Tailor Jokes
Following is our collection of seamstress puns and foreskins one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Tailor jokes for adults, dirty eumenides jokes and clean playwright dad gags for kids.
The Best Tailor Puns
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says…
... "Fine. Suit yourself."
A Guy Walks Into A Tailor In Ancient Greece
He tosses a toga onto the counter. The tailor picks it up, turns it over and finds a gash across the waist.
The tailor looks up at the man and says, "Euripides?"
The man nods and says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"
I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight....
I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight.
They've been sizing each other up for hours.
I just opened an express clothing alteration business.
It's called Tailor Swift.
I was in a tailor.
I said to the guy, "I need something for a wedding."
"What's that?" he queried.
"A woman that really loves me." I wept, leaving the shop.
What did the tailor say to the fed up customer?
Suit yourself.
Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor?
He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway.
A naked man runs into a tailor's shop.
The tailor says "you can't be in here with no clothes on!"
The man says "aw come on dude, cut me some slacks?"
I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.
So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then i gave being a barber a go. But I didn't cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn't suited for the job.
The mohel
After many years, a mohel had saved the foreskins from thousands of circumcisions and didn't know what to do with them so he brought them to his tailor. A couple weeks later, the tailor hands the mohel a wallet and the mohel, disappointed, says, "I give you thousands of foreskin and all you can make me is this wallet?!"
To which the tailor responds, " Yes, but rub it and it becomes a suitcase!"
My tailor has been really angry the past few weeks. This morning, he even refused to fixed my new pants which were too long
I asked if he could cut me some slack
The best tailor in town died.
He was given a fitting eulogy.
I wanted to be a tailor.
But I didn't suit the job.
A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.
"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."
What did the tailor say after a job well done?
There is nothing left too loose.
What do you call a fast seamstress?
*Tailor Swift*
Why did the Muslim tailor make so many veils?
It's hijab.
What did the Tailor do when the man was upset that his pants were too long?
He cut the guy some slacks
I met a tailor today
He seams nice.
My extremely slow tailor is trying to give me an impromptu fitting but I don't want to do it right now
I'm taking steps to prevent the measure
My friends are named after what they do...
My friend Butch is a butcher, my friend Taylor is a tailor, and my black friend's name is Rob
I got into an argument with my tailor the other day...
We argued about my choice in clothes and he gave up and said
"Fine, suit yourself"
What do you call a dirty tailor?
A sewer.
What did the tailor say when he was given some bad news?
That's a lot to take in.
You should never trust a Scottish tailor.
It'll get you kilt.
Greek Tailor's Shop
A Greek man walks into a Greek tailor shop holding a pair of jeans.
The blind old tailor squints at him. "Euripedes?"
The man nods and holds up the pants. "Eumenedes?"
Why did the tailor die?
He commited sewicide.
Zippity do dah
My grandfather was having a nice suit made at a tailor shop. The tailor asked him "Would you prefer a button fly or zipper?" He thought about it for a while and said" Buttons please, they are quieter in the movies."
My tailor became a lawyer.
Now he's sewing everyone.
A tailor decides to leave his job...
It didn't suit him well.
Tailored for you
Why was the tailor fired?
Because he didn't make the cut.
The Tailor
Tailor: problem?
Customer: Frayed sew
Tailor: Sew its seems!
I took my suit back to the tailor as the stitching had come undone.
I showed him the problem and he said, "Hmmm, yes... sew its seams".
Mr. Taylor was a tailor, Mr. Shuman was a shoe man...
What was Mr. Dickinson?
Who sews really really fast?
Tailor Swift
My ex-girlfriend was like an incompetent tailor...
She didn't suit me.
What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns?
Non-habit forming
My uncle performed circumcisions...
He kept all the foreskin and had a tailor make it into a wallet. Rub it for 5 minutes and you get a briefcase.
As a lazy tailor says...
Suit yourself!
what did taylor swift say when she urgently needed a new suit?
tailor, swiftly please.
Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?
They call their tailor Herr Dresser
What did the boy say after the tailor made fun of him for not wearing pants?
Hey, why don't you cut me some slacks?
Why did the man with 5 dicks take his pants to the tailor?
So they'd fit like a glove.
My dad works as a tailor specialising in creating tuxedos
I want to follow suit
Sew one button, doesn't make you a tailor. Cook one meal, doesn't make you a chef.
But repost ONE joke and you're a reposter for all of history...
What do a doctor and tailor both have in common?
They can both alter jeans.
Why does Taylor Swift have so many new dresses?
Because she is a very swift tailor.
I was going to a Taylor Swift concert but didn't have a new set of clothes for it.
So I went to the Tailor, Swift.
What do you call someone who makes and sells woven wheat?
A Wheat tailor
Why did the FDA close down the convent's tailor shop?
Because it was found to be habit forming.
When I asked my tailor if it mattered that the stitching was unravelling on my pants, his only response was,...
"Frayed Sew"
Why Do tailors never make any money?
Because they rip what they sew.
Who's the fastest tailor in the world?
Sonic the Swift Taylor
What do you call a tailor that stitches quickly?
Taylor Swift.
Why didn't the tailor make a tuxedo out of plastic?
It wasn't suit-able.
Like a lazy tailor would say...
Suit yourself.
I went to my tailor and said, "Make me look like a superhero."
He pulled out a pair of trousers and said, "Black pants, sir."
I make clothes faster than anyone
Call me Tailor Swift
A tailor goes into a bank....
It was a stitch
I knew a guy who made clothes faster than anyone.
We called him tailor swift.
What do you call a really old clothes maker?
Tailor old as time.
I asked my wife what it's like working as a tailor
She said it's sew-sew
What do you call a fast tailor?
*Tailor Swift*
What does the man with two penises say when his tailor asks if he dresses to the left or the right?
Yes.
Why should you never accept a dress making competition with Taylor Swift?
Because she's tailor swift...
What's the difference between a smooth sewer and a terrible songwriter?
Ones a swift tailor and the other is Taylor Swift!
Did you hear about the tailor that got in a car accident?
He dyed.
My Somalian tailor is offering specials right now.
For $5 he'll sew up the hole in your pants, and for $10 he'll sew up the hole in your daughter!
What does a mechanic and a tailor have in common?
They both make cargos.
Why do tailors hate statisticians?
They *always* insist that the fit could be better.
What did the tailor say to his customer after shortening the length of his pants?
A-hem!
What's the difference between someone who can mend your pants quick and a famous singer?
One of them is a swift tailor.
Why did the awful tailor die?
He just couldn't seam to save his life.
I told my waiter, "There's a fly in my soup!"
He said, "It's possible, the cook used to be a tailor."
Where does a lizard go when it loses its tail?
A tailor
What did the tailor tell the thieving nun when he caught her red-handed?
You better not make a habit out of this.
Why did the Space Marine shoot the Tailor?
The heretic kept crossing the warp
What did the tailor after she got hit by the car driven by a lawyer?
she sewed him
What did the busy tailor say to the Scarecrow who needed some mending?
I can't find the twine.
Hear about the oriental tailor that got arrested for being too arrogant with his customers?
He was always feeling cocky.
There is an abundance of torn jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 81 funniest jokes and tailor puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any taylor witze you can hear about tailor.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.