Tailor Jokes
98 tailor jokes and hilarious tailor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tailor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the funniest tailor jokes out there. From the classic Jewish tailor jokes to tailor puns that'll have you in stitches, we've got a hilarious selection of tailor jokes to make you laugh. Share these tailor jokes with friends and family on WhatsApp or even with your local suit maker.
Funniest Tailor Short Jokes
Short tailor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tailor humour may include short seamstress jokes also.
- A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says… ... "Fine. suit yourself."
- I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight.... I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight.
They've been sizing each other up for hours. - I was in a tailor. I said to the guy, "I need something for a wedding."
"What's that?" he queried.
"A woman that really loves me." I wept, leaving the shop. - Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor? He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway.
- My tailor has been really angry the past few weeks. This morning, he even refused to fixed my new pants which were too long I asked if he could cut me some slack
- Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits within 48 hours. It's called Tailor Swift.
- I took my shoddy suit to the tailors, and said, "can this be repaired? It looks like the stitching's come undone." "Hmmm, yes... ", he replied, examining the suit, "sew it's seams".
- I asked a tailor to hem my jeans He did a bad job of it so I ended having to go to the retailer
- I went to my tailor and asked if I could try on the suit in the window. "Sure," he said, "but wouldn't it be more comfortable if you used the dressing room?"
- What did the Tailor do when the man was upset that his pants were too long? He cut the guy some slacks
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Tailor One Liners
Which tailor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tailor? I can suggest the ones about suit fitting and butcher.
- I just opened an express clothing alteration business. It's called Tailor Swift.
- I told my tailor I wouldn't be needing his services anymore He said "Fine, suit yourself"
- What did the tailor say to the fed up customer? Suit yourself.
- What do you call a person who is really fast at altering clothes? Tailor Swift
- What do you do with a drunken tailor? Give him a belt because he's waisted
- The best tailor in town died. He was given a fitting eulogy.
- What do you say to get a tailor's attention? Ahem
- I wanted to be a tailor. But I didn't suit the job.
- What did the tailor say after a job well done? There is nothing left too loose.
- Did you hear about the broke tailor? He's hanging on by a thread..
- Why did the Muslim tailor make so many veils? It's hijab.
- My father was a tailor I thought I would follow suit
- I met a tailor today He seams nice.
- What's the first rule of tailoring club? Britches get stitches.
- What do you call two tailors fighting? a serious alteration
Jewish Tailor Jokes
Here is a list of funny jewish tailor jokes and even better jewish tailor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Jewish Tailor? A Hebrewdasher
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Tailor Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about tailor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hairdresser jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tailor pranks.
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A n**... man runs into a tailor's shop.
The tailor says "you can't be in here with no clothes on!"
The man says "aw come on dude, cut me some slacks?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hear about the oriental tailor that got arrested for being too arrogant with his customers?
He was always feeling c**....
A Guy Walks Into A Tailor In Ancient Greece
He tosses a toga onto the counter. The tailor picks it up, turns it over and finds a gash across the waist.
The tailor looks up at the man and says, "Euripides?"
The man nods and says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the man with 5 d**... take his pants to the tailor?
So they'd fit like a glove.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My uncle performed circumcisions...
He kept all the f**... and had a tailor make it into a wallet. Rub it for 5 minutes and you get a briefcase.
What did the boy say after the tailor made fun of him for not wearing pants?
Hey, why don't you cut me some slacks?
What did the busy tailor say to the Scarecrow who needed some mending?
I can't find the twine.
Why the young tailor couldn't finish his father's pants?
Because he had no pocket money.
What did the tailor after she got hit by the car driven by a lawyer?
she sewed him
Why did the Space Marine shoot the Tailor?
The heretic kept crossing the warp
What did the tailor tell the thieving nun when he caught her red-handed?
You better not make a habit out of this.
Why does Taylor Swift have so many new dresses?
Because she is a very swift tailor.
I told my waiter, "There's a fly in my soup!"
He said, "It's possible, the cook used to be a tailor."
Why did the awful tailor die?
He just couldn't seam to save his life.
What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns?
Non-habit forming
Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?
They call their tailor Herr Dresser
What's the difference between someone who can mend your pants quick and a famous singer?
One of them is a swift tailor.
What did the tailor say to his customer after shortening the length of his pants?
A-hem!
Why do tailors hate statisticians?
They *always* insist that the fit could be better.
What does a mechanic and a tailor have in common?
They both make cargos.
Who's the fastest tailor in the world?
Sonic the Swift Taylor
My ex-girlfriend was like an incompetent tailor...
She didn't suit me.
My extremely slow tailor is trying to give me an impromptu fitting but I don't want to do it right now
I'm taking steps to prevent the measure
My friends are named after what they do...
My friend Butch is a butcher, my friend Taylor is a tailor, and my black friend's name is Rob
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You should never trust a Scottish tailor.
It'll get you kilt.
My Somalian tailor is offering specials right now.
For $5 he'll sew up the hole in your pants, and for $10 he'll sew up the hole in your daughter!
What do a doctor and tailor both have in common?
They can both alter jeans.
Why Do tailors never make any money?
Because they rip what they sew.
Did you hear about the tailor that got in a car accident?
He dyed.
What did the tailor say when he was given some bad news?
That's a lot to take in.
what did taylor swift say when she urgently needed a new suit?
tailor, swiftly please.
Tailored for you
Why was the tailor fired?
Because he didn't make the cut.
A tailor decides to leave his job...
It didn't suit him well.
What's the difference between a smooth sewer and a terrible songwriter?
Ones a swift tailor and the other is Taylor Swift!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a dirty tailor?
A sewer.
Mr. Taylor was a tailor, Mr. Shuman was a shoe man...
What was Mr. Dickinson?
Why should you never accept a dress making competition with Taylor Swift?
Because she's tailor swift...
A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.
"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does the man with two p**... say when his tailor asks if he dresses to the left or the right?
Yes.
As a lazy tailor says...
Suit yourself!
When I asked my tailor if it mattered that the stitching was unravelling on my pants, his only response was,...
"Frayed Sew"
My tailor became a lawyer.
Now he's sewing everyone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Zippity do dah
My grandfather was having a nice suit made at a tailor shop. The tailor asked him "Would you prefer a button fly or zipper?" He thought about it for a while and said" b**... please, they are quieter in the movies."
Why did the tailor die?
He commited sewicide.
I asked my wife what it's like working as a tailor
She said it's sew-sew
What do you call a really old clothes maker?
Tailor old as time.
A tailor goes into a bank....
It was a stitch
I make clothes faster than anyone
Call me Tailor Swift
I went to my tailor and said, "Make me look like a superhero."
He pulled out a pair of trousers and said, "Black pants, sir."
Why didn't the tailor make a tuxedo out of plastic?
It wasn't suit-able.
Why did the FDA close down the convent's tailor shop?
Because it was found to be habit forming.
What do you call someone who makes and sells woven wheat?
A Wheat tailor
The Tailor
Tailor: problem?
Customer: Frayed sew
Tailor: Sew its seems!
I got into an argument with my tailor the other day...
We argued about my choice in clothes and he gave up and said
"Fine, suit yourself"
My dad works as a tailor specialising in creating tuxedos
I want to follow suit
I was going to a Taylor Swift concert but didn't have a new set of clothes for it.
So I went to the Tailor, Swift.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was working at a l**... counter when a customer approached with a pair of frilly p**....
"I'd like to buy these," she said, "but only if you can embroider 'If you can read this, you're too close' on the back."
So the saleswoman took the p**... to the tailor in the backroom and described the rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "I can do that. Does she want block letters or script?"
Since the saleswoman didn't know, she went back around to the counter, and asked, "Do you want that in block letters or script?" And the customer replied with a smile, "Braille."
Why should you never ask a tailor how he's feeling?
Because he's always just sew sew.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the fastest way to annoy a tailor?
You push all his b**...
Lindsey Graham gets new suit
On a Senate trip to Japan, Lindsey Graham picked up some silk to have a custom suit made. At a top notch tailor shop in South Carolina, the tailor said with the material, he could make a single breasted suit.
Graham decided to wait, took the material to a tailor in New York who told him he could make a double breasted suit, a vest, and an extra pair of pants.
He asked, "How can you do so much more with this material than the tailor in South Carolina?"
"Well, senator, I guess you're not as big up here."
