The Best 90 Tailor Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Tailor jokes. There are some tailor foreskins jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tailor playwright puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Tailor Jokes and Puns

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

A naked man runs into a tailor's shop.

The tailor says "you can't be in here with no clothes on!"

The man says "aw come on dude, cut me some slacks?"

Hear about the oriental tailor that got arrested for being too arrogant with his customers?

He was always feeling cocky.

A Guy Walks Into A Tailor In Ancient Greece

He tosses a toga onto the counter. The tailor picks it up, turns it over and finds a gash across the waist.

The tailor looks up at the man and says, "Euripides?"

The man nods and says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"

jokes about tailor

I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.

So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then i gave being a barber a go. But I didn't cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn't suited for the job.

What did the tailor say after a job well done?

There is nothing left too loose.

Why did the man with 5 dicks take his pants to the tailor?

So they'd fit like a glove.

Tailor joke, Why did the man with 5 dicks take his pants to the tailor?

My uncle performed circumcisions...

He kept all the foreskin and had a tailor make it into a wallet. Rub it for 5 minutes and you get a briefcase.

I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight....

I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight.

They've been sizing each other up for hours.

Greek Tailor's Shop

A Greek man walks into a Greek tailor shop holding a pair of jeans.

The blind old tailor squints at him. "Euripedes?"

The man nods and holds up the pants. "Eumenedes?"

What did the boy say after the tailor made fun of him for not wearing pants?

Hey, why don't you cut me some slacks?

You can explore tailor seamstress reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tailor eumenides dad jokes. There are also tailor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

The mohel

After many years, a mohel had saved the foreskins from thousands of circumcisions and didn't know what to do with them so he brought them to his tailor. A couple weeks later, the tailor hands the mohel a wallet and the mohel, disappointed, says, "I give you thousands of foreskin and all you can make me is this wallet?!"
To which the tailor responds, " Yes, but rub it and it becomes a suitcase!"

What did the busy tailor say to the Scarecrow who needed some mending?

I can't find the twine.

What did the tailor tell the thieving nun when he caught her red-handed?

You better not make a habit out of this.

Where does a lizard go when it loses its tail?

A tailor

Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor?

He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway.

Tailor joke, Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor?

Why does Taylor Swift have so many new dresses?

Because she is a very swift tailor.

I told my waiter, "There's a fly in my soup!"

He said, "It's possible, the cook used to be a tailor."

Why did the awful tailor die?

He just couldn't seam to save his life.

What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns?

Non-habit forming

I just opened an express clothing alteration business.

It's called Tailor Swift.

I was in a tailor.

I said to the guy, "I need something for a wedding."

"What's that?" he queried.

"A woman that really loves me." I wept, leaving the shop.

Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?

They call their tailor Herr Dresser

What's the difference between someone who can mend your pants quick and a famous singer?

One of them is a swift tailor.

A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says…

... "Fine. Suit yourself."

I wanted to be a tailor.

But I didn't suit the job.

Tailor joke, I wanted to be a tailor.

What did the tailor say to his customer after shortening the length of his pants?


Why do tailors hate statisticians?

They *always* insist that the fit could be better.

What does a mechanic and a tailor have in common?

They both make cargos.

Who's the fastest tailor in the world?

Sonic the Swift Taylor

I met a tailor today

He seams nice.

My ex-girlfriend was like an incompetent tailor...

She didn't suit me.

What did the tailor say to the fed up customer?

Suit yourself.

My extremely slow tailor is trying to give me an impromptu fitting but I don't want to do it right now

I'm taking steps to prevent the measure

My friends are named after what they do...

My friend Butch is a butcher, my friend Taylor is a tailor, and my black friend's name is Rob

Who sews really really fast?

Tailor Swift

You should never trust a Scottish tailor.

It'll get you kilt.

My Somalian tailor is offering specials right now.

For $5 he'll sew up the hole in your pants, and for $10 he'll sew up the hole in your daughter!

What do a doctor and tailor both have in common?

They can both alter jeans.

Why Do tailors never make any money?

Because they rip what they sew.

What did the Tailor do when the man was upset that his pants were too long?

He cut the guy some slacks

What did the tailor say when he was given some bad news?

That's a lot to take in.

what did taylor swift say when she urgently needed a new suit?

tailor, swiftly please.

Tailored for you

Why was the tailor fired?

Because he didn't make the cut.

A tailor decides to leave his job...

It didn't suit him well.

What's the difference between a smooth sewer and a terrible songwriter?

Ones a swift tailor and the other is Taylor Swift!

What do you call a dirty tailor?

A sewer.

Mr. Taylor was a tailor, Mr. Shuman was a shoe man...

What was Mr. Dickinson?

Why should you never accept a dress making competition with Taylor Swift?

Because she's tailor swift...

A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.

"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."

What does the man with two penises say when his tailor asks if he dresses to the left or the right?


As a lazy tailor says...

Suit yourself!

The best tailor in town died.

He was given a fitting eulogy.

Why did the Muslim tailor make so many veils?

It's hijab.

Sew one button, doesn't make you a tailor. Cook one meal, doesn't make you a chef.

But repost ONE joke and you're a reposter for all of history...

When I asked my tailor if it mattered that the stitching was unravelling on my pants, his only response was,...

"Frayed Sew"

My tailor became a lawyer.

Now he's sewing everyone.

I took my suit back to the tailor as the stitching had come undone.

I showed him the problem and he said, "Hmmm, yes... sew its seams".

Zippity do dah

My grandfather was having a nice suit made at a tailor shop. The tailor asked him "Would you prefer a button fly or zipper?" He thought about it for a while and said" Buttons please, they are quieter in the movies."

Why did the tailor die?

He commited sewicide.

What do you call a fast seamstress?

*Tailor Swift*

Like a lazy tailor would say...

Suit yourself.

Why didn't the tailor make a tuxedo out of plastic?

It wasn't suit-able.

What do you call a tailor that stitches quickly?

Taylor Swift.

Why did the FDA close down the convent's tailor shop?

Because it was found to be habit forming.

What do you call someone who makes and sells woven wheat?

A Wheat tailor

The Tailor

Tailor: problem?

Customer: Frayed sew

Tailor: Sew its seems!

I got into an argument with my tailor the other day...

We argued about my choice in clothes and he gave up and said

"Fine, suit yourself"

My dad works as a tailor specialising in creating tuxedos

I want to follow suit

I was going to a Taylor Swift concert but didn't have a new set of clothes for it.

So I went to the Tailor, Swift.

My tailor has been really angry the past few weeks. This morning, he even refused to fixed my new pants which were too long

I asked if he could cut me some slack

A woman was working at a lingerie counter when a customer approached with a pair of frilly panties.

"I'd like to buy these," she said, "but only if you can embroider 'If you can read this, you're too close' on the back."
So the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in the backroom and described the rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "I can do that. Does she want block letters or script?"
Since the saleswoman didn't know, she went back around to the counter, and asked, "Do you want that in block letters or script?" And the customer replied with a smile, "Braille."

Did you hear about the broke tailor?

He's hanging on by a thread..

Why should you never ask a tailor how he's feeling?

Because he's always just sew sew.

I asked a tailor to hem my jeans

He did a bad job of it so I ended having to go to the retailer

I went to my tailor and asked if I could try on the suit in the window.

"Sure," he said, "but wouldn't it be more comfortable if you used the dressing room?"

A Greek goes to his tailor with ripped pants

The tailor: Euripides?

The customer: Eumenides?


So, a Greek guy walks into a tailor's shop with a pair of trousers that were torn.

The tailor looks at them and asks, Euripides?

The man nods and asks, Eumenides?

I told my tailor I wouldn't be needing his services anymore

He said "Fine, suit yourself"

Once in ancient Athens a man walked into a tailor's shop

Eumenides? The man asked the tailor
Euripides? The tailor asked the man

My father was a tailor

I thought I would follow suit

It's Ancient Greece and a playwright goes to a tailor to have his clothes fixed.

The tailor looks at the clothes and says ah, Euripides

The man looks at the tailor and says yes. Eumenides?

A Greek man goes to a tailor to get some pants mended.

The tailor takes one look at the pants and goes "Euripides?" The man nods. "Yeah. Eumenides?"

Amazon has started a new service where they deliver custom made shirts within 48 hours of ordering.

It's called Tailor Swift.

What do you do with a drunken tailor?

Give him a belt because he's waisted

What's the fastest way to annoy a tailor?

You push all his buttons

Lindsey Graham gets new suit

On a Senate trip to Japan, Lindsey Graham picked up some silk to have a custom suit made. At a top notch tailor shop in South Carolina, the tailor said with the material, he could make a single breasted suit.

Graham decided to wait, took the material to a tailor in New York who told him he could make a double breasted suit, a vest, and an extra pair of pants.

He asked, "How can you do so much more with this material than the tailor in South Carolina?"

"Well, senator, I guess you're not as big up here."

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn't suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn't cut it as a barber.

I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn't a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining.

I got fired from the cannon factory.

And I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits within 48 hours.

It's called Tailor Swift.

A lecturer of aincent greek took his fancy trousers to be mended. Euripedes? asked the tailor

Yes, replied the lecturer. Eumenides?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tailor torn puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tailor taylor piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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