldn't let me take home any volcanic rocks And to be honest, I'm still a little basalty over it.
- I was hiking in Alaska when I encountered a sleeping family of bears and just had to take a photo. It was a Kodiak moment.
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Take A Hike Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about take a hike you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stroll jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make take a hike pranks.
I always take 40 or 50 lighters with me in a bag...
Not because I'll need them, but you can always use a lighter bag when hiking.
And I make sure it's not an odd number so that way it's even lighter.
Tour guide in the mountain
A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours. The descent, again depending on your skill level, takes anywhere between 4 hours and 30 seconds."
An American woman is hiking through Germany...
She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"
"By hiking."
"Hiking?"
"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."
The Bison.
My son and I were hiking one day when a bison charged towards him as he was taking a leak. I shouted Bison but it was already too late and he died. My wife tried to console me and said Atleast you were able to say goodbye .
take a hike.
a man is walking through the forest with a little girl when it starts getting dark. the wind starts whistling through the trees and the girl squeezes the mans hand and says "mister I'm getting scared!" the man replied "you're scared? I have to walk out of these woods alone!"
Ole came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Vere did you get da money for da bike? Dat musta cost $500," he asked.
"It was easy, Dad," little Lars replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Lars," Ole said. "Tell me da truth."
"Dat is da truth Dad!" Lars replied.
"Every night you ver gone, Sven, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $10 bill and tell me ta take a hike.
We went for a hike at the weekend , despite the blustery conditions , and despite taking 2 steps forward then 3 steps back we battled against the weather quite well.
Then it happened, from nowhere came down the sandwiches, sausage rolls, scotch eggs quiche and Vol-au-vent and then I realised we was being buffetted by the wind.
The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman
A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike.
Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't s**... all of this up then I will eat the rest myself"
The woman goes to the kitchen and returns with a bowl of sugar and throws it over the cow dung and says:
"Start eating so long, we don't have electricity on the farm"
An American, a Frenchman and an Italian go hiking in the Alps...
An American, a Frenchman and an Italian go hiking together in the Alps.
On the hike the three keep trying to find similarities between them, but always end getting into arguments.
After a ways, the Frenchman and the Italian decide to take a quick break to take a leak. As they both leave the trail, the American calls after them Hey, I know something you both have in common!
Cos'è quello, what's that..?! Replies the Italian over his shoulder.
C'est Quoi? Replies the Frenchman from the other side of the trail.
The American shouts out European!
Three men are in the middle of a desert when their car breaks down. For their hike to town, they each decide to take one thing with them.
One man takes a jug of water. The second man takes a sandwich. The last man takes one of the car doors.
The first man says to the last man: "I'm bringing the water because if I get thirsty, I can take a drink. And it makes sense to bring a sandwich in case we get hungry, but why bring a car door?"
The last man replies, "If I get hot, I can just roll down the window."
Two campers are hiking in the woods . . .
One is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other one says. He runs ten miles to the nearest town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, s**... out the poison, then spit it out."
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony.
"What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you're going to die."
In a torrential stormy and a foggy day a very drunk man was trying to hitch hike a lift home...
In a torrential stormy and a foggy day a very drunk man was trying to hitch hike a lift home and no cars would stop. When out of the blue a car pulled up moving very slowly and stopped right in front of him. Asking no questions he jumps into the back seat - relived that finally he had a lift. As the excitement of the lift subsided - he realized that the car had no driver. The car started moving again. The man braced himself as the car moved towards a couple of bends. As the car hit the bends a mysterious hand would pop through the window and turn the car. The man was completely freaked out by this. Ghost car! When he could take no more of this he jumped out of the car and ran for dear life. He came up to a tavern and had to go in for a drink. Inside there were fellow drinkers enjoying their drinks and he just had to let them know what had happened to him. At first the other fellows laughed but then the man started crying...and they thought it has to be true. At that moment two guys stormed into the tavern...shouting, " we ran out of gas and while we were pushing our car some mad man jumped in... Did he happen to come in here?"
The Czechoslovakian and the German
A Czech and a German entered into a contest. The point of the contest was to guess the right 7 numbers and win an all expense paid trip to Alaska to hunt a grizzly bear. The contest ended and it turns out the two men guessed the same winning numbers, so both got to go on the hunt.
After arriving in the camp and getting settled they decide to head out tomorrow with the guide to hunt the mighty bear. But the next day the guide is feeling under the weather so the two men decide to go out alone. After hiking through rugged mountains for hours they come into a clearing and see two bears, a male and a female. The German takes aim and pulls the trigger... "Click"! The all expense paid trip didn't come with ammo. The sound startled the bears and they charged. The Czech pulls his knife and rushes at the bears. The German tries to pull his p**... but stumbled backwards, hit his head, and fell into a river. When he comes to he sees the guide kneeling over him.
After being briefed on the situation they
decide to track the bears and save the Czech. They find the female bear chewing on a boot, the guide takes aim and... "Bang!", the bear is dead. The two men cut open the bear and her stomach is empty except for a few fish. The German utters the immortal words," The Czechs in the Male"